I was going about the morning as usual, working on my next book, with CNN on in the background, when I heard what has to be the sociopathic quote of the year, “Nothing says I love you like a Glock.” I have not shared much about my own experience with a sociopath, but one of the things I am most ashamed of is that I did not react more strongly to my former husband’s preoccupation with guns. He did not personally own any gun, but he talked about them a great deal, and he was very persistent about the idea that I should learn how to shoot. He also wanted me to own a hand gun. I did take the NRA gun safety course and I learned how to shoot. I have to say, target practice was fun and I was good at it. I had and still have, an aversion to guns, and so never applied for permission to own one of my own. I felt like a fuddy-dud though, after all our Constitution does give us the right to arm bears, or is it bare arms? I don’t know…
What I do know is that the presence of a hand gun in the home is statistically associated with completed suicide. Access to weapons means a greater likelihood of using them on one’s self or others on impulse. A good thing did come from my training in fire arms, that was I became a more comfortable asking my patients if they owned weapons. All psychiatric/psychological evaluations should include this question.
The sociopathic quote of the year belongs to Drew Peterson, a man who the entire country believes may be responsible for the disappearance of his wife. To read the story visit The Chicago Tribune Website.
Although many people who own guns and use guns are not sociopaths, nearly all sociopaths are in love with guns. This is not discussed at all in the scientific literature but, in my conversations with other victims, they have verified the obsession. Sociopaths are in love with guns because they are the ultimate symbol of power and sociopaths are preoccupied with power. Sociopaths enjoy not only real guns, they also enjoy toy guns and violent videogames. Many studies have shown that sociopaths enjoy violent entertainment more that the average person.
If someone you suspect is a sociopath, wants you to have a gun, please get away from that person immediately. I strongly believe that many sociopaths who do not kill their partners, get their partners to kill themselves. Obviously, a person can also be murdered in such a way that it looks like a suicide. Please notice that Mr. Peterson bought his wife a gun as a Valentine’s day present. How telling is that? How sick is that?
I totally agree w/ these findings. My ex boyfriend had stole a gun from the house of a guy he worked with, and hid it at my house. I also found out that he had kept a gun at his ex-wife’s house as well. (which he married her and left a week later) He also was obsessed with scary, violent movies. That’s the only movies he ever wanted to watch. And he wasn’t a huge video game player, but he said he only like to play the Recon games and army games and so forth. Very scary and crazy to wonder what he would do with a gun in his pocession besides feel empowered!! and about the suicide…and the end of our relationship he was trying to make me feel like I was the crazy one and it really started to work. I felt depressed like there was something wrong with me. So I could see if this kind of thing went on long enough, how someone may turn to suicide…and he also would tell me he wanted me to keep a gun for safety. WOW…that’s all I can say…
As a shooting instructor who trains mostly women, and proud member of the nonaggressive gun culture, I respectfully take factual exception to some of Dr. Leedom’s remarks.
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“What I do know is that the presence of a hand gun in the home is statistically associated with completed suicide. Access to weapons means a greater likelihood of using them on one’s self or others on impulse.”
True only in the limited sense that living in proximity to bodies of water is statistically associated with drowning. What Dr. Leedom unfortunately failed to mention as a counter-balance is that the presence of a handgun in the home is not only statistically associated with successful self-defense against assailants, but that self-defense (which includes the mere brandishing of a gun) is a far more common use of handguns than suicide, murder, or even accidental manslaughter. (At least 4.5 times more common according to John Lott, author of The Bias Against Guns: Why Almost Everything You’ve Heard About Gun Control Is Wrong.)
http://www.amazon.com/Bias-Against-Guns-Everything-Control/dp/0895261146/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=utf8mb4&s=books&qid=1198266308&sr=1-1
Regarding all the emotion surrounding guns, I have this to say. If a woman were accosted in an alley and could only pick up a big rock to throw at her aggressor, should she does so even though such may strike a mortal blow? Certainly. Folks, a gun is merely a technologically superior way of throwing a rock. Rock or bullet, the core issue remains exactly the same: the right of peaceable citizens to defend themselves against lethal force with lethal force. This natural right of self-defense includes related tools and training. (I.e., the right embraces the means: see the Second Amendment.) Meaning, a woman attacked in an alley doesn’t have to limit herself to merely a rock.
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“Although many people who own guns and use guns are not sociopaths . . .”
