Behavior genetic studies of children, adolescents, and adults all report that the overlap of antisocial tendencies (broadly defined) with other psychopathic traits (e.g., interpersonal, affective) can be explained by common genetic factors.-Robert Hare, Ph.D.
The most profound things researchers say about reality are often so difficult to understand that the average person wants to turn and run away when the researchers begin to speak. The statement above might have that affect on you but stick around because I want to explain it this week. This statement gets to the heart of the most important controversies regarding sociopathy/psychopathy.
First I will give you a definition of antisocial behavior that one of my students came up with. I think it is very good:
Antisocial behavior means things people intentionally do that infringe on other people’s rights to live their lives. Antisocial behavior is hurtful.
Notice that antisocial behavior is purposeful and reflects the person’s underlying motives. The link to personality lies in this link to motives. Many personality traits are a reflection of an individual’s preferred motives and pleasures.
Antisocial tendencies don’t reflect a simple callous indifference, they reflect behavior that is motivated and goal directed.
With that out of the way, I will give you a simple translation of the statement:
People who hurt others a lot have similar personalities. The same genes produce both the hurtful behavior and the “hurtful personality type.”
The above statement appears in an article entitled, “The role of antisocial tendencies in the psychopathy construct.” In this paper Dr. Hare lays out an argument that antisocial tendencies and the psychopathic personality type are inseparable. You can’t separate habitually hurtful behavior from the personalities of the people who have this habit. Furthermore, the same genes play a role in the development of habitually hurtful behavior and the development of the hurtful personality.
I’ll say it again another way. You cannot separate the evil someone does from the evil someone is. It also appears there is an evil gene or more likely, evil genes. If you are wondering if a person you know is a “sociopath/psychopath” use this statement to guide your thinking.
If a child you love has the genes of a sociopathic/ psychopathic person you should be motivated to understand all of this. As I considered the implications of genetics for myself and my family I asked a number of questions.
1. Many papers say the “psychopaths” as diagnosed by a checklist interview (The PCL-R) are different from “sociopaths” or those who have “antisocial personality disorder.” Well if that is true, do they have different genes?
2. What do we know about the evil genes themselves and what they are doing?
With these questions in mind, I read the scientific literature looking for evidence that psychopaths have their own special genetics. In the end, I discovered what Dr. Hare says, that there are genes that increase the likelihood of antisocial behavior including its extreme- criminal behavior. There are also genes that link to the personality traits of hurtful people and criminals. The genes appear to be the same genes.
Furthermore, there is a genetic connection between hurtful behavior, addiction and ADHD. That is why I decided to subtitle my book “A guide to overcoming your child’s genetic connection to antisocial behavior, addiction and ADHD” and NOT “A guide to overcoming your child’s genetic link to a psychopath.”
The bad news is that since all these disorders are genetically linked we have to worry about our kids’ risk for ADHD and addiction in addition to their risk for sociopathy/psychopathy. The link between alcoholism/addiction and psychopathy/sociopathy has been known since the 1940s, early writers like Dr. Cleckley (author of The Mask of Sanity) commented on it.
Now what do we know about the nature of evil genes? In my book, I explain that studies seem to show that these genes code for certain temperaments. The list of temperamental traits I came up with is on page 166 of my book and is given below:
| Inborn Attribute |
Definition |
| Aloof | Difficulty forming and enjoying attachments |
| Impulsive | Defective impulse control |
| Fearless | Lack of fear |
| Outgoing | Strong desire to explore social and physical environment |
| Dominant | Strong desire to be at the top of the pecking order |
| Anger-Prone | “Hair-trigger” for anger |
I am always on the lookout for other people’s lists of the genetically determined temperamental traits associated with antisocial behavior and sociopathy/psychopathy. In their book, the Psychology of Criminal Conduct, Drs. D.A. Andrews and James Bonita discuss the search for the “crime gene.” They summarize the findings as follows:
“The findings from family lineage, twin, and adoption studies also converge and conclude that there is a genetic component to criminal behavior. It is not criminal behavior per se that is inherited but temperamental characteristics such as impulsivity, sensation-seeking, and negative emotionality that are inherited.”
Notice the overlap between their list and mine. Outgoing and sensation-seeking are the same thing. Being anger-prone is part of negative emotionality.
