lf2

Our Family Wizard can help you co-parent with a sociopath

The most heartbreaking dramas that sociopaths create are those that involve children. Many sociopathic parents stand up in court proclaiming that they “only want what is best for the children.” They’re lying. What they really want is to use the children as clubs to beat their ex-partners into submission.

There is no such thing as a simple phone call to find out what little Johnny needs to bring to soccer practice. Every phone call or e-mail is an opportunity for the sociopath to manipulate, denigrate and infuriate the ex, through lies, innuendo and misinformation. For the parent trying to protect the children, it’s exhausting.

A few months ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Penny,” who is in this situation. She wrote her Tips for co-parenting with a sociopath. One of Penny’s recommendations was that parents request that all communications with their former partners go through Our Family Wizard.

Our Family Wizard

Our Family Wizard is a website designed to facilitate communications between separated or divorced parents in relation to their children. It promotes “cooperative parenting:”

For the first time ever, parents can coordinate shared custody and joint custody parenting time schedules, health records, immunization histories, expense sharing, school information, virtual document storage and much more on a website specifically designed to deal with the issues that arise in co-parenting situation.

Our website is committed to removing conflict and improving the lives of children. In fact, judges in at least 35 states order families to utilize the site in contested cases to reduce conflict.

The Our Family Wizard website is a great tool for managing difficult parenting relationships. The website provides excellent documentation to help reduce conflict that may arise from ineffective communication. Should you need to return to court, all pages are printable and most come with a preformatted print option with all the necessary data you will need to show that you have met your parenting obligations.

The service costs $99 per year per parent. “This fee is worth it,” Penny wrote. “I know this because the judge hearing my case ordered that communication between my ex and I take place solely on the Our Family Wizard website ”¦ The judge also ordered that no verbal communication is to take place between the parties facilitating the exchange of my child.”

No creative language

Approximately 10,000 families—20,000 parents—use Our Family Wizard, according to Jainarain Kissoon, CEO. One reason why it helps in high-conflict situations, Kissoon says, is because the website’s structured format allows no room for “creative language.”

“Phone conversations used to turn into heated battles, then the battles moved to e-mail,” Kissoon says. “The site helps compartmentalize what everyone is doing. In co-parenting classes, they emphasize businesslike communication. The site provides organization—there are no long e-mails back and forth.”

With Our Family Wizard, parents can limit communication to filling in the blanks—soccer game, what day, what time, what the child needs to bring.

Features

Our Family Wizard includes the following features:

  • Calendar—each calendar event, such as soccer practice, includes which children participate, the location, the drop off parent and the pick up parent.
  • Journal—entries can be shared or private. It’s a place to document any incidents, and all notes are time and date stamped.
  • Message board—With no outside e-mail servers, there are no lost messages and always a way to verify a message has been received.
  • Info bank—A place to manage all family information, such as schools, childcare providers, immunization history, emergency contacts, insurance and more.
  • Expense log—tracks shared expenses, automatically calculating each parent’s contribution.

Documentation

An important benefit of Our Family Wizard is its level of documentation:

  • Each entry is time and date stamped—who created it and when
  • Every page is stamped with the last time both parents viewed it
  • Messages cannot be altered or unsent
  • Dates on journal entries cannot be altered.
  • One parent cannot change the other parent’s information
  • Nearly everything can be tracked back to an IP address
  • An accurate chronology of events can be produced
  • All pages are printable

The software includes the option of third-party accounts, so, if necessary, therapists or guardians ad litem can monitor communications. If a parent engages in abusive behavior, it is readily discovered and difficult to deny.

With Our Family Wizard, it becomes easy to tell who is complying with court orders, and who is not. Kissoon relates why one judge said he liked the software: “It gives people enough rope to hang themselves.”

In an early pilot program for the software, a judge ordered 40 families to communicate only through Our Family Wizard. For two years, none of the families were back in court.

Testimonials

The Our Family Wizard website includes testimonials from parents. “Manuel S” wrote:

I am thankful to this avenue of communication. It has controlled the nasty phone calls from my ex-wife to me and my wife, and has put an end to her foul language since she is aware the content of messages is monitored. I have documentation to avoid he said she said situations and her violations of my rights to see my kids!”

