This week the Connecticut Medical Examining Board restored me to the full practice of medicine. Due to the fact that my ex-husband Barry Lichtenthal impersonated a physician and examined female patients in a clinic that I directed, my license was restricted. I am not going to retell the full story today but I am going to comment on some things I have kept silent about. For more details of the story you can read Barry Lichtenthal: Sexual predator ruins the career of Dr. Liane Leedom. Donna Andersen is an excellent journalist and did her own investigation in order to report the story. She uncovered details even I was unaware of.
I want to address the question of whether or not I was Barry’s “accomplice” and the question of what I was aware of in terms of the goings on. The precise answer to the question is that I was an unwitting accomplice. I knew that he told people he was a retired doctor and that he called himself “Dr. Taylor.”
This behavior on his part began shortly after the clinic opened. The first I was aware of it was when I was negotiating a contract with an insurance company. He got on the other line and started schmoozing with the executive. I do not remember exactly what he said but he told the man he was a retired doctor and proceeded to tell funny and entertaining stories. Although I laughed, I was disgusted at this because it seemed infantile on his part and a waste of time. I did not understand this was his “foot in the door” with me and these stories.
I correctly recognized these stories as being pathological lies (pseudologica fantastica). However, I did not understand that all people who are pathological liars are predators. I am now sure that this is the case, though if you read the Mask of Sanity by Dr. Hervey Cleckley, he says that not all pathological liars are psychopaths.
I thought Barry told these stories because he has an ego problem and was threatened by his wife’s status. Again that interpretation was correct, but again I missed the significance of it. I let it go because I thought his pathological lies were harmless entertaining stories that no one really believed any way. Several patients indicated to me they were aware that the stories were entertaining fabrications.
I never told anyone Barry was a doctor. In fact I told every patient I was the only physician at the practice. I realize now this must have been very upsetting and confusing for some people who were being told one thing by me and another thing by Barry. Since he is a professional con artist who do you think was believed?
Because of this terrible judgment on my part, I deserved all the punishment that I received. Since I was part of other people’s victimization, I sought to do everything I could to make amends. The victims were compensated by my malpractice insurance carrier after I provided hours of truthful testimony regarding what happened. The officials of the insurance company believed my explanation that I never intended any fraudulent or criminal activity. I made the wrong decision regarding coping with my husband’s story telling.
Shortly after Barry’s arrest, I had the good fortune to speak with Annie Mcguire from fraudaid.com. It was she who made me aware of Donna Andersen. She and I also had a discussion of the unwitting accomplices of psychopaths. She said this is very common and pointed out that psychopaths could not do what they do without witting and unwitting accomplices. She has written step by step instructions for what to do if you are the unwitting accomplice to financial fraud.
I am speaking out about the fact that I was an unwitting accomplice to fraud to help to bring attention to this phenomenon. Psychopaths con and manipulate people into helping them do their dirty work and sometimes also into doing their dirty work for them. If we can raise public awareness of psychopathy and stop non-psychopaths from helping psychopaths we will be able to do a great deal of prevention. Do not ever help a psychopath in any way or you will be tricked into becoming an accomplice.
Now that gets me to telling the rest of the story. You might be wondering, “What ever happened to Barry Lichtenthal?” It is no surprise that he went to Connecticut State prison where he continued to tell his pathological lies. Prison staff members became his unwitting accomplices when they too did not prevent him from calling himself “doctor” or “doc.”
A law enforcement official told me that it was not illegal for Barry to call himself “doctor” in prison. He said this after I verbally reprimanded him for allowing this to go on. I told him I believe prisoners like Barry need to have a special designation “psychologically dangerous” so that prison staff will not be psychologically harmed by them. It seems odd that if a prisoner is more physically dangerous than average, staff members are warned, but there is no appreciation of the concept of psychological dangerousness.
