Nobody understands the level of deceit he is capable of

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Irma.”

I am currently detaching from a Malignant Narcissist, we were together almost 15 years and have 3 children. He became increasingly violent in the last 3 years; I had a non violent honeymoon period of almost 7 years ”¦ I now know he was just managing me down in ways I didn’t even notice for years ”¦

Since I ended our relationship (he punched me 9 times to the head), he and the in-laws have banded together to literally drive me insane ”¦ CPS was called and they were told I was the abusive one, the one with addictions, that I was mentally unstable and a danger to myself and the children.

He cut off my electricity; he tried to have me committed. Twice via the courts, twice with my parents, this did not work. He had me arrested on harassment and intimidation charges while he was actively stalking me.

I have a restraining order so he calls the police like 2 to 3 times week claiming I am violating my court ordered conditions. But in Juvenile court he is trying to force CPS and the judges to FORCE me to break NO CONTACT with him. I have not spoken to him on the phone since I got my restraining order.

He also has videos and recordings of my psychotic episodes or sometimes (depending on audience) they are alcoholic rages but what he doesn’t say is that he recorded me secretly AFTER he was violent or hours of gas lighting and it is me being angry at him. No alcohol or psychosis involved.

The in-laws

His sister and her husband are lawyers they are the ones helping him with all the writing of the court documents (why he is so confident in representing himself against lawyers in their 50s and 60s).

He has access to sound engineering equipment and his father is helping him with all the software and applications to do the creative editing.

His stepmother is the one helping him edit a document with our text messages; he is claiming I sent him 2500 text messages in 2 weeks now. But I got arrested on charges of harassment for a period of 1 month for 2600 texts. He is now saying I sent him 4500 texts, the story changes every other week, depending on audience.

I discovered a whole double life this summer, he cheated 7 times that he admitted to (but he accused me twice of cheating this summer, have discovered his personals Craig’s list account as well, he could have given me a disease!), only 3 were women ”¦

Financial parasite

He has cost us $7800 of unpaid traffic violations, 5 cars since 2011, he purposely screws up my credit every 4 to 5 years, he went through ALL our family savings, all my stock portfolio, all my insurance and retirement fund. He made me lose my job when I was half blind and deaf. His dental work cost my insurance over 12K.

He is a financial parasite, he has borrowed over $50,000 from my father, most of the times, he would not even tell me he asked my father for money!

He has now kidnapped the kids and alienated them to the point he has convinced them I will BEAT them. Yes, the wife beater has convinced the children that I will beat them up if they come here. My kids are so confused”¦

I have no access to them. He made my daughter unfriend me on Facebook, he will never pass the phone to them without him ”talking about the kids” to me, forcing me to break NO CONTACT verbally so he can again record me and edit it”¦

Deceit

Nobody understands the level of deceit he is capable of, the calculation and obsessive planning ”¦

He has broken in the apartment half a dozen of times, he was logging in to my computers remotely and opening shows in the middle of the night to scare me when I was alone. He installed mirroring apps and tracking apps on my cell (unfortunately I lost this phone), so as to be able to come here when I was not here.

He tried to cause fights with 7 of my neighbours and my landlady (we pretended to be in a fight for months to make him think he succeeded, only thing that made him stop).

Domestic terrorism

I want to change our court systems to include Narcissistic abuse as Domestic violence, it is the most cowardly and smallest scale form of domestic terrorism ”¦ only I am the sole target.

I am good mentally and emotionally, he can only win physically, he is trying to stress me out to make me vomit. It was a favourite game of his, to literally torment me until I had a panic attack and throw up, making me loose weight and lower my immune system defenses.

I am on a waiting list with the clinic, with the prosecutor appointed social workers, with the assistance center for victims of violent crimes and with CPS for a family therapist and a therapist for me and this is since August. There is no point in speaking to a regular talk therapist or psychologist/psychiatrist that is not trained to handle PTSD and emotional abuse.

I have learned that I probably have C-PTSD. I can hear paper falling at the other end of my apartment, my neighbour’s cats upstairs, ALL the neighbours, ALL the time and at the SAME time ”¦ My family doctor said I was definitely am in a constant state of hyper-vigilance”¦

When he attempted to have me committed he tried to convince my parents he is doing all of this because he loves me and trying to ”help” me get the reform and help I need.

Projection

I have discovered a clinical term projection for all his behaviour and whatever he accuses me of, he is doing, has done or planning to do. I took away his ecstasy and speed pills and that is what made him snap this summer.

I don’t know what to do anymore. This type of abuse is actually pretty classic for a Malignant Narcissist that has a whole bloodline backing him to hide the family secrets at all costs! But nobody can believe such levels of sociopathy can be undetected for so long ”¦ It’s too incredible to believe ”¦

Most of our ”friends” are neutral or worse ”¦ ignoring or shunning ME?!

I will speak to every single reporter local or national or international to shine the brightest light possible on narcissistic abuse.

Honor

I read The Art of War 6 times in the last 3 years; it should be mandatory reading for any person involved in an abusive relationship. Emotional and psychological abuse is like being a prisoner of war, a war where you are the sole target. Add physical abuse to the mix, academic abuse, economic abuse, institutional abuse, sexual abuse and you have a full fledged one Narcissist dictatorship.

He could never make me believe I was crazy; he made me feel responsible for him. My family has very strong (sometimes out of place) values on honour and duty. He took my honour for servitude and I will not allow that.

Once I knew *what* I was dealing with, I read up to 16 hours a day (made my insomnia and paralysis work for me) and I discovered the evidence to back it up”¦ Once I knew, he was doing ALL of it on purpose, I was out.

Not everybody has battered wife syndrome, some of us are just fixers or are indoctrinated in a culture that is about family honour!

He chose me for my values and my brain yet those are the first things he tried to annihilate and destroy ”¦