According to the National Institutes of Health website “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat.”
Signs and Symptoms of PTSD are grouped into three categories:
1. Re-experiencing symptoms:
• Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
• Bad dreams
• Frightening thoughts.
Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.
2. Avoidance symptoms:
• Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience
• Feeling emotionally numb
• Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry
• Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past
• Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.
Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.
3. Hyperarousal symptoms:
• Being easily startled
• Feeling tense or “on edge”
• Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.
Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.
Unfortunately whenever a psychological experience is dubbed “a disorder” people get the impression that the person who has this experience is “defective” or “crazy” or of poor character. The thought that PTSD symptoms are related to some core defect in character/personality serves to further increase the sufferer’s anxiety and level of symptoms. Not wanting to consider any predisposing factors to these symptoms may also prevent a person from doing real soul searching.
There is one main reason to emphasize that PTSD symptoms constitute a disorder. That is that the symptoms greatly impair a person’s ability to function. They also rob people of love and well-being. Overwhelming anxiety is not conducive to well-being or loving relationships.
Because PTSD symptoms are debilitating we have to address them, face them and ultimately conquer them. That means acknowledging the other fears/concerns that go along with having these symptoms:
1. Am I crazy?
2. Am I defective?
3. Will I ever be normal again?
4. Why did this happen to me?
5. How can I prevent this from happening again?
6. Can I trust myself?
To start to recover, notice that if you reduce PTSD down to its core essence it is simply difficulty processing that the trauma was then and today is now. For people whose PTSD is related to an experience with a sociopath, the problem is that the sociopath may not be gone. The then and now is blurred. The worst things done by the sociopath are in the past and there may be protections in place but the sociopath is still around. Sometimes that source of trauma is the other parent of beloved children.
Recovery in such a context means having a clear head to really sort out what was then and what is now. Next week we will consider other roadblocks to distinguishing then from now.
Dear Outlier,
You’re wecome to come here and work on my farm, my husband and I argued if it was a “farm” or a “ranch” as different areas call this kind of thing a “farm” or a “ranch” depending on if you raise crops or livestock! In this area they are called “farms” even if the only crop is cattle or dairy, and further west or south, they are called “ranches” no matter what you grow or if you grow anything besides scrub brush! LOL So he called it “the ranch” and I called it “the farm.” LOL
But you can spell it HARD WORK!
Hehe, how interesting. In the UK we call it a farm – cattle, crops, livestock etc. I simply accomodated american culture and called your place a ‘ranch’ as I assumed that’s what you call what we call ‘farms’.
I love hard work. there is an end goal to that physical pain. That kind of pain yields positive results. I find farms fascinating. Agriculture, the entire industry. Without those embassadors of land, we’d have no bread and milk! Afterall your descriptive posts of animal behaviour makes compelling reading.
[Btw, I read your responses around 10 days ago. I owe you and a few others some responses. I shall have to wait a few weeks before buying your book of choice.] A warm hug and a kiss on your forehead 🙂
hurtnomore – i understand the cultural norms for you and that your sister would be expected to help. i also remember that your mom cannot. your sister, for whatever reason does not see that your father is not there for you, and does not want the responsibility. i would talk to her and tell her your plans (if you can trust that she will not take things to your father), that you are trying very hard to become independent – and that the sooner you are, the quicker you will have no need for her help. set the number of things you want to ask her help with, and give her an idea that it will end. that it is not an ongoing situation. i am curious as to how much older she is than you and how she has managed to get away and support herself.
when do you turn 18? i would see if you can access some social services and perhaps some churches for help with some definite goals. find out if there is anyone who can help with your license. and hook up with a foodbank, churches for food.
when people know we need help for basic things, we can often find help.
and no, i wouldn’t ask your dad.
about the prom – i have to go with oxy on this one. i didn’t get to go to my highschool prom – not that they were what they are now. back then it was only a dress and shoes one needed to be concerned about. my grade 8 prom, was one of the times in my home life that i wished i could ask for something – i really wanted a dress for it. but i didn’t ask – because we didn’t have the money. i went in my old dress – a perfectly fine one, but my heart hurt a bit. I understand. but you know, you need to focus on getting the tools and skills to get out of that house and make a life. it isn’t always nice, but it is what it is – and when you are independent, and get to college, you will be able to provide for yourself. and this will carry you all through your life. education and drive are key.
best,
one step
one_step: I’m already 18. At first I knew I couldn’t go but my mom really wanted me to go to prom. So she found ways and means for me to go with grudging sister, of course. I realize now that if I have to wait until I get to college in North Carolina then I have to wait to get my license.My sister is barely making enough money herself. She’s a waitress and goes to community college part time. She’s 24 years old.
hutrno – i see that your mom may be driving this whole thing. my instinct is for you to remove her from most conversations that ask things of your sister. it is not like you are going to your sis and asking – she is being told to help, so of course she not only resent this, given her own little means, but also you.
so, i think it is time for you and your sister to talk without your mom – who only means the best, but is making some demands that will harm your relationship with your sister.
i think you need to see your sister as a peer and allie, and not count on her to be a provider in any way. it may shift the relationship and she may become your close friend – and that’s always better than being the little sis she resents. it is a time of growth for you – you are entering adult life. this is a great opportunity to begin to relate as an adult with your sister.
all the best,
one step
one_step: I’m told to ask my mom for the things that I need because she’s suppose to provide for me. I would rather she help me directly instead of my sister. But my mom believes that family is supposed to help each other out in troubled times. So she wants us to help each other out but its not working.
hurtno – i don’t think it will work until you have a relationship of equals with your sister. i understand your mom’s ideas and wishes, but you don’t live in Ghana, and are not influenced by a culture in which this sort of family relationship is expected and supported. she will just end up creating problems between the two of you. she, i am sure doens’t understand this, so i think you and your sister need to talk, and figure out the best way for you to get support from your mom without it being routed through your sis.
i am hoping others will weigh in on how to do this. i think it’s possible – no one is at fault, there just needs to be a strategy put in place, so that you get what you need with good relations all around. and this has to be done with your dad out of the picture.
all the best,
one step
I agree! Thank you one_step and OxDrover for looking at it.
you are welcome; good luck!
Hey ya’ll. I haven’t been postin/talking much lately. I have a lot of the symptoms of the PTSD listed above but I feel like I’m much better than I was a couple months ago. I do startle more easily and notice physical symptoms more than emotional ones lately. I am trying to get in to the doctor because my thyroid may be wonky and the symptoms of pre-mature menopause that I had before seem to be worse.
I am emotionally a lot better. I haven’t cried in awhile and the anger is starting to subside a little bit. I don’t think about him constantly anymore. When he comes into my head I tell myself to stop thinking about him because it doesn’t do any good. No matter how much I think about it or analyze it, it won’t change the situation.
I have finally started to realize that I need to stop thinking about marriage and babies right now. I guess it won’t be the end of the world if I don’t have those things. I know a mentor of mine who missed out on that and she is doing just fine. She loves her career. She worked with me at my old career that I’m trying to get back.
I have decided for now that I am not at all interested in trying to find a man because the trust is way screwed up. I honestly think that I am enough all by myself and I will be better once I get my self esteem back to where it belongs. Hugs to everyone on here who talks and listens to me and Happy Mother’s Day to the moms on here. I had to cut my mom out of my life because she’s toxic and I finally don’t fell guilty about it anymore.