A more accurate statement would be “_most_ people who own guns and use guns are not sociopaths.”
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“Please notice that Mr. Peterson bought his wife a gun as a Valentine’s day present. How telling is that? How sick is that?”
Mentally-healthly men often buy firearms as gifts for their ladies. (It’s quite common throughout the gun culture.) As a gift, I once took my girlfriend (who had bought her own Glock) to Thunder Ranch for five days of quality training. She never thought of my gift as “sick.”
Bad people exist, and always will. Good people need to be realistic about that, and prepare for the Real World. The issue has never really been about sociopaths or other potential assailants. The issue is that too many good people continue to allow themselves to become victims by avoiding the proper tools and training necessary to defend themselves during lethal emergencies.
http://olegvolk.net/gallery/d/20268-4/acceptablelosses.jpg
http://olegvolk.net/gallery/d/20110-4/map.jpg
If Mrs. Peterson had indeed been trained with her Glock — and carrying it on that fateful day — she might have been alive today instead of presumed murdered by her husband.
You’re four times more likely to need a firearm to one day save your life than a home fire extinguisher. You already own a home fire extinguisher.
Well, got gun?
Kenneth Royce
http://www.javelinpress.com
author of:
Optical illusions: autostereograms and sociopaths
http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/20/optical-illusions-autostereograms-and-sociopaths/
To Kenneth,
What do you know about Sociopaths? How easy it is for one to make a victim appear as if they are unstable and took their own life. And how convincing they can be.
So if we are smart and our partner gives us a gun as a gift, we should then carry it around the home in case we ever need to use it on them? LAME.
I know you didn’t say that but still. your arguments are lame. Sorry.
Any man that gave me a gun as a gift would be out of my life so fast, he wouldn’t know what hit him. I do not want guns around my home.
To Kenneth: Bravo. I agree with your comments. Especially where you stated “bad people exist and always will. Good people need to be realistic about that and prepare for the real world.”
If one has been a victim, that doesn’t mean you have to continue to be one. If if a person has lived through a relationship with a Socipath and you know what they are all about and if you are SCARED of them and DO NOT not take precautions, then that makes you a voluntary victim. I take great comfort knowing that I have a loaded gun hidden in the house. It does not comfort me knowing that I have the ability to end someone’s life (that would be insane). It comforts me knowing that if a bad situation should occur, just by showing I have a gun, I probably won’t ever have to pull the trigger. To anyone who is completely against owning a gun for protection, I ask you this…..Someone enters your home and threatens you or you and your children (if you are a parent), How do you defend yourself? What is your plan of action? What is your tool for defense? Or are you just a victim…..and let them do whatever they want without putting up a fight…..
On a lighter note, just a few weeks ago, the older gentlemen whom I have been dating for quite some (who most definitely is NOT a sociopath) asked me “Honey, if I were to MAYBE do some of my christmas shopping at Bass Pro Shops, why might interest you more? Shirts or sweaters?” After I paused a moment to think and before I could answer him, he chuckled and said “No, a gun is not one of the choices.” 🙂
I am glad this post sparked discussion about guns. I just obtained a copy of Dr. Hare’s Pscan Inventory. It enables assessment of psychopathic traits. There are three facets, Interpersonal, Affective and Life Style. There are 90 items. Item 86 reads “fascination with weapons”. Dr. Hare agrees with me that this is associated with psychopathy/sociopathy. The item also survived the statistical analysis and was not eliminated from the inventory due to not pertaining to the disorder.
In my view there is a difference between the “gun as tool” attitude and “fascination with weapons” or “obsession with weapons”.
Not all people who are fascinated or obsessed with weapons are soicopaths, but if someone has other traits and that one, beware.
“So if we are smart and our partner gives us a gun as a gift, we should then carry it around the home in case we ever need to use it on them? LAME. I know you didn’t say that but still. ”
You’re right: I did not say that, or even mean it.
Don’t stick around with a sociopath, even if you’re armed.
However, if you must for a short while, it is better to be trained with defensive skills and weapons than . . . not.
“I do not want guns around my home.”
That’s certainly your right, of course.
However, if you’re ever attacked in your home, you will have a dilemma regarding calling for the police, as they will certainly bring guns into your home.
Had you considered that?
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from madashell32:
Thanks!
Whenever somebody opines that “people should be disarmed” I always reply: “Bad guys first.”
