By Ox Drover
In the last few years the national media have picked up several stories of psychopaths using their children as weapons to inflict severe emotional damage to the nurturing parent. In the “Clark Rockefeller” case, the man posing as a member of the Rockefeller family kidnapped his daughter from a supervised visitation and held her hostage for several days before he was found.
Another case featured here in a Lovefraud article was about Dr. Amy Castillo’s three children being murdered by her husband to inflict punishment on her after she had warned the judge that her ex-husband had made this very threat. In spite of this, the judge let the psychopath have unsupervised visitation with these children and the he carried out the threat.
Baby Gabriel
In December of 2009, I saw on Fox News the story of baby Gabriel Johnson, reported missing by his father, Logan McQueary, after the mother, Elizabeth Johnson, had fled with the baby.
Gabriel’s mother, in typical psychopathic style, tried to inflict emotional pain on the baby’s father by threatening in phone calls to McQueary to kill the child. Later, Johnson called the baby’s father and told him that she had smothered the infant to get back at him. This call set off a search for her and/or the infant. Johnson was captured several days later, but there was no sign of the baby, Gabriel. McQueary was granted, after the fact, custody of the missing baby by the courts.
In custody, Johnson told various contradictory tales of what happened to the baby. A person she had met on Craig’s List who had been hired to watch the baby during her flight from law enforcement was contacted and interviewed and indicated the baby appeared ill and may have been drugged during the short time she babysat with him.
Finally, Johnson came up with the story that she had given the baby to a couple in a park and she did not know their names or where they were from. Subsequent evidence seems to back up this story and the child may indeed be in the illegal custody of a couple, who surely by this time, know that they have a kidnapped child, but have not come forward to return the child.
No love for children
While not every psychopathic parent of a child with a nurturing parent goes to the lengths of the above referenced psychopaths to torture the nurturing parents, it is an indication that psychopaths have no love or concern for their children. Psychopaths will use those children to emotionally torture the nurturing parent, who does care about the welfare of the children.
Many parents here on Lovefraud have indicated the emotional torture that they have experienced in concern over their children when the children are in the custody of their psychopathic co-parent. Children are frequently alienated from the nurturing parent, child support is frequently uncollectable, and at best, children are left wondering “Why doesn’t my (parent) love me? What is wrong with me that my (parent) doesn’t come see me?”
It is apparent from the number of times that judges decree that a child should be given visitation with a psychopathic parent, or given into custody of the psychopathic parent, that the family court system does not understand the danger to the children involved in the contact with these destructive people.
It will only be with education of the lawyers and judges about psychopathy that there is even a chance this current situation may change and children may be protected from the violence of emotional and physical abuse by these disordered parents. Parents, in my opinion, should have no rights, but children do and should have “rights” to be protected from abuse from any source, especially psychopathic parents.
In your case, Banana. LITIGATION!!!!!!!! You KNOW already what his idea of “negotiation” is!
litigation……….there is no such thing as “negotiating” with an spath. Period.
Banana, if you need to prepare for this battle, seek the counsel of a therapist who is familiar with spaths and the aftermath. Legal battles with the spath can be the most draining experiences of our lives, because “justice” is a dream rather than a reality. What would be just usually requires a tooth-and-nail fight, and most Survivors are so emotionally and financially drained by the time they get to the myriad hearings that they are willing to throw in the towel to end the bullshit.
I wish that I had had this site when I was going through my divorce proceedings – I lost all of my emotional and financial stamina because I couldn’t separate my Self from the whole ugly circus.
Brightest blessings to you, Banana.
My Oh My Buttons, Did you hit the nail on the head. Drained, exhausted, elated that there is an end in sight, scared, angry.
Right now I am getting the full onslaught of P warfare. But this too shall pass.
Many of you here have endured far worse at the hands of a P, and your healing and courage is always a solace and a gentle tap with a skillet.
Peace,
Just found this link to the MOSAIC threat assessment programme – it’s a free 46 question tool to assess the potential for danger in abusive relationships of all descriptions that was developed by Gavin de Becker (author of The Gift of Fear) – might be useful for those of us who have been with psychos or who are planning to leave.
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/MOSAIC-Gavin-de-Beckers-Online-Threat-Assessment-Tool
You do have to register to use it but there are instructions about how to protect your privacy while using it. Smart idea as some people load key stroke loggers to track the victim’s movements online.
I have created an account and had a password emailed to me. You agree that you have read through the conditions of the test and understand that it does not predict the future. I will post more once I have completed the test and received the associated report. I will be interested to see the threat level considering I believe he is a psychopath.
If anyone else uses it can you please also give some feedback and your result as well as whether this was what you expected or not?
Wow well I am absolutely shocked … my score was very high risk … here’s the summary excerpt after answering the questions that applied to my situation honestly …
ASSESSMENT RESULTS: 8 on a scale of 1 to 10
Based upon the information you have provided, and with a quality level of 167 out of a possible 200, this situation appears most similar to cases that -have- worsened and escalated. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being assigned to the worst situations), this situation is a 8. Some similar cases have escalated to include worsening abuse, substantial violence, and even homicide. This situation definitely carries a high risk for you, and steps to enhance safety and wellbeing are called for. Consider learning about immediate options and resources by contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline: http://www.thehotline.org or 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
I didn’t think it was that high risk as he wasn’t openly violent and mostly the abuse was emotional, psychological, financial – I am really shocked. Will be very interested if anyone else takes this assessment of their recently ended relationship.
Banana, see if there’s an attorney referral service, locally. OR, contact your State’s Bar Association to see if either of those resources can direct you to an attorney that is familiar with spaths.
When I began my legal journey, I had no idea what I was up against. On this site, you’ll have so much information that you’ll be able to make wise and sound decisions for yourself. The important thing that I learned through my legal processes was that there is no such thing as a “fair” outcome or ruling. When dealing with spath, it’s a host of challenges, but you’ll do just fine!
SILVERMOON,
I’m replyiing to you here, it is almost impossible to reply on a thread with 700+ comments on my SLOW net connection.
Thank you, sweetie! I do feel very appreciated here at LF, and I am very appreciative OF LF.
Hope things go well for you with your bizzare situation and you can get some resolution of some kind!
It’s like the crap just keeps on a-coming! I was really hoping to have a path of how to procede, I might be impatient but I WANT THIS TO END! Last night, on the way home from dance, my precious daughter said that she thinks dad is a sociopath. She said she has nightmares about him raping her. This is so sick! She has felt something off about him for about 3 years.
I promised her that I would find a solution within the month. He needs to leave!!!!!!!!
HOPE:
Okay….this is ALARMING…..and she’s 11?
You need to speak to her therapist…..about how to handle this.
This could be her ‘way’ of telling you……
You’d be surprised how kids keep this sort of thing ‘close’….and sometimes only ‘inch’ it out….hoping you’ll catch on.
Regardless of how close you are to her. Sexual abuse tends to take on a life of it’s own with how it affects children.
I would go right to her therapist and discuss it with her…..
If she feels something is ‘wrong’ and is required to report …..then you would have every right to request a TPO and have him removed from the home….THE minute you are informed this will be reported to CPS.
YOU need to make certain YOU have ALL documentation in place….for a divorce…like bank statements records etc….OFF premesis…..NOW!
Do it all NOW….don’t wait and wish you had of done something different later.
Protect that daughter…..
Somethings gone on……
Banana – I would recommend as a first step finding a female lawyer – law is a largely male profession so in general females have to be tougher to survive in it.
You could also check out divorce forums or google ‘rate a lawyer’ sites … there are some for doctors and specialists so presumably there will be some for lawyers also.
Best of luck!