According to the National Institutes of Health website “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat.”
Signs and Symptoms of PTSD are grouped into three categories:
1. Re-experiencing symptoms:
• Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
• Bad dreams
• Frightening thoughts.
Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.
2. Avoidance symptoms:
• Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience
• Feeling emotionally numb
• Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry
• Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past
• Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.
Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.
3. Hyperarousal symptoms:
• Being easily startled
• Feeling tense or “on edge”
• Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.
Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.
Unfortunately whenever a psychological experience is dubbed “a disorder” people get the impression that the person who has this experience is “defective” or “crazy” or of poor character. The thought that PTSD symptoms are related to some core defect in character/personality serves to further increase the sufferer’s anxiety and level of symptoms. Not wanting to consider any predisposing factors to these symptoms may also prevent a person from doing real soul searching.
There is one main reason to emphasize that PTSD symptoms constitute a disorder. That is that the symptoms greatly impair a person’s ability to function. They also rob people of love and well-being. Overwhelming anxiety is not conducive to well-being or loving relationships.
Because PTSD symptoms are debilitating we have to address them, face them and ultimately conquer them. That means acknowledging the other fears/concerns that go along with having these symptoms:
1. Am I crazy?
2. Am I defective?
3. Will I ever be normal again?
4. Why did this happen to me?
5. How can I prevent this from happening again?
6. Can I trust myself?
To start to recover, notice that if you reduce PTSD down to its core essence it is simply difficulty processing that the trauma was then and today is now. For people whose PTSD is related to an experience with a sociopath, the problem is that the sociopath may not be gone. The then and now is blurred. The worst things done by the sociopath are in the past and there may be protections in place but the sociopath is still around. Sometimes that source of trauma is the other parent of beloved children.
Recovery in such a context means having a clear head to really sort out what was then and what is now. Next week we will consider other roadblocks to distinguishing then from now.
Erin,
So much of what you said is the best advice I have ever received about this whole situation. I have been living in complete terror from the horrible S I knew, that it can be debilitating. This constant fear has changed my personality and I want to be the old me. I have never been able to figure out how to get around this fear, short of being dropped off on another planet so that he could never, ever find me. Since I can’t just get dropped off on another planet and start my life anew, the next best option is your advice to realize that killing me is the worst he can do. Even this is obviously very bad and I love life because I have faith it can be good again. However, when I think about it in the way you described, it somehow released some of the fear. I don’t know how or why, but your advice really worked and I have a new mantra now. I’ve been trying it out this past week and it has helped. Thank you. Oh and I never thought you were “cliquey”, but thanks for your kind words anyway. I was going to respond to your nice birthday message, but that thread was closed. It meant a lot you thought of me. Thanks.
Kim,
Oh I love Virgina Wolfe, but have not read “The Angel in the House”. I’ll have to read it next. Thanks for the suggesting it. We should start a little book club. What do you think? That would motivate me to read more. I don’t know why I need motivation, as I’ve always read a ton in the past and have gone out of my way to sneak as much reading time into my life as possible. I think it’s avoiding things that give me pleasure from the PTSD. I need to overcome this.
I also have an English degree. 🙂 It’s nice to meet a fellow nerd. I mean that in the nicest way possible, as I’m a nerd deep down. I miss English Lit classes. Do you? That’s a great suggestion to check out essays about books online. I like thinking about books in a critical way, after I have enjoyed them.
I really have enjoyed Middlemarch. George Eliot is my second favorite author (Thomas Hardy is my very favorite). Anyway, thanks for the comment and for your kindness. Have a nice night.
Skylar,
Thanks for validating my feelings and for your thoughts. I appreciate it. 🙂
Stargazer,
It’s great that you can be so self-reflective. I admire that quality. I do what you described in my mind to teenage girls who are mean to their moms who dote on them. I want to scream at all of them, “Respect your mom! Don’t you know how lucky you are to have a mom?” It’s a weakness of mine that I get so mad inside at spoiled girls who don’t appreciate their moms. I think it’s because I feel like I was one of those spoiled girls who didn’t appreciate my mom enough. I was just a teen myself when she was diagnosed with cancer and I felt so guilty about ever having talked back to her. I take that guilt with me all the time and it’s worse now that I’m a mom and I realize even more how much she did for me. I’m so sorry you did not have a mom who gave you the love and attention you deserved. That sucks. I don’t like the word, “suck”, but there is really no other word to describe how horrible it is your got so ripped off in the mom department.
I appreciate your insight. Thanks for understanding my PTSD and neighbor situation. My neighbor is proving to be a difficult person who seems to have P tendencies. I have not thought that about anyone since my ex, but I really see some alarming things in her personality. She seems to be like a shark who swims right for their target when they smell blood. I am going to go out of my way to not interact with her. I prayed so hard that I would have good neighbors too, but there’s only so much I can do about other people’s actions in life and I have to accept this. I’m just so triggered by people with this intensely mean, fake personality. I’m not judging ex-military women at all, but I do feel that some are a little too tough and kind of bullies by nature. I know this sounds wrong and judgmental and I’m sorry if I offend anyone. I try not to stereotype. She just goes on and on about bragging about “her kills” so often that it’s a little nauseating. She’s a Born Again, so the next minute she’ll go on and on about how supposedly Christlike she is (she’s not at all). It’s just too much to be around. Anyway, thanks for being such a good listener and for offering your thoughts.
Oxy,
I’m very interested in learning more about this PTSD therapy. I have been researching it since you told me about it and I think this is the way to go. I’m looking for a therapist who can treat me using these techniques. As always, thank you so much for the great advice. I learn so much from you. You’re awesome, Oxy! Have a superb night!
