It really bothers me that researchers haven’t developed a measure to help people figure out if their loved ones are sociopathic. Instead, measures have been developed and the public is told NOT to use them to “diagnose” anyone. What good is research if it doesn’t teach people how to protect themselves? It would not be too difficult to identify a group of sociopaths, then determine a few easy questions related to the disorder most of the sociopaths answer yes or no to (that is sensitivity). The questions would be even better if non-sociopaths were unlikely to give the same response (that is specificity).
In a recent study (Comp. Psych. 48, 529), Dr. Heather Gelhorn and her colleagues from the University of Colorado have determined the four questions that identify sociopaths with a good degree of accuracy (sensitivity and specificity). Additionally, there are some other questions that also help. The best part is that these questions are easy to ask so you don’t have to have a Ph.D. or an M.D. to ask them.
Before I tell you the questions let me give you some background. As part of a large study, government researchers interviewed 43,093 residents of the United States. Of these, 1,403 were diagnosed with sociopathy (932 men and 471 women). That was between 3 and 4 percent of the total sample. These individuals were asked a number of simple questions about their behavior. The answers to these questions given by diagnosed sociopaths were then compared to answers given by other people who had only one symptom of sociopathy and so could not be “diagnosed.” These sub-clinical sociopaths numbered 17,767 men and 4,659 women. There are a lot of somewhat “sociopathic” people out there (22,426, over half the sample). The issue is how we identify people who are the real deal, given that so many “are a little sociopathic.”
Dr. Gelhorn and her colleagues performed a statistical analysis on specific questions and on groups of questions to determine those that best specifically identified the sociopaths. Of these four questions, a “yes” answer to any two was a good indicator of sociopathy in both men and women:
1. Have you ever hit someone so hard that you injured them, or they had to see a doctor? OR: Physically hurt another person in any other way on purpose?
2. Have you ever used a weapon, like a stick, knife or gun in a fight?
3. Have you ever had a time in your life when you lied a lot, not counting any times you lied to keep from being hurt? OR: Used a false or made-up name or alias? OR: Scammed or conned someone for money, to avoid responsibility or just for fun? OR: Forged someone else’s signature—like on a legal document or on a check?
4. Have you ever robbed or mugged someone, or snatched a purse?
Two other questions were nearly as good:
1. Have you had a time when you bullied or pushed people around or tried to make them afraid of you? OR: Harassed, threatened or blackmailed someone?
2. Have you ever stolen anything from someone or someplace when no one was around? OR: Shoplifted?
The basic problem is finding questions that all sociopaths answer the same to, and that no one who is not “a sociopath” answers that way. There was one question that everyone who answered yes to was a sociopath but the problem was that too few sociopaths endorsed this item. In other words, if your loved one answers “yes” to this you can say with a high degree of confidence he/she is sociopathic, but not answering “yes” does not rule out sociopathy. This question was:
1. Have you ever forced someone to have sex with you against their will?
I find it remarkable that habitual lying is on the same list as other more obviously hurtful behavior. It is clear that if you are with someone who is a liar; you have to wonder what else that person does that you do not know about.
The purpose of this analysis that Dr. Gelhorn and her colleagues performed was not to help us pick out sociopaths. The purpose of the study was to help us identify teenagers who are likely to develop sociopathy. These researchers found that 75 percent of people who had conduct disorder as teenagers went on to become sociopaths.
An observation I found particularly interesting was that cruelty to animals was not very common in sociopaths, either as teens or adults. Whereas 67 percent of sociopaths were “physically cruel to people” only 22 percent were physically cruel to animals. This information is consistent with what Sandra L. Brown, M.A. and I found when we surveyed the female partners of sociopaths. Sociopaths were always mean to the people in their lives, but only a few were also mean to animals.
What conclusions can we draw from all this? First, sociopathy is a disorder where people use coercion, either physical or non-physical, to overpower other people. Why do sociopaths do this? As Dr. Steve said this week, because they like to. This power behavior gives them pleasure. To them, having power is like having an orgasm. The reason physical violence is especially pleasurable for some is that observing someone else crying or wincing over what they did makes them feel especially powerful. Those sociopaths who are better at observing and understanding people just lie to hurt. They don’t have to see physical pain before they can get that gratification.
Beverly,
That’s interesting what you say about your daughter hating your ex right from the start. I wonder if this is a common phenomenon with socio/psychopaths, where they are able to convince most people of their wonderfulness, but some people, for whatever reason, are able to pick up on their true nature. Some sixth sense.
My dad was like that with my socio husband. My dad never ever liked him, and I remember one time early on, my dad left the minute we walked through his and my mom’s door. My dad never did warm up to my husband. He got to where he tolerated him, he knew I was happy, but I could tell he never trusted him.
