I was going about the morning as usual, working on my next book, with CNN on in the background, when I heard what has to be the sociopathic quote of the year, “Nothing says I love you like a Glock.” I have not shared much about my own experience with a sociopath, but one of the things I am most ashamed of is that I did not react more strongly to my former husband’s preoccupation with guns. He did not personally own any gun, but he talked about them a great deal, and he was very persistent about the idea that I should learn how to shoot. He also wanted me to own a hand gun. I did take the NRA gun safety course and I learned how to shoot. I have to say, target practice was fun and I was good at it. I had and still have, an aversion to guns, and so never applied for permission to own one of my own. I felt like a fuddy-dud though, after all our Constitution does give us the right to arm bears, or is it bare arms? I don’t know…
What I do know is that the presence of a hand gun in the home is statistically associated with completed suicide. Access to weapons means a greater likelihood of using them on one’s self or others on impulse. A good thing did come from my training in fire arms, that was I became a more comfortable asking my patients if they owned weapons. All psychiatric/psychological evaluations should include this question.
The sociopathic quote of the year belongs to Drew Peterson, a man who the entire country believes may be responsible for the disappearance of his wife. To read the story visit The Chicago Tribune Website.
Although many people who own guns and use guns are not sociopaths, nearly all sociopaths are in love with guns. This is not discussed at all in the scientific literature but, in my conversations with other victims, they have verified the obsession. Sociopaths are in love with guns because they are the ultimate symbol of power and sociopaths are preoccupied with power. Sociopaths enjoy not only real guns, they also enjoy toy guns and violent videogames. Many studies have shown that sociopaths enjoy violent entertainment more that the average person.
If someone you suspect is a sociopath, wants you to have a gun, please get away from that person immediately. I strongly believe that many sociopaths who do not kill their partners, get their partners to kill themselves. Obviously, a person can also be murdered in such a way that it looks like a suicide. Please notice that Mr. Peterson bought his wife a gun as a Valentine’s day present. How telling is that? How sick is that?
It is a shame Drew Peterson can so far get away with probably killing 2 of his wives. And anyone dumb enough to contribute to that website defense should be examined as well.
This goes to show you how many people out there, the general public, cannot see thru him as being a psycho.
We have a long way to go.
Shortly after my husband moved out and moved in with his girlfriend (he was insisting at the time he was living w/ a male friend and his girlfriend was a lesbian) I was saying goodbye to a friend “E” outside of my house when another friend “C”, who lived down the street, stopped and rolled down her window. She said that she saw my husband’s patrol car out front earlier and thought he was there cleaning up his crime scene. (It was actually E’s husband’s patrol car.) She was smiling and thought it was a joke. It wasn’t the first. One of the favorites from her and others was- don’t go on any long drives by the water with him. She knew I was afraid of him, but I guess he’s charming enough that people don’t think he could be capable of anything like that. I don’t know that he is either, but I don’t know that he’s not. C is a dispatcher for the sheriff’s dept. and her husband was a detective. She is also the reason I found this site. Sometime before “the joke”, I was telling her some of the things that my husband was doing and saying and she called him a sociopath. She was the second person to do so and something clicked and I went on the internet. Finding this site and others has explained the last 18 years of my life.
I started getting off point. Actually I’m not sure what my point is other than I know exactly how Drew Peterson can get away with it.
Also, my soon-to-be X’s favorite movie is The Godfather, he owned guns even before he went to the road, and he
mentioned at least twice after he said he wanted to separate that the dept. new everything about him including where he kept his guns and that I had a mental condition. Some anxiety and depression, which usually showed up when he was in what I called “one of his moods”, was the mental condition he was speaking of. And yes, now I know that “his moods” were cycles of abuse.
To Tryintorecover,
What you said about your “mental condition” that showed up when your ex was in “one of his moods”… that is so classic. I can’t remember any exact things that the Bad Man said to me but that rang my bell when you said that. It’s that twisting of things that they do that is the common thread with these disordered people.
That is a perfect example of how they take you apart slowly. They are so committed to their truth that you start to wonder if you have a mental condition. UGH! It makes me sick! Looking back, I can’t believe I let someone run me in circles like that and make me feel crazy.
You know what else…. do you see how your Ex was setting the stage with his colleuges by telling them that you had a mental condition and about where the guns are?! He is setting you up to look unstable in the eyes of other people so that if something *happens* to you… “well, I guess we all shouldn’t be surprised. She was a bit unstable you know.” Do you see what I am saying?