If you have read my book, you know that it paints a picture of hope for the kids that carry these genes. Just look at the list for yourself. Probably the most worrisome temperamental trait on the list above is aloofness. However, an inborn tendency toward aloofness does not have to translate into antisocial behavior. If a detached child can be taught to engage in prosocial goals, then the detachment won’t be as much of an issue. For example, there are many interesting occupations that do not require a lot of social interaction. These are ideally suited to those with a tendency toward being aloof.
An awareness of the list of temperamental traits a child may have been born with is an important first step in guiding that child. If you know the list, you know what to look for and you can come up with strategies to make the best of your own child’s temperament. Rather than trying to make a child into someone he/she is not, it is better to try to work with who he/she is.
Notice that several of the traits are also associated with leadership potential. So the same list of genetic traits can lead to the development of a contributing prosocial person or an antisocial person depending on environmental factors. Genetics plays a role in antisocial tendencies and psychopathic personality traits but a person is not only the product of genes. Parenting, adult mentors, peers, educational opportunities and physical health may all make a difference.
A child with poor impulse control does not have to live with a high level of disability any more than a dyslexic child has to live with an inability to read. Both groups of children require special education to overcome their genetics.
The radio just quoted “a joke” from the late night talk show host Conan O’brien, “They have had a hard time finding jurors for the upcoming OJ Simpson armed robbery trial”¦ They are having a hard time finding a jury of his peers”¦ those who have gotten away with a double murder.”
OJ Simpson exemplifies all the writings about inborn temperaments, antisocial behavior and psychopathy. He has a history of antisocial behavior including domestic violence and more. He also has psychopathic personality traits. No one will deny that the man has a number of gifts that likely have a strong genetic basis. These gifts range from athletic talent to interpersonal charisma. It appears from my vantage point that all of these gifts have been used directly and indirectly for evil.
To summarize then, the temperamental traits that lead to the evil a person is and the evil a person does can also can lead to the good a person is and the good a person does. The direction that any given person’s life takes is influenced by many things including parenting, peers, trauma and perhaps most importantly, personal choice. Genetics puts a person at risk but does not necessarily determine his/her destiny.
For more on guiding and parenting children with genetic risk see Parentingtheatriskchild.com and my parenting blog.
Freewill.
Dear Dr. Leedom,
Thank you for this insightful and well written information on the gentics of psychopathic behavior.
As you know, I have a Psychpathic son in prison for murder. My biological father was a blatant psychopath, and enjoyed being feared by others. He was a criminal, but managed to elude the law for his crimes, which thank goodness, my son has not been able to do for the most part.
Your connection between ADHD and psychopathic behavior is interesting to me, in that my other biological son is quite ADHD, but has never been a problem child as far as lying or aggressive behavior is concerned, and my “perfect” child was the one who turned out to be the psychopath.
I’ve worked with many chldren who are ADHD in clinical settings and children who are ADHD and conduct disorder as well, and I can tell you that those that are BOTH are scary creatures prone to acute and impulsive violence, and almost gleeful about it.
I had long suspected that “temperment” is heritable simply from a scientific point of view, though for a long time our society seemed to say that a child is born a “blank slate” that environment programs to be “good or bad”—it has been well known for probably thousands of years that in animals temperment pretty well breeds true. Various breeds of dogs have different and fairly consistent temperments and proneness to aggression. Some breeds of dogs are very prone to aggression, though there are ocassional examples of a more passive disposition in some individuals.
Why social science would try to say that humans are NOT genetically programmed as the dogs, cattle, horses, and other animals that are selected for various traits baffled me. We are, after all subject to all the other biological trueisms of genetics and why “temperment” and “behavioral tendencies” would be exempt from those “laws” I couldn’t figure out.
For years people had noticed that many adopted kids did not turn out well in spite of having “good” homes, but it was attributed to the “trauma” the children got from “being adopted” not to genetics. Now, finally medicine and sciences are accepting that this “Adoption syndrome” which is all to common is the result of genetics. Most of these children come from personality disordered young women who give up their “healthy infants” for adoption or the state takes them from the mothers and places the for adoption. Babies available today are not from the “good girl” and the “football captain” who give up their babies for adoption any more, but from the disordered and discarded genetic. Not that all of these children are hopeless, or should be discarded, but at least parents wanting to adopt should be aware of what they are taking on in the way of genetics.
