I was going about the morning as usual, working on my next book, with CNN on in the background, when I heard what has to be the sociopathic quote of the year, “Nothing says I love you like a Glock.” I have not shared much about my own experience with a sociopath, but one of the things I am most ashamed of is that I did not react more strongly to my former husband’s preoccupation with guns. He did not personally own any gun, but he talked about them a great deal, and he was very persistent about the idea that I should learn how to shoot. He also wanted me to own a hand gun. I did take the NRA gun safety course and I learned how to shoot. I have to say, target practice was fun and I was good at it. I had and still have, an aversion to guns, and so never applied for permission to own one of my own. I felt like a fuddy-dud though, after all our Constitution does give us the right to arm bears, or is it bare arms? I don’t know…
What I do know is that the presence of a hand gun in the home is statistically associated with completed suicide. Access to weapons means a greater likelihood of using them on one’s self or others on impulse. A good thing did come from my training in fire arms, that was I became a more comfortable asking my patients if they owned weapons. All psychiatric/psychological evaluations should include this question.
The sociopathic quote of the year belongs to Drew Peterson, a man who the entire country believes may be responsible for the disappearance of his wife. To read the story visit The Chicago Tribune Website.
Although many people who own guns and use guns are not sociopaths, nearly all sociopaths are in love with guns. This is not discussed at all in the scientific literature but, in my conversations with other victims, they have verified the obsession. Sociopaths are in love with guns because they are the ultimate symbol of power and sociopaths are preoccupied with power. Sociopaths enjoy not only real guns, they also enjoy toy guns and violent videogames. Many studies have shown that sociopaths enjoy violent entertainment more that the average person.
If someone you suspect is a sociopath, wants you to have a gun, please get away from that person immediately. I strongly believe that many sociopaths who do not kill their partners, get their partners to kill themselves. Obviously, a person can also be murdered in such a way that it looks like a suicide. Please notice that Mr. Peterson bought his wife a gun as a Valentine’s day present. How telling is that? How sick is that?
I had a dream this past Friday. I was having the blood drained from me…with needles in my arms…because I was dying of some illness. My xhusb…TRUE socio diagnosed and all…was standing there laughing. I was lying on the kitchen floor in our home.
I felt myself dying and when blood started coming out of my mouth….I got up…slowly and faintly and decided to drive to the hospital. Someone came by and helped me and drove my car there.
I woke up….HYSTERICAL crying. And I hardly ever cry!! I’m numb usually.
I looked it up on a dream analyzer. It said that it was good…that it means I’m starting a new life…but I am emotionally exhausted.
I’ve been very tired since Friday. I didn’t walk since then, since the weather…cold rain.
Tomorrow I go to court for my mortgage mediation. Hopefully they will lower it so that we can afford to stay here.
Its probably that …that is draining me…thinking of it.
2cop,
They said two days. I was shocked as to how large the mass is. It was a huge realty check for me and part and parcel of my anger with all of the fallout from spath. My health. I neglected it. Denied it. Ignored it. i’m a bit angry at myself for allowing what I did, but it is what it is.
Just reflecting about a lot of things……….
How are you and how are things for you at work 2 cop?
LL
LL-I’ll pray for you about it. We do neglect our health when we’re in pain. Don’t beat yourself up. Regarding my situation, it may be finished. I found out that the allegation against me was worded quite differently than what the initial supervisor accused me of. She tried to intimidate me cduz the supposed allegation was against her and she was hostile. I went to hospital police and filed a complaint for hostility in the workplace and told them that my firearms were locked up with the district commander from the city police department. They total me to talk to HR and the bosses told me to speak to them as well. They seemed surprised that I filed the police report. The HR lady was a complete nutcase and I ended up in tears after talking to her. She was rude, hostile, intimidating, condescending and refused to meet with me in person. I asked if I needed to bring representation with me and she said, “what does representation mean?” Are you kidding me? She got mad and told me it was unnecessary to file the police report and told me that my guns had nothing to do with this. FUnny that they were the subject of the initial allegation and I told her that I was being discriminated against for having them because some coworkers had verbalized at work that they didnt think that people should be allowed to have guns. When I asked if I needed representation, she said “we don’t entertain attorneys here”. She said that this was a very investigation and that I would be notified of the results. Funny that it was so serious but no one notified the hospital police department except me. My bosses finally say how upset I was after the HR talk and said this is ridiculous. It’s hearsay anyway and we can’t prove who said what and what’s true and what isn’t so we’re letting it be. They have me tomorrow off to get my head back in the game and they are also going to speak to the person who made the allegation.