Penny says the website works. “Please mention to readers that they can request that Our Family Wizard be ordered by the judge hearing their case,” she wrote. “The judge can order the Our Family Wizard email as the sole means of communication between couples litigating a child custody/visitation dispute.”

For more information, visit:

OurFamilyWizard.com


Comment on this article

151 Comments on "Our Family Wizard can help you co-parent with a sociopath"

Notify of

Would be great to have`such a facility in Autralia.I feel for any parent that co-parents with an s. I was lucky once ex husband s knew he lost control over me he took off and abandoned his children. Disowning the children was the second best gift he ever gave us. 🙂

And here is my testimonial about OFW:

During very conflictual litigation with my exhusband, he constantly harassed me by sending me tons of emails and text messages, etc. My attorney asked the judge to put it in my divorce decree that all communications should be via OFW. He still does send me harassing messages but at least all of it is documented. The website also has a sections for attorneys. It is great and worth every penny of that $99.00.

Dear Dani
This is an online service and I can’t see why you shouldn’t be able to use it in Australia.
Marcia

I sure wish this service had been available a few years ago when I really needed it. Maybe I wouldn’t have lost my home and ended up in $100K debt as a result of the “tag-team” my two ex-S’s created in their joint attempt to try to take my children away from me and make a buck off my back at the same time (they weren’t successful in the former but the second ex-S was extremely successful with the latter).

Thank goodness it exists for people who need it now, though.

Thank you SO much for sharing this site! I am in a situation now in which the ONLY communication I have with my ex is concerning our child and the majority of the time, it’s just an excuse for him to manipulate and impose more harm. What a great idea!

I think this would be a useful tool for dealing with any high conflict parent personality such as borderline, histrionic, narcissitic. Or any parent that uses the term “for the interest of the child” to cover up for their own needs.

My current partner has an ex who is this type of personality. I have forwarded him the link to Family Wizard. I think it would be great way to bypass the slew of abusive, self serving emails she bombards him with in the middle of the night. It would also help with conflict during exchanges. He asked her number of times to communicate through email only, but she starts picking fights during pick ups, in front the child.

He takes care of his daughter 60% of the time and pays hundreds of dollars in child support. He has never missed a beat, yet he is being punished by the ex with verbal abuse and creepy emails. I think Family Wizard could help him.

during my divorce, the GAL recommended this site. I was hesitant it would do anything. But it literally saved me and I was able to go to the police to show how my ex was lying. One feature that makes it better than email is that it shows when 1) you or the co-parent or the child checks the website down to the day, hour and second and 2) it shows when you or the co-parent checks the message board. What’s so important about that is that they can’t lie and say “they never got the message”, because it shows when each person reviews the message. So even though he did not respond it shows he saw it. Classic proof for a lying sociopath.

Fooledonce:
I’m am thrilled to hear a GAL recommeded LF!!!!
HEADWAYS, HEADWAYS……..
I’m also very glad your having success with the “our family wizard’.
Love it when we make progress for the sake of sanity and our children!!!!

Stick around…..and Welcome!!!

Anyone dealing with enabling friends, family who “help” them with emails and children’s duties? Please advise how to get rid of them and force parent to be responsible. I checked Fam Wizard and it would allow others to answer and post data and entries,,,making parent “look” good, although computer IP addresses can be tracked and could be used. Want to expose the “help”. Any advice???

Dear Flowerpower,

Welcome to LF.

Not sure how you could prevent “grandma” from helping out her “son” with his parenting duties, or driving the kid to soccer practice or whatever. As long as the child is getting that s/he needs from “family” I can’t believe the court would be against “granny” helping out with these things. However, if granny is stopping by to pick up drugs for herself or her son while she is driving grand kid to the park, then that might be a problem.

Did not explain this very well. “Sister” is handling emails along with employess, friends etc ..some of these contain private info relating to the children and some are harassing to me. Ex is, as you can imagine, trying to appear as “parent of the year” and has resorted to some extreme manipulation and lies in “his” emails. I simply want to prove the fraud and enabling since he even admits that he cant use a computer and refuses to learn how. I have to repond to some of these or it appears that he is telling the truth. Any PRODUCTIVE suggestions to this or do I just keep anwering this nonsense…

Dear Flowerpower,

I’m not sure how you can do that, unless you can get him to admit that someone else is sending those e mails.

