It really bothers me that researchers haven’t developed a measure to help people figure out if their loved ones are sociopathic. Instead, measures have been developed and the public is told NOT to use them to “diagnose” anyone. What good is research if it doesn’t teach people how to protect themselves? It would not be too difficult to identify a group of sociopaths, then determine a few easy questions related to the disorder most of the sociopaths answer yes or no to (that is sensitivity). The questions would be even better if non-sociopaths were unlikely to give the same response (that is specificity).
In a recent study (Comp. Psych. 48, 529), Dr. Heather Gelhorn and her colleagues from the University of Colorado have determined the four questions that identify sociopaths with a good degree of accuracy (sensitivity and specificity). Additionally, there are some other questions that also help. The best part is that these questions are easy to ask so you don’t have to have a Ph.D. or an M.D. to ask them.
Before I tell you the questions let me give you some background. As part of a large study, government researchers interviewed 43,093 residents of the United States. Of these, 1,403 were diagnosed with sociopathy (932 men and 471 women). That was between 3 and 4 percent of the total sample. These individuals were asked a number of simple questions about their behavior. The answers to these questions given by diagnosed sociopaths were then compared to answers given by other people who had only one symptom of sociopathy and so could not be “diagnosed.” These sub-clinical sociopaths numbered 17,767 men and 4,659 women. There are a lot of somewhat “sociopathic” people out there (22,426, over half the sample). The issue is how we identify people who are the real deal, given that so many “are a little sociopathic.”
Dr. Gelhorn and her colleagues performed a statistical analysis on specific questions and on groups of questions to determine those that best specifically identified the sociopaths. Of these four questions, a “yes” answer to any two was a good indicator of sociopathy in both men and women:
1. Have you ever hit someone so hard that you injured them, or they had to see a doctor? OR: Physically hurt another person in any other way on purpose?
2. Have you ever used a weapon, like a stick, knife or gun in a fight?
3. Have you ever had a time in your life when you lied a lot, not counting any times you lied to keep from being hurt? OR: Used a false or made-up name or alias? OR: Scammed or conned someone for money, to avoid responsibility or just for fun? OR: Forged someone else’s signature—like on a legal document or on a check?
4. Have you ever robbed or mugged someone, or snatched a purse?
Two other questions were nearly as good:
1. Have you had a time when you bullied or pushed people around or tried to make them afraid of you? OR: Harassed, threatened or blackmailed someone?
2. Have you ever stolen anything from someone or someplace when no one was around? OR: Shoplifted?
The basic problem is finding questions that all sociopaths answer the same to, and that no one who is not “a sociopath” answers that way. There was one question that everyone who answered yes to was a sociopath but the problem was that too few sociopaths endorsed this item. In other words, if your loved one answers “yes” to this you can say with a high degree of confidence he/she is sociopathic, but not answering “yes” does not rule out sociopathy. This question was:
1. Have you ever forced someone to have sex with you against their will?
I find it remarkable that habitual lying is on the same list as other more obviously hurtful behavior. It is clear that if you are with someone who is a liar; you have to wonder what else that person does that you do not know about.
The purpose of this analysis that Dr. Gelhorn and her colleagues performed was not to help us pick out sociopaths. The purpose of the study was to help us identify teenagers who are likely to develop sociopathy. These researchers found that 75 percent of people who had conduct disorder as teenagers went on to become sociopaths.
An observation I found particularly interesting was that cruelty to animals was not very common in sociopaths, either as teens or adults. Whereas 67 percent of sociopaths were “physically cruel to people” only 22 percent were physically cruel to animals. This information is consistent with what Sandra L. Brown, M.A. and I found when we surveyed the female partners of sociopaths. Sociopaths were always mean to the people in their lives, but only a few were also mean to animals.
What conclusions can we draw from all this? First, sociopathy is a disorder where people use coercion, either physical or non-physical, to overpower other people. Why do sociopaths do this? As Dr. Steve said this week, because they like to. This power behavior gives them pleasure. To them, having power is like having an orgasm. The reason physical violence is especially pleasurable for some is that observing someone else crying or wincing over what they did makes them feel especially powerful. Those sociopaths who are better at observing and understanding people just lie to hurt. They don’t have to see physical pain before they can get that gratification.
Findingmyself- I bleed for the same understanding!
Everyone see’s the damage that he has done… But
no-one can understands that, Me, me of all people: Can’t get over “it”.
Well, I say, Getting over “it” was not like getting over any other relationship. It was AN ENCOUNTER! One like no other before…devilish, cult or aliean like. Because their’s was NO kind of REAL relationship. Whether it was 1 to 50 years…it was torture!
During one of our any breaks (the breaks he used as an excuse to seek out and set up other prey) I spoke to his ex girlfriend – she didnt say much – probably frightened of any comebacks but she did tell me that he was possessive and controlling. This was the exact opposite of how he was with me – I then realised he had regulated himself differently off the back of the experiences with her – I further realised I wasnt getting a true honest person.
He was furious when I told him I had spoken to his ex. He had bad mouthed her and when I regularly saw her, she looked to me to be an ok woman. He finished with her – accused of molesting one of her children and she enraged attacked him in a public place. She had had medical treatment for mental illness, so he had the perfect getout excuse to everyone around him. He even had the written backup of an organisation to say that she had fabricated the story and that he was without any responsibility in the matter. He told me this early on in the relationship, because he probably thought I would hear the story from others. What a sick and devious ending to put her through. To elicit his next partners sympathy for him having to weather a turbulent relationship with a mental woman – how sick he is. I never found out about the child issue, she wouldnt discuss it. But I would dearly love to compare notes with his other ex partners, and I bet there are quite a trail of them.
