I was going about the morning as usual, working on my next book, with CNN on in the background, when I heard what has to be the sociopathic quote of the year, “Nothing says I love you like a Glock.” I have not shared much about my own experience with a sociopath, but one of the things I am most ashamed of is that I did not react more strongly to my former husband’s preoccupation with guns. He did not personally own any gun, but he talked about them a great deal, and he was very persistent about the idea that I should learn how to shoot. He also wanted me to own a hand gun. I did take the NRA gun safety course and I learned how to shoot. I have to say, target practice was fun and I was good at it. I had and still have, an aversion to guns, and so never applied for permission to own one of my own. I felt like a fuddy-dud though, after all our Constitution does give us the right to arm bears, or is it bare arms? I don’t know…
What I do know is that the presence of a hand gun in the home is statistically associated with completed suicide. Access to weapons means a greater likelihood of using them on one’s self or others on impulse. A good thing did come from my training in fire arms, that was I became a more comfortable asking my patients if they owned weapons. All psychiatric/psychological evaluations should include this question.
The sociopathic quote of the year belongs to Drew Peterson, a man who the entire country believes may be responsible for the disappearance of his wife. To read the story visit The Chicago Tribune Website.
Although many people who own guns and use guns are not sociopaths, nearly all sociopaths are in love with guns. This is not discussed at all in the scientific literature but, in my conversations with other victims, they have verified the obsession. Sociopaths are in love with guns because they are the ultimate symbol of power and sociopaths are preoccupied with power. Sociopaths enjoy not only real guns, they also enjoy toy guns and violent videogames. Many studies have shown that sociopaths enjoy violent entertainment more that the average person.
If someone you suspect is a sociopath, wants you to have a gun, please get away from that person immediately. I strongly believe that many sociopaths who do not kill their partners, get their partners to kill themselves. Obviously, a person can also be murdered in such a way that it looks like a suicide. Please notice that Mr. Peterson bought his wife a gun as a Valentine’s day present. How telling is that? How sick is that?
Ox,
How do you begin to go about finding that for yourself? Maybe that sounds like a silly question, but….how?
LL
Oxy……
As I have always said…..”WE WALK THIS EARTH WITH ONLY OUR SHADOWS”.
It’s up to US guys! Good, bad, ugly or indifferent.
**sigh**
Ok, trying to stay in the NOW about the biopsy, scheduled for a couple of hours from now. The unknown is scary, but been reading up on it. I guess I fear the pain more. needles, eh, no biggie. Hopefully I”m numb enough NOT to feel it. I don’t see how a topical can numb an area INSIDE the breast!
I’m going to take GOOD care of myself today afterwards. Try not to freak out on stuff and hope for the best with the outcome, even though I feel nervous about that too.
LL
LL,
No, it isn’t a silly question, but it isn’t something that you can “take a class in”– but one of the first things we have to do is to stop feeling sorry for ourselves. We have to take ABSOLUTE responsibility for ourselves, and that means owning up to the fact we have done some pretty sheety things to others in our lives as well. None of us are “innocent lambs” without sin ourselves, we have made bad decisions—we have done things we should not have done.
Your little episode of striking out last night was totally unnecessary and uncalled for. I do realize you are in FEAR because of your health issues, and you are raw from the D&D but it is unnecessary to strike out at others because we are in pain.
HOW DO I KNOW? Because I have DONE IT! I have reached out and gobsmacked (verbally) people who had no intention of hurting me, but were actually reaching out a hand in empathy and compassion. I am learning to control that angry response though, and I suggest that you might do so as well. It isn’t always easy.
Sure, I’ve had some really crappy things done to me, and I have “set myself up” to have these things happen by allowing myself to be talked into doing things I knew were not always kosher. I enabled others, focused my energy and strengths on taking care of other’s problems while my own “house” was on fire. I allowed people to use me—repeatedly. So “sheet on me once, shame on you—sheet on me twice—SHAME ON ME.”
So the first time wasn’t my “fault” but the second and the third and the 100th were my responsibility because I knew they were not honest.
Like that old, well known story about the Indian who came up on a rattle snake one day by the side of the river. The snake said “I can see by your headdress that you are a brave warrior, and I’d like to ask a favor of you, would you carry me across the river. I can’t swim, and I know you are a brave man by all your feathers, so if you’d carry me across this river I’d be ever so grateful.”
The Indian looked at the snake and said “You’d bite me if I picked you up, you’re a snake.”
The snake said, “Oh, I promise not to bite you, my wife and children are on the other side of the river, pleaaaaaae carryt me across.”
Finally the Indian, getting apromise from the snake not to bite him, picked up the snake and started wading the river. About half way across the snake bit the Indian on the throat giving him a lethal dose of poison.
The Indian gasped as he died, “You said you wouldn’t bite me, now I will die and you will drown. WHY?”