Hello – been lurking here since August, trying to understand an off and on ten year association (will no longer call it a “relationship” now understanding the fact it was an illusion on his part). Your blog is fabulous and some of the writing here has carried me through many roller-coaster days. Finally joined because of this post and the comments.
My younger daughter is 14 and she saw through the sociopath from the very first day. Years ago I was so taken-in and so in love with this person and she was only a very small child. This time, when the gaslighting and ambient abuse began, when I would be sad or shocked at something he said or did, she would ask what was wrong and stated clearly that what he said or did was nasty and uncalled for and NOT the actions of someone who loved me.
Finally after I ran from him (and it really is a sense of fleeing, isn’t it – when the eyes are opened to reality, you get the feeling you must simply save yourself) a few months later – when I was softening and broke No Contact – we watched a special on Drew Peterson. She commented on how his little smirks and barely-hidden rage under the surface reminded her of the N/P.
So, yes – some people have a really good sixth sense. I think many of us are among those people, but after a certain point when we get too emotionally close, our intuition somehow shuts itself off. As though it’s saying to us “Hey, I’ve been sounding bells for months now and you’ve largely ignored me – surely it’s time to go where I’m appreciated!”
Thanks for all the wonderful work you do here and for the great comments section. Wish more women understood how P’s and N’s operated and how easy it is to fall in love with one and not even know it until it’s almost too late.
Blessings to all of you.
Well, these questions may certainly identify sociopaths, but not psychopaths. They will also identify normal people who have been in very stressful situations. Let me explain:
1. Have you ever hit someone so hard that you injured them, or they had to see a doctor? OR: Physically hurt another person in any other way on purpose?
I personally know several very good and decent people who would have to answer “yes” to this because they were violently attacked and defended themselves or were defending someone else.
2. Have you ever used a weapon, like a stick, knife or gun in a fight?
See above: ditto.
So, we have to eliminate these two questions as good guides. They only relate to external behavior and that behavior can be the result of many mitigating factors. Without an attendant question as to why these events may have happened, the questions as they are, are useless. And, of course, if asking “why” you will need some factual data to back up the given reason because a psychopath/sociopath may answer “yes” and give a sob-story as to why they did it, and it can be a lie. But you don’t want to label the person who answers “yes” a sociopath or psychopath either.
3. Have you ever had a time in your life when you lied a lot, not counting any times you lied to keep from being hurt?
Useless question. Lots of people have gone through times in their lives when they lied a lot, generally as adolescents. Most children will also lie naturally and even innocently and acquire the habit of dissociating, especially in unhappy, non-validating environments.
OR: Used a false or made-up name or alias?
This should really be divided into separate questions because each one can relate to different circumstances. I imagine that a lot of people use false or made-up names on the internet to protect their privacy. Of course, I can’t think of any good reason to do so in a direct interaction situation unless that, too, was for protection. That is possible – even more probable nowadays. Imagine a girl at a party and there is a real creep who asks her name and she doesn’t want him looking her up in the phone book! She’ll tell him a fake name!
OR: Scammed or conned someone for money, to avoid responsibility or just for fun?
Okay, that one is just plain bad. Of course, we all know that adolescents will try to pull fast one’s on their parents all the time to go places they aren’t supposed to go or buy things they aren’t supposed to buy. So, a normal, truth-telling person who has done this as a kid and then grown out of it would answer truthfully, “yes,” and would, by this silly test, get labeled a sociopath?
OR: Forged someone else’s signature—like on a legal document or on a check?
Every kid I ever knew wrote themselves excuses for absence or tardiness in school. And there may be some instances when signing someone else’s name on a check or document under unusual circumstances is a necessary and positive thing, like if a family member is medically incapacitated and you have to handle things for a brief period until they are okay or things can be arranged legally.
Again, a truthful person who has done something like this would answer “yes” and get labeled “sociopath.”
4. Have you ever robbed or mugged someone, or snatched a purse?
I started to say “that one is totally bad,” but then I thought about Victor Hugo’s great work Les Miserables. Maybe ya’ll ought to read it sometime.
Two other questions were nearly as good:
1. Have you had a time when you bullied or pushed people around or tried to make them afraid of you?
What if the people you tried to make afraid of you were psychopaths or bullies themselves?
OR: Harassed, threatened or blackmailed someone?
Again, I can think of situations where decent people would be pushed into doing things like that. Certainly not as a habit.
2. Have you ever stolen anything from someone or someplace when no one was around? OR: Shoplifted?
See Les Miserables…
All in all, these questions just talk about behavior that is mainly material and external and tells nothing about what is inside a person. These questions are based on primitive ideas of morality – strict black and white thinking – and do not take into account the wide variety of human experiences and situations.
