Scientists now believe that the set of personality traits that cause sociopathy develops in people with genetic risk. But research also shows that genetics alone cannot account for the presence of sociopathy in our society. Sociopathy is caused by an interaction between genes and environment. In my opinion, many kids are twice cursed by genetics. The same genes that put them at risk also give them at least one unfit parent. This unfit parent creates an environment where the genes that produce sociopathy can become manifest.
In part 1 of this series, I listed several parenting behaviors that foster the development of sociopathy. This week we will discuss the trait anger and hostility that characterizes sociopathy. Nowhere are gene-environment interactions more apparent than in the development of an angry, hostile, suspicious style of relating to others.
Numerous studies have demonstrated that children at risk for sociopathy tend to adopt a suspicious approach during social interactions with both peers and adults. They are quick to interpret the behavior of others as hostile, angry or otherwise malevolent. They are also more likely to propose aggressive solutions to situations that involve conflict. When at risk kids respond in kind to perceived hostility, other children reject them. This rejection serves to confirm to the child that others are indeed malevolent–a classic self-fulfilling prophesy.
I am convinced that this suspicious, hostile stance we see in at risk children is due to their focus on dominance and power. At risk children tend to focus on competition and power as opposed to affection in relationships. If your child is focused on dominance, she/he will appear to you to be strong willed and will not respond well to correction. Many parents respond to dominant children by trying to put them in their place. They thus model aggressive behavior. Engaging in dominance struggles only further activates the dominance drive in at risk children. Dealing with a child’s dominance behavior, is perhaps the biggest challenge parents of at risk children face.
The only tool we have to reduce dominance behavior in at risk children and teens is affection. Affectionate interactions are incompatible with dominance behavior, so, if you want your child to be easier to live with, you have to teach him/her to be affectionate. You have to do everything in your power to give your child the ability to love. When strong dominance motivation is appropriately balanced with empathy and affection, the result is a great leader. Our kids who are born dominant are born leaders if we are able to guide them to have this balance.
I believe the dominance behavior at risk children show is inborn. My son was born with this dominant temperament and I work daily to teach him to love. He is now nearly 5 and does show a great deal of empathy and affection, however, he also shows the dominance behavior I am discussing. For example, there are times when we are shopping and someone gets close to our cart. My son becomes very territorial and says to adults, “This is our cart, don’t touch our stuff!” I promise he did not learn this from me. When we are in public I make it a point to smile, greet people and wish them a good day. Notice, too, that my son is not afraid to confront adults he doesn’t know. Just a few weeks ago, we drove to a local bike trail with our bikes on the bike rack of the van. As I was unloading the bikes, a woman approached me to ask about the trail. Her tone was a little anxious and her expression somewhat dry. My son interpreted her body language and expressions as hostile and said, “Don’t be mean to my mom!”
When these issues come up, I reassure my son and encourage him to give people the benefit of the doubt. “That nice lady only wanted to know about the trail.” I relate these experiences here because I want you to consider what would happen to my son if there was an adult male in his life who modeled the same competitive, suspicious behavior he is predisposed to. I have no doubt what would happen; these traits would become greatly magnified!
Studies have confirmed that nurture magnifies nature to produce antisocial behavior in at risk children. Two of the primary predictors of sociopathy in the children of sociopaths are a hostile style on the part of the sociopathic parent and hostile parenting. Interestingly, sibling to sibling spread of antisocial behavior also occurs via this hostility factor. Last week we received a letter from a mother whose former husband and now adult son are both sociopaths. She expressed guilt over not fighting harder when her son asked to live with his father. She didn’t fight because she also had two other children in the home who were suffering at the hands of their sibling, who was developing sociopathic personality traits. I believe that this mother’s decision, to focus her energy on the children she believed could be helped, likely saved the other two children. In the real world, people who have had children with sociopaths often have to make very difficult, gut-wrenching decisions.
Sociopaths not only model a suspicious/hostile attitude toward others, they can also be hostile toward family members, including children. For children who are not dominant, hostility directed toward them from a sociopathic parent creates anxiety and depression. When dominant children are the recipients of hostility, they simply throw it back or displace it on others. Either way, a home that is not a source of peace is bad for child well-being. In order to learn to love, children must learn to enjoy affection. In homes where anger abounds, children come to enjoy food, various forms of video entertainment, and other escapes, as opposed to really enjoying loved ones. This creates a problem with the pleasure balance that sets these children up to develop alcoholism and addiction later on. When love does not abound in our lives we seek to fill the void”¦and the result can be disastrous.
lesson learned
LOL Sky!!!
I LOVE IT!!!
lesson learned
I feel so bad that some of you here have to STILL deal with these jerks as parents!!!!
I see so much strength in all of you for having to do so.
I really respect how you handle it.
FightAnotherDay
And here it is.
Complements of FAD’s brother.
“Ok, If you want to take our son on vacation to new and exciting locations, why not take him to one of the many exciting (and warm I might add) within the United States. Sure, fun will be had. You will put him in the care of some rent-a-nanny and be off to do some obscene activity your perverted mind finds enjoyable (sex with some rare Caribbean animal). I understand my less sophisticated nature and hillbilly-like family can only afford vacations within this pathetic land, because we were busy paying for day care, health care, and the general well being of our family. Oh buy the way; you may want to keep your vacation funds to help get you through what inevitably will be a tough time, as your sorry arse will be hard pressed to find someone to hire you as a toilet cleaner, much less give you a good paying job. GOOOSSSSSHHHH you are so STUPID—.Please read your own words; “With me finding a new job, I do not know how long it would be before I have any vacation time in the future, so I intend to use this money towards this February vacation.” UUUURRRRRRR you are a STUPID ARSE!!!!! Now I know why people study EUGENICS. Try saving your money so me and the other working people don’t have to take care of you, you piece of chit.
