Last week I discussed Philip Garrido, a psychotic and psychopathic individual who allegedly with the help of his wife kidnapped Jaycee Dugard at age 11 and held her 18 years. This week I would like to discuss the some of the details of Nancy Garrido’s life that have been reported by reliable news sources.
The Details
Nancy Garrido is 54, her maiden name is Bocanegra. She was born born in Texas, the second child of a family of five or six children. She has been married to Phillip 28 years. According to the New York Times, “Gail Powell, a spokeswoman for the Nevada Department of Public Safety, said Nancy Bocanegra was visiting an incarcerated uncle when she met Mr. Garrido, a tall, lanky and deep-eyed sex offender who was serving a 50-year sentence for the 1976 rape and kidnapping of a casino worker from South Lake Tahoe, Calif.”
The couple married in the prison and did not live together until Phillip’s release 7 years later. Nancy never had children, but is reported to have been a caregiver. She cared for Phillip’s elderly mother and worked as a nurse’s aide.
Several people who knew Nancy described her as submissive, depressive and quiet. Others said she appeared kind and caring.
Nancy’s employer reportedly said this about her work with developmentally disabled adults, “The people she worked with really liked her.”
Questions
The same employer also questioned “How could it be that this other situation was happening at the same time? It’s impossible to understand.”
People are also asking why Nancy participated in this crime. They are questioning whether she was under “the spell” of her husband, and whether she was “brainwashed.”
My questions
I wonder why we allow sex offenders to marry in prison. He had a history at least one other arrest, “It seems likely that Ms. Garrido knew all too well of her new husband’s sexual history and proclivities. In addition to his rape and kidnapping conviction, Mr. Garrido had also been arrested in a 1972 rape of a 14-year-old girl in Antioch, Calif., the Bay Area suburb near where he had grown up and where he and Ms. Garrido would settle with his mother after his release from prison in 1988,” said the New York Times.
Is there any legal reason why sex offenders or other psychopathic felons should be allowed to marry while they are in custody? They can’t vote, why should they marry? I think we allow these offenders to marry because some still believe that “love” can rehabilitate them; that marriage makes it less likely they will reoffend. (Lawyers reading this please comment!)
I contend that this marriage facilitated his re-offense and that sociopaths often could not do what they do without the help of witting and unwitting accomplices. The best thing for society is to isolate these people. We are more likely to be suspicious of an offender who lives by himself. Marriage and family just give them the false facade of normalcy.
There is data showing that generally speaking marriage prevents re-arrest of felons. We don’t know if that applies to psychopathic sex offenders. We also don’t know if marriage protects against re-offense versus just re-arrest. My suspicion is that married psychopaths just get away with more.
Why would a woman marry such a man? Many serial killers have a following of women and other women have married offenders serving life sentences. It is noted that Nancy had an uncle in the same prison, and that is how she met Phillip. Perhaps the presence of other antisocial individuals in her life desensitized her to their dangerousness.
Many have questioned why Phillip was released after serving only one fifth of his sentence. I wonder if it had anything to do with this marriage and the fact that Phillip’s mother allowed the couple to live with her after his release.
All family members who render aid to psychopathic offenders have moral culpability to any subsequent crimes they commit. When you do something nice for a psychopath, a perverse reverse Karma is created. The psychopath will use the “nice” to perpetrate evil on someone else or even you. In this case, a kindness bestowed upon a psychopath will result in bad Karma for you.
The fact that sociopathy/psychopathy is a spectrum as opposed to an absolute category is confusing for people. In the same way, the spectrum that defines the spouses, family members, and associates of sociopaths/psychopaths is also confusing. Let’s be open to the real likelihood that Nancy is also psychopathic and selected Phillip for that reason.
What about the caretaking behavior? What about Nancy’s assertions that she loves and misses the victims? This week I came across another important statement regarding psychopathic individuals and love. It came from a book chapter written by three psychopathy experts:
“they (psychopaths) may also be prone to express intense affiliative impulses directly. Because such attractions are not based on empathy (for) or a mature appreciation of another person, these positive affectional links are often likely to be fleeting, tenuous, and based on illusory perceptions of others” (emphasis added).