I had a similar thing when my egg donor was having the Trojan Horse psychopath TRANSCRIBE the letters she dictated to him to send to my Psychopathic son in prison.

Was she actually dictating EVERY word? or was the psychopath actually putting in some words? In a few places it was CLEAR which was which, but in others, not so much.

I wish I could give you a productive way to PROVE THAT THE WORDS (not just the typing) are not his. I honestly don’t think it is illegal for a person who doesn’t type to have someone else type or transcribe their letters, BUT if they SIGN that letter or contract, then they are RESPONSIBLE for what it says as it is presumed that if they SIGN a letter or a contract then it is binding. SO—-even if his sister is saying and writing the words, then if they are nasty, HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENT. If that makes any sense. Also if he TELLS LIES, I would not necessarily respond to them (sometimes that is self defeating) Like for example if he said

“You had Junior at your house last christmas”

when in fact, you had only had Junior for 15 minuters and the REST of the time had been spent at the X’s mother’s house

So, there was a GRAIN of truth in what he said, you did actually get to see Junior for 15 minutes on christmas day but the HOLIDAY was spent with fhis family.–

Not “countering” that can be problematic, but countering it can also be problematic and get into a he said/she said swabbling leg hiking contest of peeing on each othe with the kid in the middle.

I think probably the best way to go about it is to STICK TO THE LETTER OF THE CUSTODY AGREEMENT WITH VERY WELL SPELLED OUT LIMITS ON EXCHANGES, NO VERBAL CONTACT, NO ARGUING AT ALL, and no discussion of his or their lies. NO leighway in times or whatever is court ordered. NO compromimsing to “be nice” just the LETTER OF THE COURT ORDER.

Other than that, I don’t have any ideas, maybe someone else can come up with something that might help you.

We’ve had several people here who apparently “co-parent” with your X! LOL at least they sound like the same creepy guy! (((hugs))))

Thanks to all! We have a PC and all emails are CC’d to him. I refuse to communicate with him except by documentable means. PC is soft core with ex..has allowed many boundary violations. I am now looking for hard core attorney to take his agreement violations ( mostly harrassment stuff) to court and possible lose the court appointed PC. I Am ready for restraining order.

He is now on the defensive and recently countering with false allegations of vandalism at me(he says they occurred about 8months ago). I have empeccable reputation, thank God I never responded to his nonsense during marriage! I focused on children and maintained some dignity as his life fell apart. He is a professional who lost his position when serial infidelities with clients were exposed.

I am trying to move on a reclaim my life and a career since I got nothing from 15 yr marriage (as so many others have lost!!) My goal is not vengeance but TRUTH. I will no longer enable and protect the lies that confuse the children and the public. I am looking for tools to help. Thanks to all of you and am so glad to find a “community” who understands…will see if he agrees to OFW . Any other suggestions??

PS to above..

the false allegations (slander/libel) were in a recent email sent by ???. That is one reason I am determined to prove others are sending, composing, typing. And sounds childish, but ex couldnt compose a third grade essay much less some of the page long dissertations being sent to me…he is vocabulary and speech challenged..PLUS cant type! LOL!!

Dear Flowerpower,

The suggestions I have for ALL new folks here is To READ AND LEARN. and there are GREAT articles in the archives, hundreds of 1-2 page articles that will reinforce what you already know and teach you more, give you ideas for self help and bolster your self esteem and growth.

If you have children, I also recommend Dr. Leedom’s blog on Parenting the AT RISK CHILD. If your X is a psychopath, there is a risk to your child both from genetics and from contact with their father. Dr. Leedom also has this same issue, though her X is thank goodness been out of her life (in prison) but the effects of his damage continue on in her life.

Yes, the people here DO understand, and some of us here have multiple episodes of psychopaths in our lives, over generations. I am the child of one, and the parent of one. I have dated them, I have worked for them, I have been in partnerships with them, I have lived next door to one etc. Some damaged me more, some less, but just being around them is toxic and frustrating.

Again, WELCOME to LF! Hang around a while.

to your ps: I DO understand the frustration and the anger produced by being “smeared” and so many of us have had that happen that we call it the “smear campaign” sometimes it starts before the discard but almost always afterwards.