As he slipped under the water to drown, the snake replied “YOU KNEW WHAT I WAS WHEN YOU PICKED ME UP.”
Many times the psychopath (or others) will do us in knowing that they intend to do this, but we ALLOW them to convince us we are being “a nice guy” to help them out, or whatever it is they want….yet we KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.
If you get involved with a married man—even one with a “bad, mean evil wife who won’t give them sex”—there is NO DOUBT THAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH A MAN WHO IS DISHONEST. He is a CHEAT.
If he will cheat on her, he will cheat on you. NO matter how you slice it, if you deal with dishonest people they will sooner or later be dishonest with you as well. There IS NO HONOR AMONG THIEVES. I dealt with people who were MEAN—who were dishonest—-and I “forgave” them over and over for the dishonesty and the meanness, to MY OWN REGRET. I should not have done that. I won’t do it again.
I also realize that no matter how much my husband loved me, or how much I loved him, there is no guarantee that there will be someone with you for the rest of your life. People die. People leave. People get sick. That is life. That is death.
I am in the end ultimately responsible for myself, no one else is responsible for me. Like EB says it is me and my shadow, no one else. Kids die or leave, lovers die or leave, friends die or leave, family dies or leaves, I will eventually die. So where is the “happily ever after, always someone to take care of me” guarantee for life?
NEWSFLASH: THERE IS NO GUARANTEE IN LIFE EXCEPT THAT WE WILL EVENTUALLY DIE. No guarantee of health or happiness or a home or that there won’t be a tornado or earthquake or war or a psychopath come barreling down on us and sweep us away. Life is NOT FAIR. Life itself is a risk.
No matter what you do in life, there are risk:benefit ratios to consider. If you take an aspirin there is a RISK that it will cause you to bleed and you will die. Not much of a risk probably, but SOME risk. Is it worth it to take it when you have a head ache? Probably, but some people DO die from it.
When you get in your car to drive to the grocery there is a RISK you will be killed in a wreck on the way there. Is it worth it to get out or should you stay in your house and never leave for fear you might be in a wreck?
When the Trojan horse was stalking me, intent on killing me, I was in TERROR, but no longer. I realize he could sneak up here one night and shoot me dead and I might have NO warning. But you know I have decided I am NOT going to live in TERROR –the worst thing he can do, or son P can do, is to kill me, and you know, being afraid all the time makes living not worth the trouble. So I’ve decided, made a conscious decision that I will NOT live in TERROR or in fear all the time, and I won’t live in anger and rage all the time either. I won’t live irritated or mad, but I WILL LIVE IN PEACE AND CALM—and enjoy the blessings I have each day. Simple blessings. The sun is shining today and it’s cold, but I’m on my way out. The blizzard comes tonight and tomorrow–and then I will make “snow ice cream”
Bowl of snow, vanilla flavoring, some sweetner, pour on milk til consistency of ice cream, then ENJOY!!!!
Oxy,
You’re right about last night. That had everything to do with my issues completely.
Yet one more thing to chat with my therapist about. I feel so much self hatred for my participation. I’m really angry with myself. ANd still trying to come to grips with that as well as my relationshit with spath. I find myself irritated and angry a lot lately. I need to change my perspective on things, just not sure how yet.
So having said that, Katy, AGAIN, I’m sorry that I lashed out at you. It was MY guilt, shame and anger. It wasn’t for me to project onto you. I DO know you were, AGAIN, trying to be helpful. I hope I can get past this part of the process, all the anger. Yep, Ox, I think I need to learn how to deal with my anger for sure.
The rest of your post is something I’d like to give some thought too for awhile.
Gotta get ready for proceeeeeeeeeeedure! 🙂
LL
sounds great Oxy, Vanilla Snow, yummm.
I like what you said about not living in fear all the time. What would be the point of dying a thousand deaths? That’s what the spaths want us to do. My exP would constantly remind me of all the things on this earth that could hurt me. He pretended to “worry” about me.
My mother has always done the same thing. Even when she said she prayed for me, it was a prayer that I would be protected. It was her way of telling me how much danger there is out there in the world. Well if she cared that much then why didn’t she ever protect me herself? Like when she knew my exP was only with me with the intent to take all my money but she didn’t tell me.
About the effects of stress on the body.
http://blogs.howstuffworks.com/2010/05/04/epigenetics-and-ptsd-nature-and-nuture-working-in-conjunction-to-give-you-flashbacks/
It has been shown that PTSD actually changes your DNA. Your genes don’t change but the expression of them does: your phenotype changes. This is done by some methyl tags that attach to places on your DNA.
So, yes, there is definitely an impact to stress.
Good luck LL. Hope all goes well. (((hugs))))
Thanks Ox.
Me too!! I’m more looking forward to my therapy tomorrow though 🙂
LL
LL….I had the biopsy done years ago…It hurt a little…but it was quick and over with. I will pray for you. Sending good positive energy across the USA!….. HUGS