To translate the difficult vocabulary, psychopaths do experience affection and intense impulses that feel like “love” to them. It is not all just a sham or a lie. That is why psychopaths are able to fool people. It is not that victims and family members are always so gullible that they fall for the lies. Sometimes the people in a psychopath’s life correctly read the “positive affectional links” and “intense affiliative impulses”.
What we all need to understand is that the presence of these impulses and feelings doesn’t tell us anything about a person since even psychopaths have these. What tells us most about Nancy’s inner world is the crimes she is alleged to have perpetrated.
Please if you are in the life of a psychopathic person, particularly an offender or sex offender consider carefully what I have said here.
Sources for this blog
LA Times
NY Times
The Clinical and Forensic Assessment of Psychopathy: A Practitioner’s Guide (Personality and Clinical Psychology Series) by Carl B. Gacono (Editor) Chapter 8
Thanks, Witsend for mentioning “the boy called it”—i read a book he wrote later, that was heart-rending, though it has been so long ago I have forgotten so many of the details.
Your points are well made–
Thanks, Witsend. I don’t remember the case but I remember similar ones. It’s all so very sad. I hope some day we can see it, stop it, and fix it.
Actually now that I think about it these books “A boy called it” and the sequals that follow could be important reads for many of us. This boys mother has to be an excellent example of a female S/N/P at the very top of the spectrum.
I read all the books when they came out but don’t remember many of the horrific detail.
This boy was also a PRIME example of how society turns their heads and does NOT get involved. He was certainly failed by the system many, many times until a teacher stuck her neck out and didn’t give up. The school system should have gotten involved long before they finally did as there was much evidence when he was at school that he was being abused.
His father also “stood by” for many years and did not save his son. And his father was a FIREMAN. Someone who saves peoples lives.
Although these books are very disturbing reads as I recall, they are representing many of the same issues we talk about here at LF.
Here, in bold type, is the latest email from my XP. Tell me what you all think:
A bright burning campfire is a good analogy describing what was my love.
Occasionally difficulty in life would threaten the flames as if a small amount of water was poured over the fire, not enough to put it out only enough to reduce the flame. Given time the water would evaporate and the flame would burn bright again. My love was a strong fire, I would have never left you, I would have given my life for yours without hesitation. Then almost without warning in the middle of the most difficult time in our lives you decided to drowned the flames that burned
for you.
Your first attempt to put out the flame was while I struggle to
find money for our desperate situation. You tortured me when I couldn’t reach you.
I was so worried about you, because you were alone drinking and taking pills every night. I was so exhausted from lack of sleep It was impossible for me to focus on my work and just when I thought we had reached and understanding it
happened again, but my flame still burned.
Your second attempt to put out the flame happened when I arived home and you were gone. I can’t describe the feelings I felt, it took my breath away. It was a mixture of fear, profound sadness and loneliness. The fear I felt was for your
safety. I didn’t know where you were and you wouldn’t answer the phone.
Loneliness I always feel when I’m gone away from home but now even though I was home the loneliness was 100 times worse. I felt abandoned how could someone who loved you do this, this assault on the flame of love left only a small fire still burning.
Your third attempt to put out the flame happened when I realized the cat’s were gone. I love them so much and in my sorrow of you leaving me I now needed them more than ever. You must of know how hard this would be on me, only someone who hates could possibly be so cruel so heartless.
At this time my pain was so great I couldn’t see that you had put the flame of love out and all that remained was glowing embers.
Your fourth attempt to vanquished the remaining embers happened when I attempted to reach you through your family. I have always been kind and considerate to your brother after all he is family. And now a crisis in my life requires me to seek help from my extended family.
When I went to your parents house to find out if you were ok your brother told me to leave immediately or he would call the police. I said don’t do that I only want to know if she is okay, he replied I am calling the police now, so I left. Is the word sadness good enough to describe how I felt, even now uncontrollable tears stream from my eyes as I write this. My brothers would have never treated you
this way. The embers that were once at the base of a great fire of love now barely glow.
