Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Clara.”
22 years of marriage, 2 kid, 1 adopted son. Boys are now 20, daughter is 17.
My ex has been arrested 6 times and now been charged with stalking and harassment. I now have lifetime no contact and he has 3 years no contact with my kids.
Both of us have very good jobs, beautiful home, well known in our small town. He coached baseball and football so has been looked up to.
I now realize I didn’t even know the man I had been with for all these years. He had a completely separate life with separate friends.
I realized this after looking thru my phone bill. I didn’t know anyone on it and the ones I did know, I had no idea he was affiliated with them.
I have spent the last 2 years trying to put the pieces together. The courts say if I move they will cover my tracks so he cannot find me. (Do not believe that is possible.)
He is without doubt a sociopath. Unbelievably crazy.
The DA said he has had several people from the community call with the concern the he is going to kill me and my kids. The DA suggested I put up cameras around my house.
He said it won’t stop him from killing me but at least they will get it on camera
The latest update:
My ex had started stalking me again. Following me, texting and calling from a different number.
He always knows where I am. He will show up where I’m at, like in a restaurant he will walk in to see who I am with. It is so crazy.
He started showing up at my house again and tried to break in thru the doggie door that my son and I had duct taped shut.
Then I saw him pulling out of my driveway with my lawn mower! He was stealing it!
I had him arrested again. Â I go before the grand jury Thursday to determine what he will be charged with.
How Sociopaths Fool You Into Thinking They’re You’re Friend
i think I married your ex’s long lost twin brother. At least the courts in your town are protecting you. In my town their either invested with my spath or afraid of his druggie minions. Praying for you, girl.
Your story is very chilling and also very similar to mine. Are you sure you don’t want to take the DA up on their offer to cover your tracks if you move? It’s worth a try. If people in the community are calling the DA to warn them of what they are afraid is in your future, you should be very concerned. There isn’t much of your story here, but he must be making threats against you and the kids to people. Even if he finds out where you move to, if it’s far enough away it makes it harder for him to stalk you.
It sounds to me like you are two years into many years of stalking and abuse. There are more ways to abuse than just physical. The fact that he is bold enough to show up and think he can take the lawnmower tells me that he wants to show you that he is in control. If control is this important to him, no arrests will affect his behavior. In fact, it will probably get worse. Read about stalking and how it progresses and can eventually turn violent.
In my case the stalker has been charged 45 times with different crimes including 5 stalking, 24 violations of the order of protection, harassment, burglary etc. He spent 4 1/2 years in prison. After his release he still has to attempt to control me.
Take care and be safe. Hugs and prayers to you.
IAfraud
It sounds like your ex is obsessed with you, which is extremely dangerous at any level. It sounds like he is making your life an absolute nightmare.
He may be playing a game where the payoff to him is your response in doing things like having him arrested. As long as he knows where you are, have you considered the grey rock technique in dealing with him. http://www.lovefraud.com/2012/02/10/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/
Some form of this technique may result in him losing interest in you to a degree. By the time you move away, he may not have an interest in following you because he’s lost interest.
What steps are you taking to protect yourself from the real possibility of him seriously harming you? What do you plan to do long term to protect yourself and have a peaceful life?
AnnettePK, I have lived thru a very similar thing, and I am four years out. Mine tried to hire a hit man to have me killed. If you would like to have someone to chat with more personally, I have emailed with Donna at times, and maybe she could connect us. If you like, and if this is allowed. I’m still in legal battle with mine. A Domestic Violence detective on my case gave me some predictions about ex’s behavior, and they came true. I do think you sound in danger, and I personally got a concealed carry permit and carry most of the time. Plus, a video surveillance on my house, and alarm system. I never open the door without my gun and without checking. I also lock my bedroom door at night, and so does my 18-yr old kid. Yes, it’s not the most fun way to live… but having my gun gives me a lot more peace. I was quite anti-gun before this. God bless…
ElizBrooks,
I think your post is meant for Clara, the author of the blog post.
It sounds like you have experience in protecting yourself from a very dangerous spath; and that you could offer Clara some advice in dealing with her situation especially in the short term. I hope you both can find a way and a place to live your lives in peace and safety.
Take care.
http://preferpeaceovervengeance.blogspot.com/
Move away and throw away your cellphone! you know it is quite possible that he is tracking you through your cellphone or put a tracking device on your car.
Since my post I have been before the grand jury. They had seen the police reports prior to me being interviewed. I expanded some more by telling them about what my kids and I have been going thru. I have had my tires flattened, living room window broken, been followed over and over, I’ve walked out in the dark to go to work and he’s hiding next to my car. This also happened to my son. Threatening text messages. The D.A. said he had copies of over 400 text messages. Many saying I should die. He’ll be happy when I’m dead. I’m fat, I’m gross, a liar, a whore,(he is the one who was caught cheating)After a year and a half I did go for Nachos with a friend of ours. When my ex found out, he broke in my house, stole my underwear and put them in this man’s mailbox and fired off a few rounds. I’ve had rocks put behind my tires, nasty messages painted on my road, footprints in the snow on my back deck, whistling from the bushes in my yard. After I was done talking, the grand jury charged him with 52 counts of breaking the stalking order. Now I wait to see what happens next.
To answer some of the comments to my first post.. Yes I have gotten myself a gun, and I have gotten a new phone. I am presently getting ready to move. I love my home but I need to get out of the area. As far as my local police reacting better then the ones in other towns. I completely understand how you feel. My ex had been arrested several times and just bailed himself out and headed off to work. It wasn’t until my dad went to the District attorney and talked to him and explained that my parents were in fear for my life. The D.A. was unaware of what was going on. That’s the point I started getting support. To anyone going thru this, I’m sorry. It’s horrible. Hang in there.
Prayers for your safety, and that you find a new safe home that you’ll come to love as much as your present home.
Thank you.