It really bothers me that researchers haven’t developed a measure to help people figure out if their loved ones are sociopathic. Instead, measures have been developed and the public is told NOT to use them to “diagnose” anyone. What good is research if it doesn’t teach people how to protect themselves? It would not be too difficult to identify a group of sociopaths, then determine a few easy questions related to the disorder most of the sociopaths answer yes or no to (that is sensitivity). The questions would be even better if non-sociopaths were unlikely to give the same response (that is specificity).
In a recent study (Comp. Psych. 48, 529), Dr. Heather Gelhorn and her colleagues from the University of Colorado have determined the four questions that identify sociopaths with a good degree of accuracy (sensitivity and specificity). Additionally, there are some other questions that also help. The best part is that these questions are easy to ask so you don’t have to have a Ph.D. or an M.D. to ask them.
Before I tell you the questions let me give you some background. As part of a large study, government researchers interviewed 43,093 residents of the United States. Of these, 1,403 were diagnosed with sociopathy (932 men and 471 women). That was between 3 and 4 percent of the total sample. These individuals were asked a number of simple questions about their behavior. The answers to these questions given by diagnosed sociopaths were then compared to answers given by other people who had only one symptom of sociopathy and so could not be “diagnosed.” These sub-clinical sociopaths numbered 17,767 men and 4,659 women. There are a lot of somewhat “sociopathic” people out there (22,426, over half the sample). The issue is how we identify people who are the real deal, given that so many “are a little sociopathic.”
Dr. Gelhorn and her colleagues performed a statistical analysis on specific questions and on groups of questions to determine those that best specifically identified the sociopaths. Of these four questions, a “yes” answer to any two was a good indicator of sociopathy in both men and women:
1. Have you ever hit someone so hard that you injured them, or they had to see a doctor? OR: Physically hurt another person in any other way on purpose?
2. Have you ever used a weapon, like a stick, knife or gun in a fight?
3. Have you ever had a time in your life when you lied a lot, not counting any times you lied to keep from being hurt? OR: Used a false or made-up name or alias? OR: Scammed or conned someone for money, to avoid responsibility or just for fun? OR: Forged someone else’s signature—like on a legal document or on a check?
4. Have you ever robbed or mugged someone, or snatched a purse?
Two other questions were nearly as good:
1. Have you had a time when you bullied or pushed people around or tried to make them afraid of you? OR: Harassed, threatened or blackmailed someone?
2. Have you ever stolen anything from someone or someplace when no one was around? OR: Shoplifted?
The basic problem is finding questions that all sociopaths answer the same to, and that no one who is not “a sociopath” answers that way. There was one question that everyone who answered yes to was a sociopath but the problem was that too few sociopaths endorsed this item. In other words, if your loved one answers “yes” to this you can say with a high degree of confidence he/she is sociopathic, but not answering “yes” does not rule out sociopathy. This question was:
1. Have you ever forced someone to have sex with you against their will?
I find it remarkable that habitual lying is on the same list as other more obviously hurtful behavior. It is clear that if you are with someone who is a liar; you have to wonder what else that person does that you do not know about.
The purpose of this analysis that Dr. Gelhorn and her colleagues performed was not to help us pick out sociopaths. The purpose of the study was to help us identify teenagers who are likely to develop sociopathy. These researchers found that 75 percent of people who had conduct disorder as teenagers went on to become sociopaths.
An observation I found particularly interesting was that cruelty to animals was not very common in sociopaths, either as teens or adults. Whereas 67 percent of sociopaths were “physically cruel to people” only 22 percent were physically cruel to animals. This information is consistent with what Sandra L. Brown, M.A. and I found when we surveyed the female partners of sociopaths. Sociopaths were always mean to the people in their lives, but only a few were also mean to animals.
What conclusions can we draw from all this? First, sociopathy is a disorder where people use coercion, either physical or non-physical, to overpower other people. Why do sociopaths do this? As Dr. Steve said this week, because they like to. This power behavior gives them pleasure. To them, having power is like having an orgasm. The reason physical violence is especially pleasurable for some is that observing someone else crying or wincing over what they did makes them feel especially powerful. Those sociopaths who are better at observing and understanding people just lie to hurt. They don’t have to see physical pain before they can get that gratification.
I wonder about the emphasis on crime and physical attacks. For example they marry someone for money, but would that be considered by the researchers or the sociopath as “criminal.”
And a lot of psychopaths are not physically abusive. I think the problem is, is that you have to be very close to a sociopath to get it, so researchers emphasize physical abuse. It’s physcial abuse is explicit. How do you measure gaslighting?
The last paragraph really helped me understand. Whenever I’d read about sociopaths enjoying others suffering, it was hard to comprehend how that could be the person I had been with. But getting extreme pleasure from having the power to inflict the pain and from knowing that he is powerful enough to cause such suffering, is something I’ve seen in his eyes.