Not all children, thank God, of psychopaths are doomed to be psychopaths, or to get all the genes that predestine them to be psychopathic behavior, but enough do that it is still a concern to me, and I know it is to you as you have a child by the psychopath.
My father sired 4 kids that I know of, me being the oldest and only one of us seems to be a psychopath. I am a bit ADHD, but more hyperactive than attention deficit, and one of my sons is ADHD but not psychopathic, and one son is a TOTAL psychopath and very aggressive, controlling and violent.
I can produce a “family tree” on both my mother’s and father’s side, FULL of psychopathic people back to before 1840 on a couple of the lines. My x-husband’s father is no doubt a psychopath so my son got the double whammy from both sides of his genetics, with BOTH grandfathers being psychopaths, and several of his great grandfathers being psychopaths.
My other biological son has, after all this mess and chaos with his brother, decided to remain childless because of the risk of passing on the genetics to future generations. Though I would very very much like grandchildren, I can’t argue with his decision in the least. I wouldn’t keep or breed a bull or a cow that had the genetics for aggression or the animal equivalent of psychopathic behavior, in fact, I extensively culled my herd for temperment that was dangerous. The ONLY aggressive behavior I ever tolerated in any animal here on my farm was if it was PROTECTING THEIR YOUNG, otherwise if a cow even shook her head at me (a form of warning and aggression in cattle) I would have her and ALL her offspring on the next load to the butcher. Because of that rigid culling, in a breed otherwise known for being docile to humans, my cattle are all very docile, but will still protect their young from predators, but don’t see me as a predator.
I am truly glad that social and medical scientists are accepting the fact that temperment and behavior are at least somewhat genetic. I think that knowing that might help parents of children who are “unhelpable” learn to let go. Though, even though I “knew it” I still hung on to malignant hope that somehow my son could be “saved”—because I have had a son in prison I have become at least causally acquainted with others who have criminal children (mostly sons) and I see that malignant hope in those parents. The “stand by your kid” philosophy, “no matter what, he’s my kid” “there’s some way I can help him” etc etc. and many families pauper themselves trying to find some magical way to “help” Junior go straight. While not all convicts and criminals are psychopaths, it is well known that the 20% or more who are do 75 or 80% of the violent and repeat crime.
I’m bright and educated on genetics and medicine, with a major in biology and it still took me a loooong time to put that knowledge to WORK in my life. I hope that your book is a run away best seller and that the spreading of this information gets to every person in the world. You have no idea how much I appreciate the work you are doing for parenting the at risk child, which if it doesn’t help the all the children, at least will educate the parents to what to expect and how to protect themselves from psychopathic offspring if parenting isn’t enough to over come the genetics.
Of course none of us really know 100% how our parenting effects our children vs what is hereditary, but I do know I raised a very ADHD child into a successful adult who had empathy and impulse control, has a work eithic and a conscience, and is a caring and good man. But whatever happened at puberty (and one instance before that) turned my “perfect” child into a monster of rage and control, with arrogance beyond belief and no empathy or conscience, but in fact, is PROUD of the horror of his crimes. It was only when he let his mask slip and I SAW the pride in his eyes, saw the true demon behind the mask, that I was finally able to let go, and turn him loose. To give up the malignant hope that my son was “human” instead of PURE EVIL. The similarities between him and my Psychopathic biological father are uncanny, even their hand writing and facial experessions, way of moving. All there, yet they never met.
If that isn’t the family genetic curse, I am not sure what would be.
I think this is interesting in respect to my baby being at risk for anti social behavior due to fathers and grandfathers genetics. I not only have to be extra careful when rearing, but I will also need to ensure that I discuss the risks, when the baby gets older, that its offspring have to anti social behavior. I wonder if there are suggestions on not only how to explain to a child its parents personality disorder, but also explaining the risks their offspring have in carrying the gene.
OxD I really think it is interesting that your son has made a decision to not have children in fear of passing on the gene.
Dear Bird,
There was a long time when parents were BLAMED because their children had schizrophrenia as being “bad parents” because it was supposed that babies are born a “blank slate” as far as their mental and emotional development was concerened. Now, it is finally becoming apparent to medical science what farmers have known for “ever” that personality/disposition is linked to hereditary effects.
My X DIL had the gene for muscular dystrophy, and all her uncles had died from this horrible condition, yet she chose to have children, and had a son who had this terrible condition. Her daughter has a 50:50 chance of haivng this gene to pass on to her children, so does she get tested? Nope–“I don’t want to know” (her daughter is also personality disordered too)
Diabetes, and high cholersterol and all those other “metabolic” diseases are hereditary as well. Plus there are many many mental health issues that are hereditary from depression on up.
