If you live within an hour of San Francisco, I hope you will consider an evening of theater at The Marsh, this holiday season. On most nights, Carlo D’Amore performs No Parole, an autobiographical one-man show that points to the fact that “family is a life sentence.” Carlo has a great deal in common with all of us since he grew up in the shadow of his late mother who was a con artist.
Although Carlo left home as soon as he could at age 18, he continued to have contact with his mother. Towards the end of her life, she suffered a right brain stroke and could not live alone. Carlo took her in and cared for her. Even in this state, his mother continued to con and manipulate him. He explained to Chad Jones, “After 30 years of going through these experiences, it came home to me,” he says. “I went ballistic. I came close to”¦I don’t know.” He confronted his mother, who at the end of her life did finally stop the conning.
Following those events, Carlo decided to write about his experiences and turned them into the theatrical production which is described as a “wry, energetic adventure play, No Parole takes you on a kaleidoscopic journey through the life a flamboyant, live-for-the-moment con artist mother, who has no trouble posing as an attorney, professor, daycare worker, or nun. From Peru to the Hollywood Hills to an illegal New York City walk-up, No Parole provides a hilarious and gut-wrenching look into the life of an extraordinary woman who saw the world as her playground.”
Many have found that writing about life with a sociopath/con artist helps them sort out their feelings. Carlo takes this a step further, since he not only wrote his story, he performs it in this production in which he plays both himself and his mother.
I am thankful to Carlo for pointing out that family is indeed a life sentence. Even for those of us who have no more contact with the con artist family member, the person continues to be part of our lives. Carlo told me No Parole is about coming to peace with that reality. I am impressed with Carlo who has been able to come to a place of integrating both the good and the bad experiences he had with the mother he loved.
In addition to showing us that at least one sociopath finally stopped conning, Carlo shows us that many at risk kids are capable of great things. The same genes that can contribute to antisocial choices can also make for leadership and creativity-including acting. Carlo made the decision early on that he was going to use his talents in a prosocial way through acting. His Broadway credits include the Round About Theater Company’s production of Tennessee William’s “Summer and Smoke” directed by David Warren, and most recently “Latinologues” directed by Cheech Marin where he played seven different characters to sold out crowds at the Helen Hayes Theater.
Carlo has another solo show in the works, Feet First. This show is based on his mother’s brother. As is common, Carlo’s mother was not the only sociopath in the family. Carlo told Chad Jones, “My uncle died in San Quentin chained to a hospital bed. It’s a tragic story,” Carlo says. “The title comes from Incan lore: if you’re born feet first, and you make that journey, you’ll be blessed to waltz through life. It’s basically about a man looking at his life from prison and attempting to pass a positive image on to his son.”
Carlo hopes to bring No Parole to the New York City area which he considers his home. I wish him success in that effort. He was kind to speak with me and share some stories of his mother. Even before I had a chance to share my views on the subject, he pointed to the quest for power which is central to the personalities of con artists. He also shared that his mother was very high energy and required little sleep.* He and the rest of his family were not surprised that she had a stroke, given the fast paced frenzy that was her life. He also spoke of the fear he lived through as a young boy worried that his mother would be arrested and imprisoned.
Carlo said he was glad I told him about Lovefraud, he was glad to see our efforts to reach those who have sociopaths/con artists in their families. We all take a certain amount of comfort in the fact that there are others who understand the mind games, unless you’ve been there… Can you really know what it’s like?
FOR MORE INFORMATION:
No Parole at The Marsh, 1062 Valencia St., San Francisco. Tickets are $15-$35. Call 800-838-3006 or visit www.themarsh.org.
*(I have gathered a lot of evidence that points to con artists being sociopathic and manic).
Links for story
http://www.themarsh.org/no_parole.html
http://www.sfbaytimes.com/index.php?article_id=6593&sec=article
http://culturemob.com/events/5651063-the-marsh-presents-carlo-d-amore-s-no-parole-ca-san-francisco-mission-94110-the-marsh
http://www.theaterdogs.net/2008/11/13/carlo-d%E2%80%99amore-lands-a-parole%E2%80%99-hearing/#comment-1019
Rune
I Agree! Chaos for no other purpose except to Delight in it!
