According to the National Institutes of Health website “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat.”
Signs and Symptoms of PTSD are grouped into three categories:
1. Re-experiencing symptoms:
• Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
• Bad dreams
• Frightening thoughts.
Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.
2. Avoidance symptoms:
• Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience
• Feeling emotionally numb
• Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry
• Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past
• Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.
Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.
3. Hyperarousal symptoms:
• Being easily startled
• Feeling tense or “on edge”
• Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.
Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.
Unfortunately whenever a psychological experience is dubbed “a disorder” people get the impression that the person who has this experience is “defective” or “crazy” or of poor character. The thought that PTSD symptoms are related to some core defect in character/personality serves to further increase the sufferer’s anxiety and level of symptoms. Not wanting to consider any predisposing factors to these symptoms may also prevent a person from doing real soul searching.
There is one main reason to emphasize that PTSD symptoms constitute a disorder. That is that the symptoms greatly impair a person’s ability to function. They also rob people of love and well-being. Overwhelming anxiety is not conducive to well-being or loving relationships.
Because PTSD symptoms are debilitating we have to address them, face them and ultimately conquer them. That means acknowledging the other fears/concerns that go along with having these symptoms:
1. Am I crazy?
2. Am I defective?
3. Will I ever be normal again?
4. Why did this happen to me?
5. How can I prevent this from happening again?
6. Can I trust myself?
To start to recover, notice that if you reduce PTSD down to its core essence it is simply difficulty processing that the trauma was then and today is now. For people whose PTSD is related to an experience with a sociopath, the problem is that the sociopath may not be gone. The then and now is blurred. The worst things done by the sociopath are in the past and there may be protections in place but the sociopath is still around. Sometimes that source of trauma is the other parent of beloved children.
Recovery in such a context means having a clear head to really sort out what was then and what is now. Next week we will consider other roadblocks to distinguishing then from now.
I like to add a personal comment regarding going NC.
I have learned that whenever I personally decided to initiate NC with a friend family member or past love one that the NC come with it a very heavily price.
What I mean is with NC we lose a part of something we once were connected too. It might have been a love one we bonded with strongly. Whenever I initiate NC with this love one I lost that bond of love with them. It might be a friend who I thought I knew and trusted and when I initiate NC with that person I lost this friendship and trust. When I initiate NC with a family member I lost that connection with this family member. To me NC is a lost that demands a price of me. And at times a price I resent paying but I know that there is nothing free in this life. I initiate NC because this is something I need to do for me. I came to understand that without NC and with God’s grace I might never fully heal and then learn. NC comes with a price and like I stated an emotionally heavily price. And like I stated at times a price I resent paying crying out to God “it’s not fair!”. Why God why?
Then I think about Christ my personal lord and savior. I think about how God gave his only forgotten son to die for me on a cross of wood for my sins. Then I think how this wasn’t fair as well. How a price and a heavily price had to be paid for my sins. Yes, lord there are things I don’t want to do but if I do it in the name of love I believe my heavenly father will understand and help me with this. NC for me is a cleansing of my own personal soul and mind. But it comes with a price lord and yes a very heavily price indeed.
NC is a personal decision and each one of must do it on one’s own. It should never be force on anyone else including our children and other family members or friends. Initiating NC is something I can do only for myself and must remember never to expect impose or force another person to do it. Each one of us has their own cross to bear and it should always be done in the name of love.
James, this is very true and you put it well. It does create a bit of loss for the sense of self, I think.
thanks jillsmith, NC is so personal and at times it’s hard to explain. I glad for LF, because here I believe some do understand and maybe in a way help other understand that whenever we do go NC, we do so with deep thought and with personal pain and lost.
James
Yes I agree about the ‘sense of loss’ despite it being necessary for our long’term mental health.
I don’t like to use the word ‘envy’ as it implies – the taking away of something from another but I do ‘envy’ you your faith – only in the sense that I hear the strength you gain from this and I wish I could believe in some kind of higher power. All I have to fall back on is a loose belief in the justice of the universe and humanity itself.
Thanks for your always wise and gentle postings – it’s comforting to know there are good men out there.
Escapee,
I too don’t like the word “envy” and the usage of this word many will see a lack of it in my writing. So I can understand why you may not like it, for I know I don’t.
