This week the Connecticut Medical Examining Board restored me to the full practice of medicine. Due to the fact that my ex-husband Barry Lichtenthal impersonated a physician and examined female patients in a clinic that I directed, my license was restricted. I am not going to retell the full story today but I am going to comment on some things I have kept silent about. For more details of the story you can read Barry Lichtenthal: Sexual predator ruins the career of Dr. Liane Leedom. Donna Andersen is an excellent journalist and did her own investigation in order to report the story. She uncovered details even I was unaware of.
I want to address the question of whether or not I was Barry’s “accomplice” and the question of what I was aware of in terms of the goings on. The precise answer to the question is that I was an unwitting accomplice. I knew that he told people he was a retired doctor and that he called himself “Dr. Taylor.”
This behavior on his part began shortly after the clinic opened. The first I was aware of it was when I was negotiating a contract with an insurance company. He got on the other line and started schmoozing with the executive. I do not remember exactly what he said but he told the man he was a retired doctor and proceeded to tell funny and entertaining stories. Although I laughed, I was disgusted at this because it seemed infantile on his part and a waste of time. I did not understand this was his “foot in the door” with me and these stories.
I correctly recognized these stories as being pathological lies (pseudologica fantastica). However, I did not understand that all people who are pathological liars are predators. I am now sure that this is the case, though if you read the Mask of Sanity by Dr. Hervey Cleckley, he says that not all pathological liars are psychopaths.
I thought Barry told these stories because he has an ego problem and was threatened by his wife’s status. Again that interpretation was correct, but again I missed the significance of it. I let it go because I thought his pathological lies were harmless entertaining stories that no one really believed any way. Several patients indicated to me they were aware that the stories were entertaining fabrications.
I never told anyone Barry was a doctor. In fact I told every patient I was the only physician at the practice. I realize now this must have been very upsetting and confusing for some people who were being told one thing by me and another thing by Barry. Since he is a professional con artist who do you think was believed?
Because of this terrible judgment on my part, I deserved all the punishment that I received. Since I was part of other people’s victimization, I sought to do everything I could to make amends. The victims were compensated by my malpractice insurance carrier after I provided hours of truthful testimony regarding what happened. The officials of the insurance company believed my explanation that I never intended any fraudulent or criminal activity. I made the wrong decision regarding coping with my husband’s story telling.
Shortly after Barry’s arrest, I had the good fortune to speak with Annie Mcguire from fraudaid.com. It was she who made me aware of Donna Andersen. She and I also had a discussion of the unwitting accomplices of psychopaths. She said this is very common and pointed out that psychopaths could not do what they do without witting and unwitting accomplices. She has written step by step instructions for what to do if you are the unwitting accomplice to financial fraud.
I am speaking out about the fact that I was an unwitting accomplice to fraud to help to bring attention to this phenomenon. Psychopaths con and manipulate people into helping them do their dirty work and sometimes also into doing their dirty work for them. If we can raise public awareness of psychopathy and stop non-psychopaths from helping psychopaths we will be able to do a great deal of prevention. Do not ever help a psychopath in any way or you will be tricked into becoming an accomplice.
Now that gets me to telling the rest of the story. You might be wondering, “What ever happened to Barry Lichtenthal?” It is no surprise that he went to Connecticut State prison where he continued to tell his pathological lies. Prison staff members became his unwitting accomplices when they too did not prevent him from calling himself “doctor” or “doc.”
A law enforcement official told me that it was not illegal for Barry to call himself “doctor” in prison. He said this after I verbally reprimanded him for allowing this to go on. I told him I believe prisoners like Barry need to have a special designation “psychologically dangerous” so that prison staff will not be psychologically harmed by them. It seems odd that if a prisoner is more physically dangerous than average, staff members are warned, but there is no appreciation of the concept of psychological dangerousness.
Now enter another set of accomplices, family members. Even after they knew that Barry is what he is because I told them while also fully explaining the concept of psychopathy; and even after they witnessed his destruction of my life, members of his family participated in his seduction of his next woman. They sent her flowers on his behalf while he was incarcerated. They also did nothing to warn her even though I begged them to.
I was told by inside sources that the prison nurse who married Barry at one point believed he was a doctor. But I have not spoken with her myself to verify this. Donna and I have known about Barry’s new relationship because we both received letters from him while he was incarcerated, and the letters were not all stamped with the prison stamp. I received several letters addressed in a woman’s handwriting and postmarked “Hartford, CT.” Upon seeing the letters I knew that he had yet another person manipulated. I did my own investigation and found out he married a nurse who worked in the prison.
