Last week I discussed Philip Garrido, a psychotic and psychopathic individual who allegedly with the help of his wife kidnapped Jaycee Dugard at age 11 and held her 18 years. This week I would like to discuss the some of the details of Nancy Garrido’s life that have been reported by reliable news sources.
The Details
Nancy Garrido is 54, her maiden name is Bocanegra. She was born born in Texas, the second child of a family of five or six children. She has been married to Phillip 28 years. According to the New York Times, “Gail Powell, a spokeswoman for the Nevada Department of Public Safety, said Nancy Bocanegra was visiting an incarcerated uncle when she met Mr. Garrido, a tall, lanky and deep-eyed sex offender who was serving a 50-year sentence for the 1976 rape and kidnapping of a casino worker from South Lake Tahoe, Calif.”
The couple married in the prison and did not live together until Phillip’s release 7 years later. Nancy never had children, but is reported to have been a caregiver. She cared for Phillip’s elderly mother and worked as a nurse’s aide.
Several people who knew Nancy described her as submissive, depressive and quiet. Others said she appeared kind and caring.
Nancy’s employer reportedly said this about her work with developmentally disabled adults, “The people she worked with really liked her.”
Questions
The same employer also questioned “How could it be that this other situation was happening at the same time? It’s impossible to understand.”
People are also asking why Nancy participated in this crime. They are questioning whether she was under “the spell” of her husband, and whether she was “brainwashed.”
My questions
I wonder why we allow sex offenders to marry in prison. He had a history at least one other arrest, “It seems likely that Ms. Garrido knew all too well of her new husband’s sexual history and proclivities. In addition to his rape and kidnapping conviction, Mr. Garrido had also been arrested in a 1972 rape of a 14-year-old girl in Antioch, Calif., the Bay Area suburb near where he had grown up and where he and Ms. Garrido would settle with his mother after his release from prison in 1988,” said the New York Times.
Is there any legal reason why sex offenders or other psychopathic felons should be allowed to marry while they are in custody? They can’t vote, why should they marry? I think we allow these offenders to marry because some still believe that “love” can rehabilitate them; that marriage makes it less likely they will reoffend. (Lawyers reading this please comment!)
I contend that this marriage facilitated his re-offense and that sociopaths often could not do what they do without the help of witting and unwitting accomplices. The best thing for society is to isolate these people. We are more likely to be suspicious of an offender who lives by himself. Marriage and family just give them the false facade of normalcy.
There is data showing that generally speaking marriage prevents re-arrest of felons. We don’t know if that applies to psychopathic sex offenders. We also don’t know if marriage protects against re-offense versus just re-arrest. My suspicion is that married psychopaths just get away with more.
Why would a woman marry such a man? Many serial killers have a following of women and other women have married offenders serving life sentences. It is noted that Nancy had an uncle in the same prison, and that is how she met Phillip. Perhaps the presence of other antisocial individuals in her life desensitized her to their dangerousness.
Many have questioned why Phillip was released after serving only one fifth of his sentence. I wonder if it had anything to do with this marriage and the fact that Phillip’s mother allowed the couple to live with her after his release.
All family members who render aid to psychopathic offenders have moral culpability to any subsequent crimes they commit. When you do something nice for a psychopath, a perverse reverse Karma is created. The psychopath will use the “nice” to perpetrate evil on someone else or even you. In this case, a kindness bestowed upon a psychopath will result in bad Karma for you.
The fact that sociopathy/psychopathy is a spectrum as opposed to an absolute category is confusing for people. In the same way, the spectrum that defines the spouses, family members, and associates of sociopaths/psychopaths is also confusing. Let’s be open to the real likelihood that Nancy is also psychopathic and selected Phillip for that reason.
What about the caretaking behavior? What about Nancy’s assertions that she loves and misses the victims? This week I came across another important statement regarding psychopathic individuals and love. It came from a book chapter written by three psychopathy experts:
“they (psychopaths) may also be prone to express intense affiliative impulses directly. Because such attractions are not based on empathy (for) or a mature appreciation of another person, these positive affectional links are often likely to be fleeting, tenuous, and based on illusory perceptions of others” (emphasis added).