Now enter another set of accomplices, family members. Even after they knew that Barry is what he is because I told them while also fully explaining the concept of psychopathy; and even after they witnessed his destruction of my life, members of his family participated in his seduction of his next woman. They sent her flowers on his behalf while he was incarcerated. They also did nothing to warn her even though I begged them to.
I was told by inside sources that the prison nurse who married Barry at one point believed he was a doctor. But I have not spoken with her myself to verify this. Donna and I have known about Barry’s new relationship because we both received letters from him while he was incarcerated, and the letters were not all stamped with the prison stamp. I received several letters addressed in a woman’s handwriting and postmarked “Hartford, CT.” Upon seeing the letters I knew that he had yet another person manipulated. I did my own investigation and found out he married a nurse who worked in the prison.
Donna and I did not write about our investigation of Barry and his marriage to the prison nurse because although I have all the documentation of the events that went on in the prison, we have no proof Barry and the nurse were actually married. Donna is a very good journalist and you can trust that she will not tell a story without possessing proof. For more information regarding Barry’s recent activities see Probation department wants access to sex offender’s computer
I pray every day that Barry, now in his 60s has mellowed and become less predatory. I believe that the best person to deal with him is an experienced prison nurse so I hope that situation is going well. I also pray there will be no more victims and no more accomplices.
No, Rose Bud in Bloom… You did the right thing, and are continuing to do the right thing. It just happens to be the hardest thing ever, but as you tell Petite and others, you will get to the other side. (I think you have said those words). I got to the other side, a couple of months ago and it stuch for two months, and I believe it would have kept sticking if the new girlfriend, three previous victims and the wife of P haden’t contacted me. Major triggers, they were. I am sure you can imagine. But my point is… Never ever give up or give in. You will ruin yourself and all of the progress you have made!!! Seriously!
E
Oh my gosh–
what support ya’ll have given me tonight. it feels wonderful!
Yes my oxy– he is a cheat– and I thank you for your advice. Funny thing Ox– I DO NOT WANT KIDS AND NEVER DID. That is how amazingly seductive and almost hypnotic these guys can be– Phantom of the Opera? Maybe I should change my screen name to Christine Daie (Girl’s name in Phantom)–.
So– I experienced wanting kids for two or three weeks of my life. It was great– and I have finished a bottle of Prenatal vitamins, but– my kitty cat is all I really need to take care of– besides MYSELF right now.
I love you all and I so thank you for reaching out to me.
Roses, saying “no” to your kids and setting limits for them is not easy. They are teenagers and that’s what teenagers do…push the limits.
Learning to set boundaries does not guarantee instant peace though, it is just the first of many steps toward peace and it takes TIME to reach it.
Your counselor told you to stay in the NOW and when you get out of the NOW you start wanting, demanding even INSTANT OKAYNESS, INSTANT PEACE—it doesn’t come that way my dear, I am here to tell you. So quit expecting instant peace, you are just frustrating yourself wanting something that isn’t going to happen.
So I say along with your counselor, get into the NOW and out of the drama-rama! You can do it!!!
Dear Meg,
Good for you, sweetie! The prenatal vitamins won’t hurt though, might help you feel more energetic. Taking care of our physical and emotional needs is important. I’m taking my vitamins and watching my diet, exercising and working on making myself keep a regular schedule of food, exercise, sleep and rest and activity for both mind and spirit! So take good care of yourself. ((((hugs)))))
Eden,
I’m feeling like I take two steps forward and ten back.
I’m angry about ex POS and I’m angry that I’m in this place as well as really frustrated right now. It doesn’t seem to be “okay” to be here either. that bothers me. Why is it not? Or is it not apart of the process?
Why is it okay for everyone else to lose it, but not for me to lose it?
That pisses me off too.
I’m just pissed off and frustrated with everything right now.
I can’t “wish” away what I feel anymore either. I’m getting tired of having it implied or told to me that I shouldn’t feel that way. That was what the spaths did to me.
It makes me angry that I can’t just be in my process.