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from Dr. Leedom:
“Not all people who are fascinated or obsessed with weapons are soicopaths, but if someone has other [sociopathic] traits and that one, beware.”
I agree, and do not doubt that as symbols/tools of personal power, weapons are inordinately important to sociopaths. But, it’s a general issue of dominance. (I.e., the weapons are incidental.)
As a member of the shooting culture, there are definitely members therein who seem (even to me) rather overinvolved in their gun collections. No sub-culture enjoys 100% balanced people. However, one never hears of mass-shootings at gun shows, firing ranges, etc. To many armed folk able to respond to such aggression.
But, I never concern myself that a may encounter an armed and dangerous sociopath. I’m armed, and most likely much better trained that he is. (By definition, a “problem” is something that one has not prepared for and cannot easily solve when encountered.)
btw, psychologically, the defensive schools’ “Color Code of Alertness” explains the armed citizen’s mindset. Condition White is generally unalert and unaware–operating on subconscious “auto-pilot”–which is when one is most likely to get mugged or have a traffic accident.
Condition Yellow is aware and alert. I.e., you’re paying attention to what you’re doing and to your environment.
The only time to be in Condition White is at home with your loved ones.
In public, White can easily get you hurt or killed.
I am part of a living history group (pre-1840 American History) and we frequently display firearms use for the public, and almost all of the men in the group are hunters and/or fire arms enthusiasts (not obscessed) and most well trained and knowledgable in the use and safety issues concerning weapons.
We do have one N in our group who qualifies as in my opinion an N and he is a “gun nut” as well. At one of our events he actually pointed a blunderbuss (old time precursor to a shot gun) at me as a “joke” which I took very poorly and did NOT laugh. In fact, I prosecuted him for this little joke by calling the police and filing assault charges against him, and terroristic threatening charges.
His excuse was “it was only in fun, it wasn’t loaded and I only pointed it at your butt”—but that kind of behavior can NOT be tolerated.
Yes, there is always “one in every crowd” and our group has this one, but he is much more circumspect now about his fire arm behavior. And I frankly told him that if he ever points a gun at me again he should expect that the one I point back at him WILL BE LOADED, I WILL intend harm, and I will NOT point it at his butt, and that he may expect that I will pull the trigger if necessary.
My children, both my P-son and my non-P son were trained in fire arms use from age 6, and prior to that they were trained that guns are not toys. They never owned “toy” guns and were not allowed to play with “toy” guns at other kids’ houses, because I didn’t want them to grow up thinking that pointing a gun at anyone is PLAY.
My P-son killed a girl with a gun, but he would still have killed her if he had had no gun. He would have used a rock, or his bare hands, as he was intent on murder. Frankly she probably suffered less because he killed her by shooting her in the head and she at least died swiftly.
I have read recently that the violent crime rate has risen in Australia since they have outlawed guns in the hands of citizens. In Switzzerland there is almost NO gun crime and every healthy male between 21 and 60 has a machine gun in his home, issued by the government and are trained to use it.
As long as our culture permits psychopaths to get away with any crimes of violence with or without guns and not pay a significant price (3 strikes you are out) crime of all kinds of violence will proliferate. Statistics show that psychopaths commit a large portion of the violent crimes and that incarceration has no positive effects on them. or their behavior.
The “politically correct” notion that ALL people can be rehabilitated is in my opinon CRAP. There are people who cannot be re-habilitated because they have never been “habilitated” in the first place! They have no moral focus or values except to get what they want when they want it regardless of the consequences to others.
I hope I never have to use my gun by pulling the trigger to protect myself from another human being, but I have no doubt that just showing it and showing a willingness to use it has already saved my life twice, and probably the third time as well. I’m a woman, and an or superior to the biggest and meanest guy in the world. A rock or all the kung fu training in the world isn’t going to protect me if “push comes to shove.”
I remember that
“When SECOUNDS count, remember, the police are only MINUTES AWAY.”
And out where I live, “minutes” may be as many as 45.
During the past year I was targeted by a P sent by my P-son (who is in prison for murder) to kill me.I firmly believe that one of the reasons that he was unsuccessful is that he knows that it is seldom that I do not have immediate access to a fire arm. When I began to suspect what his purpose was, I began to carry a gun openly at all times, as did my son D, and I think he decided it might not be quite as easy as he had thought.