Your fifth attempt to finish what you started, this personal crusade of yours to eradicate all that is left, was truly evil. Even though I was buried in this emotional chamber I tried to hold it together. I forced myself to continue looking for work which led me even farther from you. At this time I couldn’t stop thinking about you, apparently neither could the water board. That is when the neighbor called the sheriff who called me. Only I was out of cell range. So the heartless and insensitive Sheriff left a message, it went like this. This is sheriff so and so of the Island County police I need to talk to you in regards of skylar. When I got the message I lost control of my car, I almost crashed how much more can I take. But your apathy toward these responsibilities wasn’t done yet. When I arrived home I had you on the phone when no less than 13 armed police with their M-16’s loaded and aimed at me. They were on the very edge of killing me. You know
how dangerous these people are. You have seen over and over again where they kill an innocent person. These police were in the forest there were no witnesses they could have killed me and got away with it. I ask you to talk to them and stop this, that’s when you said no I don’t think so and hung up the phone.
There is no more glow in the embers of my fire now only warmth.
Your sixth attempt was now closer than ever before at destroying the last remnant of warmth. I received a phone call from Terry he said that you had called and told him how you are feeling better now that you had moved out.
He told me how you tried to leave him with the impression that I was putting stuff in your food and making you sick. How do I express to you the absolute hurt I feel from this. How you could think that I could ever do something like that, how far you’ve gone down the road of evil. On that same day you stopped by Harry’s house and tried to convince him that he was only my friend because he was stupid. The warmth is almost gone now but it was this insanity that prompted me to make one more desperate attempt to save our lives together.
Your seventh and last attack on the fire of love.
I went to your parents house and waited till I saw your mother outside. I wanted to ask her to help me after all she’s my mother to. I said to her G—— I need to talk to you I need your help I wanted to tell her about the campfire of love that is barely warm and when it’s cold it’s all gone. I wanted to say how dangerously close to the end
we were. She looked at me and said you crazy I’m going to call the police.
How could she be so cold to me, I have always been good to them and I have always had their best interest in my heart. Where is the woman who claims to be close to God. It absolutely devastated me, her abandonment and unwillingness to hear me. My mother would never abandoned you she would always be attentive and genuinely concerned,and my father if he were alive would see you as his own daughter regardless of our troubled relationship.
In my bewilderment I try to reason out how you could have done this. You must have had and oasis, a place of comfort and security as you decimated me. There is no doubt you used alcohol and drugs to fortify your delusions,while having the support of your family and drinking partners.
One day you will emerge from your rubble pile and relies what you have done and what you lost. That will be a dark day.
I wash my hands of you and your family I only want to forget
D—-
We must now resolve the property issue.
I have already paid over 700 hundred to a law firm for legal advice and direction. It goes like this , if we go to court we will spend a lot more money on attorneys and in the end it will still be 50-50 minus the legal fees, in addition things that are private may come out in court that would be bad for you and me. The best way to move on is out of the courts, just between us and use the attorneys for the necessary binding paperwork only.
I got too different real estate agents to look at the property and give me there estimate as to its current market value. They put the selling price between 260,000 and 275,000 of course it could take some time to sell it.
Your personal bills would come off the top we would split the remainder.
There are some issues with selling the property that bother me.
1. The pet Cemetery would have to be moved that would make me very sad.
2. And the real estates agent said I would have to build a deck and repair the kitchen.
3. Putting the property on the market could take some time and I am eager to put you and your family behind me.
Because of these three issues I would be willing to consider the following.
If you were interested in keeping the property for your retirement and income strategies, I would be willing to reduce my share to 70,000 plus the camper trailer as incentive.
Don’t misunderstand this gracious offer as anything other than what I previously stated. An additional benefit for me may be that the cats would get to live their lives out where they grew up of course that would be up to you.
Maybe you could find a family member or a mortgage house to finance this small amount after all the properties are paid for. Whatever you decide you must let me knowin the next 10 days. If I don’t hear from you I will instruct the attorney to go forward with the necessary legal steps.
btw, everything including the value of my properties is lies. They aren’t even worth $200,000
skylar
Well it is CERTAINLY ALL ABOUT HIM. He desperately “tries” to sound normal, by saying how much he cares and loves you blah, blah…BUT it always goes back to HIM.