The cruelty to animals always bothered me too. I thought maybe he wasn’t a sociopath because I didn’t know of any torturing of animals when he was a kid. Although he would not have shared that with me. He would drag our dog by the collar and scare her and he did kick our other dog when he got out. But he would also show a lot affection for them at times. He also told me he accidentally ran over baby rabbits with a lawn mower once. Before I found out everything, I never questioned whether it was an accident or not, but now who knows.
I’m not going to question whether he’s a sociopath anymore. The answers to all the questions listed are yes except two and those are possible yeses.
I think Hare’s checklist is actually better for determing psychopathy for lay people.
These questions-while good- don’t encompass psychopaths who are not physically violent ( though some, for example coerce, abortions) or technically criminal (though they marry for money)….nor is the subtle abuse covered, like gaslighting.
I JUST RECENTLY ENDED A TWO YEAR RELATIONSHIP. MY GIRLFRIEND TOLD ME ABOUT THIS SITE.
I NOW REALIZE HE IS A SOCIOPATH. I TURNED THE TABLES ON HIM AND GOT OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HE DID ANY MAJOR DAMAGE. HE HAD JUST FINISHED PAYING FOR AN POOL AT MY HOME IN ONE OF IS BIG SHOW OF AFFECTION MOODS. I CAUGHT HIM TRYING TO SELL DRUGS FROM MY HOME. I TOLD HIM TO GET OUT OF MY HOUSE OR I WOULD CALL THE COPS. HE LEFT. HE IS NOW SUEING ME FOR THE MONEY HE PAID FOR THE POOL. MY LAWYER SAYS HE DOESN’ T HAVE A CASE. BUT HE HAS TRIED EVERY WAY TO INTIMIDATE ME AND MAKE ME FEEL THAT IT IS ALL MY FAULT. UNBELIEVABLE! HE HAS NEVER ADMITTED TO DOING ANYTHING WRONG. PLEASE SAY A PRAYER FOR ME! I’M DOING MY BEST TO PUT MY LIFE BACK TOGETHER.
The questions, if answered honestly, could paint a picture of a sociopath- but I know the x would VEHEMENTLY deny all the questions, when in fact, a LOUD RESOUNDING YES would be more accurate. Unless, of course, you suspect that the person you are questioning is a sociopath which means that no means yes and yes means yes, what can I get out of THIS?
I, too, have wondered whether or not my husband is really a sociopath. I finally concluded he is. One thing that hung me up was that he’s so fantastic an actor that even after I discovered he was a pathological liar and cheat, I still believed he had empathy, that he genuinely cared about me, and others as well.
Over the past few months, though, I have come to realize that everything’s a manipulation with him. Often for an audience, to impress people, to make them think he’s such a great guy. For instance, if given the opportunity, he would invariably get up and speak about the deceased at a funeral. He’d look so morose standing up there. He’d get tears in his eyes and hunch over as if worn down by grief. But afterward, he’d never even contact the bereaved again.
After our neighbors’ son was killed in Iraq last February, my husband spent many hours up at their house. For about a week. As long as there were throngs of people around. He was Joe Hero. He called the local newspaper and offered to act as a go-between for the family. My sister-in-law, who was visiting at the time, pointed out to me that he was way overstepping his bounds. Other than an occasional chitchat, he’d never had much of a relationship with these people before. At the time, thinking he was good at this stuff–that he was an angel–I defended my husband, but now I see he did all that for show. After the funeral, he never so much as made a phone call to our grieving neighbors again.
When it came to me, I totally believed he cared. I thought he needed me, couldn’t live without me. And I felt the same way about him. I thought he was my soulmate, my very best friend. I thought the only way we’d ever part would be through death.
I thought he was a devoted parent. Our 17-year-old daughter, however, saw him differently. Since he moved out I’ve learned that as far back as she can remember she thought he was mean. I did not know that. She told me how one time four years ago he threatened to burn her thigh with a cigarette if she didn’t leave him alone. I never knew that either.
And now I am almost certain that back in June–when I had figured everything out and was definitely fubaring his plans (fubared because he couldn’t stand the thought of everyone knowing the truth)–my husband was planning on killing me. And he probably would have gotten away with it. He’s on a first-name basis with most of the sheriffs in the area and he’s so damn convincing; he could easily have made it look like a suicide. I’d been so depressed anyway. When I first found out he’d been unfaithful, I absolutely wanted to die. I told him I felt like driving somewhere or walking into the hills and just dying. And he knew I’d told a couple of other people that too.
In spite of all that, I don’t think he enjoys being violent per se. I think he’s more into dominance and power. I think violence to him is simply a potential tool to get what he wants. Getting what he wants is primary; the violence would be incidental. He’d rarely have to resort to violence anyway. He’s enormously strong and knows that all it would take is one look from him and most people would back down.
Out in public and in the workplace, he rarely drops his mask. And at home, he rarely was violent. (I can’t say never; one time he slapped me and another time he pushed me down.) He could maintain his supremacy by just skirting the edges of violence–an arm-grab or face-grab or veins popping out on his neck were usually all that was necessary to keep the family in line. But, honestly, usually he was a pleasure to be with. Some ugly flare-ups here and there, but I always viewed those as an aberration. (Denial, now there’s a topic.)
