By Ox Drover
In the last few years the national media have picked up several stories of psychopaths using their children as weapons to inflict severe emotional damage to the nurturing parent. In the “Clark Rockefeller” case, the man posing as a member of the Rockefeller family kidnapped his daughter from a supervised visitation and held her hostage for several days before he was found.
Another case featured here in a Lovefraud article was about Dr. Amy Castillo’s three children being murdered by her husband to inflict punishment on her after she had warned the judge that her ex-husband had made this very threat. In spite of this, the judge let the psychopath have unsupervised visitation with these children and the he carried out the threat.
Baby Gabriel
In December of 2009, I saw on Fox News the story of baby Gabriel Johnson, reported missing by his father, Logan McQueary, after the mother, Elizabeth Johnson, had fled with the baby.
Gabriel’s mother, in typical psychopathic style, tried to inflict emotional pain on the baby’s father by threatening in phone calls to McQueary to kill the child. Later, Johnson called the baby’s father and told him that she had smothered the infant to get back at him. This call set off a search for her and/or the infant. Johnson was captured several days later, but there was no sign of the baby, Gabriel. McQueary was granted, after the fact, custody of the missing baby by the courts.
In custody, Johnson told various contradictory tales of what happened to the baby. A person she had met on Craig’s List who had been hired to watch the baby during her flight from law enforcement was contacted and interviewed and indicated the baby appeared ill and may have been drugged during the short time she babysat with him.
Finally, Johnson came up with the story that she had given the baby to a couple in a park and she did not know their names or where they were from. Subsequent evidence seems to back up this story and the child may indeed be in the illegal custody of a couple, who surely by this time, know that they have a kidnapped child, but have not come forward to return the child.
No love for children
While not every psychopathic parent of a child with a nurturing parent goes to the lengths of the above referenced psychopaths to torture the nurturing parents, it is an indication that psychopaths have no love or concern for their children. Psychopaths will use those children to emotionally torture the nurturing parent, who does care about the welfare of the children.
Many parents here on Lovefraud have indicated the emotional torture that they have experienced in concern over their children when the children are in the custody of their psychopathic co-parent. Children are frequently alienated from the nurturing parent, child support is frequently uncollectable, and at best, children are left wondering “Why doesn’t my (parent) love me? What is wrong with me that my (parent) doesn’t come see me?”
It is apparent from the number of times that judges decree that a child should be given visitation with a psychopathic parent, or given into custody of the psychopathic parent, that the family court system does not understand the danger to the children involved in the contact with these destructive people.
It will only be with education of the lawyers and judges about psychopathy that there is even a chance this current situation may change and children may be protected from the violence of emotional and physical abuse by these disordered parents. Parents, in my opinion, should have no rights, but children do and should have “rights” to be protected from abuse from any source, especially psychopathic parents.
I agree with this post, unfortunately, the children are victimized by the flawed parent. I, like so many others, have a story to tell and would like some feedback. I have been reading the postings on this site and find some solace in them.
I’m not sure what to label my husband, narcissist, sociopath, or just a plain jerk. We have been married 17 years and I went to my attorney yesterday wondering what my options are for an exit strategy. He has been gaslighting me for years and I have been too enmeshed to see it. There were lies before we were married about how long he went to school and an old girlfriend that he kept on the sidelines. He seemed so charming and I thought “wow, how did I get sooo lucky that he seems to accept me and all my baggage, considers my daughter a blessing”. I was a little wary at first, but after our first kiss, I was hooked.
Our courtship happened pretty fast. He wanted to climb the ladder at work, he does have a good work ethic, and this meant moving with him out of state. He started doing things that I thought I was just too sensitive to. Wasn’t really there for me emotionally. I realized that he never said the words, I’m sorry, for 16 years. Never. He always made everything my fault. He would constantly stare at other women, pick them out and just stare. It was unnerving. He said it was all in my imagination, your putting pressure on the marriage, your crazy, too sensitive, over reacting. Well, he took an early retirement last year and I got to see the real person he had been hiding. He was also invalidating and condescending.
