Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call Charlotte24. She is so terrorized by the sociopath that she says she is “running for my life.”
I am about to lose my freedom. He has destroyed my life and is still trying. I have received 4 CDVs (criminal domestic violence charges) in one year. He has so many other prior charges — assaults on females — and CDVs, including one assault charge with me, because he cut my clothes off me and left me on side of road 3 hours away from home and never came back to get me.
He has come and hunt me down and he would be crying and begging for me to go back knowing that I have a no contact order with him. I would be dumb and always go back. Well we would get into one fight and then I would be running for my life.
Read more: The narcissistic serial bully
I have lost everything I’ve owned, and just now, when I walked away again, I had to run away with just the clothes on my back and that’s it. I lost everything — my cars, my clothes, my kids, everything he uses.
He became the victim
He became the victim in December of 2022, so he has fully taken advantage of that. He knows that with the no contact order I will go to jail so I have been to jail so many times this past year and he just lied in and I just got charged with another CDV.
He lied and stated that I drove to his house and intoxicated, and then I assaulted him and tore his house up. That’s not true. I have tons of witnesses. But then he called my probation officer because I got two years of probation due to this and he told him he got me kicked out my classes.
This has been an ongoing battle for over a year now. I’ve gotten charged with four CDVs and he just turned himself into the victim, so I’m always scared to call the law because I am not supposed to be there so he will be beating me up and calling the law on me.
Awful to my friends and family
He is awful every anyone who tries to help me. He has torn all, blowing up like friends family. I have so many police reports, but he is one who gets away with everything.
I have a video of him setting my car on fire — it. is just crazy. I feel like I’m fighting for my freedom and he’s not gonna stop but I can get no one to believe me or help me because the law obviously doesn’t run in two different counties. He lives in one county I live in another county with my dad so I don’t know what to do with this situation.
He was married for 24 years and the past 4 years he has been running back to her. It’s a pattern, every 2 weeks he would leave me go back to her.
My friends and family and my friend whom he threatened the day of he was going to burn his car lot down and the same night it burnt down. This man is not a good man. He even has prior charges in another county.
Learn more: How to report your abuser’s crimes so the police take you seriously
Vocabulary 101: 10 terms to help you name your experience with a sociopath
This sounds like my situation and a mixture of two of my exes both sociopaths. I don’t get involved with a lot of people. I only had two relationships in 30 years and both were sociopaths. I think I was so broken up from the first one, that I went to the second..
M first one did the same thing as yours did. I was very young, he was a lot older, and I had a child with him, so it was not easy to leave, as I had no place to go. He even turned my family against me, so I couldn’t go there. He would also constantly use other means to get me in trouble. Knowing certain people were mandated reporters, he would make false accusations against me and they would have to call children services, as they have to do it when they hear an accusation. I had CPS called on me so many time with false accusations. They were all dropped as “unfounded”, but I still had to go through that and the stress of maybe losing my child which it never happened, thank God. When my daughter got a little bit older, around 12 or 13, at that age sometimes they don’t wanna listen or do what they’re supposed to do. I would give her consequences when she did something wrong. She would then call her father telling him that I’m being mean (I think he instructed her to do that) and he would tell her to call the police on me. There would be no abuse or anything. So she called 911 and call the police on me. Most of the time they never came down, but two times they did. Both times they dropped the whole thing. They realized it was false.
My biggest mistake was not getting full custody. I had shared 50-50 custody. He had me so scared. He said that if I were to go to court to try to get full custody, he would say things and he said he would end up with full custody and he would say so many horrible things that I would land out in jail or mental hospital. At the time I was so scared and so much under his control and knew that other people believed him, so I just settled for 50-50 custody. I realize now I should’ve gotten an attorney and gotten full custody as I was the primary caretaker. He was a very evil man and all I can say is if you’re in a similar situation with a sociopath STAY AWAY!
You have to be careful of therapists too. I was just with one. I finally got help after many years, as I didn’t trust them. I was just with one and within the third session he was already gaslighting me telling me maybe I just think he’s like that, and then bashing the my mother who I said was good to me.
Sk123 – I am so sorry for your experience, and I hope your life is better now. Even if you had gone for full custody, it may not have worked out. You probably would have needed evidenced of physical abuse against your child, and it you didn’t have it, you would have wasted your time and money. Sometimes the best thing to do is endure. So I hope you’re out of it now.
Yes, I’m away from him, thank God!. When my daughter turned 18 before she even had a chance to finish high school, he took her to another state in order to spite me. I was upset at first, but honestly, it was a relief. I’ve been away from him for over 10 years out of the relationship for more than 20 years, but and I still suffer severe PTSD and flashbacks of what he’s done to me. I only touched up on this little part., there was so much more. I am able to recognize the characteristics now, as I’ve came across quite a few since then. I also want to say this is for the other readers. If you’re reading this, they were red flags in the beginning had I known the characteristics of a sociopath., i would’ve seen it. one of the first ones which was very subtle, was that he tried to change the way I would dress. This was in the dating period after about two months. There was nothing wrong with the way I dress. It was very normal as matter fact, most people like the way I dress and he said he didn’t like it and he wanted me to change my whole wardrobe. He would also say this person says you’re this and this person says that but I stuck up for you. I realize afterwards nobody said anything he was just trying to make me feel like there’s something wrong with me.. So had I known the characteristics of as sociopath then I might have been warned.
Sk123 I’m sorry for everything you went through. I was married to a sociopath but no kids. But i know the personality and how insidiously abusive and controlling they are.
I agree with you to be careful with therapists. During my separation/divorce I was completely isolated because my family lives abroad and I had lost touch with (well really been isolated from) my friends when I got married. My therapist was my only local support. Every week I would go to his office in a state of extreme trauma and distress and cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding. Any professional with even basic knowledge of psychological abuse and coercive control should have been able to determine that is what was happening and take appropriate steps to protect me. Instead this dumb therapist kept giving me advice for normal breakups with normal people like focus on self care, take yoga lessons, mediation, journaling etc and as to my ex he said maybe we are just “not compatible.” This therapist’s approach enabled years more of post separation abuse.
Like you I also settled with my ex quickly out of fear and trauma bonding. Not as to kids but as to financial matters. And now I regret not fighting him. I wish I had called police on him and taken him to court. He deserved to be held accountable.
Anyway I hope you are doing better now.