Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as “justlikeyou.”
I will not give up my power. You have taken enough from me.
First a little background. I’m a nurse. I’m a proud American. I have worked in the field of developmental disabilities for 20 plus years. I have lived in California all of my life. California is unique in the way we serve individuals with developmental disabilities. There are families who move to this state simply because of it. In 1969 the Lanterman Act was passed in California. Simply put “The Lanterman Act declares that persons with developmental disabilities have the same legal rights and responsibilities guaranteed all other persons by federal and state constitutions and laws, and charges the regional center with advocacy for, and protection of, these rights.” I work within this regional center system. So you see for the last 20 plus years have spent 40 hours per week, sometimes more, advocating for the basic fundamental rights of people with developmental disabilities. I advocate for people who have their rights trampled routinely. I do my best to protect and serve on a daily basis.
Prior to the Lanterman Act it was commonplace for families with a child born with a disability to be told they had to place that child in a Developmental Center. There was no hope for this child. There was no choice for their family. This child would ruin their family. They were told this by very “knowledgeable individuals.” Doctors and those in positions of authority, “experts.” Families put their children into places of unspeakable horrors. Places where they were lined up like animals, sprayed with hoses in the name of a bath. Places where being raped or assaulted was an everyday fear or occurrence. It wasn’t until some brave families decided that this was unacceptable, this was not necessary, and their children deserved better, that things changed. Those families had the courage to stand up for what was right, what was good, and what was just. Those families changed forever the lives who would come after. They took a stand. They made a difference.
Are you wondering what this has to do with my life and experience with a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath? I’m there. Here is my story. Yes I have lived the textbook case. I came here to gain knowledge. To get myself out of that fetal position on the floor. To hopefully save my own sanity and life. The terms are all familiar, flying monkeys, gaslighting, triangulation, devalue and discard, manipulation, abuse, and no contact. I have read Psychopath Free, and When Love is Lie. Next on deck is From Charm to Harm. I found LoveFraud.com. I have gone no contact. I am actively pursuing my own “truth.”
I am struggling. Not with no contact. Not with understanding that I will never receive the closure of a “normal” relationship. Not with understanding that this is one sick bastard who will never get better. Not with understanding that I have simply been one in a very long line of women used, abused and thrown away like trash by this f***ed up man masquerading in a human casing. What I am having difficulty with is the idea that I have made it my life’s mission to protect and serve those who are unable to do it for themselves. I am having difficulty swallowing the fact that the system which is supposed to be designed to “protect and serve” us as survivors of this blatant abuse fails us so severely. Every book I pick up, every blog and every post I read re-inforces and warns me up front that the system will fail us as victims at every turn. I am struggling with accepting that. I find it completely, totally, and utterly unacceptable!! That is my struggle.
For those who would suggest that I am seeking revenge or some sort of wish to hurt as much as I have been hurt, who knows maybe you are right?
I see it differently. I see myself much like those families back in 1969. I see myself as needing what is just, what is right, what is undeniably mine as a citizen of this supposedly all powerful, civilized, great nation. I want fairness. I want justice. I want validation. I want everyone to know that this is unacceptable, wrong, illegal, and will not be forgiven, ignored, or tolerated, no matter the casing it comes wrapped in.
You see my “N” comes wrapped in a casing with a badge attached to the front pocket. My “N” has a free pass in spite of what a sick bastard he is, to carry a gun. My “N” has had the benefit for years to hide behind a sturdy wall of blue. My “N” has always had the benefit of protection from his actions in spite of being deemed “unfit” to continue his blue job due to “PTSD” and “anger” issues. Yet his word is still valuable. His word is still golden. His denial of any wrongdoing is still all it takes for him to trample my constitutional/civil rights in spite of no contact. Again I am struggling. Struggling to find this acceptable in any fashion. I ask myself daily. Where are those who are sworn to “protect and serve” me?
My “N” has tapped every electronic device I own. He has controlled my internet access taking over my router and wifi. He has gained access to my vehicle. Onstar is a pretty miraculous thing to hack believe me. Did you know that someone could remotely decide whether or not your vehicle runs? Can you imagine talking to your vehicle? Cursing and yelling threats that the mother f****r better start or you are likely to commit murder. You realize that there are speakers capable of transmitting your voice as well as whoever is on the other end correct? Imagine then hearing someone blow a kiss at you through those speakers then turning the key and your vehicle miraculously starting like there was never an issue in the first place!! Imagine waking in the middle of the night to realize your child is not home at the designated time. Imagine frantically texting and calling to locate them knowing everything that is going on with your life. Imagine believing the worst, that someone has hurt them or taken them. Imagine looking down at your phone and checking to make sure you are connected and your messages are going thru. Imagine seeing your wifi name “wine” and seeing the screen go blood red with the words “may be dangerous” below it.
I’ve heard it all. Buy a new computer. Get a new phone. Don’t give anyone the number. Call the police. Call the FBI. Document everything. Get photos. Disconnect your OnStar. Remember what I do for a living? Been there, done it. To disconnect OnStar, you also wind up disconnecting key components that make your vehicle run. FBI has a way of never calling you back. IC3 as well. Local police? He offered to call my daughter to come pick me up as it was “apparent” I was upset. Really? In spite of being followed to the police parking lot? In spite of having witnesses and photos of the individuals following me? Yep. Gotta love that thin blue wall. Let me ask you, when was the last time you saw a pay phone? Ever try to live in today’s society without all of our technological devices? Try it. Let me know how it works out for you. May the force be with you. I went off the grid to a native village of about 400 in Alaska. A place where “data” is not a word. Guess what? When I arrived technology followed.
I guess where I am going with this is this. Don’t confuse revenge with justice. Don’t believe that no contact means letting go of your personal rights as a human being in order to save your soul. Don’t let some sick bastard win and make you believe that there is nothing you can do about it. I was mistaking no contact for that. I was struggling. I now understand that there is a difference. I can go no contact and save my life without giving up my need and desire for justice. Those families in 1969 were not afraid to challenge the status quo. They were not afraid to stand up to the “experts” and say, You are wrong! I will not be afraid either. I will not sit back and accept that this son of a bitch regardless of the casing he comes wrapped in will be allowed to violate my rights as a human being, a human being living in what is supposed to be the most civilized country in the world. He has violated me enough. I will not allow “protect and serve” to allow him to violate me more. I will fight until my last breath for my God given as well as legal rights. I have more patience than you ever dreamed of you sick bastard.
“Revenge is an act of vindictiveness, justice of vindication. Justice is grounded in assumptions, conventions, and doctrines having to do with honor, fairness, and virtue. Only remember this: to seek justice is a good and noble thing, to seek revenge out of hatred is something that will devour your very soul.” ”•James Mace
With hope, faith, and light sign me