According to the National Institutes of Health website “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat.”
Signs and Symptoms of PTSD are grouped into three categories:
1. Re-experiencing symptoms:
• Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating
• Bad dreams
• Frightening thoughts.
Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.
2. Avoidance symptoms:
• Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience
• Feeling emotionally numb
• Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry
• Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past
• Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.
Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.
3. Hyperarousal symptoms:
• Being easily startled
• Feeling tense or “on edge”
• Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.
Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.
Unfortunately whenever a psychological experience is dubbed “a disorder” people get the impression that the person who has this experience is “defective” or “crazy” or of poor character. The thought that PTSD symptoms are related to some core defect in character/personality serves to further increase the sufferer’s anxiety and level of symptoms. Not wanting to consider any predisposing factors to these symptoms may also prevent a person from doing real soul searching.
There is one main reason to emphasize that PTSD symptoms constitute a disorder. That is that the symptoms greatly impair a person’s ability to function. They also rob people of love and well-being. Overwhelming anxiety is not conducive to well-being or loving relationships.
Because PTSD symptoms are debilitating we have to address them, face them and ultimately conquer them. That means acknowledging the other fears/concerns that go along with having these symptoms:
1. Am I crazy?
2. Am I defective?
3. Will I ever be normal again?
4. Why did this happen to me?
5. How can I prevent this from happening again?
6. Can I trust myself?
To start to recover, notice that if you reduce PTSD down to its core essence it is simply difficulty processing that the trauma was then and today is now. For people whose PTSD is related to an experience with a sociopath, the problem is that the sociopath may not be gone. The then and now is blurred. The worst things done by the sociopath are in the past and there may be protections in place but the sociopath is still around. Sometimes that source of trauma is the other parent of beloved children.
Recovery in such a context means having a clear head to really sort out what was then and what is now. Next week we will consider other roadblocks to distinguishing then from now.
Dear duped,
I too had very severe PTSD and I was referred for “Rapid Eye Movement Therapy”—it is the ONLY thing that has really helped and it DID HELP A GREAT DEAL! I got more and faster results from that than conventional “talk therapy.” I am a retired mental health professional (couldn’t work because of the PTSD) and it was AMAZING to me how much it helped and how quickly. Most of the worst of the PTSD symptoms almost “vanished over night” so I suggest tha tyou might see if you can find a therapist to work with you on this. It is not “alternative” treatment, but “main line” but little used, I think should be used in all cases of PTSD. good luck. sounds like over all you are doing a great job!
“
Everyone reacts differently to trauma, so this is just my experience of it. I lived in hurricane territory and had a house flooded with 18 inches of water and had to toss out most of my furniture onto the side of the road, no electricity for weeks, red cross delivering meals, National Guard all over the place etc. Compared to the P and the stuff he did, for me, the hurricane was small potatoes (not to minimize the experience or what it does to people)
The P duped me out of scads of money. Unpleasant, but I got over it. He did all the gaslighting stuff and abusive talk–I’ve been called every vile name in the book, other women thrown in my face, including riding one by and then calling me to make sure I saw her and telling me all sorts of graphic sordid details on voicemail and to my face (re the sex, how much better she was than me, etc.), stalked me–showing up unexpectedly doing property damage, threatened to kill me, kicked my door in, dumped trsh in my yard, broke dishes all over my yard, damaged my car and put it in the shop, called upwards of 75 to 100 times per day for months and no matter when I would turn my phone on he would pop up on it on that damn walkie talkie link (I left it off most of the time but had to turn it on sometimes to check messages because my Dad was also dying during this time), threatened to burn my place down (and he had burned someone else’s place years ago so I knew he was quite capable), gave me 30 days to leave the state or else blah blah, had to pack up and move and abandon a business I was in the process of starting……..well, the list goes on and on. The constant harrassment and threats of DEATH and fear of the unknown and what he was going to do next were the worse for me.