At least people and science are becoming more aware of this and that we are not JUST products of our environment, but of our genes as well.
Dr. Leedom, and you, and many other women have had children with these Ps, before they realized that their partner was a P. And somewhere on one of the articles here it was mentioned that 25% of the kids in a public housing project in England were being sired by Ps. WOW! Of course, not every child born to a P becomes a P. In my father’s case it was 1 out of 4, but we all in one way or another, got the environmental damage from him. The other three from birth, and me for a couple of years as a teenager.
Plus, my own P-son is a “carbon copy” of my P-bio father in too many ways to be coincidence—from facial expressions to hand writing, to murderous behavior and high IQ.
My son C, who was married to the P for 8 yrs (his first marriage) at first after the divorce thought about the fact that he might get married again and have children of his own, but then, after learning more about the hereditary nature of the psychopathic personality disorders decided NOT to ever have children. Not to “take the chance” to pass on the genes.
It’s kind of a “crap shoot” when you have children anyway, but if you end up having children with a P, the risks are higher. Humans, unlike specific breeds of animals, have a more diverse range of genetics. Tall men marry short women, the off spring may be very tall or very short, or inbetween or some of each, whereas a “breed” of animal is pretty uniform in genetics and the off spring are more predictable. Some breeds of animals are so uniform in genetics that they are almost carbon copies of each other, depending on what traits were selected for. Some breeds of cattle, like the Spanish fighting bulls, are selected for a nasty aggressive disposition, where other breeds of cattle have been selected for gentle dispositions. If you cross a Spanish fighting bull with a cow of a more gentle disposition, you have no idea what you could get—gently, aggressive or inbetween, but the aggressive gene(s) could lie dormant even of the offspring were continually crossed with the gentler breed for a couple of generations.
Rare is the family “gene pool” that doesn’t have an Uncle Monster abusive relative, or a drug addict, or an alcoholic aunt, or a wife beating cousin, or the convict in the family. With the diversity of our human gene pool,, and the P gene(s) scattered in so many families, and it most likely taking several genes rather than just one to produce a P, it is really a crap shoot. My son does realize though, that he has the double whammy, of P genes on both sides of his family, and probably on both sides of those, so has a HIGHER THAN average chance of having those genes to pass on. As Dr. Leedom also said there is a high correlation between ADHD and Ps, and my son C is ADHD, though he is NOT a P, but he probably has some of the P genes. My P-son is NOT ADHD though, but he does have the lack of impulse control, whereas my son C with the ADHD has learned impulse control. Kind of interesting I think. Anyway, I would never have advised him to make that choice, I think it is up to each individual to make their own reproductive choices (at least in our society) but at the same time, I would never advise him to have children either.
But, you, Bird, are FOREWARNED, and you know that you will hve to take extra precautions with Birdie as Birdie grows, and when the day comes, Birdie will make the decisions to have children or not. Hopefully, too, being advised what a P is, Birdie will not choose a P mate. It’s just like if Birdie’s father had diabetes, you would start out teaching Birdie from the very first how to eat properly to help prevent onset, or to manage it well if it did happen. So you are a leg up on the mother who does NOT know what PPD is, and can do everything humanly possible to raise a child that will have a conscience, will bond, and be a loving and wonderful person. And, keep in mind, that NOT 50% of Birdie’s genes are P genes because I am sure that your P also had some NON-P ancestors, so there is a good chance Birdie will be “normal” in any circumstances. You know I am very attached to you and your baby, Bird, and I do not dispair at all that you had a child by the P, because you are such a caring and good person, and if any child has a chance at growing up to be like YOU, then that child has a great hope. ((((Bird & Birdie))) ps–BTW, you never told us if Birdie is a boy or a girl! But in any case, pinch his/her little cheeks and give him/her a big hug from Aunty Oxy!
By not having children, because of a “gene theory'” one allows the psycho to win again. This is eugenics. We can a have tendency toward many diseases- and avoid them by diet, exercise, txt, and rearing.
There’s no guarantees in this life- but by purposefully not having children one loses out on the most rewarding, beautiful, tiring and sanctifying gifts a human ever receives.
