I was going about the morning as usual, working on my next book, with CNN on in the background, when I heard what has to be the sociopathic quote of the year, “Nothing says I love you like a Glock.” I have not shared much about my own experience with a sociopath, but one of the things I am most ashamed of is that I did not react more strongly to my former husband’s preoccupation with guns. He did not personally own any gun, but he talked about them a great deal, and he was very persistent about the idea that I should learn how to shoot. He also wanted me to own a hand gun. I did take the NRA gun safety course and I learned how to shoot. I have to say, target practice was fun and I was good at it. I had and still have, an aversion to guns, and so never applied for permission to own one of my own. I felt like a fuddy-dud though, after all our Constitution does give us the right to arm bears, or is it bare arms? I don’t know…
What I do know is that the presence of a hand gun in the home is statistically associated with completed suicide. Access to weapons means a greater likelihood of using them on one’s self or others on impulse. A good thing did come from my training in fire arms, that was I became a more comfortable asking my patients if they owned weapons. All psychiatric/psychological evaluations should include this question.
The sociopathic quote of the year belongs to Drew Peterson, a man who the entire country believes may be responsible for the disappearance of his wife. To read the story visit The Chicago Tribune Website.
Although many people who own guns and use guns are not sociopaths, nearly all sociopaths are in love with guns. This is not discussed at all in the scientific literature but, in my conversations with other victims, they have verified the obsession. Sociopaths are in love with guns because they are the ultimate symbol of power and sociopaths are preoccupied with power. Sociopaths enjoy not only real guns, they also enjoy toy guns and violent videogames. Many studies have shown that sociopaths enjoy violent entertainment more that the average person.
If someone you suspect is a sociopath, wants you to have a gun, please get away from that person immediately. I strongly believe that many sociopaths who do not kill their partners, get their partners to kill themselves. Obviously, a person can also be murdered in such a way that it looks like a suicide. Please notice that Mr. Peterson bought his wife a gun as a Valentine’s day present. How telling is that? How sick is that?
Hi all~~
I could REALLY use some feedback on my problem….
I broke up with my ex P over the phone. He is out of town for the next 3 weeks. I have not heard from him in 2 days.
My question is: DO I NEED TO MOVE?
I live 5 minutes from him in the same town. He has to pass my apt. building on his way to anywhere, as I am on the main road. My apt. building is off the parking area to a well-known and busy, active bike trail. So people park literally outside the window of my place. It’s a two-story building and I’m on the first floor.
My ex’s AA/NA sponsor owns a business that occupies the other half of my building. They are thick as thieves (well, the ex P is using him. It’s all part of the strategy to keep tabs on me). My ex is independently wealthy and is free most days and drops in on his sponsor almost daily for a chat. In other words, when he comes back in to town, I will be forced to deal with him being in near proximity to me ALL THE TIME.
This thought overwhelms me, in terms of maintaining the strength and clarity to stay away from him. I’m pretty sure he is laying low now while he’s gone but that he will redouble his efforts to reason with me when he returns. I love where I live, but I hate the feeling of suffocation and pressure that I am feeling and will feel.
What is the healthiest thing to do? Move?
Thank everybody…I’m 10 days into my recovery and feeling like I’m trapped.
Mango
When I divorced my xhusb/socio..my lawyer AND doctor suggested that I relocate as far away as possible from the x!
I did just that. I moved 85 miles south, where I could afford to buy a house, and I started a new life! The geographical cure worked wonders! I had a new place to explore, met new friends…and never had to worry about running into him or him stalking me. I don’t think I could have recovered had I stayed up north near him. It was time to start fresh. I didn’t even think about him after the move. It was a FRESH NEW START.
I still live here, since 2002, and it wa sthe best thing I ever did. When I lived up near him, I would just see him driving and I would have a panic attack and it would all come back to me.
Geograhical cures work wonders.
Then, 2 yrs ago, I left my job to get away from the next socio I got involved with. He created a lot of problems for me on that job…and I have a belief…
“If a situation is killing you…get the hell out”
I got that from a passenger sitting next to me on a flight years ago. We had 2 emergency landings…and by the third one…he said….”excuse me…I’m getting off of this jet. ” I asked why…and he answered me with that line. lol
I use it a lot in life! lol
You have my vote….’relocate’. It will do you a world of good.
Mango?
I think you just answered your own question.
If you are committed to your NC and you have the option to move, then I say move. And if you can, do it quickly while he’s gone and silently as you can.
LL
tobe,
I’m tellin ya what. If I could do just that without interfering with my sons stability, I would do it. Living here is NOT for me. I live with that anxiety constantly!!! It is AWFUL!
LL
I know. It must be difficult to live in the same area!
Thanks for your replies…
Yeah, today was officially A Bad Day. I slept last night for 11 hours, like a stone, got up for 3 hours, then went back to bed and slept for 3 more hours. I keep remembering things he said and di, big and little things, and I keep seeing how I betrayed myself, over and over, willingly, just to make him happy. I feel like he got into my head, found out all of my deepest dreams and desires, dangled them in front of me, and enjoyed his sadistic cruel game of watching me twist myself around in hopes of having everything I’ve ever wanted, which, at my age, would be an eleventh hour chance to have a child, to have financial security after years of struggle, the opportunity to practice my art, a handsome, well-liked, unconventional, fascinating, adventurous husband who seemed to want me to be his queen, who said he wanted to be my protector….but god, the way he played with my head….one day my eyes were beautiful, the next day he would refuse sex, or be lukewarm about it, because he said, with a sad, regretful look on his face, that, well, I was just a bit too heavy for his liking, and if I would only lose weight he would want me more….(I’m a very attractive size 10 and I look 10 years younger than I am)….and on, and on….messing with my self-worth and my identity.
I’m overwhelmed by my living situation. It’s true, I need to move. I just don’t see how real letting go and recovery would be possible with him always around doing the stalking thing–which is really what he’s doing.
Since I haven’t heard from him, I want to believe he’s just done with me. I’m too creeped out by him to really relax into that, however….now I feel like I wish he would just come back so I could assess how this is going to play out. How effed up is that?!
Dear Mango,
I am a bit confused in one post you said (QUOTE) “I’ve been in recovery for a long time.”
and in another post (QUOTE) “I’m 10 days into my recovery and feeling like I’m trapped.”
So I’m not sure how “solid” you are in your recovery process,
I do know that recovery from any addiction is difficult and stress doesn’t make it any easier.
Moving is a big decision and a big job (for most of us any way) and I would just add that any (especially big) change is a stress, but at the same time, staying where he can contact you easily or “stalk” you is also a stress.
He can probably find you though unless you do some really big cutting of the paper trails—especially if he knows where you work, etc.
If you sense he is stalking you, calling, coming to your work or following you, etc. go to the POLICE AND FILE A REPORT, then follow up with a restraining order. Good luck. God bless.
Oh! Sorry, OxD! I’ve been sober in AA for years. I’ve been “in recovery” from my P experience for about 10 days-ish….
I can see how that was confusing. Brain fog on my part.
LL–
Yes– your ex will miraculously change for someone else.
He will change into the monster that he was with you and right before her eyes.
Even if he were a healthy person– dating someone this quickly is out of the question– proof that he’s on the wrong foot from the beginning.
LL–
I broke out in hives last night and was in ER– they were unreal! See what these fckers can trigger and do b/c their behavior so lacks human compassion?
I wish all sp’s had to- by law– pay for medical bills for up to two years for their victims.
Yep. I’ve been sober for over 20 years…thought I’d been through it all.
NOW I have….lol.