RB
Roses,
I cannot begin to tell you how much I feel the EXACT same way(s)… every single one you have mentioned in your most recent post. It IS ok for you to lose it with your feelings and emotions. It is normal. Look how tricked, conned and deceived we had been. How else would one react from this? The only difference between you and I is that you still have a longing for your X. I do not, as I loath and despise him, so incredibly. But all that you have described about your frustration and anger is me. All of it, Roses! We were TRICKED. I for only 91/2 months, so I can only imagine the work you are having to do. DO NOT FEEL THAT YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS AT THIS TIME DO NOT REASONABLY MATCH WHAT YOU HAD BEEN PUT THROUGH!!! I am your twin at the moment, if that makes any sense. I completely and whole heartedly understand every ounce of it!
Eden
Roses,
Here is an idea I have for you. A tool. You do not have to look at every bit of analysis advise or words of wisdom given to you as the only truth. Sometimes, even the smartest most seasoned survivors here, may not have had the exact same experience in detail that you have had, or their experiences may not have affected them in the exact same ways that you have been affected. From this point on, if you feel confused about the way someone is advising you or analizing you, and you just do not agree, say to yourself, They may not completely understand this aspect of why I am feeling this way about this particular situation, this time… And that is ok. You can still be grateful for their generous input and desire to be of help to you, you do not have to believe that all things are set in stone, so to speak. Do you know what I mean?
Love to you!
Eden
Roses,
that is excellent advice from Eden. We have much in common, but we ARE different people. We may all be trying to get to the same place but we have different ways of learning. We don’t actually have to come to concensus on everything. You’re doing a great job in a very short time making sense of the nonsense.
Eden,
You really couldn’t have said it better.
Thank you Skylar..
Much of my growth and knowledge has been fuled by your sensibilities, as well. Now I can “Pay it Forward” ! Thank you for sharing your “Smarts” with all of us here!
Love,
E
Eden,
I’m not sure if I “long” for him, as much as I miss ………I dunno, the drama?
I’m unsure of myself right now. I’m looking A LOT outside of myself, rather than reflecting inside (although it’s not absent, I feel it because I FIGHT what doesn’t feel right, if that makes sense), as to how to heal from this.
I DO miss him. But I loathe, hate despise and want to beat the shit out of him.
The missing is from the loneliness and pain.
I was in the relationshit for ten years. Friends for years before that. The betrayal is huge, and over a long period of time and I’m still trying to process and sort it all through.
I”m also trying to assert new boundaries at home, feeling frustrated with that.
I’m also trying to deal with the mounting vet bills I can little afford and my wiener that’s ill and that we will lose here in the near future, as he gets sicker.
I’m also concerned about the future, school, etc. what I want to do and how to make that happen.
Other than these pieces to the puzzle there is NO REASON why my life shouldn’t be peaceful. But I’m addicted to drama too. And exPOS brought a lot of that into my life.
It’s almost three months now. I think it’ll take at least six if not more to get past the “I miss him” on occasion stage. Ten years is a long time in a relationshit with nothing but constant, inevitable drama. I feel like I’m coming off of heroine.
I”m also VERY tired from the stress I feel when I get out of my house and go to the stores I really love just to get food.
I”m getting more pissed by the day about it all.
How the hell do you stay in a ten year relationshit and cast it off like it was nothing in six weeks?
I”m not clear tonight. I’m in exPOS fantasy play land and I’m plenty pissed about it.
I hate this confusion, pain, anger and grief. Everyday, I’m EXHAUSTED from dealing with it.
I’m just flat fucking tired of spaths and their shit and waste products in my life. I’m pissed off that being healthy is a STRUGGLE when it NEVER should have been. We all will have struggles, but one SHOULD NOT have to worry about how to function in reality and with a healthy attitude. That’s learned when you are a child.
ALL of that was forfeited. I’ve had to learn this shit all on my own, with NO assistance. And i’m damned angry.
It’s a constant warring within, on a constant basis and I’m flat fucking sick of it.
RB