By Ox Drover
In the last few years the national media have picked up several stories of psychopaths using their children as weapons to inflict severe emotional damage to the nurturing parent. In the “Clark Rockefeller” case, the man posing as a member of the Rockefeller family kidnapped his daughter from a supervised visitation and held her hostage for several days before he was found.
Another case featured here in a Lovefraud article was about Dr. Amy Castillo’s three children being murdered by her husband to inflict punishment on her after she had warned the judge that her ex-husband had made this very threat. In spite of this, the judge let the psychopath have unsupervised visitation with these children and the he carried out the threat.
Baby Gabriel
In December of 2009, I saw on Fox News the story of baby Gabriel Johnson, reported missing by his father, Logan McQueary, after the mother, Elizabeth Johnson, had fled with the baby.
Gabriel’s mother, in typical psychopathic style, tried to inflict emotional pain on the baby’s father by threatening in phone calls to McQueary to kill the child. Later, Johnson called the baby’s father and told him that she had smothered the infant to get back at him. This call set off a search for her and/or the infant. Johnson was captured several days later, but there was no sign of the baby, Gabriel. McQueary was granted, after the fact, custody of the missing baby by the courts.
In custody, Johnson told various contradictory tales of what happened to the baby. A person she had met on Craig’s List who had been hired to watch the baby during her flight from law enforcement was contacted and interviewed and indicated the baby appeared ill and may have been drugged during the short time she babysat with him.
Finally, Johnson came up with the story that she had given the baby to a couple in a park and she did not know their names or where they were from. Subsequent evidence seems to back up this story and the child may indeed be in the illegal custody of a couple, who surely by this time, know that they have a kidnapped child, but have not come forward to return the child.
No love for children
While not every psychopathic parent of a child with a nurturing parent goes to the lengths of the above referenced psychopaths to torture the nurturing parents, it is an indication that psychopaths have no love or concern for their children. Psychopaths will use those children to emotionally torture the nurturing parent, who does care about the welfare of the children.
Many parents here on Lovefraud have indicated the emotional torture that they have experienced in concern over their children when the children are in the custody of their psychopathic co-parent. Children are frequently alienated from the nurturing parent, child support is frequently uncollectable, and at best, children are left wondering “Why doesn’t my (parent) love me? What is wrong with me that my (parent) doesn’t come see me?”
It is apparent from the number of times that judges decree that a child should be given visitation with a psychopathic parent, or given into custody of the psychopathic parent, that the family court system does not understand the danger to the children involved in the contact with these destructive people.
It will only be with education of the lawyers and judges about psychopathy that there is even a chance this current situation may change and children may be protected from the violence of emotional and physical abuse by these disordered parents. Parents, in my opinion, should have no rights, but children do and should have “rights” to be protected from abuse from any source, especially psychopathic parents.
Dear Hopeforjoy,
I’m not sure with some of them if theye EVER “get it” that you are SERIOUS and will NOT take them back. Even with my egg donor, she thinks eventually we will “kiss and make up” because in the past, she has always sooner or later got that to happen. Same with a spouse, they have always eventually won, so they think they will this time too and so will keep popping back up with “i love you” or threats.
You can bet though if he is lusting after your daughter, he has got some “strange” on the side…if you have the money you might want to have him followed. If he’s so hep on his “reputation” some nice slimely photos might make him more cooperative.
YEP……
Didn’t seem to work with mine though….he just turned it on me……it’s my crazy wife….
THIS is why it was so rewarding to hear of his BUST!!!!
HA!!!!
Hi everyone!
Have been out of action with an ulcer and an abscessed tooth that just about drove me crazy, but boy, am I glad I checked in and read this article! It makes my heart hurt and it hits home with my son.
Hopeforjoy, you already know what you need to do and I applaud you for that. You have much support here! I remember quite clearly those last days before my ex spath left and they were pure hell. He knew he was going and he did everything he could to make it horrible for everyone under this roof and others as well. BUT I made it through that and I can tell you that the most important thing I did was document, document, document. ALL of that has helped me win when it comes to protecting my son. My ex cannot see him without supervised visitation and there is a protection order on me as well. Your soon to be ex will most likely try every trick in the book, but you can beat him at his own game. I know that it’s emotional right now, but for me, keeping things LOGICAL helped because they play on our emotions. If we don’t display any, they have nothing to work with.
My son won’t even get into his father’s car for a short term visit. Not even when there is also someone else with him. He told me he gets “carsick” in his father’s car. I am listening to this child and what he’s really saying is that he is not comfortable being around his father, who’s attempts at seeing his son are very sparse. Soon, my son’s sperm donor/my ex spath will be leaving the state. Or so he says. My son is trying to deal with so many emotions and there are days I want to pull my hair out, but with counseling, I can see him getting better every day. He has begun to talk much more openly about some of the things he saw his father do and we take time to explore how he feels about those things. At the same time, when I hear it, I want to go find this idiot and blast him for what he’s done to his son. But I don’t. My son is afraid his father would somehow punish him and he’s right. The ex would do or say something to hurt him for talking. Oh yeah, he loves his child alright! Not.
You are teaching your children well. Paying attention to their intuition is an invaluable gift. I pray that this person is out of your life soon and please know, it is NOT your fault. People like this prey on people with a conscience and know just what buttons to push. It’s ALL your fault, you MADE him do it, blah, blah, blah…
My ex spath was, and still is, addicted to internet porn. He likes a lot of variety and pled ignorance, using the same excuse yours did. Must have been a virus. I used a keylogger, a mighty useful tool, I must say, that logged everything he wrote to his equally sick friends and all the sites he visited. He had no idea until I gave him pages of evidence. Caught with his pants down, literally. He made me sick!
