By Ox Drover
In the last few years the national media have picked up several stories of psychopaths using their children as weapons to inflict severe emotional damage to the nurturing parent. In the “Clark Rockefeller” case, the man posing as a member of the Rockefeller family kidnapped his daughter from a supervised visitation and held her hostage for several days before he was found.
Another case featured here in a Lovefraud article was about Dr. Amy Castillo’s three children being murdered by her husband to inflict punishment on her after she had warned the judge that her ex-husband had made this very threat. In spite of this, the judge let the psychopath have unsupervised visitation with these children and the he carried out the threat.
Baby Gabriel
In December of 2009, I saw on Fox News the story of baby Gabriel Johnson, reported missing by his father, Logan McQueary, after the mother, Elizabeth Johnson, had fled with the baby.
Gabriel’s mother, in typical psychopathic style, tried to inflict emotional pain on the baby’s father by threatening in phone calls to McQueary to kill the child. Later, Johnson called the baby’s father and told him that she had smothered the infant to get back at him. This call set off a search for her and/or the infant. Johnson was captured several days later, but there was no sign of the baby, Gabriel. McQueary was granted, after the fact, custody of the missing baby by the courts.
In custody, Johnson told various contradictory tales of what happened to the baby. A person she had met on Craig’s List who had been hired to watch the baby during her flight from law enforcement was contacted and interviewed and indicated the baby appeared ill and may have been drugged during the short time she babysat with him.
Finally, Johnson came up with the story that she had given the baby to a couple in a park and she did not know their names or where they were from. Subsequent evidence seems to back up this story and the child may indeed be in the illegal custody of a couple, who surely by this time, know that they have a kidnapped child, but have not come forward to return the child.
No love for children
While not every psychopathic parent of a child with a nurturing parent goes to the lengths of the above referenced psychopaths to torture the nurturing parents, it is an indication that psychopaths have no love or concern for their children. Psychopaths will use those children to emotionally torture the nurturing parent, who does care about the welfare of the children.
Many parents here on Lovefraud have indicated the emotional torture that they have experienced in concern over their children when the children are in the custody of their psychopathic co-parent. Children are frequently alienated from the nurturing parent, child support is frequently uncollectable, and at best, children are left wondering “Why doesn’t my (parent) love me? What is wrong with me that my (parent) doesn’t come see me?”
It is apparent from the number of times that judges decree that a child should be given visitation with a psychopathic parent, or given into custody of the psychopathic parent, that the family court system does not understand the danger to the children involved in the contact with these destructive people.
It will only be with education of the lawyers and judges about psychopathy that there is even a chance this current situation may change and children may be protected from the violence of emotional and physical abuse by these disordered parents. Parents, in my opinion, should have no rights, but children do and should have “rights” to be protected from abuse from any source, especially psychopathic parents.
Anita:
His day WILL come….
And so…it is……
Your children WILL see who their father is…..when all the bribery and promises blow up on them…..when all thier hopes for their father are dashed…..they WILL see!!!
Good luck in court…..I’m sending some EB MOJO your way…..
Sounds like you got an excellent grip on him…..whether he shows it or not…..
And your son growing weed……SO WHAT and I bet he was a teenager…..he’s NOT the one going through a divorce….and if pops did bring that up….which I doubt ANY attorney, worth anything, would…..but if so……HE”D look like an ass and harm his case further….
throwing stones at his own son……..
Good luck….His day is coming….and your LIFE is here!!!!
🙂
It is SO true that what goes around comes right back around. Whether it’s in this lifetime, or the next, they cannot hide their tracks, forever. They lose track of the lies that they’ve told, the threats that they’ve made, and the people that they’ve harmed, and it will ALL come crashing down around them, soon enough……
Hang in there, Anita!
Dear Ox, Thanks babe! I’ve had a couple of doctors call me a miracle in that my heart is SO much better than it was and what I had does kill a lot of people. Stress does kill, it invades the body a bit at a time and then you have to find your SPUNK. You know, I believe today that God kept me alive because He knew what was to come and knew I would be the one raising this child and that’s why I healed the way I did. To me, it’s proof that God really does know what he’s doing. Same with EB. God knew what she would be doing today and gave her the strength and will to get through it.
As for the ex spath, his path includes prison, more drugs, con artists like himself. The whole nine yards. AND HE CAN HAVE IT.
Last night, while celebrating my mother’s 75th birthday, I get a phone call. (EB, you’re gonna love this one!) Now, my ex had his phone number changed a few weeks ago (like I care) and always comes up Blocked ID. After him calling with Blocked ID a dozen times in ONE day, I call the police. The pick him up. Silence for a few days. Sigh of relief” FF to last night: I get a phone call from a number than is almost exactly like his. I don’t answer. I get a text message saying, “Please call me.” I text back, ’WHO are you?” It turns out it was his new g/f and she was calling me to talk about the ex spath. I didn’t respond to this call. I don’t think there is anything I could say that she would believe or that he wouldn’t twist and turn to make himself look good and me look crazy. So, I chose to stay away from it ALL.
Hope, good for you! There has been some excellent advice on here about what to do and what NOT to do. I was an “actress” for a long time before he left. I knew what buttons NOT to push. If you pay attention to his game, you see the REAL PERSON and yes, he will get ugly when he figures out he’s been duped, but by then, lets hope he’s out of the house. The thing that I had to do to act like I bought his garbage was to think and act logical and that’s hard when the emotions are boiling to close to the surface, but I told myself there would be plenty of time for those to come out later. EB has some great advice on this!
anitasee, It really hit me when you said he was “cool as a cucumber”. What world do they live in and aren’t we glad we aren’t there? My ex is going to court again for theft. When I saw him for 5 seconds, I asked him what he thought would happen. He very calmly said that he would get out of it, it was no big deal and he would then be leaving town. The REALLY believe the law can’t touch them and I think your ex is in for a huge surprise. I get the game he’s playing. Mine did it as well. If he thinks that growing a little weed is going to cancel out all that he’s done, I think he’s in for a HUGE surprise! My prayers and support go out to you. He’s one sick puppy! And you are right; document, document, document.