As I stated and proved sufficiently enough in the last paragraph, you are STUPID. I understand, it’s not your fault, but you are STUPID none the less. So, when you tell me that you would never INTENTIONALLY put our son in harm’s way, am I supposed to feel good about this? I am sure you have done all the research to make sure you do everything possible to prevent the spread of that bizarre animal STD. I don’t see you fitting in real well with the native populations if you believe their native tongue is English, but again you’re STUPID! You have no knowledge of how colonialism impacted the islands of the Caribbean. Boy you are STUPID! Yea, your correct we should allow our son to go all over the world to learn tolerance, multiculturalism, and general acceptance of different points of view, because we don’t have an opportunity to learn this within our own country everyday—ARSEHOLE”..
YOU’RE STUPID!!!
HUH: You have finally rendered me speechless!!
Yes, you are correct again; we can’t have our son being as ignorant as his father, and believe the native tongue of the Caribbean inhabitants or the indigenous people is English. As for this bullchit about time and the link of chains crap—.the only broken link is in your genetic code. Boy you are so f’d up! Live life to the fullest now, like you said, so he can remember it so well. So because the USA is not the only country in the world, and he is a link in a chain from the vacation future and vacation past and the native tongue is English I should allow him to experience life to the fullest so he can just forget it? Yea I feel a lot better now; I think I will give him permission go with you and the trollop.
According to Michael Moore Cuba has a good health care system, but the transportation has been stuck in the mid fifties. You do have a lot of common sense. I am beginning to really consider this.
FARK you are so STUPID!! What makes you think the number of miles has ever been an issue, you DOLT!!! Good side note.
Are you going alone then? No, then you must be remarried, oh wait can’t do that yet, but soon you will or be wearing cement shoes. My vacation, oh my brother says “Go Fark Yourself”!! You must not be paying attention and any other excuse for being a loser.
Boy you have huge balls! I haven’t even approved the first Bullshit request and you are going to bust my balls about some other chit. Eat Chit!!!
You appear to have all this figured out. If I recall correctly when you agreed to that settlement you still had a job, but those terms have changed, please consider these terms changed. Oh yea—————”.GO FARK YOURSELF!!!!!!!
Ox Drover
FAD,
Let me add, that One step posted a characteristics of 2 yr olds the other day (don’t know where it is or what thread) but it says that TWO YEAR OLDS DO NOT LIKE CHANGE and their DEVELOPMENTAL STAGE is to NOT LIKE THINGS THAT ARE DIFFERENT, so traveling with the jerkface to STRANGE places will be TRAUMATIZING not “enlightening or educating” and to subject a 2 year old to such travel is counter productive besides the fact that even though he saved this money for a vacation,, NOW THAT HE IS WITHOUT EMPLOYMENT HE MIGHT BETTER CONSIDER uUSING IT FOR LIVING EXPENSES THAN FOR A VACATION.
“NO to a passport” is your FINAL ANSWER! NO is a complete sentence. You might even consider just that in your response to him.
Jerkface,
After considering all the various angles about our son traveling out of the country for a vacation, I have come to the conclusion that this is not in the best interest of our child at this age. We can have this discussion in a few years when he is old enough to appreciate and possibly learn from “international travel.” Right now, he is a 2 year old toddler who appreciates and needs consistency in his daily routine.
Sincerely,
FAD
SIMPLE and straight to the point. NO!!!!!
Simple is better.
The 48 laws of Power: “Law #4 ALWAYS SAY LESS THAN NECESSARY. tHE MORE YOU SAY, THE MORE LIKELY YOU ARE TO SAY SOMETHING FOOLISH.”
Let him be the one to run off at the mouth with stupid things.
Law #9: Win through your actions, never through argument. Any momentary triumph you think you have gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory.
NOTHING ELSE, no arguing with him, no explaining NO!!! NO!!!! NO!!!!!
skylar
Ox,
true less is better, but in this case, these emails could end up being used in court so sounding unreasonably selfish may not be the best thing. Reasonably selfish, could work in FAD’s favor. Also brown nosing the judicial system with her unshakeable faith in it, could also help. BLAH!
FightAnotherDay
Oxy, Good advice.
I do remember someone responding to my passport issue earlier. I think I bookmarked it.
It’s all so helpful.
FAD
candy
FAD, your post was so very funny, I’m still chuckling away at the thought of him reading THAT (if only)
FightAnotherDay
Skylar,
I do not see any selfishness in Oxy’s example.
Or were you just stating that sounding selfish would be bad.
In my case, I honestly feel that I am only doing what I can in my son’s best interest.
We know how these Spath’s are, and how selfish they inherently are. It’s best that I do not let his father make any selfish/careless decisions abroad.
skylar
FAD,
no her reply is not selfish, but judges are used to hearing rational arguments, so as a judge, I might tend to be swayed by reasoning.
If you don’t give any REASONS, then a judge might think you were being capricious. Still, less is better, if you want to save your arguments for court.
Your brother’s approach was the most fun, but could probably be used against you! LOL.
No, is a complete sentence, but it won’t win your case in court.
ErinBrock
FAD:
Dear Jerkface:
This issue has already been discussed and closed.
We can revisit this discussion again, in a few years. Jr is a 2 year old toddler who appreciates and needs consistency in his daily routine.
Sincerely,
FAD
I say….shorter and direct.
If he brings it up again, do not respond.
Expect punishment…….your not complying with his desires.
Do not engage with him. He’s picking for that. He wants something like your bro’s response…….DO NOT!
You know the truth…..don’t let him egg you.
If he’s that adamant….he’ll take it to a judge. Say no more to him.