The “D&D” is Devalue and discard

The “Smear campaign” (you already know about)

“FOG” is the short for Fear, Obligation and Guilt, used to manipulate us

“Gaslighting” is twisting reality, named after a movie where a man was tryinjg to make his wife think she was crazy and drive her crazy

“TOWANDA” is the “war cry” from Friend green Tomatoes movie that we adopted here as a war cry and a “way to go” word!

Just a little “introduction” to the “vocabulary” we use here, and again, welcome. Stay around and participate! It helps to not be alone, even if you alone in the real world, unfortunately most of our friends and family may not totally “get it” about how difficult it is to get away from and heal from these monsters. We DO GET IT. And we have a wardrobe of Tee-shirts to prove it!

Thank you and I am familiar with most of the vocabulary listed. I have been educating myself since his hospitalization and Dx. And yes most folks just dont get it, until they “get it” personally from one of these types.

I LOVE TOWANDA!! and it is quitee appropriate since I am a southern born and bred fried tomato eatin’ woman..we are STEEL magnolias…Unfortunately the southern woman’s “submissive” stance kind of prolonged my situation.

My faith, children and love of life sustain me… and I will arm myself with knowledge to battle this out.

Dear Flower power,

Glad you are here and glad you are a steel magnolia! Cause that is what it takes, it is bones of steel and razor sharp minds to survive this fight and that is what it is, a fight to the death, even if it is emotional, not physical, “death.”

I laughed and laughed over this so many times, my egg donor is/was one of those “steel magnolias” and tried her best to get me to be one too, but I’m not sure why it never worked, but try as I might, I just couldn’t cram my “square soul” into that ROUND HOLE, so I sort of ended up being my own version of some kind of a strange “Flower” rather than the lovely but steel magnolia she intended me to be. Not that a steel magnolia is a bad thing, but it just wasn’t what I was meant to be. Tough yes, but more direct, and dancing to my own tune. So I ended up being “Neither fish, nor fowl, nor good red herring” to use a Yankee phrase, but a very apt one!

It is only in these last few years that I have started to appreciate my own shape, neither round nor square, not fitting into a generic-shaped hole, and also realizing that DIFFERENT is not necessarily BAD.

Yea, that “submissive” cultural stance is sometimes a problem for us because though we are taught to be caretakers for others, and strong, if we stand up for ourselves, we are quickly beaten back down! Too many contradictions.

Again, Welcome! Glad you are here!

one/joy_step_at_a_time

flowerpower – i can teach you to read ip addresses, so that you know where the email is coming from.

As long as they are not using a proxy server (most people don’t) or gmail, i can probably help you with this.

one step

Dear one step..
Love your name..so true! When I read your first sentence I was elated then read further. He has gmail, but may be able to change this by speaking with PC. The email privacy is a BIG issue at this time so changing emails could be mandated by him. Which service should I ask for?

Thanks Donna, I will go through PC who has court appointed power for this type of action. I dont know how many out there have this situation but it is extremely difficult to fight.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

Flowerpower – Yahoo is a safe bet.
xo one step.

One….
Can someone see if your lurking on FB?

I was looking at IP info today…..if I do any recon…..I may want to go through a proxy huh?

one/joy_step_at_a_time

yup, a proxy server is best.

I am not sure if it is possible for a user to clllect ip info on fb or not, but personally i don’t trust THOSE fuckers either.

i think you can use PROXIFY for free if you are just surfing.

it’s 50. for 6 months if you want to be able to post on sites/ email.

FB is one of the most commonly hacked sites.
You might download a copy of HIDEMYIP. I think they give you 14 days for free.

Then if you google search the name it takes you stright to FB.

In that case, you may not see a complete profile because they can block it from view except to “friends”

NO, I haven’t. Really…….(LOL!)

one/joy_step_at_a_time

Hehehe silvermoon. 🙂

S posted more about me….
THE EVIL ONE!

He’s crying to someone he’s trrying to ‘land’ about his EX…..the evil one…..the bitch…..and how he’s really into god….
HMMMMMMM
This woman says to him…..I don’t appreciate your way of communicating….
YEAH FOR HER……she’s seeing his appaling love bombs…..
Of hey….you have a nice ass…..is it still as nice????
Uh,yeah……make my heart mealt……
Oh….wait till she sees the chick poster in his bedroom…..

