By Ox Drover
In the last few years the national media have picked up several stories of psychopaths using their children as weapons to inflict severe emotional damage to the nurturing parent. In the “Clark Rockefeller” case, the man posing as a member of the Rockefeller family kidnapped his daughter from a supervised visitation and held her hostage for several days before he was found.
Another case featured here in a Lovefraud article was about Dr. Amy Castillo’s three children being murdered by her husband to inflict punishment on her after she had warned the judge that her ex-husband had made this very threat. In spite of this, the judge let the psychopath have unsupervised visitation with these children and the he carried out the threat.
Baby Gabriel
In December of 2009, I saw on Fox News the story of baby Gabriel Johnson, reported missing by his father, Logan McQueary, after the mother, Elizabeth Johnson, had fled with the baby.
Gabriel’s mother, in typical psychopathic style, tried to inflict emotional pain on the baby’s father by threatening in phone calls to McQueary to kill the child. Later, Johnson called the baby’s father and told him that she had smothered the infant to get back at him. This call set off a search for her and/or the infant. Johnson was captured several days later, but there was no sign of the baby, Gabriel. McQueary was granted, after the fact, custody of the missing baby by the courts.
In custody, Johnson told various contradictory tales of what happened to the baby. A person she had met on Craig’s List who had been hired to watch the baby during her flight from law enforcement was contacted and interviewed and indicated the baby appeared ill and may have been drugged during the short time she babysat with him.
Finally, Johnson came up with the story that she had given the baby to a couple in a park and she did not know their names or where they were from. Subsequent evidence seems to back up this story and the child may indeed be in the illegal custody of a couple, who surely by this time, know that they have a kidnapped child, but have not come forward to return the child.
No love for children
While not every psychopathic parent of a child with a nurturing parent goes to the lengths of the above referenced psychopaths to torture the nurturing parents, it is an indication that psychopaths have no love or concern for their children. Psychopaths will use those children to emotionally torture the nurturing parent, who does care about the welfare of the children.
Many parents here on Lovefraud have indicated the emotional torture that they have experienced in concern over their children when the children are in the custody of their psychopathic co-parent. Children are frequently alienated from the nurturing parent, child support is frequently uncollectable, and at best, children are left wondering “Why doesn’t my (parent) love me? What is wrong with me that my (parent) doesn’t come see me?”
It is apparent from the number of times that judges decree that a child should be given visitation with a psychopathic parent, or given into custody of the psychopathic parent, that the family court system does not understand the danger to the children involved in the contact with these destructive people.
It will only be with education of the lawyers and judges about psychopathy that there is even a chance this current situation may change and children may be protected from the violence of emotional and physical abuse by these disordered parents. Parents, in my opinion, should have no rights, but children do and should have “rights” to be protected from abuse from any source, especially psychopathic parents.
Cat:
Yes….those were some VERY dark days/years actually!
I pulled a lot of courage out of being diagnosed with C…..and unable to walk, move from my bedroom…..I crawled….and got very winded….was alone and beind attacked form all sides.
It was ironic…and I hope this is a lesson to others choosing to LIVE with this stress…..as I did. It takes it’s toll…..and no one can say this was any coincidence.
After years in hell and misery….trying every ‘angle’ to ‘help’ spath…..being lied to , schmoozed, sucked in and used as a cover…..
We finally had peace. The kids said….after I booted him…Mom…it’s so nice to have peace in our home. Things were GREAT….I was making a plan….doing the business…raising the kids….having fun….enjoying each other….entertained the whole family at Thanksgiving.
THEN…..
ONE month exactly after sending him packing…and NOT having contact with him…..ONE MONTH LATER….I got sick. How’s that for PROOF stress kills?
But this was also what gave me strength……
I knew I never wanted to ‘go back to that place’
I lived through my first ‘chance’…..NOW its’ time to take the helm!!!
This was when divorce was filed and spath battle began…..at my physical weakest……
AT 39 years old…..I NEVER thought my health would plummet…and keep plummeting…..
But the stress from a spath will do this……
So….I could have chosen to give up and rotted……OR chose to fight and LIVE……spath free and enlightened to what the world offers.
You all know what I chose…..and I have NO regrets….NONE!!!!
Come ‘rain or shine’ the spaths actions are all the same……if your ill….it’s a large inconvenience and one that they choose to use as a tool for further destruction or death!
I’m sorry you had your heart issues….(medical) with no support….it’s unbelievable the damage they do!! everything is an opportunity.
POWER TO ALL SURVIVORS!!!!
Dear Hopeforjoy,
As for cats attacking Ps, animals are sometimes intuitive, but my parrot who is not friendly to strangers IMMEDIATELY LOVED the Psychopath trojan Horse. I’ve seen my dog not like people before and the dog eventually turned out to be right! I’ve also seen dogs be wrong. I think it just depends on the animal. It is also possible that he had kicked the cat when you were not looking too. So the cat may have been provoked. Cats are not generally as tolerant of abuse as dogs may be.
Hang in there and just keep assuring your daughter that you will not abandon her—her father has already not only abandoned her but abused her. Just comfort her. And, take care of yourself as well! (((hugs)))
ErinBrock,
Holy cow, I can’t believe the hell you went through. To have the peace of mind to know that the P is out of your life and that the stress of living with a deranged person did that to you.
I can never know exactly how much crap you went through, but my heart breaks when I think that P’s don’t give a rip about your pain. In a way, I pity them. I would rather be the heroine that you are and able to feel emotion, than a stupid P who doesn’t have a clue.
Everything is an opportunity, those are words of wisdom
Hope:
The point is…..WE ALL WENT THROUGH OUR OWN HELL!!!!
We all have a valid ‘story’…..we all SUFFER!