Donna and I did not write about our investigation of Barry and his marriage to the prison nurse because although I have all the documentation of the events that went on in the prison, we have no proof Barry and the nurse were actually married. Donna is a very good journalist and you can trust that she will not tell a story without possessing proof. For more information regarding Barry’s recent activities see Probation department wants access to sex offender’s computer
I pray every day that Barry, now in his 60s has mellowed and become less predatory. I believe that the best person to deal with him is an experienced prison nurse so I hope that situation is going well. I also pray there will be no more victims and no more accomplices.
Skylar,
It is so validating to hear others do the same things or variation of the same. After so many years of hearing how only I thought in crazy ways, I find a whole community that thinks like me… but are NOT crazy, just recovering from CRAZY making spaths.
I call it a “mind vacation”, where I occupied my mind so I got out of that circular ocd ish thinking that was only pain, no resolution. I do sudoku (I’m not smart enough for your rubik’s cube). But after my mind vacation, I am able to resolve, or go to sleep, or concentrate on a book, etc.
Sky,
What you share here is very validating for me. It means that with the help of others here as well as those who are close to me or are otherwise willing to engage in conversations about the intellectualizing of how spaths operate and function, I’m beginning to come into my own again, have opinions that are mine and that i can own (it’s okay to disagree, how freeing is that!), as well as take what I see as helpful to others that applies to me and leave the rest behind in the healing process. I started to realize that I wanted to define myself and do what was right for me throughout this process. This is what my therapist was talking about last week and he actually gave me a gift (to which I recognize now and will thank him for!), in saying, “if you want to debate this for weeks, that’s exactly what we’ll do” A little reverse psychology if you will….
What I began to understand is that I LOVE intellectual pursuits and have quite a passion for some things. This is one of them, and with that, while it DOES NOT remove the pain (yes I still ruminate often), it DOES help me to understand what happened, how my personal spath family dynamics worked to twist logic on its head and how exP and spath were able to do it. I also realized that my EMOTIONS dictated what ACTIONS I engaged in, ie: allowing spaths behavior, rather than HONORING what the little girl who watched those debates at home so long ago already knew, YOU CAN”T MAKE SENSE OF NONSENSE!!!!
This also helps me understand that I allowed what i did, participated in what I did and overlooked my intelligent side.
Another thing too: Spath was NOT a conversationalist in the slightest. While I believe he was bright, he refused, REFUSED to discuss anything that was enlightening. We never, if rarely discussed politics, religion, let alone anything “emotionally” charged in what was going on in the dynamics of our relationshit. My intellect WAS COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN….it is WORK to get it back again. I have found that I STUMBLE with words now, have difficulty arranging sentences competently and have a great deal of trouble organizing thoughts that are clear and to the point without rambling or being repetitive….there’s lots to that too now, that I see and recognize. I hope I can continue to wake up that side of me, it was shut down for so long. I purchased the ridiculous, so to speak, out of ALL of my spaths. I am absolutely amazed that I can come out of it with any intelligent thought AT ALL. My readings here have been pretty basic. I do enjoy Liane’s reads and I especially enjoy Steve’s reads. Actually, I enjoy A LOT of the LF author contributions, but those two in particular resonate well with me.
I keep thinking about the beginning with last spath. The emotional shit that through logic to the wind…and what I remember about those times is that whenever the wtf moment came up, I shot it down. It got more ridiculous as time went on. He was testing my intellectual reserves to see if I would pounce on it, by appealing to my EMOTIONAL debt to have control and power, hoping I would overlook those OBVIOUS wtf moments.
Everything he said and did was to WIN. Just as it was in those stupid debates. I often wonder how “bright” my spath really was. He was so STOOOOOPID about so many things. Like he preferred to be an idiot. It was a VERY empty experience for me because I LOVED talking about things. I loved to debate issues. But he refused to do it. He became verbally abusive doing it. And he did so because he knew I was smart and may actually have some valid points given any particular discussion he might partake in for fifteen minutes, if that long. He HATED that about me.
Another thing that helped me understand how much he HATED that I was bright, was when I started back to college last year. He came over and saw my coding books on my bed, as well as other assorted books from other classes. He picked up my coding books and said, “wow…..I could never do this…”..
It wasn’t a compliment, as I saw it then, it was ENVY..he COULD NOT WIN because he “COULD NEVER DO THAT”….so he sought to destroy my pursuits in college……….with increase of alcohol intake. I refused to do it. To partake any longer….and then the relationshit fell apart fast.
I did some STUPID things for sure in maintaining that relationshit, but I wasn’t THAT stupid, apparently lol!
I learn so much from debating things. Reading about things. Ruminating, even about things. There is a shift happening and I see it for sure.
I’m becoming, slowly but surely, a “reformed” victim of a pscyhopath. I simply will not allow this shit anymore and the more I focus on building what I know is good of me, HE IS MINIMIZED in my mind……
Sky, my daughter and her bf have found coloring in coloring books to be therapeutic, however, their latest love is of puzzles now. She was in a spath relationshit for awhile herself and she finds these things to be therapeutic and CONFIDENCE building exercises for her. I think it’s COOL!