Jill, there was an a response to my blog by BloggerT about some recent research, and his contention is that the EMDR works, but not necessarily why I thought it did, I cant remember what thread it was on, but one of the recent ones.
I am also reading some information about meditation and visualization, which actually is sort of like what you are doing with the EMDR, i.e. “desensitization” to the traumatic event. I can see where the EMDR would actually be “desensitization” of a sort. Odd thing was though, that I focused during my therapy on the plane crash in which my husband died, but the RESULTS were in several traumatic events as well, and in over all well being.
The verbal deficits I have have definitely IMPROVED. At first after the plane crash I couldn’t read at all…now I still read slower, and have trouble learning new things completely. I may just get the gist of something, and names especially, etc are hard for me to remember, and there is still word-finding problems. I am definitely not what and who I was before the plane crash. But can accept that now, but for a long time it was difficult for me to accept I am “different” than I was.
So much of “me” was tied up in my ability to read, think, make critical decisions, my profession, etc. and those things are not all “there” now in the quanity and quality that they were before the crash, but in some ways, I am the “new and improved” me.
I put too much emphasis on not what I was as a human being, but all the emphasis on what I could do, like a trick horse, I got my rewards from preforming, rather than just “being.” Just “being” wasn’t good enough and I put too much pressure on myself. Now I still have that tendency, but not so much and when I catch myself feeling like a “failure” because I am not THE best at whatever I do, I BOINK myself on the head and take a deep breath and say “Oxy, SMELL THE ROSES!” And I try to accept me AS I AM—warts and all.
I know I have so many talents and things that I do, and not all of them are “world class” quality, but they don’t have to be WORLD CLASS to be OK. I am mediocre at a bunch of things! But you know what, that is GREAT that I can do so many different things even though maybe NONE of them are “outstanding”—but I have tried to put less pressure on myself to be PERFECT.
I tried to be the PERFECT NURSE, the PERFECT parent, the PERFECT daughter, PERFECT employee, PERFECT employer, PERFECT friend, AND SO ON….but I don’t have to be PERFECT to be OK. It was okay with me for others to NOT be perfect but not okay with me for ME to NOT be perfect.
Some one else’s opinion of me was more valuable to me than my OWN opinion of myself. It is something I have worked VERY hard on. It is still very hard for me to accept a compliment on something I have done because I KNOW IT IS NOT PERFECT.
If someone said I did well, I DISCOUNTED THAT OPINION, but if someone said I did poorly, I BELIEVED EVERY WORD OF THAT opinion. PERFECT FODDER for the psychopaths to gnaw on! All the esteem I felt came from others, not from within myself…so I tended to give others the benefit of the doubt, but give myself no slack at all.
I think there are many of us here at LF that have taken that same path. When I first came here and read the story of Donna and Liane Leedom and realized that here are some VERY BRIGHT WOMEN who got fooled too, and realize it wasn’t because there was “something wrong” with me that I got fooled (though there were and are some things I need to change about how I made decisions and on what I based those poor decisions in the past) it helped me very much to realize that there are other women and men here who have had similiar esperiences to me. I AM NOT ALONE in my pain, my grief, or even my poor decisions, or my gullibility.
They are OK and so am I.
The therapy helped me, but I think what has helped me more than anything is that I have been here at LF and have read various points of view here, various books, and thought about the validity of those concepts as they applied to my life, my parents, my marriage, my parenting, and my choices for myself all through my life. I’ve made tremendous strides toward becoming the person i want to be, and validating my own opinions, my own space, my own rights to my thinking.
I’ve become more accepting of myself, and others, but at the same time, I can set boundaries that are reasonable, and I have compassion for MYSELF that I never had before. I’ve been a pretty hard taskmaster to myself, so I’m giving myself some slack, but I am realizing it is okay to say “no” to others and “no” to myself as well.
Hang in there Jill, you’ve had a very traumatic experience and MULTIPLE attacks, both from your family and your X, so I think you have done pretty darn well for someone who has LOST SO MUCH that you thought was “rock solid”—-we all have. Give yourself a big TOWANDA for surviving this far! I have lots of confidence in you! I see you coming out the other side of all this mess and chaos a better, stronger and wiser young woman with great determination and focus! (((hugs))))
Oxdrover,
The post is in this thread, just scroll up a bit and you will see it 🙂
Blogger,
Thanks for the information.
THANKS BLOGGER!!!! I have CRS and couldn’t remember where it was! UGHHH! I wish I had a memory! I think I remember having one once, but I must have lost it somewhere! LOL
Oxy,
I have also had luck with meditation and visualization. It actually helped during my son’s birth and labor, as I was triggered by the pain. My Doula was trained in hypnobirthing, so this helped greatly.
Have you tried aromatherapy? It sounds weird, but it works for me. I carry a little bottle of lavender oil with me, so I can smell it if I start to feel on edge. I practice breathing techniques along with it.
Have you tried acupuncture or massage therapy? I have been wanting to because I have studied a lot of the latest research that says this is the way to go for PTSD. It’s expensive though and my insurance won’t pay for it. I am going to start budgeting for it though, as I know my mental health is very important for myself and my little family.
What visualization and meditation do you practice? Do you do yoga? Do you have a mantra? Do you do it once a day, or whenever certain feelings arise?
Thanks for sharing all of your personal information about what you lost during all of this. I’m happy you have gained so much in the process too. I learn a lot from you. Thanks for being a good listener and for sharing. You help a lot. Hugs back to you. 🙂 Have a super-D-duper night!