Genes are not destiny- God gave us freewill. Psychos are not insane, they are purposefully evil.
Birdie has a good chance as any, even better because you are so aware and concerned. : )
DEar HWS,
I had a discussion today about this very thing, with a gentleman who had been married to a personality disordered woman for many years.
I won’t try to second guess my son’s decision to not have children based on the genetics of our family being so rife with psychopaths, any more than I would have with any person whose family had some other (horrible) genetic condition.
Yes, you can miss out on many things if you do not have children, but there are children who do need homes that are available for adoption, so adoption or fostering is another way to “have” children. To have biological children when you know that your biological children have a high chance of having an inherited disorder and living a short, unhappy, painful life is an individual decision that I think is left to the potential parent to make.
I agree, genes are not destiny and even psychopaths have FREE WILL. A person who has the genes that make them tend to become addicted to alcohol or drugs has the OPTION TO NOT DRINK, OR TAKE DRUGS. The genes do NOT force them to drink or do drugs. So, to me, drinking or druging is a CHOICE.
My friend and I today talked aobut his X-wife and what she did and how she behaved. She had a P for a father, who sexually molested her, so he tended to “not blame” her because she had a hard upbringing as well as the “genetics”–but while there is no “cure” or “successful treatment” for a person who is a “full blown adult P” I don’t think that the Ps are without choices in their behavior, any more than the alcololic is without choices—they can both choose to do what is “RIGHT” or “what is WRONG”—but at some point, some alcoholics decide that they don’t WANT to quit drinking and so they continue to drink. Some alcoholics decide to quit drinking and do so. Some alcoholics quit drinking but are still “dry drunks”–i.e. not drinking, but still being controlling, anger filled, abusive jerks (Ps?)
My friend was concerned because he couldn’t believe that God would make someone who “couldn’t control their behavior” and then hold them accountable. My thoughts experessed to him were that I don’t think they ALWAYS couldn’t control or didn’t want to control their behaivor, but at some point, they reach a point that they dont’ WANT to control their behavior because “for them, it is successful” –i.e. gets them what they want.
Dr. Viktor Frankl’s book, “Man’s search for Meaning” which he wrote after his years in a Nazi prison camp during WWII, demonstrates by his observation how some people who “had it hard” were stronger, kinder, better peoople afterwards, and others became angered and vengeful, and became abusers themselves, feeling entitled to abuse others because they were abused themselves. Why the different responses to the same conditions? “The same sun that hardens the clay, melts the wax”–i.e. The SAME CONDITONS get different results depending on the composition of the the object that they effect. People are different. Some “abused” children become great individuals and others become abusers themselves. WHY? Because of the different reactions that they had to the abuse condtions. We (bloggers here) have all been victimized and are trying to heal, to become better, more thoughtful and wiser individuals. But, are we a “cross section” of ALL victims? I think not. Many victims choose to stay victims, or to become abusers themselves, or to become bitter and feel that the world and life has been unfair to them. The people on this blog, for the most part seem to all be working on healing, and I define that as recovering, learning why we were victims in the first place, and how to move on in our lives with more understanding, caring and caution, but without bitterness and anger and holding a grudge. I would not have any idea what the percentage of victims do learn and recover vs those that stay victims or that become abusers themselves. Maybe someone else would have those statistics (if such there are) but I think WE have choices, and the abusers do have choices, reagardless of WHAT the genetics are. They know that what they do (in the way of abuse) is not “right” yet they chose to do it because it is what they want to do.
If the PPD was 100% genetic and they had no choice, then I would say let my murdering P-son out of prison, it’s not his fault, he was born a P. You can’t put him in prison for killing someone because he had no control over his behavior. I KNOW THAT IS NOT TRUE. He is just as accountable as I am for the CHOICES he makes. He is responsible for his choices, as I am. My Uncle Monster who was an abusive alcoholic and only abused his wife and other women when he was “drunk”—but he had a choice to drink or not to drink. He chose to drink, knowing that he did this kind of thing when he was drunk. But HE DIDN’T CARE, AND HE MADE HIS CHOICES. Therefore, he had the choice to abuse or not, and he chose to abuse and to drink, reagardless of his genetic make up.
PS. Two of my uncle Monster’s children chose not to have children, and one had one child and adopted another child with Fetal alcohol syndrome, mentally retarded, and other severe mental health problems. (knowing at the time she adopted the boy that he had these problems.) None of my uncle Monster’s children drink alcohol. I drink very little alcohol, and my sons also drink very little alcohol.