Change your locks and get a security system. I worked for a security company once as a temp and they keep on record any restraining orders and things like that. I don’t want to scare you but I hope you have thought of that.
Congratulations on finding this site. It is your beam of light and hope and recovery. Welcome.
Aloha… E.R.
There are already t-shirts:
http://www.cafepress.com/drewisms
So important are they, that his post and the comments could/should be made into a flyer for general distribution in, say, doctors waiting room, etc!
I think I’ll visit a few relevant sites on Drew and link it.
To Alohatraveler,
I am now living 1500 miles away from him with our child. We are back in our hometown with family. We had only lived in our new state for a year. Just long enough to get set in his job and find his soul-mate. He told me on Valentines night that he wasn’t happy with me and I was so clueless i thought I had washed his uniforms the wrong way. It was the 18th anniversary of our engagement and the next day was my birthday. Just the week before I had asked him to please not ruin another birthday. I had seen another “mood” coming on. When I asked him why he told me then and not before or after, he said “no reason, it was just time”. I found out in the coming days and weeks that he had been setting the stage for months. He was telling people I was so homesick that he thought I was going to leave and take his son when my mother came for a visit. He didn’t know what he was going to do because he would have to pay the sheriff’s dept. back for the academy costs if he went with us and he couldn’t do that. He was ready to play victim again, only this time I was going to be the evil one. My mom had actually paid the academy costs because the dept. wouldn’t. He had already quit once and gotten back in with the help of a family friend.(my family of course) But, those costs were small compared to over $100,000 he had gotten out of my mom for businesses and living expenses over the years. He moved us to ** when he asked for more and I told him it was all gone. Now my mom is supporting my son and me until I can get on my feet. I had no credit cards left(he used them to start the businesses), he took the only car we had (his vehicle had been repoed before the bankruptcy)
I need to stop now – maybe I do have a mental condition to not have seen what he really is. To see it in writing it’s all to ridiculous and this is just the tip of the iceberg.
To Tryingtorecover,
I am so sorry that you went through all that. I think I am lucky in that I didn’t have any money to give the Bad Man and he never asked me for money. He did file a claim against me for a minor car accident though. It was for a dent, barely perceptible to the eye for a car with 175,000 miles on it which caused my car insurance to go WAY UP. It was not a claim that any normal person would file.
I did get into some debt with from my own decisions related to the Bad Man so I am slowly recovering from all that with with the kindness of friends giving me low cost place to live.
I don’t think you have a mental condition. You just believed in love at all costs and it cost you a lot. We all did this. I understand the “tip of the iceburg.” I fel absurd when I talk about the things that the Bad Man said to me and how much terrorizing I put up with.
We have to give ourselves credit for getting out of whatever situation we were in. It might have taken months or it might have taken years but we did that for ourselves and that is a fine start.
Hello Me! Thanks for coming back!
To Alohatraveler,
Thanks for taking the time to respond. P/N was in town for visitation and it’s always stressful.
Hello Me! Come out, come out, wherever you are!
I’ve been out of my “sociopathic” relationship for a year and a half and although they say “No Contact” is best (and I desparately wish he would go away), “No contact” is hard to do when you have a child with a sociopath and that sociopath is constantly harassing you about seeing the child. I don’t know that my sociopath would ever try to kill anyone, he is much too lazy for that. He has all the classic socipathic traits except for aggressiveness (yet)- but as the mother of a beautiful 2 year old little girl, I cannot give him the benfit of the doubt and assume he would never hurt her. So should he ever decide he is tough enough to force himself into my home and take her, he will be staring down the barrel of MY loaded gun (which was obtained after I kicked him out of the house). If I am forced to pull the trigger, then OH WELL…..for a change I will be the one not feeling guilty or remorseful for my actions. I refer to it as pre-meditated self defense because I know he is coming, I just don’t know when. But we will not be his victims again. I don’t think any of us are crazy for not being able to see what the socipath was, we were just naive. I do think surviving a sociopath does make you a little crazy because how can any person go through this crap and not be affected? We are all browsing the internet looking for answers and closure of some sort or telling our stories which may make us feel better for awhile but in a short time we are thinking about it again and feeling like crap all over again beause someone took advantage of us and they will never have to answer for it and they will never feel bad for having done it. As crazy as it sounds, the only thing that will ever allow me to have complete closure is dancing on the mans grave. Lord forgive me.