As for my belief system which is based on Christianity principles is something I believe in more so because of my early exposure to it. But many times I wonder if I was raised in an Eastern society would I have this belief system base more on a Buddhist religious principle? I believe I would. What I mean is that my belief is based on my need for some kind of understanding into spiritual nurturing. I have a belief system in place because I need one. This is a personal decision and don’t believe I or anyone has the right to demand it of others. If religious help you then use it but if therapy can help one coupe and come to one’s self of enlightenment then use that. In short whatever helps us grow and come to an understanding of self and others then it all good and productive. One dear friend of my once told me how he believed that therapy was the new religious of the 70 and 80. I look closer at what he said and told him that I agree with that statement.
Peace and Hugs.
James
How kind and insightful you are. Thanks for your responses, always thoughtful and always from a place of kindness and wisdom. Your children are very lucky to have such a nurturing father in the absence of a loving mother. They will thrive I am sure!
Good wishes.
Escapee, I admire your upfront honesty and openmindedness in your comments to James regarding his faith and that you wish you had the strength gained from “believing in a higher power.”
I might also add, and James may agree the inner peace and joy that is also present even in trials that we face is “real” and undeniable.
It is never too late to reach out into another direction and explore the possibilitiies You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain.
I used to let the tired old arguement of how hipocritical “believers” can be hold me back from wanting “any part of that” until a respected “believer” said to me that We are all just doing the best we can in life, ALL humans will eventually fail you.The Lord says I will never leave or forsake you.
I have never had anyone in life that didnt leave or hugely disappoint me, so that kind of love intrigued me and grabbed ahold of my spirit.
Like you, my heart was opened to the possibility of a better life. Initially, I saw Gods love as an intensive care unit for all of us that are hurting and looking for more – I still feel it is, but also its about reaching out to others that are hurting and offering them something “real” that lasts eternally. Peace xoxo
Katya,
I think this is big and healthy of you to recognize and admit to yourself and on the board that you get out of sorts sometimes. I can relate.
My PTSD issues seem to make me feel more moody. My moods used to be so consistent before I met P; however, now, I find I have trouble balancing out my moods and stress on really bad days. Father’s Day was a very bad day for me and I’ve just been feeling grumpy ever since. I have to work so hard to get in a good mood now, through yoga, meditation, journaling and any number of things that help. It takes work though. However, my good moods can disappear so quickly, with the slightest stress that enters my life.
I think it’s all of the hypervigilance that’s wearing on me. I just miss being happy. Does anyone else feel this way? Do you sometimes feel like your whole personality is different after your P devastated your life? I miss so many things about my life before my ex came like a tornado and tore it all apart, but I do have to say that the thing I miss the most is, well, ME. I miss feeling like myself and just being happy and LIGHT. I feel so heavy all of the time now and I never feel grounded or balanced. Does this ring true for any of you?
jillsmith,
Yes, I can relate very much to feeling like a totally different person. I’ve posted about it before, and like you, I miss the old me. The old me was nicer, kinder and more open. That mindset has been described by others as childish. To me, she seemed less childish than optimistic. Hopeful.
The new me has her advantages, to be sure. But the loss of faith in a benevolent universe makes for some major adjustments.
And before any lurking psychopath celebrates another soul corrupted, let me just add that I still have faith and I still believe in God. It’s just different now.
jillsmith, you said you feel heavy all the time and you never feel grounded or balanced. Funny, but a recent new acquaintance described me as “grounded,” and that’s something the old me NEVER was! There is a calm that comes to replace the panic and the worry. There is an outward-facing, active, creative love to replace the need to be loved, and the frenzied activity we undertook to “earn” someone else’s love and approval.
It’s all a matter of perspective. And in the case of us as new people, sometimes it’s a forced perspective. Unwelcome at first, but eventually one we come to recognize as brighter and better.
Katya wrote, “…So, if I sometimes seem out of sorts,” and this morning I feel exactly the same.
With the morning light and now into the afternoon, I “awoke” to the realization that I should not have been posting recently. I was unnerved by the “debate” with PT (not the topic or concepts but the attitude and tone that so reminded me of my EX) that I was “out of sorts” but as had become a bad habit, I refused to recognize it — just buried it deep.
Was it PTSD of a different sort that I experienced? I don’t know but I sure lost my peace (that God gives) and don’t even recognize myself today, nor yesterday.
I don’t trust myself yet, perhaps?
My PTSD recovery lasted over two years but the triggers were always in reaction to memories of tbe physical abuse and the terror I felt but had dared not acknoqledge while it was actually happening. Being reminded that “then” was then and “now” is now really helped.
But, this new unease and “out of sorts” seems brand new. Or is it? Even memories of OLD encounters with my Ex’s conversations was also THEN, not NOW.
I need some more work on myself about psychological triggers, I think. I feel totally miserable. Thanks for listening to my introspections.