By | September 4, 2012 5 Comments

Sometimes, harassment by the sociopath just isn’t important

By Olga Rodriguez

Every time I post on LF; I predictably get a text from the sociopath saying something negative; sure enough after the last posting (Now I can honestly say to a victim, ‘I understand how you feel’) I got one.

I recall having a conversation with the sociopath back when we were still together. I was expressing my love of writing. I said I’d love to write a book sometime. His response was, “Me too.” I asked why and he said, “Just so I can say I wrote a book.” Bragging rights, I guess! I asked, “Would you care if it sold or not? “ He said, “No!” I explained that my reward would be having someone, even if it was just one person, say, “That book changed my life.” Or I’d like just knowingthat someone’s life was made better because of my writing; whether they said it or not wouldn’t matter.

The above is just to give you an idea of how I feel about writing. Having said that; I hope the following helps someone, yes, even if it is just one!

Mind over matter

So, after I received the nasty text from the sociopath, I thought, “Here we go again.” But I didn’t have time to feel anger or any other emotion because this thought was interrupted by a phone call that would turn my attention to a more serious matter. I was told that my sister was not feeling well and that she seemed to be seriously ill; I rushed over. EMT was already there; I was asked what hospital they should take her to and I responded; she was rushed to ER. She has been in ICU Neurology for over a week now; she had a stroke. She is in critical condition. There was bleeding in the brain, her head was shaved and they have inserted a tube to drain the blood. Please excuse my medical terms as I am obviously not in the medical field.

She has aspiration pneumonia, her heart is failing and she is basically on life support. She can go into cardiac arrest anytime; doctors are very surprised she is still with us.

How minute his harassing text seems now compared to what I am faced with! My sister is on a medication called “Nimbex” that, according to her doctor, paralyzes her body; it is imperative to her recovery that she not exert any energy.

I look back now at how many times I felt paralyzed by the SP’s actions. I allowed shame, anger and many other emotions to make me feel as if there was nothing I could do!

Think of this scenario

Are you struggling with what he/she did to you? Are you sitting around trying to make sense out of nonsense? Have you told yourself recently, “I can’t stop thinking about what he did to me?”

If you are, put yourself in this scenario:

You are sitting around reading a craigslist personal add that the SP has responded to. You start smelling smoke; you turn around and realize it’s coming from your child’s room. You run to your child’s room and there are flames already surrounding his/her bed. Your child is coughing; your brain is working at high speed”¦how do I save my child? You get the child out and call 911 and the next 6 hours are spend at the ER!

There you have it ”¦ you stopped thinking about it ”¦ because a more serious more urgent matter arose!

We have the ability; but we chose not to! I do understand how difficult it is; I’ve been there but it can be done. My wish for you is that you don’t waste as much time as I did feeling helpless and depressed!

Realizing how short life is!

As I look at my sister in her bed at ICU; I can’t help but think how lucky and blessed I am that I have the ability to make choices; I thank God that I am not paralyzed! Not by Nimbex; not by fear, shame or nonsense!

I also gave thought to the damage I must have been doing to my nerves, my body and my soul through all the negative emotions I was experiencing while in the relationship with SP.

Some things are out of my control and I need to know when to walk away

I prayed to God to save my sister; then I thought, well if he saves her and she is just a vegetable, what kind of life would that be? I would then change my mind and pray, go ahead God, take her. Oh yes, I was telling God what to do! I’d been at the hospital everyday; I was making sure she was being taken care of and I was also making sure my mother was alright. I come from a very large family; I am the youngest and for some reason all my brothers and sisters consider me to be strong. They also think my mother is my responsibility (maybe because I’m single).

God is going to do what he is going to do; yes prayer is good! My prayer has changed; I thank God for my beautiful sister; I know that I have been a great sister to her ”¦ I have no regrets! I asked God, “What is my place in this;” I asked what he wanted me to do? As if I already knew the answer; I went to the waiting room and told my mother that I would call my other sisters and ask them if one of them could come and stay with her. (I have 3 sisters that could assist in this). I told her I needed emotional as well as physical rest.

I remembered a lesson I learned from my SP experience; some things are out of my control, such as the SP’s actions and my sister’s outcome. I will take care of the things that I can control; I will take care of myself so that I can be there for the people that I love and the people that love me; and off I went to get some well deserved rest!

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Ox Drover

Dear Olga,

WHAT A WONDERFUL perspective you point out to us!

I am so sorry about your sister’s stroke, but I am in total agreement with you, we don’t need to tell God what to do! LOL

I have learned to pray “God, I know you will do whatever is BEST for this situation, please help me to SEE that your promise that “all things work together for good to those that love you” is TRUE and help me to accept that whatever happens is for the best! Amen!

You are so right too WE CAN change what we are thinking about, we DO have control over our thoughts and emotions if we choose to exercise it. WE CAN quit thinking about them and focus on something else.

GREAT article! I’m glad you are here at LoveFraud and I hope to see more articles in the future! God bless and help you and your family through this time of fear and hope in your family!


Olga, I am so sorry to read of your sister’s condition. It’s very sad to me that you’re having to deal with the spath stupidity even during this family crisis.

I appreciate your article, very much – I definitely needed to read this, right now.

My most sincere and blessings of comfort to you..

Ravenless Tower

After my spath finished his game, I went immediately into NO CONTACT (thanks to Lovefraud!)

Still reeling, though, I played everything out over and over in my mind trying to make sense of it. This all-American girl might as well have been trying to read ancient Greek. It will never make sense because he isn’t like me, isn’t an empath, doesn’t think or process as I do.

For five months I did this to myself, because I needed it to be logical, which of course it never would be.

Then, my beautiful daughter relapsed with brain cancer at 14 after seven years in remission.

I had been through this before; a single mom since 2001. Suddenly, the spath didn’t matter anymore… I had something much more worthy of my time and efforts to focus on.

She died a year later – April 2011.

I dont try to “figure out” or “understand” why the spath is what he is anymore – he is insignificant by all measures.

Her? I think of her and miss her and love her every day.

She taught me about real love and real loss – he was an illusion and a waste of time.

Still, I learned so much about myself and how to create boyndaries and break betrayal bonds… Chalk that pain – real and wasted? Up to lessons learned the hard way!



Ravenless Tower, I am so sorry to read of your loss – I cannot imagine this type of loss in my worst nightmares.

What a strong and bright “voice” you have from your experiences – and, spot-on. What was real will always remain with you in your beautiful daughter’s spirit. What was false about the spath is simply vapor that evaporates once the wind changes.

Brightest comforting blessings to you

Olga Rodriguez

Thank you guys! Unbelievable; she is still hanging in there (my sister)…she has had another stroke while at hospital, doctor’s are surprised she has not left us.
I don’t understand anything anymore; people say that she hasn’t left because God this and God that….
If you could see her…don’t we serve a God of Peace? She does not look peaceful…

My mother is not ready to take her off of life support.
Ravenless Tower:
I’m so sorry about your loss. You know; to experience both things around the same time; harassment from SP and the loss or illness of a loved one; just really makes it clear what REAL love is.
I have also learned much about self and can surely say that I am a better person because of my SP experience.

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