To translate the difficult vocabulary, psychopaths do experience affection and intense impulses that feel like “love” to them. It is not all just a sham or a lie. That is why psychopaths are able to fool people. It is not that victims and family members are always so gullible that they fall for the lies. Sometimes the people in a psychopath’s life correctly read the “positive affectional links” and “intense affiliative impulses”.
What we all need to understand is that the presence of these impulses and feelings doesn’t tell us anything about a person since even psychopaths have these. What tells us most about Nancy’s inner world is the crimes she is alleged to have perpetrated.
Please if you are in the life of a psychopathic person, particularly an offender or sex offender consider carefully what I have said here.
Sources for this blog
LA Times
NY Times
The Clinical and Forensic Assessment of Psychopathy: A Practitioner’s Guide (Personality and Clinical Psychology Series) by Carl B. Gacono (Editor) Chapter 8
Safeguard-I mastered “the blank look” by fighting with everything I had in me to NOT let the emotions come out. Usually that meant not being able to say a thing, just “the blank look”. It has taken me the better of 1 1/2 years to master it. After putting all my effort into controling my appearances on the outside, my emotions on the inside have just caught up.
Intentionally vague, that IS a good tactic on their part. It’s hard to catch and is it ever crazy making
Safeguard I totally know what you mean! I have a hard time wanting to just BURST and start screaming, “DO YOU REALLY THINK I AM THAT STUPID! I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING!!!”
I think it’s fear that causes the emotional response. Once we learn what manipulation sounds like, we get this acute sense of fear: we know we are prey right at that moment. That triggers our immediate need to defend ourselves, an overwhelming emotional response. At least, this is how it feels for me. When I sense that he’s trying to trick me, I feel like a deer in a field that just heard the grass move, and I feel panicked within.
This is why NC is so helpful in my case. If he even starts talking, I am in danger of getting snatched back up. He really knows my weaknesses and he can hit them very quickly to disarm me. If he even LOOKS at me, I feel my knees get weak. I need to stay far away from him.
I don’t know why I keep letting him take up space in my head. This is something I’m actively working on.
I am really surprised at how much pain there is in ending a relationship with a spath. I can’t believe how long it takes. I can’t believe how difficult it is. I suppose it’s because we can’t just say “things didn’t work out”, but because of the confusion around the whole spathy thing. We didn’t understand it when it arrived, and we can’t quite understand it as it leaves.
I think, if I’m honest with myself, I still don’t have a full appreciation for what SPATHY is. I find myself occasionally in dreamland wondering if he’s ever going to “turn around” and love me back.
DUH.
Superkid
s
SuperKid10,
I was JUST saying the same thing??? Where the heck is Duped?? Even mentioned it to husband saying “I haven’t seen Duped in a while” Hope she is OK, will say prayers for her.
She will show up again, I’m sure she will 🙂
Ah, she just did, other post!
Superkid,
I saw and responded…GO GET HER!!
Superkid,
sheesh! you told him you were reading the mask of sanity?
LOL! I absolutely LOVE his response, he knows what he is and he has studied it.
This guy is very dangerous. I’m so glad you are NC.
Please make provisions to keep records of any and all contact with him, if you or he happen to break NC again. Get a small voice recorder microphone. hold it up to the phone when he calls you. Use it to save any voice mails he leaves you. It could make or break your ability to have people believe you. And, as in my case, when the spaths minions realize that you have this evidence, they will have to take you more seriously.
Skylar, yeah, I guess it was a sheesh-bile thing to do, wasn’t it?
Ballsy maybe. But it blew me away that he KNEW it was about him.
So that’s how to record calls? I’m going to go online and buy some equipment now. I hadn’t done it yet because I was worried about it being illegal, and i didn’t understand how.
SK, different states have different rules about recording phone calls….in some states BOTH parties must know the call is being recorded before it is legal, in SOME states only ONE person must know (you) so be careful, you might call your state Attorney General’s office and find out about what is legal and what is not. In some states it can be a FELONY to record a call without the other party knowing about it.
Just be careful, though, and take care of yourself. Don’t let yourself be caught out alone.