I was going about the morning as usual, working on my next book, with CNN on in the background, when I heard what has to be the sociopathic quote of the year, “Nothing says I love you like a Glock.” I have not shared much about my own experience with a sociopath, but one of the things I am most ashamed of is that I did not react more strongly to my former husband’s preoccupation with guns. He did not personally own any gun, but he talked about them a great deal, and he was very persistent about the idea that I should learn how to shoot. He also wanted me to own a hand gun. I did take the NRA gun safety course and I learned how to shoot. I have to say, target practice was fun and I was good at it. I had and still have, an aversion to guns, and so never applied for permission to own one of my own. I felt like a fuddy-dud though, after all our Constitution does give us the right to arm bears, or is it bare arms? I don’t know…
What I do know is that the presence of a hand gun in the home is statistically associated with completed suicide. Access to weapons means a greater likelihood of using them on one’s self or others on impulse. A good thing did come from my training in fire arms, that was I became a more comfortable asking my patients if they owned weapons. All psychiatric/psychological evaluations should include this question.
The sociopathic quote of the year belongs to Drew Peterson, a man who the entire country believes may be responsible for the disappearance of his wife. To read the story visit The Chicago Tribune Website.
Although many people who own guns and use guns are not sociopaths, nearly all sociopaths are in love with guns. This is not discussed at all in the scientific literature but, in my conversations with other victims, they have verified the obsession. Sociopaths are in love with guns because they are the ultimate symbol of power and sociopaths are preoccupied with power. Sociopaths enjoy not only real guns, they also enjoy toy guns and violent videogames. Many studies have shown that sociopaths enjoy violent entertainment more that the average person.
If someone you suspect is a sociopath, wants you to have a gun, please get away from that person immediately. I strongly believe that many sociopaths who do not kill their partners, get their partners to kill themselves. Obviously, a person can also be murdered in such a way that it looks like a suicide. Please notice that Mr. Peterson bought his wife a gun as a Valentine’s day present. How telling is that? How sick is that?
How do you find yourself? How do you self actualize?
It takes effort, work…..but its so possible.
You have to write a lot. You make lists of all of your attributes…and then a list of things you want to change.
You journal your life….as it tells you in Betrayal Bond…your earliest feelings…..FEELINGS …not events only.
Then you begin to do things to better yourself…such as going back to school…getting into shape….reading spiritual books and listening to relaxation tapes ….that help you to FEEL again.
The more you do to better yourself….even just taking a class for a hobby,….creating something new…paint, sculpt…knit….CREATING helps you to feel good about yourself.
THats a start.
Hope this helps.
Good suggestions 2Bhappy
Thanks OXy…..I know its a lot of work to find who you are and to feel worthwhile.
BTW……I got a phone call and text tonite about an hour ago, from the xbf, who I have avoided since New Year’s eve.
To refresh, we got back together in July and started over as friends…just talked and went out to the movies..etc. It was ok for awhile until we ended up sleeping together.
I decided that I didn’t want to anymore. So we just went out and talked on the phone. No “I love you’s”…etc.
I decided to end it but I just never called him back. I wanted to write a short note to explain why and put closure on it all.
I never did.
So, I dreamt last night with him for the first time. In my dream, a text came in on my phone. I was telling my sister about this today.
Lo and behold…I am psychic. He texted me. I texted him back that I was sorry about how I ended it. He said he wanted to be “friends”. I told him that I didn’t think that could work…but no hard feelings…we can keep in touch sometimes.
I wish we never became “lovers”. We were colleagues and friends prior to getting involved. I liked talking to him. But, once we “fell in love/lust”,….it ruined it.
One thing I know, is that he cannot manipulate me anymore. He wanted to meet up tonite! I told him I wasn’t up to it. He joked and said “you’re evil”…..
Funny he should use that word!!!!
tobe,
Just a question…..why would you even consider hearing from him sometimes? Occasionally, once in awhile?
What a BASTARD tobe. Seems to me these guys pick up on when you’re doing well and then like missiles seek to DESTROY you after all you’ve built. I see a little waffling here, tobe. Not that I don’t get that, cuz I do….and I’ll tell ya, it would be so easy to suck me in and then deny I’m being sucked in. Even for a “sometimes”.
NC TOTALLY. That’s what you’ve encouraged me to do. Now I”m encouraging you to DO IT COMPLETELY too 🙂
HUGS
Hey LL….
The last time we got together…from July to NYeve…it was really just a friendship. We just talked on the phone…and hung out as friends. When I ended up sleeping over his house one night…we did have sex. I decided then, never to again and didn’t. We just remained friends and I hadn’t seen him for several weeks before Nyeve. We spoke on the phone. I didn’t mind that.
