By Ox Drover
Once upon a time there was a mother duck who hatched a large clutch of eggs. She had done this many times before and had raised her clutch of identical ducklings, all fluffy and yellow when they were born, into pristine white adults who then had clutches of their own yellow ducklings.
This time, however, one of her ducklings was not yellow and fluffy like all the others. His neck was quite long and his feathers were an ugly gray color. Plus, he was quite clumsy when he walked. He was so much larger than his siblings that he sort of stuck out like a sore thumb in her otherwise identical clutch of babies. She was very puzzled about this odd baby and didn’t quite know what to do with him, but he followed along when she took her babies to swim in the lake and stumbled over his extra large black feet.
Her other ducklings didn’t really know what to do with this gangly brother of theirs either and they started to taunt him and tell him how ugly he was with his gray feathers and his black feet, which were not bright and yellow like theirs. The big duckling soon was called “that Ugly Duckling” by all his siblings, and by the other ducks on the pond, who laughed at him as he swam in the water with his longer neck. Even the mother duck wondered why she had hatched such a monster and tried to avoid him as much as she could.
The ugly duckling felt so bad that his feathers were a dull gray instead of the fluffy bright yellow color of all the other ducklings. He also felt really bad that all the other ducks laughed at him and called him names. He so wished he was the beautiful yellow color of all his siblings and all the other baby ducks on the pond. Oh, how he wanted to be beautiful like they were instead of the ugly gray color he was. He wondered why he had been cursed with such terrible luck in this world. Why only he of all the ducklings was so ugly!
The Ugly Duckling was not only different than his siblings, but he was growing faster as well. It wasn’t long before he was almost as large as their mother. He was not only ugly and taunted but he also felt very neglected. He was jealous of his siblings, as on cold nights they would snuggle comfortably under mom’s wings to keep warm and the best he could do was sort of get behind her body to block off some of the wind. As he would sit there cold in the darkness, he would hear his brothers and sisters making fun of him being out in the cold, while they were warm and cozy under mother’s wing.
This went on for most of the summer. Before long the Ugly Duckling not only was the size of mother, but he was much larger than she. He started to grow new feathers, which were coming in silky and white; his neck became long and curved in a graceful way. His huge black feet were now able to paddle quite well and he could swim much faster than his brothers and sisters. In fact, he could swim much, much faster than any of his relatives. Yet he still felt ugly compared to them. He was so much bigger and not at all like they were.
Then, one day he paddled off by himself into a secluded part of the lake to get away from the taunts of the ducklings as they played together and pointed their wings at him and laughed. His heart was broken and he had decided that he would rather be alone than to live with such emotional pain.
As the Ugly Duckling approached the secluded cove he saw something ahead. It was white and looked just like him. Maybe he wasn’t the only duckling in the world who was so ugly! He swam toward the other bird and he realized that there were others there as well that looked just like him. They were swimming and chatting and laughing and having a wonderful time in the water. Then one of the larger ones looked up and said to him, “Oh, my son! There you are! I thought you were lost! Oh, I am so happy to see you!”
The Ugly Duckling swam toward the large white bird, and he noticed how gracefully her neck curved and how fast she swam toward him. When they came close she reached out her neck and wrapped it around his and embraced him with her wings. He was so confused.
She said, “Where have you been, son?”
He replied, “My mother is a duck, but I am ugly, not beautiful like the yellow ducklings she hatched. I don’t understand what happened.”
His swan mother said, “I think I know what happened. A naughty child put my egg under a duck, and when you hatched you were not like them. Sometimes when such things happen, others are cruel and if you are not like them, they make fun of you, or abuse you, or even drive you away to die. But you are my son, and you are growing into a magnificent swan.” She pointed with her wing to the largest most beautiful one there. “That’s your father, and you will be as beautiful as he is,” she said. “You are a swan, my dear. You are not a duck for the master’s table, but to grace his pond with your beauty and regal form.”
Then the Ugly Duckling realized he was not a duckling and also that he was surely not ugly, but beautiful and graceful. He also knew that though the ducklings had been cruel to him, the mother duck had sat on him and hatched him and given him life. But he no longer had any desire to swim with the ducks at all.
Later that day he swam with his swan family across the pond in regal elegance, arching their curving necks and gliding along in wonderful form! As they passed the ducks all his tormenters saw him for what he really was, a beautiful swan, not a duckling at all. As he passed them by he didn’t look back at them even once. He knew who and what he was now, and he lived happily ever after!
The Moral of the Story
Sometimes we are born “different” from our families. We stick out like the Ugly Duckling among the rest of our siblings, who seem to blend into the family dynamics. Sometimes we don’t really relate to our parents or our siblings at all. We are just so different, and being different is not acceptable in some homes. We can’t figure out what is wrong with us or why we are not as good as the other sibs, or why we can’t do anything right. We decide that somehow we deserve to be treated badly because we are different. We try to please the family, but it seems we can never please anyone, yet we keep trying.
We, like the Ugly Duckling in the story, don’t fit in with the rest of the family, yet we keep trying, until one day our rejection and hurt are so deep that swim away from all that we know so that they can no longer taunt us. Yet, we still feel ugly, undeserving, but just don’t know how to improve ourselves to be worthy of love and companionship. If we chance across another flock of ducks and try to join in with them, the treatment will be the same. So we move from flock to flock, seeking a group of companions who will not taunt us for being different, or who will not abuse us.