Again….are we talking about a 15 year old here……NO 48~
YIKES….
RUN, RUN, RUN….

so EB,
I have this recurring idea that if I put up a page that is all about my HUSBAND that if any woman he is trying to date does a name search on him she would pull up my page because we have the same last name and well, there might be quite a story there….. But I worry that may constitute slander….

So I thought about releasing his page address to everyone here to FRAUD bomb the fucker because it would be as much fun as a snowball fight.

But ultlimately, I think gambling on the internet is neither worthy nor good for a professional image and hope that just thinking about it will keep me laughing for a while…..

While I am on the email topic..anyone know how the court views an EMAIL that falsely alleges criminal activity ( a felony).This was sent to me and I protect the privacy of all emails to make sure the children are not harmed.

This has also been verbally mentioned to the children, along with “your mother is crazy” etc..the infamous smear campaign which went on before the divorce has heated up now.

I’d ask an attorney if they’d be good evidence for getting a permant protection order.

I used one to do that once from a guy who threatended to kill my dog and I was asking for protection to keep him away from my son.

It worked.

Keep EVERYTHING!!!!
Document, Keep, DOCUMENT…….
He may bury himself…and you’ll never need it…..but we should build the case by documentation as it comes in!!!!

If we ‘whine’ about everythign,as it happens…..we get tuned out…..but if we let the BIG BOMB drop at once….AFTER he has exposed himself……
WEll then……

So……stay under that rock like a snake…..gather up your warmth and get cozy……let him pass a few times……and when he least expects it…..he’ll trip and you can put your venom into him….and HE”LL NEVER KNOWIT WAS YOU WHO STRIKED…..because he was confident on that path!

Silvermoon:
Yah….I have those fantasies also….BUT….heres the catch…..
We don’t know what tomorrow holds…..and like in my s’s case…..he’s the one putting out this trash on FB……for the works to seee…..no privacy settings …….
I’m sure there are a few peeps that read it and promptly look for my site (Idont have one in my name)…..but if I did,and I yacked on and on about him……
NOW…..how would we both be percieved…….both crazy angry bitter…….
So…..sometimes it’s best to ‘take thehigh road’…….
and keep your mouth shut…..

I did this with my business……and look whos’ still in town with support…….NOT HIM!!!!!

It’s a great fantasy…..but don’t it……

I also saw on tv this am about peeps ‘fighting’ on fb…..couples and exs…….and they confirmed what I jsut said……your both looked at as nuts….
Sure, peeps may take one side oranother……but it’s ALWAYS TEMPORARY>…….

one/joy_step_at_a_time

yes, but there are many ways to have others do things for you that are untraceable. i say no more.

Please do tell… friend told me to get a gun today…been thinking about it … but think that would be shootin myself in the foot……

Hey Soul Sister? I so liked him until I heard he was busted for pedophilia?? Some thing heinous any ways.

Hey one step…

its the untraceable things I fear will me done TO ME . Anyway you can share those so I will be warned????

Flowerpower:
Are you still with him?
If so….your ‘exit’ strategy would be different.

Okay…
so……you must follow orders to a “T’. Don’t speak of him in town, only to your most trusted and loved friend.
You need to ‘know’ him…..know everything he would/could/should/ do and avert it.
DON”T PLAY ALONG……
You must bore him, act boring, non interested in anything he does/says speaks……
Just go along with orders and expect the same from him.

And in the meantime….document EVERYTHING in concise, well ordered manner.

He will not stop his behaviors until HE feels he has been rewarded….doens’t make it right, doesn’t make it easier.
He CAN”T RUN YOU OFF…..your not leaving……so take a big breath, try not to allow it to affect you, be aware of what he could do……and counter balance him………keep your character up in the community and stand tall and proud.

Look for any ‘seeds’ you can plant along the way that would never be traceable to you….NEVER! Hold on to em and plant them as you see fit.
if you know any weak spots in his ‘armor’ hit em…..BUT DO IT ANONYMOSLY!
NOTHING CAN EVER BE TRACED BACK TO YOU!!!!

Do not speak poorly of him to your children, they will figure him out eventually.
TAKE THE HIGH ROAD…..at least in appearance….at all costs!!!

Anyone here using a parenting coordinator? Would like to know how yours handles the problem maker. Our PC is court appointed and has not done much (at least to my knowledge) about the violations of our agreement.