2cop. YAY!!!!!! Justice prevails! I’m so glad to hear this!!
Do you feel better about it now? Your thoughts on how you’re processing all of it?
LL
LL-I’m not jumpin up and down. There is still a blackcloud on my credibility and reputation even though I know the truth and that I’m guilty of nothing. My dad tends to get me into pessimism and negative thoughts. He says they are going to be watching me like a hawk now waiting for me to screw up so they’ll have a chance to for me because now I’ve been labeled a trouble maker. I don’t know if I agree with that or not. I do know that I will only be discussing patient care with my coworkers and no matter what kinds of complaints I have about work, I will verbalize them to anyone there. I am waiting for a transfer. It’s always in the back of my mind that I could get a travel assignment in Alaska cuz they have needs but I can’t go from New Orleans to Anchorage in the winter-I’ll freeze my ass off. I’m still apprehensive. I was planning to fly to Houston this weekend to audition for America’s Got Talent, but ironically, the supervisor that I was accused of allegedly threatening came to work sick the day after confronting me, hacked all over me and gave me the her horrible cold and now I have no singing voice whatsoever. Maybe blackcloud can be my new name on here if I change it again-after all, Henry keeps changing his name! 🙂
2cop
I understand your apprehension, but I’m just going to think OPTIMISTIC thoughts for you. I think there’s probably a little bit of truth to what your dad says though. Nuttin wrong with a little CYA 2cop.
Isn’t alaska dark half the year or a few months out of the year other than just freezing your ass off during winter???
Ohhhhhh so sorry you’ve got a cold. What fun that would have been to go!!
LL
LL-I want to be optimistic too. My old boss, the police commander who has my firearms said the same thing when I was over there the other day. She can’t wait til I’m back on the job with the PD and she will chastize me for being negative. It’s a really funny relationship, she wants me to call her by her first name but since her rank is that high, I have trouble and call her Captain H…. but when she starts to get tough with me like that, I find myself going from friend language to yes ma’m and no ma’m and we laugh about it. I’m trying to be postive more often. If I did Alaska, it would only be for 13 weeks. I just scared cuz I would have to resign from this full time job to do it and it’s a gamble cuz the economy is bad and I would have to worry about if there would be a spot in one of my specialties in another state after that 13 weeks is up and you have to worry about getting a RN license for that state too. Some states have really fast turn around on licenses and some are painfully slow. It’s a little scary. I may be able to find something in CA too and their license turnaround is relatively fast. It just depends if I get the guts to do this. I tried it right when spath dumped me and it was pure hell. I went away, got fired, was trapped, had no money, could pay bills and credit score dropped by 200 points! OUCH!
2cop.
Hmmmm……one of my friends told me not too long ago, if you don’t take a risk, how will you KNOW whether or not the outcome is good or bad? that’s what life is all about. Risk.
Well, I only HALF heartedly agree with that after my relationshit with spath. I think it’s important to ASSESS the risk first and whether or not it’s worth it. I think only you know that for yourself or if not, you can think about it some more. Am I incorrect in understanding that if you’re an RN that you can’t easily do that elsewhere? I’m sorry I’m trying to make sense of the licensures in differing states. I know how it works in mine, but I’m naive and didn’t know it might be different in CA or Alaska…
LL
To be happy, and EVERYONE ELSE HERE:
EXPECT A CALL FROM YOUR EX-SPATH, VALENTINES DAY IS COMING UP!
You betcha. They are very aware of that holiday. My exP told me that it is his FAVORITE holiday. xmas and bdays are forgotten but valentines is the only day he would play his games. GEEEEE WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?
It’s a conman’s favorite holiday because our culture has already done all the work for them. We are primed and pumped for emotional displays. All they have to do is bring the flowers and they can FEEEEEEED, FEEEEEEED, FFFEEEEED like vampires. Be careful what you let into your mind!!!!
Sky –
thanks for the reminder! x
LL –
Hang in there. x
nolarn –
Glad to hear things have settled somewhat, but I’m still concerned that you need to be forearmed with the knowledge you will need to combat any further attacks. I’m still quite worried about you. x
tobe –
I am correct in understanding that your ex-husband was the spath – and you are completely NC with him (and have been for some time), but that your ex-boyfriend (who sent you the text last night) is NOT spath, only an idiot you don’t want to be with anymore (and therefore, although a nuisance and unsuitable as your partner, not a total toxic)?