“You tortured me, when I couldn’t find you” This is a good example. In other words I see it as he is trying desperately to “act” as if his CONCERN is for you as he couldn’t find you. BUT it COMES out as it really is….All ABOUT HIM.
Everything he says is a contradiction. And he repeats that OVER and OVER and OVER again throughout the email.
Its as if he is “acting” and saying in ONE breath…I Love you, yet in the next breath, I blame you for this and I blame you for that and I blame………Blah, blah
In the analogy he tried to make about his “love” being like a campfire….As I read throught the email I would CONCLUDE my own analogy, that his love WAS like FIRE itself and his love would BURN the recipient. (you)
Skylar, It’s like the first part is all about convincing you that he’s the victim. FOG…or perhaps in this case smoke as in smoke screen. Then he uses the kittys against you.etc etc etc. After he feels he’s plied you sufficiently with fear obligation and guilt, he immediatly moves into finances. I see this as an attempt to completely manipulate you. Listen to your instincts, don’t be blinded by rhetoric, and don’t let your own feelings get in your way! Look out for YOU. Take some of EB’s advise….I’m sending you white light.
witsend,
thank you. As easy as it is to see through OTHER people’s emails from their xP’s, once I get one from mine, I just feel like I’m in a daze. I didn’t even notice that it was ALL ABOUT HIM.
kim,
thanks for the white light, I really need it.
Dear Skylar,
I read the email three times and still came up with the same conclusion: He thinks all of it is YOUR fault (textbook socionarcissist) and he is “pure” white — just listen to his pity party of deep pain that YOU caused. No acknowledgement of his abusive behaviors at all!
‘You” gave him at least seven narcisistic injuries, GOOD for you!!
PLEASE do not give in to settling the property between the two of you — Seek legal counsel no matter what the cost! THUS, I speak from experience. Don’t do it!
You are in my prayers and thoughts as you endure this! You are strong. You WILL prevail!
Lily,
LOL! I’ve given him more than 7 narcissistic injuries! I can assure you!
ironically, he has lived “underground” all his life and I was the veneer so that people in our neighborhood would not know his last name. He wouldn’t tell his friends where he lived. He has virtually never had a job, and his name does not appear anywhere on our property deed. His address has always been a PO Box. On my tax returns I wrote down my income as being RENT from him. Therefore, despite 18 years living there, he doesn’t own CRAP. Our business was in my name so that he wouldn’t get in trouble for flying for hire without a license – not even a private pilots license. He only has the medical pilots license. I was the “front man”.
He must not have thought of this. I also told him, months ago that if he wanted half the house, I’d want half the helicopter. Suddenly he says that the helicopter has a lien on it. I asked “where is this lien recorded? which county?”
“Huh, I don’t know” was his answer.
I actually feel sorry for him because I think he is losing his ability to con. He’s just not as slick anymore and he doesn’t know how to move on to reality. Like Philip Garrido, he is now moving into the DELUSIONAL faze. I guess this is what happens to people who have told lies all their lives. They lose the ability to distinguish reality from their own falsehoods.
Skylar….he is trying to take control while making you feel you are the horrible bad person. BULLCHIT!!!! All his accusations are projection of the kinds of things HE does to people. Ignore all that.
Pay attention to the end. HE has consulted real estate agents. That is not the same as an appraisal of what the property is worth. And even appraisals can vary WILDLY. And sometimes depends on the attitude of the person who orders the appraisal. As far as what a real estate agent says, those values can vary GREATLY. Did he ask for the bottom line price it would sell at quickly? Or did he ask for the price if he is willing to wait for the right buyer to come along. Ask to see the comps that those figures are based on. Get an attorney NOW and let him ask for the comps, actually. Remain NC. Don’t respond to his email AT ALL. Just go get an attorney, even if you have to scrub toilets all night to pay for it. It will be worth the medical bills you will save down the road. There are places that offer reduced fees if funds are a problem.
Anyway, that is my advice, for what it is worth. I can feel my anger and anxiety mounting just thinking about what you are facing! (Damn that empathy! LOL!) But it makes me realize what it must be like for you.
I really hope you don’t respond and that the next person he hears from is your attorney. He is trying to take control AGAIN and telling you how things are. His opinions are worthless.