I started finding graphic lesbian porn on our computers, he said it was a virus. He had time on his cell phone on the internet, (a lot of time), said he didn’t know how to use the internet on his phone. Condoms in his overnight bag, he said I was always asking for them, I never did. Objectifies women and masturbates, 2-3 times a day. Took him to a sex therapist, he said I was delusional. We took the MMPI, he is a narcissist and I’m not delusional, just dependent.
He is always blaming me for things that I would never do, and can talk his way out of anything! He called my mom for an intervention for me. Lucky that she caught on, my sister is bi-polar, mom knows what mental illness is and she knows I don’t have a mental illness. He looked up institutions and psychiatric medications. Same day, he started making a list of all our assets. He smiles when he gets a rise out of me, likes when I’m vulnerable and crying.
I have been telling our children to listen to their intuition about peoples behavior. I had seen my husband looking at our 16 year old girl inappropriately. She came to me one night when her dads care was gone, she said she didn’t like the way her dad hugs her. He does it when I am out of the room and I didn’t know that. I know she flinches away from him and will tell him to stop if his touching bothers her. Thank gosh she has boundaries. My therapist said that I should get our daughter into therapy. I told my husband the truth and he said I was “coaching her”. Then he confronted her and asked if she wanted him to be taken away from her and she was breaking his heart. He got her brother to tell her that she can’t make acusations without proof. She said she felt like killing herself. Last week, her dance teacher called and said that she was worried about my daughter because she was cutting herself and had food issues. I think that is enough crap and I need to get her out of here. She doesn’t want to spend anytime with her dad alone, ever.
Husband is being so nice, “just give me another chance to make you happy, I’ll make it the best years of our lives”. He is doing everything around the house, supportive, driving, getting groceries, yard work. Things he couldn’t be bothered with before because he was working.
I would like to have some input on husbands possible state of mind. When I ask him for a divorce I’m afraid of what will happen, I don’t see any conscious or empathy in him. Our son thinks his dad is great, because he is the favored child. Dad coaches hockey, is funny, everyone thinks he’s great. Son may get it a little, he does have lots of empathy so I pray he won’t be turned to the dark side.
After counseling, couples weekend, psychological testing, I’m realizing it isn’t me. My therapist said he is controlling, emotionally abusive, narcissistic, and possibly a sex addict, and it is a toxic relationship. She said this after about 7 months of therapy.
Thanks for listening
Dear Hope for Joy,
Listen to your instincts and listen to your daughter! This man is manipulative and he is very likely a psychopath.
Only you can decide if you leave or stay, but you knjow the TRUTH now, your therapist sounds like she/he does as well.
The psychopath will never change, they FAKE emotions and Caring but they are UNABLE to do so, it is all about getting what they want.
I would get your daughter into therapy, and it is obvious to me that her intuition is right on. Your husband’s fake “caring” has obviously poisoned your son’s ability to see the truth.
Do not let that influence either you or your daughter. If your son is not willing to listen or see the truth, for now, just stop compeating with his father, and take care of the child who will listen, take care of your daughter who NEEDS your support and comfort and PRORECTION.
I am glad your daughter is not gaslighted to where she believes it is herself, she is obviously able to set boundaries for herself and with your support, she should come out okay.
I’m glad that you are here at LoveFraud, this is a wonderful place. God bless you and your daughter!
Dear OxDrover,
My daughter is in therapy now, I have been told that dad’s behavior is in the gray area of calling social services. When I read your reply, I was so grateful. I am someone who needs affirmation to know what I am doing is right. My husband has a magic bag of manipulation and it is endless. His friend called the other day and said “you don’t sound crazy”. Nice. Husband is setting the stage for something really bad. So glad that I was able to get professionals to verify my sanity.
When my husband said I was turning the kids against him and already turned step-child against him, she said he never gave a crap about me.