I have set boundaries that restrict and prevent contact because of harassment in front of the children. Otherwise, the pc stays basically “neutral”, couching his language to keep from upsetting the ex.

Things have been quiet..but I do expect a bigger reaction if the same violations are repeated. Any others with this in place? I would like to know how obvious provable misbehavior is handled.

Our PC even asked me if we speak by phone after HE encouraged all communication by text or email. I found this strange…sometimes I’m not sure he is with the program. When I told him that I need the documentation; he said “not for me, I know what is going on”. I INSISTED that I NEED the documentation. Does this sound strange??

My kids are grown so I don’t have to deal with co-parenting anymore.

My ex-husband was a monster. I had the police remove him and I got a no contact order in early 1993 and we divorced in 1995. Why it took that long to get a court date is beyond me. I was upset about it. My attorney(s) dragged their feet with getting a court date. And my husband acted like I was still his property cause we were still married during this separation. During our divorce he used our kids as a weapon to beat me down.

I told my attorney what was going on. My attorney didn’t believe me, and said I am stuck on myself. I went through three attorneys cause they all sided with my husband.

I tried to tell the court what was going on. But, the court didn’t listen. The court looked hard at me instead.

My husband would use his visitation with kids to molest me. He would walk in my house and grope at my body parts. I’d tell him to get his damn hands off me. He would look hurt for a second, then he’d get angry. He got in my face and told me what he would do to me if I called the police. He said it would take the police a while to get there and that was enough time to “bash in your pretty face so no man will look at you”.

He told our kids that he was invited to a wedding. He told them how much fun they would have. Then he said that I had to buy them clothes to wear to this wedding (cause they live with me) and if I don’t they don’t go.

The kids came home excited about this wedding plan. They said I had to take them shopping for clothes for this wedding. I said no and the kids got upset and began yelling at me. Dad said you have plenty of money that you can take us shopping. (I was making minimum wage) He didn’t use the “child support card” cause he wasn’t paying it yet.

Eventually he was paying child support. He made a plan with the kids to spend a weekend at a fancy hotel with a indoor pool, whirl pool, steam room. He got their hopes up. And, then he dropped the bomb. He said I could pay for this hotel cause he pays me plenty of child support. The kids got upset when I said no. They said this plan depends on me paying for it, or they don’t go. I again said no. The kids got upset and began yelling at me.

On another day, he told the kids that he can’t take them anywhere on his weekend, that he has no money, cause he has to pay me child support. The kids came home to fight with me. The kids said I should stop the child support. I said he has to share the expense of raising you. It’s the law. Dad said you can tell the court to stop the support.

On another day, he told the kids that they can’t have fun on his weekend cause he has to pay my bills. He handed them these “so-called” bills to take home. The kids came home upset and yelling at me. They said Dad should not have to pay your bills, Dad has no money. Then they handed these “bills” to me. One piece of mail was junk mail. The other mail was forms from his insurance company from his work. Forms that he needed to fill out to put the kids on his medical at his work. Yep, he dumped his responsibility on me, while he got the kids to believe he is paying my bills. I believe he was pissed off cause the court had ordered him to put the kids on his medical. He had to pay extra for the family plan.

Then he told the kids that they did not have to help out with doing dishes at home. He said that “if she were any kind of mother she would do her own dishes”. (yet he would save a sink full of dirty dishes for the kids to do at his apartment on his weekend) He also said that they don’t have to help out with house work at home. He said “if she were any kind of mother she would clean her own house”. (Yet he expected them to help clean his apartment on his weekend) And, he said that they don’t have to help out with their little brother cause he is not their “real” brother. He is only a half brother.

He would call me and expect me to listen to him describing his new girlfriend’s body. I told him that I’m not listening to this. Does he want to talk to the kids or not? He said yes he wants to talk to the kids, “but first we need to discuss this like adults”! (discuss his girlfriend’s body) I hung up on him. He threw this in my face at court. He said “I can’t talk to her like an adult. She hangs up on me”!

Then he would call me and tell me that he’ll take me back… The way he put it: “Tell you what, I’ll take you back, but I expect this, this, and that. Take it or leave it!” I’d say I already left it and I’d hang up. He called me MANY, MANY times with this line. He also threw this in my face at court. He told the court “I can’t talk to her like an adult. She hangs up on me!”