The reason I decided not to see himanymore, in person, was because he planned to come down for 4 days…(he lives 40 miles away)…to hang out and do stuff, because he was off of work. I decided I didn’t want to do anything with him anymore…just talk on the phone once in awhile..to touch base.
My r/s was over all of 2010 until July…and then we started talking again. At this point…I was “indifferent” with him and not angry or hurt anymore. I accepted that he is not the man for me. I still feel that way.
I didn’t like the way I ended it and its been bothering me since. It just wasn’t civil and he didn’t do anything this last time around to hurt me. I didn’t even explain…I cut him off. I felt like a sociopath.
So, now that we spoke and I told him how I feel…I actually feel better. I don’t feel like such a shrew. I told him that I don’t know how we could be “friends”. And, I plan to keep the boundaries up…by not meeting up with him in person. If he wants to call me and talk shop…I’m fine with that. But, there is NO way that he can manipulate me now. So, I imagine that when he realizes that he won’t be seeing me….he will stop calling me and move on.
NC is VERY important with men who are manipulative. Engaging in their “web” just prolongs agony. I am not engaging in his life anymore. That much I know.
I didn’t meet him tonite. I’m “bulletproof” now.
Oh, he said that he thinks about me all of the time….was “afraid” to call me…afraid to get rejected….and feels there is a big “void” not talking to me and he was hurting.
Well, if ANYone wants me in their life…they have to be honest, giving and caring…..or I don’t have the time and energy for them. I’m done with giving and not getting.
So, I doubt that I will be talking to himmuch. If he knows he can’t get me back…he will give up and leave.
Yes, they wait until you cool off and then they try to wiggle their way back. I’m too wise for that.
Tomorrow I go for my court ordered mediation for my mortgage…..
Hopefully I can keep my home!
LL….So glad that you are taking care of YOURSELF.
And, if you ever feel so sad and down…you need to call your therapist to talk. I used to ….sometimes everyday in between appts!!!
tobe
I love you. And that’s why I’m going to say what I”m going to say here.
1. Oxy needs to get out her frying pan and BONK you!
2. You’re speaking as if this guy IS NOT a spath and can be “normal” in a friendship. Spaths don’t do that, tobe.
3. Believing your bulletproof is a mistake. Here’s how I know this: You would not be entertaining ANY notion of friendship or any contact at all if you were.
4. He’s manipulated you already. You’re allowing him to speak to you trying to talk yourself into some reality that he’ll just go away if you don’t sleep with him, or engage in a relationshit with him again.
Let me ask you this tobe. Think about the LAST time he saw you and what happened. Why did you drive away with RESOLVE NOT to speak to him again? ANd now you are?
As long as you speak to him, he’s not CARING about your “bulletproof” empowerment now, nor does he CARE about your boundaries.
YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THIS TOBE.
NC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks tobe. I’m trying.
LL
Aww….thanks so much LL!
I spoke to him to relieve my own guilt for how I ended it.
I was upset that he didn’t see me the night before…but, truthfully, I just didn’t want to see him anymore and I didn’t know how to end it. I didn’t want to end on a bad note.
He is selfish, and paranoid…(was a cop and thinks everyone is evil)….and really doesn’t want a g/f, only sex. And, I stopped that months ago.
I am looking for a romantic love relationship with a man who I have things in common with. If not, I have plenty of friends to do things with. I don’t need him in my life.
I am able to just talk to him without letting him manipulate me. I don’t hate him. I feel sorry for him because he is really disordered. But, he doesn’t deserve ME. I just needed to tell him that I was sorry to walk out without even saying goodbye.
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh tobe……….
Are you hearing yourself here? JUST STOP TALKING TO HIM AT ALL!
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Feeling sorry for him, is the PITY he seeks from you. It doesn’t have to be anything he says. You’re RIGHT, he doesn’t deserve you, EVEN AS SOMEONE TO TALK TOO!!!
Okay, so you told him. Now DON”T talk to him AGAIN!!!
NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC!!!!!
I LOVE YOU NC NC NC NC TOOOOOO BEEEEEE !!!!!!!
LL
I won’t talk to him again. I have no need to. I know he will call me tomorrow. I don’t care. I told him that we are over and he said that he wants me as a friend. I didn’t get into the fact that I don’t want that …I did say that I don’t think we can be friends.
I had to go because I had company at the door. He told me to call him sometime. I don’t plan to.
I am ok with it all. I didn’t feel anything when he called.
That was a good sign.