My dad is narcissistic, I was a perfect target. I tried to be the perfect wife, good thing I woke up. When 16 yr old said, “mom, your not a door mat anymore”, it felt so good. I can’t tell you how proud I am of her!!! She said she tries not to look in her dads eyes. I asked her how she picked up on things I couldn’t see, she said that I’m half dad you know, I know how he thinks. Thanks gosh she has empathy and thank gosh she was able to tell me about everything before it went further.
Husband is really, really, really, concerned with his reputation. I am working with my lawyer to see if I will need to file an order of restraint. Husband is very clever, and if his reputation is on the line, I am afraid of what he would do.
hopeforjoy – i am going to be very blunt, okay?
dear woman, please RUN. do not ‘ask’ for a divorce – this is not going to be an easy relationship to extricate yourself from – he will pull out all the stops and you will have to do battle.
I am so sorry that this is what you are dealing with. yourdaughter is not safe with him. she is at serious risk.
Do not tell your husband or your kids what you are doing, just start planning. With these individuals you need to lose any hope of playing fair – you need to get a strategy. There are folks here who can help you walk through each piece of this. there are many articles and posts about everything you are experiencing.
you have been able to articulate his behavior extremely well – that’s a good sign. now you need to start collecting any and all information about his behavoprs – especially as it pertains to money and other women. and i dare say, any child porn.
it sounds like you have some means, so find yourself a divorce lawyer immediately. there is a reference on the right side of this page for professionals who ‘get it’. dealing with a N is NOT the same as delaing with an ‘ordered’ person, and you need a lawyer who can rise to the occasion. You will both need to be able to be proactive and plan an exit strategy that works with his disorder.
best of luck.
one step
hopeforjoy – we posted over one another. glad to see you have a lawyer.
you are so NOT CRAZY, but HE is crazy making.
best,
one step
I’m glad you take my fears seriously. I am a better actress now than I ever thought, pretending everything is great. Talked to a lawyer yesterday (told husband was going to lunch with my mom), I overnighted our financials to him. Told daughter about plan of exit because I didn’t want her to think I was abandoning her. She understands, told me when I want to lie to husband to visualize the lie. It worked when he asked me what I ate for lunch.
I know that I have neighbors I can go to, and I am on the lookout for any weird behavior. He would probably be able to outsmart me though, so I will just keep us safe until I hear back from my lawyer. He is someone who has dealt with narcissists before and he told me to listen to my instincts, he always regreted when he didn’t listen to his.
I do have documentationa and gave it to my lawyer. Took the computer to a computer forensic specialist.
hopeforjoy – well, girl you are just awesomely going down the path to freedom.
he might be exceedingly clever, but you need to accept that you might be able to oputsmart him – theyare narcissists – and you can use their traits agaisnt them, by just letting them get their butts into trouble, and documenting and digging. NEVER tell him that you have anything on him – not a smirk, not an innuendo. gotta go covert.
am really glad the lawyer gets it! there is a poster here, Erinbrock, who will be able to give youtons of step bystep advice. many of the psters here have gone through or are going through what you are in terms of divorcing and dealing with the legal system. hang around. 😉
Sorry, husband came upstairs, been working on my school work. Anyway, I have verifiable proof of porn on one computer. My laptop crashed but I took all history from the toolbar and wrote it down. No child porn, teen crap though. Never knew that there was this other side to him, he carefully kept it hidden and confused me with smoke and mirrors. He traveled a lot and I’m sure was able to keep it hidden. Never have seen him cry in 19 years. When I read about sociopaths and their creepy, intense stare, that would fit my husband.
One step at a time- you are awesome. Thanks for the encouragement, I’m almost there!!! I am awed by the people who have been with these preditors and can still be sane. It takes such fortitude to find your voice and thrive. I do have hope for the future, scared but hopeful.
hopforjoy – i have to run, but please remembe rto clear your browsing history so that he can’t see where you have been on your laptop.
teen porn. i have no words that i am allowed to write here.
take care.