For me, it’s books. Reading online resources, talking with others about psychopathy, therapy etc.
I’m a voracious reader. Whether it’s books or online. Right now, I’m a sponge about this stuff, but the more I read and learn, the more I understand, not just about spaths and how they operate, but also about myself.
Sky, I use to love working with the rubics cubes lol….
RB
Katy and Roses,
The puzzle is just convenient to carry and it’s not a Rubiks cube, it’s a block puzzle, but any little interesting puzzle would work, as long as you haven’t figured it out yet!
And yes, studying about the P’s is part of my “escape” from the emotions. The fact is, they have a personality disorder that even THEY do not understand. They really think of themselves as EVIL, the ones that are capable of any contemplation at all! What they DO know, and all of them know this intuitively, is that while you are busy getting all emotional, you are NOT able to think about what they are calculatingly doing to make you GET emotional. They come on like a hurricane to instill fear in us and all you can do is run and hide. But the truth is they are not a “force of nature” so much as a “choice of nature”. They have CHOSEN to behave how they do and although we cannot reason with them anymore than you can reason with a hurricane, we can certainly REFUSE to interact with them in such a way that FEEDS their supply of emotion.
Everything they do is about creating DRAMA in order to feed off our emotions. Well a hurricane is going to do what a hurricane does, but a spath can be starved into going away if you just don’t feed it. A little intellectual pursuit can do the trick.
My ExP could never win an argument against me. Lord knows he tried. He actually said, “I can never win against you”. Why should he win if he’s wrong or stupid? The reason I don’t “lose” an argument is because I don’t argue just to argue. For me, it’s about getting to the bottom with the facts and if someone has more accurate facts, I concede that. Why would I do otherwise?
Hi LF–
Thank you for this article and posts.
I hesitate to write b/c I fear you all will think I am just a weak loser who will not “get over it”.
I have had a few spaths in my life. One was my biological father who I did not meet til I was 20. He was my first spath and then after that I was attracted to them I guess- b/c he abandoned me– created trauma, blah, blah.
I came to LF two years ago after being in a relationship with an N/sociopath for two years, but of course I did not know until the end tht i had just been a source of supply for him.
I am over that– moved to another state– have a job and a small circle of friends.
Over xmas– I allowed myself to date someone who lovebombed the heck out of me. I turned 41 the week of xmas– and he was hilarious and fun and cute as the dickens– and very tenacious. I was not interested in him at all at first– and he kept calling and texting. The biggest mistake I made– was simply going to dinner with him one night b/c I had nothing else to do and he had just called and asked me to go.
Long story short– within a week– I was “the one”- and yes– we had a blast together.
Oh the heck with the details. You guys–
He basically discarded me– a month ago- and I am not over it yet! What is wrong with me?????????
Oh yes– he has texted me here and there– asking me to Happy Hour– he knows I do not even drink, but I guess he thinks that will get him into my pants- o I have not responded or gone.
But it sure hurts that this guy who was sooo gentlemanly for two weeks– became some guy who just made a booty call. He said he wanted a kid with me asap.
One reason I am not getting over it- is the lack of closure. He went from wanting forever with me–
to nothing– with no explaination–
so–
I continue to blame myself. It had to have been something that I did—-
Sometimes when I am really low– like today– I fantasize that I call him and just ask him to tell me the truth. Brian– how did you go from saying you were in love with me to not giving a shit about me in a matter of days (When I had not even seen him cuz he was out of town)?
If I were to ask him this– he– if he is an S– and there are many signs– including things I found out about him via google– that say he is an S–
if he is– he is not going to tell me the truth.
If he does tell me the truth– it might hurt too much.
I just want to know.
sorry I am babbling. In a lot of pain and hopelessness.
I just wish I knew the truth.
When I googled him– I saw that the attorney general of NY– got involved in having him pay back 10 victims of shoddy contractor work– he is a contractor– where he took peoples’ money and then did not do job or did not finish or did shoddy work.
When I confronted him– he said it was no big deal. That a crazy gfriend of his who he broke up with called the attorney general on him– and that ALL contractors get sued a lot and all the time– like doctors do–
is this true? Is he the conman the NY times said he was– or was he a victim as he said he was?
any advice would be appreciated.
confused with my head still spinning and my heart still aching–
Hey everyone, hope all is well!!