It has been 15 months since I saw or talked to him last and I kept my vm full for a year (on my new number) after he filled it up with threatening voicemails. I emptied vm 4 months ago and I was doing sooooooooo good, life was great. Then two weeks ago the SOB called and left a voicemail and has been calling every few days ever since. Of course, I never answer. He is being as sweet as syrup on the vm’s now–just like none of the other stuff ever happened–even calling me “baby” and saying how he “needs” to hear from me and how he hopes I am doing ok blahb blah blah, defnitely in his luring phase–doesn’t even sound like the same HORRIBLE man. Using every manipulative trick in the book to try to get me to answer, including having one of his friend’s girlfriends call and leave a message. I didn’t have much reaction at all to the voicemails other than thinking GO AWAY, so still I think all is GOOD and I’m over it.
Then he called the other late afternoon, and still I am fine. UNTIL some dude rides thru my subdivision (small town, small subdivision, one way in and one way out and anyone coming in is noticeable as very few people ever come in that don’t obviously belong here). This dude is on a motorcycle just like the exes. He is wearing a rain suit, helmet, and has a luggage bag strapped to the back of his seat. He rides by my house to the end of the street then comes back by real slow and turns all the way around looking at MY house. I FLIPPED OUT. When it started to get dusky, I turned on every light possible–porch light, ceiling fan porch lights, flood lights, moved my car right under the flood light, checked and double checked all window locks and doors…..then tried to calm down.
When it got dark, I was trying to distract myself with tv, then suddenly started to feel PSYCHOTIC or something. I couldn’t breathe, thought I was having a freaking heart attack, and felt like I was in some sort of vacuum or deep tunnel. A nurse I know said she thought I probably had a panic attack. I’ve experienced lots of anxiety before, but NOTHING like that. I KNEW I was in a different state now from him, knew it was unlikely it was him, but rational versus irrational thoughts–well, lets say the irrational won out.
Then he left another voicemail. His voice when he is trying to be “sweet” has a very hypnotic, melodious sound to it. I’ll be damned it GOT to me, even if only for a little while. I had to mentally take Oxy’s fying pan and slam my ownself upside the head with it.
I asked in an earlier post if the traumatic bond ever fully goes away or if you are always susceptible to the person once that traumatic bond has formed. Based on my reaction to that latest voicemail, I’m thinking for me anyway, in spite of everything horrible that has gone on and that I rationally “get” he is a BAD BAD BAD EVIL person, that IF I was ever around this dude for any real life contact, I think I would be very susceptible to him. Of course I am in a different state and won’t allow any contact. But still it is a frightening thought to realize that I still have that weakness after all this time and in spite of everything I have learned both here and in reading on psychopaths.
You know, it just occured to me that even though he had been nice in his recent voicemails, when I saw the dude on the motorcycle and had such a fearful reaction, THEN when he called the next day and left the NICE voicemail—I suppose maybe my relieved and positive reaction to the “nice” could have been some version of the trauma bond being reactivated. I mean that cycle where someone is really mean, then when they are nice, you are so grateful for the nice. I suppose since I have been afraid of him for so long, that could account for my reaction to that latest voicemail and that weakness/positive feeling or reaction I had to his voice of niceness?
Jen2008,
I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is a terrible to feel powerless, over what another person can emotionaly do to us.
I wanted to mention that it sounds like you might have had a panic attac. I had them many years ago. And you do feel like you are having a heart attack/asthma attack and maybe even loosing your mind. My heart would race and I would break out in a sweat and the more I couldn’t breath the more my heart would race.
My panic attacks always blind sided me as they didn’t occur when I was feeling particlarly stressed. Kind of crept up on me out of nowhere.
You might have had this attack because of the stress caused by your experience thinking that he found you and it will be an isolated incident and you won’t have another. But if you do experience another do go to your doctor because if the panic attacks keep coming you can develop a fear/stress of the attacks themselves. The doctor can give you some meds. I HATE taking medication. But I hated the panic attacks more.
I took these meds with me everywhere (I literally didn’t leave the house without them) until the fear of the attacks subsided.
I’m scared to go to sleep tonight as i am always having nightmares about my daughter or the ex p and his enablers. I have been getting about 5 to 6 hours sleep a night. But its been very “broken” sleep. I keep waking up as I yell out.
Maybe i am giving too much energy to this whole thing. Maybe I should do something else instead.