I also thought, I am not wealthy so he has nothing to take from me. Since ending it, I realise we are all commodities, any form of attention or gain, whether physical, emotional, financial is one upmanship for them. Even if they take your mental wellbeing – they have taken from you. I still feel that I have been robbed.
Like others here, I yearn for the day when I realise that I didnt think about him once that day. I hope that day is soon.
People have told me to get over it, stop talking about him – but these people have never been in an ‘encounter’ with one of these people and dont realise the deep abuse they leave us with.
I have told people my story and nearly every person has remarked that it reminds them of at least one person they know – there must be many of them about
Thank Heavens that we have a site like this to support and understand us when no one else does.
We were robbed but the prowler has not left with the goods. Not allowing it, now in the lost and found. We were lost and now we are found. Finding out about them and in turn ourselves. Reclaiming what was ours to begin with. They have no right to take it and I am not letting him keep it. Keep blogging, keep reading and working on healing.
Change06. Agree, people think that because I only went out with him for 14 months, what am I getting so hung up about! Get over it! Stop talking about him, stop thinking about him. But at times you just cant. After we ended, I woke up thinking about him and would think about him every waking moment. That has started to diminish and I only think about him at times during the day.
Now I try to spend time on my own things but sometimes I think of him at the same time. It is very hard to explain to people how they permeate your life, your thinking, your dreaming even. We now know it is fake, it was a charade, but it still has a strong pull on us at times.
Like you change06 my N just walked out, so I never and will never get closure, find out the truth. I am a truthseeker, so this is torment for me, to have to live with so many unanswered questions, loose ends.
Like findingmyselfagain – I miss him, the company when things were going good and the connections we had. I have never been tempted to call him or contact him, because I know that if I do, all will be lost and I dont want to revert back to being under his control. It was a very dark, at times enticing place, but I knew it was not a nourishing or good place. Thats why I got out. I knew I hadnt found my soul mate. he kept calling me his soul mate, which seemed odd as he nowhere near demonstrated that. Who knows, he may have been the warm up act for a much better relationship, with myself. I learned alot of lessons from that man, about narcissism, and about myself
Beverly,
You brought up something that I have observed in the Bad Man. You mentioned that the ex girlfriend had a different experience than you. I found this to be true for me as well.
I have a link through a friend to a woman that dated the Bad Man for about 2 years before me. Also, a women that dated him after me for 5 months had a different experience as well. The woman before me stated “He had trouble seeing himself and did not like to be confronted about anything.” This woman and I had a mutual friend. OUr mutual friend told me “Do not reach out to her or trust her” so I never did. But eventually, this woman called my friend and asked her point blank if he was abusing me. I think she started pieced things together somehow because later I realized he was going to her whenever we had a breakdown.
I bet this is too confusing to follow. Sorry.
The point is I think the Bad Man had something I call a “resting phase.” It all depends what he wanted from a person. The woman before me and the woman after me were offering him a lot of sex and did not require a commitment. He told me himself that after his divorce, he was just “resting” and had no real intention of getting involved with someone for 2 years. I think he just used and used and used this woman and she never really noticed. The woman after me said she thought he seemed like a caged animal that needed to get out so she made no requirements of him and their relationship was tons of sex when they were together and no questions about when they were apart.
Anyway, I don’t think I can really explain what I mean but I just thought it was interesting what you said.
Alohatraveller – my ex N had a ‘resting’ phase too. He told me he had been content not to see anyone after being in a turbulent relationship with the woman before me. His resting phase was about 3 years, so I felt flattered that he came out of hibernation for me – I didnt know the bigger picture then. I just turned what were all the obvious signs – his background, his behaviour of distancing – into ‘well that must just be him’, so I excused alot of it away.
But our sex life was weird, for the first 3 months, he was not really sexual and said that he could life without it – which was strange, given that he hadnt had a regular partner for 3 years, and he put it down to a medical condition he had. I looked that up to on the internet and true it could have been that. All his excuses were plausible – believe me I checked them all.!
I’m with holywatersalt in being skeptical about the validity of these questions for someone who is a sociopath in the broadest sense.
Honest answers to these questions (ha!) might yield a reasonable assessment for someone with a specific diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder. There’s a spectrum of sociopathy that exists outside that strict definition, though.
For me, there’s no question that true sociopaths are most dangerous to those people who are closest to them. That’s where the violence and emotional abuse seem most likely. But if the researchers are ignoring the broader definition, they’re probably missing the point. That narrow view would fail to account for a LOT of collateral damage that isn’t violent, but is very harmful to individuals, families and society.
I can look back at my X-BF-P and the things he told me during our relationship that were RED FLAGS that I didn’t pay attention to at the time. I did “note” them as “Odd” but then I “explained” them away.
His focus on “getting even” with people that had injured him. Instead of telling him to hit the road, I tried to “reason” with him that this was not a “nice” way to think. DUH! He burned his X-GF’s house while we were dating.
I could go on and on, but there were plenty of things that he TOLD me, that I ignored or brushed away. Never again! I think if we just LISTEN to them without down-playing what they tell us, we will get some information that will set off our “alarms” if we will listen. Of course, if they tell us that they have hurt someone physically, or done criminal acts, etc. then we can LISTEN to them telling us they are psychopaths and RUUUUUUNNNNNN!
I hear you Ox…..it’s like the day the XS/P and I were traveling together and stopped at a rest stop to buy some coffee and he looked at me and just said “I feel like walking over to that guy and punching him in the face.” Out of the blue…..no provocation….. Of course like an idiot I try to reason with him….”well why do you feel that way?” He also told me that when people disagree with him it makes him insane and that inside he is going crazy.
I bett’ya won’t ignore that one in the future if you ever hear it again! Those are the times the mask slips just a little and we see the corner of Satan’s face, but when we look back it is covered up again.