There WILL come a time when you have peace, both within and around you. I didn’t use to believe that could be possible, but I do now because 99% of the time, I have it.
Sending you and your children peace, prayers and freedom!
Cat
EB, I didn’t know you had all of those health issues. I’m so sorry to hear that. I had a similar experience in that I was down with congestive heart failure due to a virus and I THOUGH my ex would be taking care of my child. He did. He took him to a drug house at the age of 4 and left him alone in his truck while the idiot went in to score some drugs. And my son remembers that very clearly. Not even bad health will stop them from doing what they’re doing. Incredible, but more than believable. I believe today there really ARE bad people and my ex and yours are two of them.
ICK!
Its true what is says that the child is often left wondering why the parent doesn’t love me? My teacher told me the other day that daughters die to have an approval from their dad. Well in the back of my mind I knew that I can never get approval from my dad. No matter how hard I try to please him or have him love and care for me. Sometimes I forget and I show him how I made honor roll. He frowns and says oh okay. I get hurt and storm away. Its almost like does he not know how hard I worked to receive this award? But you know what I can never win his approval or his love. He can never love anybody nor care for anybody. I have to keep remembering that but I usually end up in tears. But you know what though God is proud of me and that’s all that matters.
DearHurt no more,
In the farm there are animals that are not NORMAL, For example a female swine, called a SOW that eats her own pigs as they emerge from her. She does not have the nurturing instinct. It is a by-word that someone is “like a pig-eating sow” when they have no natural affection for their offspring.
Your father and my egg donor are obviously of that ilk. There is nothing that can be done with them, they are the ones who are UN-natural. We are normal, wanting love and approval from our parents—and it is not there. We must as adults realize the defect is with THEM, not us.
However, you are not an orphan, you have a heavenly FATHER who does love you! Who does approve of you because you are a caring person. God bless. (((Hugs)))))
Dear Cat, welcome home, darling!!! Missed you!!!! Love Oxy
Dear OxDrover,
That’s true that I have a heavenly father but it will be nice if I could recieve a father’s touch. But I can’t ever and that kills me. Every day I try to remember that God loves me and wants the best for me. But its painful to have a dad who tries to make you look bad in front of people. I try my best to do the things I need to do but my dad seems to succeed when it comes to his family. His family believes his lies and schemes. I can’t do anything about it. I really can’t! I just look like a troubled teenage who is just now entering adulthood. Its not true.
Dear Hurtnommore,
What he is doing to you is EMOTIONAL NEGLECT at best or is EMOTIONAL ABUSE. There is nothing you can do about his behavior.
What you CAN do, however, is recognize that it is something out of your control. Something that you want but will never get. Your wanting it is what causes you pain.
For example, let’s say that you decided you wanted to be a rock star, and nothing else in this life would please you, but let’s say you are also tone deaf and you cannot play an instrument and cannot sing at all. Yet you keep on HOPING and trying to be a rock star which will never be. But you could be a wonderful teacher, but you don’t appreciate that talent, because you keep on GRIEVING FOR THE ROCK STAR STATUS.
It is the same with your father, your grieving over it and EXPECTING that it will change is UNREALISTIC and that desire itself compared to the reality of the fact that what you desire will NEVER HAPPEN is causing you pain. You must learn to accept that your father is not going to change, you can’t change him and you must accept what IS, rather than grieving over the loss of what is NOT. I felt the same way, Hurt, over my egg donor (mother”s) lack of approval. I spent decades trying to gain her approval and never succeed, so now I no longer expect her approval. I no longer strive for her approval and I no longer hurt because I know it is like me wanting to grow wings and fly like a bird. It is not going to happen. (((hugs))))
Dear Cat,
Thank you for sharing your story about your son and the things you had to go through to get him in a healthy environment. Your ex seems similar to mine, I sometimes hope that he gets picked up by the cops for doing perverted stuff in his car. Pretty sure he was doing something nasty with his getting so worked up about it.
One thing husband will say is “I’m not a monster”, he must believe he is somewhere really deep inside. I never inferred he was a monster, I kept trying to get him help and told him I would forgive anything if he could only be honest with me. Looking back, I don’t think he has the ability to be honest so I would be waiting forever, that is a lot of wasted time.
Can’t wait until this is over! I was thinking today how proud I am of my daughter, she has so much courage! She was able to speak up about something so painful. When you talked about your son knowing he doesn’t want to go with your ex spath, my daughter says the same thing. The really scarry thing is, I might have not believed her two years ago. I found lesbian porn on my computer and believed husband when he said I must have got a virus. I didn’t think it was possible for him to do that. It was contrary to what I knew about him. He never was interested in porn at home, never wanted to watch it. Even though I have proof, he still tries to get out of it. Weirdo!!!
I was asking my kids what their two biggest fears were, daughter said her biggest one was being abandon. This must be something children of spaths go through because of the spath only really caring about themselves.
The next few weeks are going to be very difficult. I know I am doing the right thing. What is so hard right now, husband is being like prince charming. He seems so normal. Asking me if he can do anything for me. Concerned about my health and if I’m sleeping. Never was concerned before. Would always say everything was in my inagination. When our therapist wanted to meet with me alone to work on my self-esteem and assertiveness, he said I was aggressive and didn’t need help. She won’t see his sorry butt anymore.
I asked this question before, it’s off topic but wondering if any of you experienced cats that will attack your ex spaths?
Can I say how amazed I am of the amount of support I have received from you wonderful people since I told my story? I want to cry from relief that there are other people who know what I have been through.