Until one day, we realize we are not the only one in the world like ourselves. We find that there are others who share our values, who don’t see themselves as ugly because they are not like the ducks. We realize that trying to pattern ourselves after the ducks when we are not a duck is not a successful way to live our lives. We are swans, not ducks. We are beautiful, wonderful, graceful swans. We realize we don’t want to associate with the ducks any more. The ducks are not going to be kind to us, they never have been and never will be, but we do fit in with the swans, the ones like ourselves who are kind and graceful and good.
So, we turn our backs upon the ducks, that family that was not a family, that family that taunted us. The mother duck may have hatched us, but she was never kind to us, she never nurtured us. The yellow siblings only hurt us and devalued us because we were different. So now we swim with the swans, content to be with kind and caring companions like ourselves, no longer living with unkind and hateful companions and no longer associating with the ducks on the pond.
Thanks Ox. Have to say that Hens’ response was awesome-flippin the bird! I do feel much better about things. The anger is almost gone. I am now becoming my own soulmate. I’m reading a book called “Solemate”. It’s about being comfortable and satisfied with being alone in life and knowing that you’re enough all by yourself. I’m barely into it, but it’s great.
I know that even though I am 90-100lbs overweight right now, I am intelligent, pretty, talented, and nice. I have a great future ahead with the new career I’m working on. I’m going to become more exciting. I’m getting ready to take boxing and martial arts. I really believe that if non-socio/narcissistic guys aren’t interested in me, then it’s their loss and I’m not going to worry about it. I’m just going to enjoy myself, get into more activities that I like and work on my body for the new job. They’re not hiring at this moment so I have time to accomplish what I need to do. Yay for me!!:)
Here’s a little Saturday pick me up …
THE GIRLS IN MY CIRCLE
When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God would show you the best in many friends.
One friend is needed when you’re going through things with your man. Another friend is needed when you’re going through things with your mom. Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities. Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, ‘Let’s cry together,’
Another , ‘Let’s fight together,’
Another , ‘Let’s walk away together.’
One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself .
Those are your best friends.
It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it’s wrapped up in several.
One from 7th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
A couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbor,
On others, your sisters,
On some days, your daughters.
Then we have our Love Fraud buddies. (SMILE).
Peace.
I like it……. 😀
– it’s saturday nite live at lovefraud – going to fix Confederate Bean Soup for supper, ya’ll bring the corn bread…
ugly duckling or scapegoat…I have not been one to conform or to back down from my beliefs. Somehow, I became the “ugly duckling” in my family and could never please them. Never quite fit in with everyone else, no matter what I accomplished. Which is probably why I ended up 1500 miles from my home state in a battle with the s/p father of my children. No help from family at all. I have a new family that have been very supportive thru this time. I have shed the old skin of having to be the “people pleaser”. No alcohol has touched my lips since 2006. I am out of the FOG. You would think my family would be happy for the turn around in my life and the strength that has enabled me to escape this hell. I do not know why they are not….my new family, my support has gone thru this battle with me and they will also be the ones to share in that sweet taste of victory. I love the analogy of the ugly duckling. how true it is. I think it is because some can see the beauty and strength is us before we do and may be a bit intimidating to them…especially if they do not feel too good about themselves if that makes sense. I am not going back to where I came from. Backward is not an option…
Dear Hgg522,
Welcome to LoveFraud, and glad you are here!!!!! Great place to be, and you are so right, BACKWARDS IS NOT AN OPTION!
When I was a kid, we used to hatch duck eggs under chickens and then watch when the old hen would have a “fit” when the ducklings would go into the water. We hatched turkey babies under hens and they wouldn’t follow the hen’s clucking, they just scattered and died if we didn’t get them and put them under a heat lamp. Poor old hen about ran herself crazy trying to keep up with them.
If you don’t “fit” into the family in which you are “hatched” I don’t think you can every feel “normal” until you find your “real” family—the people who are like you, the people you can bond with. My family circle doesn’t have a lot of shared DNA but we sure as hell share LOVE!!!!
OxDrover…you crack me up 🙂 I am getting so much from this site. I am also grabbing lil’ nuggets to share with my kids. Thank God they are “getting it” My daughter understands the cycle of abuse and is able to recognize the abuse that is going on. She has come a long way but it was thru love and patience from a “family” that loves and respects her for who she is. I did not know what my ex was thru the marriage, but I always knew somthing was not right. He was able to manipulate my family and seduce my friends. When I was able to finally surround myself with positive people of like mind, he got nervous. They are not those he can cry the pity me, he can not seduce his way up their skirts, and he cannot take my support…There is power in a made up mind and our best witness is our example. Even though he tries to play it off like nothing is bothering him, that all is smooth…he is really running scared. He is about to be exposed for the s/p that he is and his lies are catching up to him quick. He and his BPD wife never thought i would last this long. It has been a long, exhausting, expensive battle…One thing for sure, they will never know peace or joy. They are both empty shells of darkness wandering to and fro, miserable and unsettled. I believe I have already won. They can not take my peace or joy because it does not come from the things of this world.
Blessings
nobody showed up for my dinner party. next time I will fix roasted duck…goodnite –
now a days you can have plastic surgery to change yourself from swan to duck!!
The by product of “plastic” surgery is NO EXPRESSION on face
AAAAArgh!
Well, I see I got here too late for dinner!!!
I’ll bring the desert next time.