Nothing going on I’m Borrd ! Lets see I’ll cut my self and bleed all over the place! Or Kill a Pet and write stuff on the wall of the place I do not own! Or I’ll just go punch the person who supports me and Loves me! Or I’ll Turn the music up full volume and play the same Irritating crap over and over and over and over till I get a reaction and when I get a reaction I’ll have an excuse to Rage and destroy the place i live in that I don’t pay for ! Or Or Or Or Or!
The Greed here is I must be the ceter of attention and the Whole World revolves around me! I can’t be borrd ! LOVE JJ
Rune: Funny you mentioned the thermostat situation. I had a platonic room mate years ago that refused to pay rent each month. He gave me a lousy $200 dollars a month and 1/2 after moving in … (about August) … by October I was telling him to move out.
Finally, mutual friends tried to help … I finally got this user out … in January … which happened to be a mild month that year … Spring weather. Anyway, I’d come home from work to find my windows wide open and the thermostats up to the highest setting.
He also did many other things to me to intimidate me … a few days after he moved out … I found about 100 pairs of my underwear … he bit the crotches out of every pair. (That cost me money) … He was in every nook and cranny through my house. Apparently, nothing was off limits to this character. It just makes me shudder how ruthless they are. What control freaks. He actually called the police department and said he heard gunshots go off inside my house … next thing I knew, I had about 20 undercover officers throughout my house. You’d think these people were bums off the streets … that’s how good they are in the undercover work they do. At least I now know that are police is alive and well in our community.
Of course, they couldn’t smell gun powder … and this roommate never got picked up for that phone call … which tells me he is one of the police’s rats out on the street. Cause if he was an innocent Joe Schmoe citizen … his butt would have been tossed in prison.
Remind me to write more about this character. I forgot all about Butch the weirdo room mate I had. I think he’s living with a girl I went to high school with… she hasn’t been acting her normal self.
Peace.
From the description of Carlo’s play: “a flamboyant, live-for-the-moment con artist mother, who has no trouble posing as an attorney, professor, daycare worker, or nun. From Peru to the Hollywood Hills to an illegal New York City walk-up, . . .”
I see the chaos. I see the pointless chaos, and the thrill of manipulation. Attorney, . . . daycare worker, and nun?! It’s so absurd that we don’t believe someone can be that absurd, so we try to make sense of it. And from this, Carlo was learning his life lessons — how the world works, what love is, and so on.
Again, I admire his courage and heart in working through this spaghetti-ball mess and creating a story to share on stage.
Yes, Wini:
We’re talking about “Butch” here! Yes! Pointless and cruel in the manipulation. So much of what happened to me and my business I didn’t even find out until months or more than a year later. Several people talked to me later about their perceptions. I was shocked at what they’d seen and what they believed.
I think part of how I was blindsided is that I was raised and was living my life by the code that you outline:
Humility against Pride: I was humble, just trying to live and work
Kindness against Envy: I was kind, taking him in along with his children
Abstinence against Gluttony: I didn’t have time to think about gluttony
Chastity against Lust: I wasn’t even looking for a relationship, but he seemed so sincere . . .
Patience against Anger: Oh, yes, I was patient when I should have gotten legitimately angry (See Dr. Liane & Sandra Brown’s book, and note how victims of these types are generally “tolerant” people.)
Liberality against Greed: I was generous, thinking I was helping someone get “back on his feet.”
Diligence against Sloth: I think my 12-, 14-, and 18-hour workdays didn’t leave much room for sloth. I was trying to “put out the fires” that kept inexplicably happening all around. I didn’t realize he was the cause.
And I know now that he was gleefully laughing at the way he exploited all my virtues to engineer my devastation. While he smiled, and “nurtured” me . . . “Dear, you look tired. When the next money comes in, we should take a vacation.”
Aaaack!
Hey Rune, you and I could have dated the same guy (LOL). They are all the same, all of them, different states, different heights, different looks … but all are insecure, greedy, selfish and live in their BIG egos… and do the most incredible damages … to destruction, total destruction.
Come to think of it … that room mate Butch … and our mutual friends … My EX fiance also knows the husband of said mutual friend…. Mmmmmmmmhhh, here’s another avenue I have to look down. When I told this mutual friend how my EX conned me, she just said matter of fact “I was wondering why you dated him … he was trouble when he was with his wife” … DAAAAAAAAAA, I almost screamed at her … WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME. But, figured she’s a screwball in her own right with her ego out in the forefront all the time … so it was useless to get any compassion out of this character … even though she’s always insisting others respect her.
Live and learn with these folks.
Peace … at least I’m still standing.
Wini, you got it!