Since his arrest though, I NEVER let myself be caught without immediate access to a fire arm, whether I am at home or away from home. Since he was caught with possession of a pistol and he is a CONVICTED FELON, he will be sent back to prison for possessing a fire arm, which he tried to use to shoot my son C, whose wife he was having an affair with, and with her full knowledge—she had bought him the gun, and she is in jail as well for knowingly furnishing a gun to a felon.
Not all psychopaths are violent with or without guns, not all people with guns are violent, and owning guns doesn’t lead to violence anymore than owning a knife makes you stab people.
I use a gun as a tool, and as a defensive tool. Most of my neighbors do as well. Where I live there are very few household “break ins” though, because most people here DO have guns and anyone contemplating a break in would know that. Where I lived in Florida and most people did NOT have guns, “home invasion” robberies where the people were tied up and held hostage was very COMMON.
People who want to kill or harm someone WANT a person who is not able to defend themselves. I think we will all agree that Scott Petersen is mmost likely a psychopoath (the guy in California that killed his wife Lacy). I’m not sure how he killed her, but it wasn’t apparently with a gun. But he wanted her and her unborn child dead and out of his “way” so he killed her. Nichole Simpson and her friend were killed by a psychopath with a knife (not to start an argument over who I think killed her) but if she had been armed it might have been a different story, and she might be alive today.
Yes, some psychopaths do have guns and do use them for crimes and violence, but if we are not going to be their victims, we need to protect ourselves at least as well as they arm themselves.
hi all,,,, just a comment about drew peterson. i was watching the news coverage and his interview. it really creeped me out. my ex sociopath was also a cop. when he would come over his gun would be by the bed. i made him hide it since i had a child. ….. not knowing he was a sociopath at the time…… but watching drew peterson is like watching my ex. he even looks like him acts like him… all his friends thought he was great and funny life of the party… he ended up getting fired after 24 years on the job for testing positive for cocaine ( hense the substance abuse of sociopaths)which i had no idea. even though he was fired he did receive a pension from the state and is suing the city for his back sick pay. which city refused to pay him ( hense sence of entitlement)…. i thank God he is out of my life without any pysical damage. only great mental damage. i wish i knew what a sociopath was when i met him…….so its important to spread the word……… maybe it should even be taught in high schools as a course in ” who not to date” make women (and men)aware before it happens to them…..
Hello Everyone, I just registered on this site…I would like to say that after seeing others having such similar experiences with sociopaths, I finally feel like I am being somewhat validated. It’s been 5 years after splitting with the sociopath, and things are starting to become more clearer and crystalized.
Last week I had this very vivid dream of the sociopath killing me, I woke up feeling very disturbed. I often feel like that in real life, if I stayed with him for another year, I would have been dead. He has never hit me, but he was more in control and smarter than that. But I think if he reached a certain point he would of probably killed me and staged it as an accident or suicide.
He IS obsessed with guns, he collected toy guns and painted them to look like real guns. He was also obsessed with violent games and also serial killers. He even said that it just matter of coincidence that he did not become one, he felt much in common with serial killer. He carried catcher in the rye in his pocket and one year for Christmas he gave everyone a copy of it.
His game startegy is to wear the mask of a decent, hardworking, cerative, friendly, loyal, feminist and helpful person, reel people, put them on a pedestal in the beginning while he can get something (admiration, complete agreement) then he discards them once they are not use to him. He has no inner core, he need to suck it out of others to sustain himself. His facial expressions, his emotional resposes were always kinds weird and off, it seemed like he learned from others, but not something that would come natuarlly. It’s like a martian who has taken up human form and is trying to emulate humans.
He is cherished as an outstanding and hard working professor in a community college, yet he chooses these places as his dating pool and he preys on women whom he perceives to be “beneath him”. It’s like nobody really knows what he is really like up close, behind closed doors. Him and his obsessions and fetishes, him growing pot and drinking, stealing drugs from the corner dealers and bringing it into the house, him collecting his own urine in soda bottles, his cruelty and feelings of entitlement, his constant back handed compliments and criticism and constant surveilance (he goes through trashcan to spy on you). Anyways, the list is long.
I got a beautiful 1861 Springfield muzzle loader for my 25th wedding anniversary. It’s what I wanted. I enjoy using vintage weapons. If I’d gotten a totally useless diamond, I woulda been miffed!
My son does archery. Our daughter is learning to operate our heirloom WWI trench gun.
I don’t think I have any adult friends or family members who can’t operate a firearm.