EB, Hope, Cat Oxy et al,… thanks for the MOJO. I am feeling it.
Not to make to big a point of it, but just like Oxy said the other day, even her Egg Doner believes that it is just a matter of time before she comes around. NO>>>what part of NO do you not understand…etc. etc. etc..
I may lose. I may have not dotted every I, and crossed every T, and he is very cunning. But dammn, I did not let my kids see me go down without a whimper. No matter what. That alone has been worth the price. For them and for me. Win, lose or draw.
P.S Especially because it took me so long to say ” Basta”
Peace and love. : )
GO, GO, GO, GOOOOOO ANITASEE……
Keep us posted….
This is a crucial time emotionally…..you’ll be high, and low…..
So try to keep a balance…..
Go over it….know your ‘story’…..and go kick some spath court ass darlen!!!!
XXOO
EB
Anitasee,
You have some really good advice about documentation. I have dug up some things on husband but even with evidence, he denies. My therapist said it will never be enough, he will try and expain away everything. I wanted him to take a lie detector test (same time I asked him is when he called my mom for an intervention for me), my therapist said the lie detector test wasn’t a good idea. A doctor at the University also said the test wasn’t a good idea. I pretty much forced him to go to a sexual health Dr. of psychology, that’s when the tests came back proving he is a narcissist.
I tend to ramble, don’t you feel like, after all the many years of your husband telling you “you don’t know what you’re talking about”, you want to tell everyone how much of a a** hole he is? Last week, in my Biology class, I started telling my lab partner that my husband is a psychopath, she looked at me in dis-belief. I thought, I better shut the mouth before I look like I’m loony.
This web site has been a theraputic place to talk about these things because all of you GET IT! I feel a bit narcisstic for being so needy. I was communicating with a counselor I met when we had a couples weekend with Retrouvaille, (christian based organization for couples with relationship issues), my husband said it was slander if I talked to her about our problems. It isn’t, but always with the manipulation.
I have been reading a lot of your and others testimonials and many of the spaths in your lives seem to be like grifters, conmen and women. I don’t see that side of my husband, he is actually very rigid with his sense of responsiblity (always on time, if he says he will do something he does it), so it has been hard to see him as disordered. He never did like paying the bills, the one time he did them, he ended up throwing the envelopes on the floor in disgust. Rambling again.
Anyway, just thanks. Hope your ex looks like an idiot in court, it sounds like that would be pretty easy, he will dig his own grave with how he is disparaging your son. I ask this question many times a day, what is wrong with people? I hope to have the same strength that many of the posters here have, seems to come along when you are empowered with the truth.
Hopeforjoy, please, please, PLEASE, be cautious when discussing your issues with someone. “Fits the profile” is, IMHO, the only way that we, as laypeople, should attempt to describe the Things. In the world of disbelief, it’s very, very difficult for someone to grasp the concept of other human beings existing without a conscience, boundaries, etc., and can often backfire on us in our zeal to tell the truth. In the world outside of the spath, these details are “evidence” of a proper diagnosis, but we’re not “qualified” to make such an assessment, as insane as that may sound. We are the ones who have experienced their behaivors, first hand, and yet we are not considered qualified to diagnose.
My eldest son has been diagnosed by mental health professionals and, therefore, I am comfortable in calling a spade a spade. When I’m discussing the spath ex, I have to be very careful because he was never “diagnosed.” He only “fit the profile,” even though his actions, choices, and behaviors were 100% psychopathic, abusive, and perverted.
Here, on this site, you can describe events as they happened, discuss your suspicions and so forth, without consequence or legal ramifications. Here, you are safe to speak truth.
What is wrong with people? If there were a concise answer to that, there would be no such thing as a field of psychiatry/psychology! LOLOL!!!
Hang in there, Hope, and keep posting, venting, and “rambling” as long as it’s helping you down that healing path!
Hopeforjoy – two points.
1/ you say he has a good work ethic. Is this what he tells you or do you PERSONALLY know this. If he is a p, he does not have a work ethic but has figured out how to get others to do his work and ruin those that see his true colours.
2/ the computer. VERY good move. Is this the computer he uses, and would there be copies of his resumes on it? Again, if he is a p there will be nothing but lies and exaggerations on his resume. This can be used to show his character in court. Plus it’s a nice big stick you can hit him with – the threat of exposure – just make sure it’s not you that does it.
Good luck and get out.
Buttons,
You’re right about telling people, even my mom (who I am close to), didn’t quite believe the extent of husbands manipulation. When she saw it first hand, then she said it was like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. Then she knew what I was talking about. He fools everyone.
I will zip the lip around other people, know that I have to keep the inner circle small. I want to tell his family and friends but if I bought his crap for 19 years, why would they believe me?
Harold,
He has told me he had the best record in the company in regards to how his employees felt about working for him. He did climb high on the ladder and is very smart, he could have got his employees to do most of the work.
A few years ago there was a woman who worked for him who was just his type. Around that time he rode his motorcycle more to work, had some late Monday meetings, talked about getting botox, asked why did we get such a big house…you get the idea. I know he did something to get human resources involved. He said this woman was mad about not getting invited to our cabin with the other guys and felt discriminated against. He said he hates her and she is a nasty person. Yet she is on his face book now, he said that it is good to have her as a connection incase he wants to get back in the business. I think he stalked her.
Anyway, I would love to get ahold of those human resources records. Husband told me his record was spotless, and his reputation was outstanding. As if