Yep, I think I will try that. x0
Jen: I don’t know the answer to your question, but just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and saying a little prayer for you. You have been through so much, and I agree with you, it is startling to realize they can still “get” to us (even for just a little while), even after all we have learned. I would be interested in knowing myself if the traumatic bond ever completely goes away.
Dear Oxy…I just read your post from yesterday! Now I have PTSD, fear, and anxiety. Life is good. I went to my daughter’s middle school “variety show” last night. Someone said my ex-tox was there…didn’t look for her…didn’t see her until leaving. Didn’t talk to her. Didn’t acknowledge her. I didn’t know “potted plants” were allowed to drive. LOL.
shabbychic2: “I would be interested in knowing myself if the traumatic bond ever completely goes away.”….for my part, finally, yes…given time.
Oxy…you can’t leave and come after me now. “Flat-head Henry” is coming for a visit, remember? I’m working on my internet addiction, but will try to post some nonsense when I can. But, just in case, I’ll get some red flags from the utility-marking company and put them out on the property line.
I’m now into “conditional love”…thanks.
((((HUGS)))) to you, too!
Jim
The “rapid eye movement” therapy mentioned by Oxy, has been the best and most affective therapy I have recieved too! ! !
I thought I was dying of a heart attack many times over, almost lost my job over loosing myself and my ability to function, until I was diagnosed with PTSD by a therapist who specializes treating abuse victims, and applied this therapy in conjuction with talk therapy.
I also attribute my healing journey to all of you here at love fraud….I’ve been reading all the letters and posts and it’s validated my experiences, given me good advise and let me know I’m not alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Peace and love to all.
Dear Jen,
I would say you NAILED IT ON THE HEAD!!!! He “reactivated” the trauma bond.
What is the cure? STOP LISTENING TO THE DARNED VOICE MAILS!!!! That ended up just like having “contact” so go back to NO contact—either fill the VM back up, or delete them with the first HALF OF A WORD in his voice.
It also sounds to me like you did have a panic attack. In my experience, the BEST alternative treatment for them is to exercise—run, swim, jump rope, anything that will burn off the stress hormones AND tell yourself while it is happening, “this is a panic attack, I am okay” I’ve only had ONE of these things myself, but WOW, they ARE miserable!!!! You aren’t crazy, it is just your body/mind reacting to the stress.
Hang in there Jen, sxweetie, you are made of TOUGH STUFF, I know you are!!!! This is one of those big holes that you have stumbled into on the Road to Healing, when you least expected it. This deep dark hole you are in now, isn’t a permanent address, so don’t bother having your mail forewarded there!@.......!!! ((((hugs))))) and all my prayers!
I have a question to all of you on this forum.
How can you tell if a therapist is not right for you?
This is the second therapist I have seen over the last six years. The first one I was working with for about five years passed away quite suddenly from cancer.
I started seeing the second one because I felt that I needed to continue the work on myself.
The current therapist I see is okay except I feel that sometimes she crosses the professionalism line.
I see her at the office at her house. These are the things that I feel like not ok.
1) Continuous interruptions by the phone, she answers quite regularly. Also too many emergencies by other clients.
2) She keeps talking about stuff that I do not find very revelant to my work there. She talks about how she got her window blinds fixed, the fundraiser dinner she attanded, her nephew etc. She will sometimes take up 15-20 mins talking. I have told her that I felt like these stories were not relavant to me and I am not sure in what context I can incorporate them. She had a far fetched explanation for it. It would go like this: I would talk about my role as a women in society and it’s difficulties then she would say “speaking of women’s role, I was at this all women’s fundraiser, blah, blah etc +15 minutes of winding story)
3) She talks about her clients in the past. She does not name them or identify them, but she talks about their situation and how they have resolved something. More than likely I will never know who these people are, but I think I feel uncomfortable with the idea that she might share my story with someone.
Also often, when I speak she yawns, looks at the clock or tinkers with her fingernails, looking bored.
She is a licensed psychotherapist, her creditentails check out.
I feel uncomfortable going into further criticisms about her “therapy and professional style”. I have a feeling she might write it off as hostile transference or something like that.