I wanted to record his phone calls. He knew I was recording him. He loudly stated he did not want to be recorded. I didn’t know the laws so I stopped the recording. I just went along as the helpless victim.

My only “win” in all this nightmare was our house. I had to “buy him out”. I was supposed to pay him $8000 to get his name off the house. And, pay this money in a timely manner.

My husband said that if he has to rent, I have to rent, he said we have a 50/50 marriage. (he only had this sense of equal fairness when he didn’t have the upper hand)

The house needed numerous repairs that existed since we bought the house. I decided to prove the house wasn’t worth anything so I wouldn’t have to pay him. (paying out $8000 would have meant taking food out of our kid’s mouth for a decade or longer) I wanted the house to raise our kids. It was located in a nice, safe neighborhood. It was walking distance to the schools. The schools were great. The house was everything the kids needed. Three bedrooms, full size basement, two car garage, 2-story shed, nice size yard. And the mortgage was $650.00 a month. I couldn’t rent a tiny two-bedroom apartment for that price.

I called on numerous contractors to get bids.

I got numerous bids on the roof repairs, basement repairs, garage repairs, driveway repairs, I even got a bid on squirrel removal in garage. I accidentally threw away the low bids and saved the high bids for court. I got a sweet and kind real estate lady to come over and give me a quote. I told my story to her. She wrote up a letter on her company letter head that my house was worth less than the expense of the repairs, and that we would owe money at closing.

My attorney looked at my bids at court and asked why did I want this house? I said I will never regret living in this house. My kids are happy here, and they are in a safe neighborhood.

I did not have to pay my now ex-husband money.

My husband looked at the bids and said “Keep it”.

Jeannie. It sounds like a nightmare. Thank God your kids are grown and the co-parenting is over. I’m curious, do the kids see him for what he is now?
So glad you got to keep the house!
And like I said before, I’m glad you’re here with us.

Hi Kim,

No, the kids say that their dad taught them that family sticks together. They seem to worship their dad and they don’t see that I did much of anything for them.

It used to hurt. I finally had to distance my heart, cause my ex has more influence over the kids.

I posted last night on here, but I don’t know how to view my posts.

Jeannie

jeannie812, hi 🙂 I found a post you wrote last night in the wee hours, you can type your user name in the search box at the top of the page, it will show a few recent posts. Glad you found this site, it has been a blessing to me. Here’s a link to the article you posted on…

http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/02/ask-dr-leedom-why-does-it-seem-i-know-more-than-the-experts/comment-page-1/#comment-68375

one/joy_step_at_a_time

JEANNIE812- wow, he was a ‘peach.’ that’s not the word i really want to use. how twisted and sick. he’s a really good manipulator.

good job on the house! very good. you used a good strategy.

glad you found your way here. lots of really good articles. you seem to know exactly what he was doing in each of the instances you cited; your awareness is very high.

kathleen hawk wrote a very good series on healing. you can access it in the menu to the left.

take care
one step

Hi one step,

Thank you for pointing out the sites to see. I may have already read her site. I read a bunch last night, and earlier today.

Wow, I was floored to be told that my awareness was high. Thank you!

It feels wonderful to have my thoughts validated. Thank you.

Hi ShabbyChic,

thank you for the welcome. Well here’s to clicking on that link. I’ll probably get goofed up into next week.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

jeannie812 – you are very welcome! you really called the manipulations and laid out the pattern and tactics. those are such important skills. they are steps on the way of being able to predict their behavior, disengage from it, and protect ourselves and others.

lots of mom’s here, there is lots of help for dealing with spath exes when children are involved.

have you read this article? think you might see some circular logic here that you recognize; http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2010/03/18/the-sociopath-holding-court/

I read Steve’s post. OMG I really was with sociopaths. I could relate to most of it.

I didn’t post, cause everyone was having fun, and I didn’t want to spoil the mood.

My ex-husband demanded sex even when I was in late pregnancy (I was huge, I was carrying a 9 1/2 LB baby) and I was having problems because of the pregnancy. It hurt to sit, hurt to stand, I was beside myself, I hurt all the time, and felt sick all the time.