I grew up in a rural enviornment where each household had the tools needed on the farm, shovels, plows and guns. Guns were there as “tools” and were treated with respect for that purpose.
If a coyotte is attacking a calf what am I going to do, run 400 yards with a shovel? No, I’m going to use the appropriate tool and that is a .22 rifle with a scope.
As I was growing up, guns were not kept locked or hidden behind a door, they were propped behind the couch or up in the corner of the room. I was taught not to mess with them when no adult was around, and as soon as I was big enough, I was taught how to safely handle one and to use it.
I was also taught how to use a knife and an ax at a young age and cautioned about the fact that they were dangerous when misused.
The few homicides in our area were by people who were “mentally ill” and they ususally ended up being put in the “state hospital for the cimminally insane.” The last legal hanging took place in 1913 when a man killed a mail carrier for what he thought was money on the man’s person. But though the man who killed him had a gun, he used a club to kill the man.
I still own guns and own two hand guns. One of those hand guns has saved my life at least three times that I know of just by its presence. I have never fired at anyone, but I did point it at two people who were trying to harm me. I was prepared to pull the trigger if necessary but didn’t have to. I’m glad I didn’t, but I would have if it meant saving my life.
I have used guns to hunt game, to kill predators attacking my livestock, though I don’t kill coyottes if they are not actively attacking something and there is a large population of them where I live.
As a medical professional I have seen more suicide attempts with drugs than with guns, and I am not sure which is the worst to “live over” if you fail. A former foster child of mine committed suicide a year or so ago with carbonmonoxide poisoning, yet he owned guns. Working with the local volunteer fire department we had one neighbor who committed suicide with a gun.
I also know of two adolescents poaching game out of season and not wearing orange vests and one shot the other, thinking he was a deer. It was not a fatal injury.
In our area there are more injuries by chain saw than gun injuries. Guns in the hands of people who view them as “macho” and “power” rather than what they are–TOOLS–or who are violent and see owning a gun as the “ultimate power trip” give guns or owning guns a “bad name.” To me, and to most of the people I know in our community, a gun is just another tool, or piece of sporting equipment, and like a baseball bat, can be used to protect yourself if you have to.
Being a woman, I realize I am not as strong as a man that might want to hurt me, but my Colt makes me “equal” or “more than equal” to an attack by anyone. My son, whose X-wife purchased a gun for herself and for her ex-confict ASPD BF with the intention of making it lookk like “self defense” had been “nagging my son” to get rid of HIS guns for several weeks, though she had lived in his house with several guns quietly enough until she decided to kill him. Even though he just happened not to have a gun at hand when she and her BF tried to kill him, he did have a phone in his hand and got through to 911 at which time, she and her BF fled, knowing they could not make his murder look like “self defense” at that time. Fortunately,, she and her BF are both in jail since August and hopefully will remain there for a good long time. Frankly, if she had known that my son was armed I don’t think the attempt on his life would have even been made.
It may sound “crazy” but “better to be tried by 12 jurors than carried by six pallbearers.”
Responsible gun ownership (and I am not talking about people who are obscessed with them as “macho’ weapons) makes gun crime lower. Switzerland has a “militia” and all able bodied men from age 21-60 have a government supplied machine gun and ammnition in their homes at all times. There IS NO GUN CRIME in that country. Everyone is armed and everyone else knows it. Gun crime proliferates when only the criminals have access to guns.
My state has a concealed carry permit law, and after taking the course and gettng an FBI back ground check you are allowed to carry a hand gun concealed. There has not been a single instance where anyone with a permit has been convicted of murder, but several instances where robberies were thwarted and lives saved.
As a woman I would no more think about getting in my car alone and going for a trip without any kind of protection with me than I would go without shoes or clothing. Two of the three times that I had to point my gun for my protection was when I was broken down on the side of the freeway at night alone.
To Madashell32, I say I understand where you are coming from. My safety may very well one day depend again upon my having a fire arm and knowing how to use it.
The “dancing on his grave” part though, I have finally gotten through that stage this year when after 40 years of NC my biological father who was a psychopath died. I had always thought I would want to dance on his grave, but after he died, I realized I didn’t even want to do that. I never got “justice” on this earth from what he did to me, but at the same time, I did get PEACE. I did get closure and PEACE and I pray that you do as well. I can only imagine what it must be like to have to deal with one of “them” because of your child, and to want to protect that child from them. My prayers are with you and every parent in your situation. God bless.