One thing I find interesting is that when my husband was little, he used to fantasize that, when he grew up, he would have a menacing, sinister appearance. He imagined himself with long sideburns and a goatee (which he now has), and that when he’d walk in a room, people would look at him and tremble. (Which of course they would do if they knew what he was really like.)
As far as the other items go, I don’t think my husband has ever stolen anything. At least nothing tangible. The things he wants, though, he goes after as ruthlessly as any thief.
Also, I have good reason to believe that he did coerce someone into having sex with him one time. (God, for all I know there could be more.) It’s too long and complicated a story to tell here, but I think he did this to the teenage daughter of a woman he lived with.
From what I learned, there is a range of sociopathic behavior. I don’t think me ex ever held me down and raped me, but if I refused him sex there was serious consequences. He would dump water on my head for refusing him. I was physically kicked out of bed for saying no. One time I woke up shortly after saying no and my ex was putting his belt down my throat. I woke up gagging on the belt. Who would even think of doing something like that? My ex never hit me and left a mark, but I remember him saying crazy things like…wouldn’t it be great if he could use this knife to slice my throat, or one time we were carrying patio furniture up a steep flight of stairs and he pretended to push the furniture into me so I would fall down the stairs. He then said, “Wouldn’t that be great…if you accidentally fell and broke your neck?” I remember him saying these things when we were not even fighting. They would just pop out…out of nowhere.
Gillian. My ex never resorted to violence. He was very proud of the fact that his ‘look’ kept people out of his sphere – like the tough macho menacing look he had. He did not resort to violence with me, it was all around his dominance and control. When I first met him, he gave me many clues, one of which was he sent me a mobile text saying that he could be very dominant. This scared me, but I also saw a fragile side to him, like glass, he had a very weak fragile inner emotional core, which he surrounded with a tough rigid manner. The way my ex looked and what he wore was to reinforce his tough guy image – he looked menacing and would be picked out as a troublemaker even when he wasnt involved. I was out with him once and a drunk woman attacked him to his throat – what a bizarre scene that was.
My 17 year old daughter hated him the first moment she met him and she would not be convinced to like him either. She kept out of his way and when he visited me, she would go out.
re the above statment about things they say just popped out of his mouth. the last time my ex s path visited me my dad had just bought a new car, but i wasnt on the insurance for it so i said to him i cant drive right now till he puts my name on the papers. my ex wanted me to drive the car any way and he got annoyed. then all of a sudden he says in a low voice, at least when they go [meaning my parents] you will have a nice new car. i could not believe it i thought i heard him wrong. when they go, he meant when they die. my parents are elderly and my fathers not that well so this was a really bad taste thing to say, he knows i am close to my parents too. he just said that so easily like it was nothing and having a nice car is more important. iwas shocked then when he realised my shock he quickly tried to back step and said im only joking. its like they just say what they think and it must be as cold as hell in their minds to say that so quickly and without thinking what an ugly thing to say. we werent arguing either were happy having a nice day. it just shows you how they think or dont think i should say. in his mind having a nice new car is better than the loved ones, being alive. also i dont know if my ex ever forced anyone to have sex, he didnt use force he used charm and sweetness and fake adoration all the way with me to have sex. he said to me once he watched a programme on tv about sex and it said that all females were nimphomaniacs and loved sex even were addicted to it. this was a science show mind you so he took that as gospel and i think thats waht he thinks that if he makes the moves on someone towards having sex they are just going to give into him . he was attractive so that helps i guess. in fact since leaving me he has worked on his body so much at the gym making him self look very fit and strong, apealing to woman. i even said to him gee shame you didnt look this hot when we were together. its as if it was very important for him to look this way after he left me so he could get other woman admiring him. anyone elses ex like this. love to hear .
I found this article both helpful and a little confusing. My boyfriend was a sociopath right down the line (profile), however he was extremely adept at seeming credible and believeable, from his business to his vehicles to his beautiful daughter (who he parades around). He did have a history of violence (juvenile delinquency, assault, pointing a gun at someone, spousal abuse ) BUT his behavior became more “controlled” or more subtle (less overt) in his aggressive tendencies as he got older. He learned to play the game better, and is extremely convincing. He is the best actor I have ever met, and trust me, I am a skeptical person and very evaluative and careful. Therefore I was subjected (eventually) to extreme emotional and verbal abuse, and rages periodically (every couple of months) but instead of physically abusing me he would leave the house or sleep in another room. I told him early on in our relationship that I would NEVER tolerate physical abuse, and I think he knew this and so took steps not to cross that line, when he had exhibited these behaviors previously with more passive women. We also had a wonderful sexual relationship, but he was never violent with me sexually. I have not read studies on this, but it is my belief they learn how to play people more adeptly with time…they perfect their art, or their con game.