I was worn out. I couldn’t sleep cause I couldn’t get comfortable. I felt like cow laying on it’s back trying to upright itself. It hurt to lay on this side, hurt to lay on the other side. By the time I finally got comfortable, I had to pee! Than I had to start all over with getting comfortable, just to have to pee again and again! I was exhausted and had to take care of my lively small children all day, until their 8:00 PM bedtime.

Yet, he wanted his sex. He said he felt like I more like a sister and he wants a wife. He said put out, or he’ll go get it elsewhere. He kept demanding it even when it was bringing on false labor. The doctor said sperm can bring on false labor. Here I had small children to take care of, and I was in bed with false labor. Then he complained that the house was not clean enough. He told his family that the house isn’t clean, and they stared at me with an evil eye the next time they saw me.

It was so bad.

Jeannie

Wow Jeannie,
I can kind of relate. When I was 8 months pregnant with our son, please excuse the graphic nature of this, but I lost my mucus plug because of rough sex that was not a choice by me, but of course him. I didn’t really mind sex so late in the pregnancy, but I did ask him several times to be a little gentler as it was more uncomfortable. Now the kicker was, as I found out months later, he had started another relationship with another woman when I was 7 months pregnant and was sleeping with both of us.

My other comment pertains to the wizard. Fast forward two years and I have left him. I have tried NC but as we all know it is so hard with children. Not that he gives a shit about the child, but we all know how that goes. Anyway, I am willing to give up and totally walk away from child support if he would just leave us alone. Not gonna happen. He has tried calling, texting, threatening, etc. and of course now I’m being slandered all over town for being vindictive, unable to move on, blah blah. The thing is, if this were really about our son which I suspect (I KNOW) it’s not, wouldn’t he just drag me into court and avoid the attempts at contact? I have responded to as few texts as I can, but I have made it clear that I don’t want my son around him. Wouldn’t a normal parent take the other one to court if it were really about the child? This to me is not about our son, but attempts on his part to insert his insane ass into my life as much as possible, and only because I asked him to leave me alone. He says he wants nothing to do with me, as he has moved on and is in love and Im going to puke…. but am i crazy or am I right? Is this a pathetic attempt to manipulate me? If hes so happy with his new relationship why would he rock that boat by contacting me instead of keeping it antiseptic and going through the legal system. There is free help available to fathers as well as mothers through public aid and he knows this, so why isn’t he utilizing these services?

Hi Wakingup,

Yes, your ex knows better. He likes to mess with you. He misses that power and control he had over you. That is what he is in love with.

I gotta ask what happened when you lost your mucus plug? Your water broke? Oh, my gosh I am so sorry.

My husband too was rough. He would jump on me like a dog on a tree.

I found it disgusting. I told him that he doesn’t want a wife, all he needs is a rubber doll.

I’m sure he was also with another woman, going by what he was telling me.

These guys could have harmed the baby with their reckless behavior. They could have planted STD’s in us while we were pregnant. They induced labor with their recklessness.

My labor also came after a night of his rough sex. I went into hard labor at 5:00 am. Baby was born at 7:00 am.

Scary thing about that is I wasted the first hour. I thought it was more false labor. I didn’t want to wake him. It would have pissed him off, if I was waking him for nothing, and then he would have ignored me, if it became real. So I made sure it was real labor before I woke him.

I woke him. We had to pick up his mother so she could watch our kids, and bring her over to our apartment, this took over a half hour. His mother acted offended that I wasn’t friendlier. I was walking while in hard labor, doing the breathing exercises, and couldn’t comment if my life depended on it.

He took me to the hospital. He ran every red light. It freaked me out. I said obey the law, this is stressing me out! He ignored me and continued running red lights.

We got to the hospital. I could barely talk or walk because of the hard contractions. I found out that my husband had never registered me (even though the hospital told him to months before.)

He had smiled at them and agreed eagerly. But he did nothing.

So here I had to register myself while I was in hard labor. Of course he didn’t sit down to take care of this. He disappeared. He reappeared around the corner after I took care of business.

Baby was born about 20 minutes later.

Your ex-guy is not done with you. He is all over you. He is all over the town about you. He is using his/your own child in a attempt to control you.

He doesn’t bother with the court, cause he is not interested in the child.

He just wants to make you miserable.

Beware that in time he might approach the court. But, this will be a last ditch effort to get his hooks in you.

I’ve been there.

Send this to a friend