Dear all,
It’s been ages since I’ve added any comments of my own on this most endearing website. I still read as much as I can in the limited time I’m allowed due to work and other activities.
Many of you know me and some may not, but I just wanted to share the progress I have made after literally a life time of being in the presence/being involved with personality disordered individuals. Beginning with a most evil psychopathic biological father.
The man was evil, no doubt, and I swore a valid oath to myself as a child that I would be the complete opposite of everything he was. And I have been successful in creating a positive, fulfilling, loving, peaceful life for myself. But this powerful transition has been a slow going, steady process for the past 4 years.
And, I never would have truly learned to respect and truly love me for who I am without the continued guidance, strength, compassion and mercy of our Beloved Lord.
Wow, the joy in my heart and soul sometimes overwhelms me but I am so grateful, so appreciative of every wonderful blessing in my life.
For all you dearhearts who still consider yourself unworthy, unlovable, undeserving of the truest most beautiful happiness possible, that couldn’t be further from the truth. You most absolutely deserve to be at peace, to have serenity and joy in your precious lives.
Stand up for yourselves and shout…”I am me! I am wonderful! I am strong, independent, a fighter through and through! I love myself and I am loved deeply!”
Guess what? That above statement is truth personified.
Believe it, learn it and live it.
Peace…love….joy to you all lovely people. 🙂
Dear JaneSmith: I am so glad to hear that you’ve work through your pain and have now found your harmony and peace. Yes, harmony and peace is what everyone should strive for. Someday, every one, every where … after working through the pain created in their lives … will find the peace and serenity. It’s work, but it’s worth it. As for the individuals in the world that create pain towards others, it is a cry that they too are in pain. As Bill Cosby quoted another – “Hurt people, hurt people”.
Peace and serenity to all. After you find that new found harmony in your life and grow into compassion again, you will see them through different eyes.
Peace.
First, I wish there was clarification of the statement “link between addiction and psychopathy” to clarify that NOT all people with addiction problems are psychopaths or have hurtful personalities. While it’s true that addiction can lead to hurtful behaviour, many of those same people are not hurtful once they’re no longer under the influence of the addiction. For example, the many abused women who become alcoholic is historically significant. It’s not uncommon for deep-feeling, caring people, to find themselves in horrible situations (like a horrid abusive marriage, or in terrible combat during a war), and take to drinking to escape, and thus become alcoholic. That’s a big difference from the sociopaths who use mind-altering substances to get some thrills.
I’m thinking the ADHD link is similarly dicey.
In fact, I suspect that sociopaths with behaviour problems in childhood, and sociopaths who utilize mind altering substances, are actually MISdiagnosed as having ADHD or addiction. When really, the drug use or the behaviour are simply SYMPTOMS in some sociopaths. (Whereas in a regular non-sociopath person, ADHD or addiction might be the actual problem.)
But about the genetic issue… I well understand at first how the concept is daunting, and something you don’t want to believe. Because most of us want to believe there’s good about everyone, or that everyone is a good person “deep down”. Or regarding the person we know who is nasty, who we are close to – we don’t want to believe it’s hopeless. But I have since come to believe that learning aboutt the hopelessness is the kindest thing that could happen. I no longer waste so much time on some people, who I used to waste time on, and invariably be disappointed – or worse. Once I realize someone is probably not capable of being anything other than detrimental, I don’t worry about giving them chances, or worry about being nice to them – that sort of thing. It’s been liberating really.
As for children who exhibit the traits. I think I guess parents just need to do the best they can to not instill violence & abuse into the kid’s life… but I tend to believe Dr. Hare’s attitude, as I understand it – that a bad upbringing can make a sociopath worse – but even so, a good upbringing with wonderful parenting, can’t make a psychopath into a loving caring empathetic individual.
“Dexter” is, I believe, a tempting but dangerous myth… that can lead to parents of these sociopaths blaming themselves for something that’s not really their fault.
I have the greatest sympathy & respect for those parents with grown sociopathic children they’ve had to cut out of their lives because of the detriment – or in order not to enable their hurting of others. It must be really difficult and saddening… but I think it’s best for everyone, including the sociopaths.
AMEN, WP!