It’s the same weirdness — and it isn’t like “normal.”
I saw a study today, done in Florida, looking at how dogs have a sense of fairness. They expect a “fair” distribution of treats, and they know when they are not being treated fairly. I see this with my own dogs — they want my affection above all, but they know if the affection or treats or whatever are not being spread around fairly. And I also know that my dogs worry about me, and check in on me if they think I’m not OK.
My point is that my dogs’ behavior is more “human” than the creep I was involved with. They understand “fair” and they play by those rules. He didn’t. My dogs never take pleasure in delivering pain. He did.
Rune: Yes, my pets are the same way.
As far as greed is concerned with the majority of these folks and what motivates them. What they are focused on … as you read most of these bloggs … laziness goes hand in hand with their greed. A very toxic combination with these folks … none of them really want to work for a living … they just put on a show for everyone.
Just watch this bailout fiasco going down … all the selfish and greedy got caught being lazy … on a big time scale … and now they want easy money to bail their greedy, lazy butts out! Then they’ve have the audacity to stick some of the real workers out in front to cover up the fact that they are greedy and lazy.
They should take those from the lower ranks who have creative ideas and let them lead these companies out of the dumper.
Then watch the flip flop of some of thse politicians … one minute last week they are screaming and shouting … hurry, hurry, hurry give my lazy greedy buddies the money … and the flip side is, well yeah, they should be fired … yeah, we should watch them … yeah.
Give me a break with all these actors giving everyone lip service.
Ox-
I live in San Francisco. I will check it out for you :O)
Dear Rune,
I loved that study about how dogs judged what was “fair” and what was not. LOL Good study!
Many animals have a sense of fairness, other animals seem to have no sense of fairness and they want what they want and they don’t care if others are deprived. I have noticed in my cattle that “family groups” (a cow and her offspring, even her adult offspring) will “share” feed but they will not share with others in the herd. Horses tend to be the same way.
The Ps don’t seem to want to share anything with anyone, I know my P-son has NO intention of “sharing” what he feels he is entitled to with anyone if he can help it—of course EVERYTHING I have worked for and everything my family has worked for for GENERATIONS, should “rightfully” belong to HIM and no one else has a right to anything he wants.
I had devised a way to be “fair” to my kids and step kids with distributing my husband’s personal momentos, by “dealing” things out into piles and numbering the piles then letting the children draw numbers and each one would get that pile of original things, as well as a xerox copy of any photographs and so on in everyone else’s pile. I thought that made great sense and I wrote to my P-son and told him how I had come up with that plan to be “fair.” He wrote back immediately and said “Don’t get rid of anything of his until I GET (OUT OF PRISON) AND get home… you are his wife, you don’t HAVE TO BE FAIR.”
TRANSLATION: “I WANT IT ALL”
Well, Yes, I was his wife, but I WANT TO BE FAIR. I want to carry out my husband’s wishes that his personal momentos be divided equally between his kids, my kids, and our adopted son. However, since the attack on our family, I have no doubt that my husband would not want my P son to have anything of his, and he won’t.
It isn’t about the value of these items, as the monetary value o f them is zero, but the sentimental value is the only value, yet my P-son wants it all, because he wants to think that my late husband valued him above all the others, and that is NOT TRUE. My husband was so disappointed at the WASTE of brains and talent in my P-son and his instance that he engage in criminal activities that landed him in prison that my husband did not have any remaining respect for my P-son, and though he went to visit him with me a time or two, he didn’t have a desire to go visit him. My stepfather felt the same way and never communicated with my son from the time that my son stole a gun from him when my son was 15, and to his dying day, my stepfather had no respect for my P-son, just disgust. Yet, my P-son still thinks that he was the most “admired” and “successful” member of our family, and the smartest and the one with the most entitlement—-sort of like the guy who killed his parents and threw himself on the judge’s mercy because he was an ORPHAN. LOL
My P-son’s incessant demands for this or that, or do this or do that, send me money for this or that—-the pity ploy—“I’m in prison and I can’t get this or that unless you do it.” WELL, boy, WHY are you in prison? Because you are innocent? NOPE? Well, then tough!
Thanks, LGLG, I hope you enjoy the play. I would like to see it! I’m glad this guy made lemonade out of lemons!
LGLG: I’m looking forward to your review of the play. And no matter what your artistic evaluation, please convey to the writer/actor my (our?!) appreciation for his courage in this work. I’m glad you can go.