The dark side of the man

Hi justabouthealed: Regarding your reference to our “inner psychopath” — I don’t know about you, but I found that getting in touch with my own potential for evil was freeing in more ways than one because it made me realize I have a choice.

Even if genetically and due to socialization we are more inclined toward being empathic, I believe most people who have a Shadow side to them.

A Native American story suggests a similar stance — we have within us potential to behave like an animal or an angel, and the side that becomes more prominent is the one we choose to feed.

M. Scott Peck and Erich Fromm spoke of this in different ways, saying we all are capable of manipulating, exploiting or wanting to have our way way, and can train emotions to adjust accordingly. Especially under the “right” circumstances, people can be faced with some really horrible choices.

Would you kill someone in self-defense? Possibly. You might feel bad about it, but if you needed to protect your child or your own life, you would be CAPABLE OF doing harm to another if that was your only option at that point.

Think of the Holocaust, which involved people who in different circumstances would have minded their own business rather than participate in destroying a whole race of people. Can it be said that those who said nothing and did nothing to intervene and prevent the evil of the Nazis were just as complicit — are they in any way responsible, to any degree, for the evil that was perpetrated even if they did not directly kill? And if only from a passive standpoint, didn’t it require they turn off emotions and minimize compassion to some extent to be not capable of not caring about the fate of fellow human beings. Since they were being spared, does it make them selfish to think, “Better someone else victimized than me?”

Think of American slavery — exploitation related to racism that was both institutionalized and demonstrated through individual bias/prejudice by those with power to exploit. What does it require of us to participate in stereotyping a whole group of people and justify dehumanizing them and restricting their options while claiming decency about one’s own “in-group?”

A black psychologist, Dr. Bobby Wright (last name?), once wrote that he believed many whites are trained to behave like psychopaths in dealings/interactions with people of color.

If people allow themselves to actually buy into the idea they are superior to an entire group of “others” for any reason — gender, age, income,etc. — what does that say about those who assume superiority? And how would they behave based on this belief?

It definitely requires capacity to support an illusion. But what if others we believe we are superior to may in fact be more decent or have better credentials than us? Do we deny the reality of who they are in order to support our belief/s? Do we dismiss them because we view them as powerless to affect us? If so, I would say — meet the inner sociopathic tendencies!

There is never an objective measure one can use to make a claim of wholesale superiority, but most of us probably know people who behave like they are always more deserving than others — having rights and privileges that are denied to someone else because of race, gender, other factors. How do they justify this?

Doesn’t it require qualities like what we see in psychopaths to behave with contempt toward those we view as inferior just because they are different? Is it fear-based? Is it cultural? Is it an expedient and practical way to live? If we answer yes to all of these questions, at what point does it become denial, justification and blame-shifting — other sociopathic tendencies?

In the case of racism, which has been defined as prejudice plus power, it certainly speaks to gross insensitivity, shallowness, deceit,etc. if one’s behavior is shaped by unfounded beliefs that allow devaluation of other humans, in this case based simply on color. Might describe a psychopath in some ways.

What about the CEO who justifies taking huge bonuses he did not earn, at the expense of multiple people? He eliminates family-supporting jobs when a choice could have been made otherwise, but selfishness and entitlement overrules compassion. What about the CEO’s wife who benefits from husband’s bonuses that are really rip offs/fraud. Is she guilty for staying with the husband who can justify his actions of cutting jobs for others with families to support, in order to maintain a lifestyle based on multi-millions “taken brazenly” just because the CEO could get away with it?

Any justification can be found in people who are otherwise loving to their own “kind” but easily dismissive of the “others” — even if the others also work hard and are just as decent.

If a good ol’ boys club allows unearned millions in bonuses to exist, and many “normal” people don’t protest because they benefit directly while the average worker’s pay is a far smaller percentage, does this make the participants all sociopaths or just normal people with a Shadow?

Is it just the way of the world, or are there options? Can people make different — yes, earn their millions but also allow others to earn decent wages if they are willing to work hard?

There are so many examples of “normal people’s” capabilities for callousness — as well as goodness beyond measure — in everyday life.

I think we get in trouble underestimating the potential reach of the human Shadow. Many “normal” people can be so unconscious that they behave like sociopaths — looking out only for their own best interests, even when they are in positions to help others (not in an enabling way, but simply in a collaborative effort) or make a difference beyond their own family or community.

So when people reference the part about getting in touch with one’s inner sociopath, to me it is not so much a statement to underestimate what a psychopath is. For me at least, it is a realization that under different circumstances, “But for the grace of God go I.”

We who are not sociopaths usually choose to honor our better selves, a conscious choice to the best of our ability. But the fact remains, we are all vulnerable to bias and blindness within ourselves. We also can label our selfish behaviors as benevolent to maintain a positive self-image, while we label someone else’s same behavior as malevolent.

Another case in point: Codependency is as much about controlling — an external frame of reference for functioning in the world. It may allow us to couch our intentions in positive terms, and we may not know what we do because we were trained within family-of-origin to be this way. But it can make us deny vengefulness and other “negative” motives. We can help others, but we might be doing it for our own benefit more than for them.

Co-dependent can be unconscious of attempts to control and keep loved ones — whether a spouse or child — too dependent on them. Isn’t this selfish in many ways? Yet, we can still be generally good people overall, even if “programmed” in these and other negative and potentially destructive ways.

A book called “The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists” speaks about the often-hidden but covert narcissism in codependency. Awareness is crucial for many reasons. It helps us to become more conscious of our own underlying and unresolved issues including flawed perspectives, as well as helps us own both strengths and limitations. We get to learn to stop blaming everyone else for hurting us or claiming innocence all the time — as if there is never selfishness in choices or a sense of entitlement in decisions we make. It’s called meeting our Shadow.

Even the so-called sacrifices we make in our relationships with others can have multiple meanings or ulterior components — even when mutually-beneficial. So what?

I try to take good care of my son not just because I love him and it’s for his well-being, but also because it makes me feel I’m a good mother and boosts my self-esteem.

And just like sociopaths in the world, normal human beings can range on a continuum in terms of our own degree of consciousness and/or potential to do harm.

So when you say most normal human beings can’t relate to the potential for evil that sociopaths display, I wonder. Maybe it’s just not polite conversation because it can be scary to ponder in others, let alone ourselves.

Choices we make daily are based on so many factors and influences. Sociopaths apparently keep choosing to do harm for whatever mixture of reasons.

Could a major difference be that sociopaths do not submit their will to anything higher than themselves — whether that be God, love, etc. while normal people do? Whether normals submit willingly, fully or slowly after kicking and screaming in a struggle to come to terms with realities in the world, we at least know there are limits to what we can truly control.

M. Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled, wrote that mental health requires dedication to reality at all costs, and a willingness to submit our will/willfulness to something greater than ourselves — whether it is our values, fear of punishment, belief in God — to help keep us in check.

Peck embraced the concept of paradox — and has suggested in fact, that it is a greater mystery that good exists in the world because evil may be more natural.

All I can do is get comfortable with embracing paradox — coming to terms with opposite realities that can co-exist, rather than having definitive answers regarding questions about good versus evil.

Please take this post as just food for thought.
No criticism intended toward you or anyone else.

I simply like to explore various philosophies of life as I take in new information. It’s one way to stay confused or possibly “know with humility” on the path to learning more without feeling overwhelmed by existential angst. LOL