We would all LIKE to BELIEVE that “there is good in everyone” but as we say here “It ain’t so, McGee” (I don’t know where that saying came from but I’ve heard it all my life!)
Parents whose children are born with Muscular Dystrophy, or Spina Bifidia or develop cancer, or 1,000 other problems might like to believe that there will be a “cure” some time before their child lives out their lives in pain and disability, but having FALSE HOPE is I think worse than accepting the TRUTH that there IS NO HOPE FOR A REMISSION/CURE.
In my career in medicine I have seen people whose ELDERLY parent had ZERO quality of life, was brain dead and yet, the family KEPT HOPING FOR A MIRACLE. The statistics are there, there IS NO HOPE that your 90 year old grandmother with a stroke that left her speechless, unable to breathe on her own, etc is going to get off the ventilator and go home to you, walking and talking.
I blame the media to some extent, and I also blame physicians that WILL NOT SPEAK THE TRUTH ABOUT THERE BEING NO HOPE.
When my husband suffered third degree burns over 95% of his body and inhaled the flames as well, he was STILL alive, (thank God in no pain, because he was literally cooked an inch deep and the nerves were fried) THERE WAS NO HOPE THAT HE WOULD LIVE more than a few hours at most.
Yet, when I got to the hospital (I had been at the crash site at the time of the aircraft crash, the first there) so as a medical professional I KNEW the prognosis, Yet in the hour that it took me to get to the hospital the physicians were “trying to preserve life” in my husband. When I came in they did not say to me, “We are so sorry Mrs. Drover, but Mr. Drover has NO HOPE of surviving more than a few hours. Would you like to go be with him?”
Instead they inundated me with WHAT THEY WERE GOING TO DO TO TRY TO SAVE HIM, send him 2 hours by helicopter to another major burn center, ya da ya da.
I looked at the physician and said “WHY?” The physician was at a temporary loss for words and said “Oh, but that’s the BEST burn center in the south.” I again repeated “Why” and he had no answer. I told him that I was an advanced practice nurse, that I was at the crash site, and I KNEW MY HUSBAND WOULD NOT LIVE, so I DID NOT WANT ‘EXTREME MEASURES” TAKEN. My husband was conscious, and alert and oriented, but by the time I got there he had a tube and a ventilator and could not speak. But I communicated with him and he “answered” by moving the only part of his body not burned, one foot. HE KNEW he was not going to live long. I KNEW, our family knew, and we were allowed to DEAL WITH IT.
People who have a LOVED ONE, whatever the relationship is, NEED TO KNOW THAT THERE IS NO, ZIP, ZERO, NADA, NONE, HOPE that the person will “change” and grow a conscience any more than a child born without arms is going to grow some. What you have is what you get!
I don’t believe that the TOXIC behavior which the genetics predispose toward can’t be somewhat altered by EARLY environment, but you are still not going to be able to “make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear” IF the genetics are strong enough.
I think in the case of my P-son that the genetics were SO strong (both grandfathers were Ps) that there is little if any likelhood if I had been as good a mother as the “Virgin Mary” herself as a mother, he would still have been what he is A VIOLENT PSYCHOPATH. I’m not claiming to have been a perfect mother, but I can stand here and say “Under the circumstances I was handed, I did a GOOD job. I have ONE son, who is ADHD and he is a GREAT human being. The other child is a psychopath.
I can see that there are a high percentage of ADHD kids that are ALSO Psychopathic, but I don’t necessarily think that the link is CAUSAL, I think it just makes the immpulsivity worse.
(I think Dr. Leedom said that the link is high, and also to Bi-Polar) I can easily see where having each or either of these problems would make the P-genes have a worse “outcome” or be more apparent.
Having EITHER Bi-polar or ADHD without having the P genes makes life hard enough for people. Having either one of those \AND the P-genes is a night mare.
Yes, it IS difficult to cut off your own child because of their “disability” (in this case Psychopathic) but I only wish I had NOT held on to the malignant HOPE of thinking I could do something for him. I’ve seen other families destroy themselves as well “trying to help, Junior, he’s my son/daughter, I just can’t desert him/her.”
One of my friends I just found out has had to cut off her P-son. She doesn’t even know what a psychopath is, but she knows her son is “evil” and she isn’t going to enable him. I know her pain, but she is doing what is the ONLY possible solution for HER and the rest of her family. Amputate the cancerous, dangerous part of the “family body” so that the rest can live. Peace.