There is good, and there is evil, and there is the specific situation that determines which is which.
Laura –
You said: Well, these questions may certainly identify sociopaths, but not psychopaths.
I was unaware there was much difference between the two. Thought they were routinely used in place of one another as terms.
Do really like your answers to the questions because they make sense. I think that there’s not really any good discernible way to tell P’s from the rest of us right off the bat, but some early good clues to look for (usually, unfortunately, only seen by people who’ve had firsthand experience in a “relationship” with one):
These are just my personal experiences, so maybe don’t apply to others, but what I’ve seen repeated in behaviors:
1. Inappropriate lack of emotional affect. You can feel that the person is just going through the motions with words, saying they’re sorry either for some tragedy or something they did, but the words sound hollow, forced or practiced.
2. Weird word usage – mine used to use words that sounded alike but had vastly different meanings, like “inert” instead of “inept” and “deport” instead of “comport.” They don’t get the emotional context of words because they as people lack internal emotional context, overall.
3. Compartmentalization and secrecy – the dual life of a psychopath often exposes itself with a little bit of time and attention, early on. Same with the way they say certain things to hint at their true characters, little asides about their nature.
Thing is, all of those things can also be done for different underlying reasons – some people have trouble with words, some with showing emotions and some with opening their worlds up to others. But when these three are present all together in one person, they’re my personal red flags that I’ve seen in the two hardcore P’s I’ve encountered.
What do you feel is the “specific situation that determines which is which” that you mention about good and evil in your last sentence? Mine would be “intent” but it’s sometimes impossible to measure intentions.
I think the words “sociopath” and “psychopath” are often used interchangeably. Iirc, one blog here was on why they (Lovefraud) chose to primarily use the word “sociopath,” and I think it was mainly because most people have the misconception that psychopaths are all serial killers.
As for the questions, I examined myself in light of them, too, and found that some were difficult for me to answer no, unequivocally, I never did such and such thing.
For example, in regard to the question about threatening or trying to make someone afraid of you. While I can say I’ve never done these things to anyone else, I have to admit that, to some extent, I have done these things to my socio husband. Not that I could–or would even want to–make him fear me physically (although as a matter of self-defense, then yes, I would even do that), but I want him to know that he will suffer negative consequences–exposure mainly–if he does certain things. He will never do the right thing out of the goodness of his heart. What goodness? Without fear of the negative consequences that only I could inflict, he would do just about anything. He would malign me to other people; he would turn me out of my house; he would pay nothing in terms of support; he would even–if he thought he wouldn’t get caught–kill me. And our daughter, and his stepdaughter, and his stepson, and his step-grandchildren and his mother-in-law–all who have ridden in my car, a car on which only he–and the mechanic who told him–knew the brakes desperately needed replacing.
As for lying, I agree there isn’t a single person who never has lied. I think all children do, as part of normal development, and teenagers, also at times. And most adults occasionally tell little white lies to spare someone else’s feelings: “No, that dress doesn’t make you look fat.” Whatever.
But there’s a huge difference between these types of lies–and the motivation behind them–and those a sociopath tells. A sociopath lies in the extreme. (There was another good blog here about that; lying in the extreme as the one cardinal sign of a sociopath.) To a sociopath, lying is a way of life, it pervades almost everything they do.
My husband used to try a similar argument with me. One time told me in a letter that I still have that everyone does it; everyone lies! Not only that, he said that everyone wants to be lied to. He said people with integrity were rare, being truthful was abnormal. I don’t know if he was trying to convince himself or me, but he was always good at twisting an argument. He would make a declarative statement, sprinkle facts in with his lies, add a bunch of qualifiers, sometimes contradict himself, then maybe change the subject. I think his purpose was usually to confuse me or to try to get to agree with his twisted, and self-serving way of looking at the world.
But, bottom line, he was saying: “See? I’m just like everyone else.”
But he’s not.
As to the question about hitting someone so hard as to cause injury or a doctor visit, I think it is implicit that self-defense is an exception. Same for using a weapon. I think most people would react violently, if that’s what it took, to protect themselves, their loved ones or the innocent.
And I think it’s implicit that using a handle on the internet is not what is meant by the question about using a false or made-up name or alias.
And, personally, if I didn’t want to give someone my name, I don’t think I’d make one up, I simply wouldn’t give it. But again, I think that making up a name to avoid a creep is an act of self-defense and far different than using a false name to get away with something or pull some sort of scam.
I think that assuming that all adolescents try to pull fast-ones on their parents all the time is like assuming everyone lies. I don’t think all adolescents are like this. I think adolescents who do these things on any kind of a regular basis might be suffering from a conduct disorder, which I believe is one of the possible signs of emerging sociopathy.
As for stealing? Nowadays there are many other options to deal with starvation.