I was wondering if anyone out there does affirmations for themselves? I just started doing them this past week, and I have to say they are very effective in turning my negative emotions, thoughts into positive ones. Also too, I was at church this weekend and our priest was talking about how we need to forgive our enemies, we need to forgive the people that have wronged us. I have known this for awhile, that I need to forgive my ex for what he has done. I just could never bring myself to forgive him because it was too hard. My priest said if we don’t forgive the people that have hurt us, that it will make our pain even worse. It will hurt us even more. This too I knew, but for some reason hearing my priest say this during his homily really resonated with me. I always knew I would get to the point that I would forgive my ex. During church I prayed to God to help me forgive my ex. I don’t know if it’s the affirmations that I’m doing that’s making me get into a better place, but I think I am getting closer to forgiving my ex. I know I’m still in the healing process, but I think this is a very good step in the right direction for me.
I have to thank Skylar too. Skylar you told me that my daughter was a miracle and that starting my new life with her was a good thing for me. You really helped me put things in perspective. You made me realize that I should embrace my new life with my baby daughter and count it as a blessing. My therapist told me the same thing a few months ago, that I need to embrace the fact that I’m taking care of my daughter myself, that I should take pride in my independence in raising my daughter alone. I always took pride in my independence, but I think because I was so hung up on not having the family I always envisioned, having the loving mother & father with their lovely new baby, planning for a bright future together, hurt so much. But I know my future is still bright, my daughter’s future is definetly bright. I just needed time to let my thoughts process over everything that has happened to me. Again Skylar, thanks so much!!!
I highly recommend doing affirmations for yourself. If you google affirmations, a whole list of websites come up. The one I used was vitalaffirmations.com. They explain to you how affirmations work, and they even have a whole list of affirmations you can use for yourself in regards to health, love, prosperity, self esteem, etc. You can even make up your own affirmations. It’s best to do them in front of a mirror or to write them down on paper. You also have to be enthusiastic when you say them. Because we all deserve to heal from “these bad people”, and we all deserve the very BEST!!!
I am finally accepting what happened to me. I am finally owning what happened to me. And I am finally moving on from what happened to me. I will not let my ex’s negative, dysfunctional lifestyle hurt me anymore. I deserve to be loved, cherished, and adored, and I deserve to have everything I want!!!
Akita,
you know what he is. You knew it within 3 days and you posted it here on LF. You were so relieved to have spotted him so fast and we were all so proud of you. We’re STILL proud of you because you have been NC and strong!
You also know that these episodes are painful for you because you have not dealt with the painful programming that occurred when you were abandoned twice as a baby. Every abandonment after that feels like you are reliving the first one. Akita, I haven’t actually dealt with my own childhood issues. They are still raw, but at least I finally know what they are. I can choose now to THINK differently about what happens from now on. When I am disrespected now, I don’t feel like I deserve disrespect, I don’t OWN the disrespect. In fact the disrespector OWNS it.
I like to say, “Your behavior/opinions reflect on YOU, not on ME. My behavior and opinions reflect on ME.”
So if someone treats me like shit, I know that just reflects on THEM being a shitty person. Not on me deserving it. That’s my shield from their shit.
So get clean off the slime that he left on you, put your shield on and don’t let anymore of it get on your shoes. Stay NC and keep working on YOU.
((hugs))
U rock Skylar.
Thank you.
(())
Aerin,
We posted over each other… it seems like we were on the same wave length. cool.
I’m so happy that my words helped with your perspective. You see, I never had a child and though I don’t know what could have been (good or bad) I do regret it. I mean, being with the spath for 25 years, I’m sometimes glad that I didn’t have a child with him because that child would have been ruined or dead by now. But I wish that I had found a good man or had the strength and capacity to boot the jerkwad out of my life earlier on. Perhaps if I HAD gotten pregnant, my motherly protective instinct would have kicked in 20 years ago and I would have kicked HIM to the curb that much earlier…and I would have saved precious years. Either way, I’ll never know. All I have is this moment.
This morning, my BF was lamenting about things not going exactly as he planned and I told him, “This isn’t what you planned but it’s what you have. So find the benefits in it. How is this useful to you now? What can we do to make this work to our advantage?”
So maybe that’s what that phrase, “All I have is this moment” means. Whatever happened is past and we can use this moment to lament it or we can use this moment to gather what we have and see the potential in it. There can’t be any more perfect symbol of potential than your baby daughter, it makes me so happy for you.
Akita,
You are SO smart!! AND YOU”RE STRONGER THAN YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE, even through your suffering. that is TREMENDOUS that you’re getting texts and IGNORING them!! See…………you’re spirit is fighting for YOUR life…..
You know the truth Akita. Is he a spath? Yep. Classically so.
Seriously though, Akita…….do you really know that you’re in love with someone after just a week or two? If you need validation that that is NOT normal, read the article of “Ten Signs You’re dating a Sociopath”. then read the comments. He played on your vulnerabilities, continue to address those. You DEF are absolutely one hundred percent, doing the right thing!!! SO PROUD OF YOU!
Read it OVER AND OVER because it’s YOUR situation, chica!
(((Meg)))