Pay attention darlen…..you know how the story goes…if you stay!
I’m ‘pro-life’…..when it comes to spaths…. (no reference to abortions)
Choose life!!!
Hi Oxy! I’ve missed LF and everyone here. I’ve read your wonderful comments and as always, you have so much to offer!
EB: you know, I really believe there is truth to the stress and it’s ability to attack one’s body in many ways. Mine was my heart. I think my immune system was so tired that the virus was able to slip right in and damage my heart muscle. I came home from the hospital with only 19% of my heart working. And do you know what the idiot did? He went right back out and did what he had been doing before. Our being seriously ill doesn’t affect them in any way, at least not in my case. He just kept on doing what he was doing AND involved my son.
You CHOSE what I CHOSE-LIFE and FREEDOM and it’s so worth it! I have no regrets today and my health is, for the most part, much better. An ulcer I can deal with. It’s not life threatening like my heart was or your C and the strokes you had. The ex was actually the most threatening disease I ever lived with and thank God, that’s gone! Rock on!
Hopeforjoy; this is an AMAZING PLACE WITH AMAZING PEOPLE and I’m glad you’re here! You can get through whatever you have to get through in the upcoming weeks and you don’t have to be alone. Until he’s gone, I would be very careful of leaving any browsers open or leaving and history behind. You don’t want him finding you on this site and hurting you for that as well. Protect yourself, hon. Have faith and know that you have an inner strength that he can’t touch. When I look back, I’m amazed at what I did and what I’m still doing. YOU can do it too! I know how scary it is to have them under the same roof, but just knowing that it’s ending soon is, in itself, a source of strength. Yes, our exes sound similar and mine was into sex with EVERYBODY. He wanted to “try out” the other side too. My presence in his life was just a cover for him to do what he wanted to do.
Your children are awesome! They GET it and you are a good mother or else they wouldn’t be articulating their fears and beliefs like they are. YOU are the safe environment they come to to air their feelings and fears and there’s much to be said for that.
Here’s to freedom!
Hugs,
Cat
EB, rofl! Yeah, I’m pro-life too!
Dear CAt,
I hope your heart is ticking along better now. You are so right STRESS KILLS. It doesn’t do any of us any good when it is HIGH AND PROLONGED. I really am glad that you and EB have both gotten back your spunk!@....... PRO LIFE, life after the chaos! (((hugs))))
EB, I didn’t have a clue as to the physical aspects of your life. God bless you, my dear! I firmly believe that stress can cause health issues. The mind can only deal with so much negativity and damage before the body says, “OKAY – let’s do something about all of this dark stuff!” My body’s way of coping was to fall down all the time and stay infected with sinus issues, or something else. By the time I left the spath, I knew all of the doctors and ER people on what should have been a first-name basis!
BRIGHTEST BLESSINGS, to you, EB – to you an all who are fighting and winning these battles.
Cat, I’m trying to be careful, I bought a new lap top with fingerprint recognition (the other one died). He was using mine to look up porn, just so he could blame me I’m sure. Sicko. He’s a narcissist and thinks that I am giving him a chance and that makes him not look as much at my stuff. I hide my journals and gave copies of everything to my lawyer. I am counting the days until he’s gone!!!
Using my coffee cup as a Cheer’s to Freedom!
Dear Hope, Good for you!. You have already had lots of good advice from fellow travellers here, but I would just like to stress again the importance of getting any and all documentation and access to you assets etc. immediately. I foolishly expected some sense of fair play on that side and it cost me big time.
Their hubris and sense of entitlement is so immense that mere mortals like us cannot fathom it. Your H’s acting all nice-nice is also a big red flag. Something is up for sure.
As difficult as it may seem now, you will have peace and recover your joy once you are free of him.
Mine is still playing huge mind games, speaking of how they treat their kids.
After 2 1/2 years of battle, whereby I managed to get a court order that allowed me to seize his computer, freeze his bank account, get access to ANY financial info in the country we live in etc, and uncovering LOTS of evidence that he is hiding significant assets from me etc etc etc, not to mention the porn of young lads having their way with each other, he is cool as a cucumber. Flat out denials in the face of incontrovertable evidence etc. We are scheduled to go to trial in 3 weeks.
What does he do? Start promising my older son, who is a chef, that he will “find” the money to set up a restaurant, I am talking a very large sum here. Promises to “find” the money to promote my other son’s aspirations. They are adults. I have simply told them that nothing will stop me from going the course, and that I believe he will find a way to make his promises contigent on a concession from me. Just wait for it.
They love both their parents and don’t fully accept or want to believe the “P” factor. Which I can understand. It took me over 20 years to realize that something was seriously not okay with him, and 7 more to get out. It is natural to try and think “fairly”.
Anyhow, the point being, until this is over, I am still stuck in his “movie” and he is still getting his “supply”. Pulling the strings, fabricating everones reality for them. Totally disgusting.
My younger son has volunteered to testify on my behalf, and divlulge some very damaging info, that confirms the accusations of my case. Mr. Big shot counters by threatening to cross examine him in court and bring up that he once grew some weed. What a prize A….hole. NOTHING is beneath these creatures.
Be strong, and remember, until you are out, you are sleeping with the enemy. Your best asset right now is your own wit and poise, the love of your children, and what sounds like a good lawyer who “gets” it. I finally have one who wants to see my ex in jail. I share her sentiments.
Best of luck and keep us posted when it is safe for you to do so.
And for what it is worth, I am realizing more every day, that I am naturally a happy, caring and capable person. A sharp contrast to the trembling ( inside) confused and chronically stressed person I became throughout most of the 27 years we were together. I am literally down to my last few pesos – but am holding my head high, with a smile on my face. His day will come.
Peace and love,