I think there is a difference between psychopaths and sociopaths and it is evident in much of the literature.
According to Blair (2003) in the neurobiology of psychopathy:
Psychopathy is a disorder, defined by
Hare’s Psychopathy Checklist ”“ Revised
(PCL”“R) and characterised in part by a
diminished capacity for remorse and poor
behavioural controls (Hare, 1991). Classifications
of psychopathy are not synonymous
with diagnoses of conduct disorder or antisocial
personality disorder (American Psychiatric
Association, 1994) but represent
an extension. These psychiatric diagnoses
are poorly specified and concentrate on
the antisocial behaviour. Because of this
imprecision, the diagnostic rate of conduct
disorder is 16% of boys in mainstream education
(American Psychiatric Association,
1994) and over 80% for antisocial personality
disorder in adult forensic institutions
(Hart & Hare, 1996). In contrast, psychopathy
is defined not only by antisocial
behaviour but also by emotional impairment
such as the lack of guilt. Only onethird
of those who are diagnosed with
antisocial personality disorder meet criteria
for psychopathy (Hart & Hare, 1996).
Moreover, a diagnosis of psychopathy,
unlike antisocial personality disorder, is
informative regarding a patient’
Now I don’t doubt that psychopaths are dominant and aggressive but is that really the defining feature or even the cause for lack of guilt and empathy? Blair in the review points to the involvement of aggression but it is still not clear which of the mechanisms underlie each issue exactly. First I think we need to separate sociopathy from psychopathy when looking at the underlying biological mechanisms. We may find they are the same mechanisms or we may find a difference. If we can’t agree on what we are looking at, it will forever be an unresolved issue.
LilOrphan. I had to laugh at no. 2 on your list and I have to agree on all of your 3 pointers. Early on, when my ex N blurted out that he loved me and I was his soulmate, I looked back at him somewhat stunned, saying to him that I could hear him mouthing the words, but the feelings just werent there. Yes to no. 3, early on, he told me he couldnt find a girlfriend and that he had ‘demons in a box’! I could probably add a few too – I tested him by asking him the same questions over a few months but worded in different ways to check his answers – his answers were always different, so I knew he was lying. Constantly changing jobs, accommodation, places etc. Always running out of money.
When my N first started his nonsense behaviour, not realising he was a narcissist, I investigated on the internet websites about signs of lying and cheating and whether I was being unreasonable about the things he was saying to me about collecting phone numbers from female ‘mates’ at work. When I checked the list of lies, I realised that everyone lies at sometime or another. Narcissists, however, lie about everything and anything, not just small lies to save face or be polite like the rest of us. Their lies are way beyond the norm.
I must say I’m more impressed by the list provided by LilOrphan and the people – both hosts and punters – who use this site than I am by this study. I think that the list identifies those who we would always have thought of as sociopaths – the ‘showboating’ type ones! (‘Do you have a pair of wings and a profusion of feathers? Then you are most probably a bird.’) Whereas most of us have suffered at the hands of people who operate with a lot more subtlety than that. That’s why this site’s a godsend – it identifies all those little quirks (patterns of speech and non-violent behaviour etc) to the extent that regularly we wonder if we’ve been seeing the same person! The sort of questions in this study would have just made me think ‘Nah…he’s not a sociopath.’ But I’m now pretty sure he was. You have to live with the illogicality of their lives in all its minutiae to know you’ve been steamrollered by one, not see them plunge knives into a teddy bear.
my x-roommate said that told me that he raped his prior roommate before me. shortly after that i left and went to a shelter before finding new housing. the knife thing as well for me twice.
i like l’il orphan’s list too. i would add bragging and being conceited. too the point that they just seem over confident and you have to wonder where there getting this excess of confidence from.
Thanks for responding. I was kind of just going by what I’d experienced with the exN’s behaviors and extrapolating from them. We went 4 rounds of dating – three when I was much younger and they were more casual, so I didn’t fully see what he was about. Then he came back out of the blue after five-six years and I still HAD NO IDEA what he was about, but we really dated and I saw again the cruel comments, the lying, the “set up.” This time, the “set up” was to convince me he loved me and wanted to marry me…I wanted nothing to do with it at first but still had feelings for him, so I went along with seeing him. All was great in the beginning as the story always seems to go and then, after 8 months where he’d finally convinced me to admit my feelings, he started with the crazy-making behavior.
I bailed and then had a stupid “maybe it was me” moment — went back and got the delight of almost immediate D&D in the most vicious, cruel manner possible.
What bothers me now is some weird things going on with my phone, computer and the fact my windshield was mysteriously smashed in my driveway in October. I am starting to think he’s far scarier than I realized…and the ambient abuse is (as it’s designed to do) driving me nutty.