You must not disappoint me.
You must not inconvenience me.
You must recognize all of my expectations as reasonable.
You must, at all times, accommodate me.
You must recognize my “special needs” (special in an important, not disabled, sense); and must always satisfy them.
You must be glad for my good moods, and understand and tolerate my bad, nasty ones.
You must see my anger, rage and contempt as always arising for justifiable reasons.
You must make tireless efforts to placate me when you’ve upset me.
You must appreciate that my comfort supercedes yours and everyone else’s.
You must find what interests me, interesting; and you must convey your interest.
You willingly assume responsibility for my happiness, and blame for my discontent.
You must never oppose or defy me.
You must always know what I want without my having to ask; and you must always communicate what you want without my having to ask.
You must recognize that double-standards are unacceptable, except when they’re mine (in which case they’re not double-standards, just differently applied standards).
You must stop shoving the word “reciprocity” in my face. Reciprocity means that both of us do what I want and need.
You appreciate at all times my importance and significance, or I’ll find someone who will.
You recognize that, even though we’re both “tired” at the end of the day, my fatigue is ten times more valid than yours, and so you cut me ten times more slack than I cut you.
You worry about your accountability to me, and I’ll worry about my accountability to God.
You find that everything I say makes sense (and therefore brooks no opposition).
You appreciate that your value to me is proportionate to how good you make me look, and feel.
You somehow sustain yourself as an alluring sexual object to me, or I license myself to satisfy that demand elsewhere.
You may have noticed that what underlies all of these commandments is an inflated sense of entitlement (the attitude at the heart of narcissism). I look forward to your feedback and to your adding creatively, and from your own insights, to my assuredly uncomprehensive list.
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
PS Kathleen…Your “Yeah, that’s how I am. And that’s why I’m smart and you’re not, I win and you don’t. And besides, you know you liked it and you know how lucky you were. So what is this about? A plan to get back together? I’m sure you’re missing me.” IS PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!
You simply can’t win with these guys. If they are losing the game, they just change the rules and the objective.
Oh…we should get together for an annual convention and have a n/p/s imitation talent contest. Instead of who does the best Elvis impression, we can have who does the best Evil S impression. Not sure if you or Steve or Oxy would win…… You guys nail them!
ANewLily,
When I wrote my post I wasn’t in anyway seeking to trivialize the experience of others who are or were involved in relationships with predators.
I’m in a different stage of healing. Not better or stronger, just different. Further along, you might say.
I’m in the fighting back or flat out ignoring stages. If you read my post again you will see that I feel absolute disgust and loathing for these subhuman creatures.
It is beneficial and empowering for me to laugh at their audacity. To laugh in their faces proving to me/them that they’re not even a little bit superior to me. Actually, they are inferior to me and all people who have functioning consciences, complex emotions, who are mature adults, who have a soul.
I have 0 connection, communication, ties to the predators from my past. They are now only grim reminders to me of exactly what I do NOT want in my life and I will fiercely fight to protect my nonnegotiable boundaries, my safety and sanity from further predation.
If I offended you, I sincerely apologize. I will repeat, I was not making light of yours or anyone else’s experiences or situations. I’m not the type of person to say something so insensitive. That ain’t me.
First, Jane, I had to go back and read your post. I most certainly was not offended in any way. In fact, I appreciated your clever humor, truly I did. I just do not have the same feelings. (Neither of us right or wrong!)
Folks, I thank all of you for your responses! My own foolishness makes me smile now! OF COURSE, I knew before I asked that it shouldn’t be sent. I did. I did.
It’s just that that urge came out of the blue and was so very strong, I needed reassurance.
Now, I’m feeling bad because so many of the newbies are still grappling with those urges to call him/her on a daily basis. Here I am “out” over 7 years and the urge (which I haven’t had for YEARS) was back in full force.
The good thing, is that already the urge is GONE and it has only been about 2 1/2 hours since I had it. I hope that is good news to those who are still struggling with the “urge.”
**laughing at Kathleen’s reciprocity lecture to an oblivious predator**
ANewLily,
Phew…good, good glad to hear it! And yeah, that urge to rat out the rat, inform others of his/her dastardly deeds can be difficult to resist. We’ve all wanted to do that same exact thing. I tried to alert, warn the x sociopath’s new girlfriend but it obviously did not work. And I should have known it wouldn’t.
She’s pregnant now with his baby and I pray that child inherits her good and healthy genes and not his. She has made her choice and I sincerely hope he doesn’t cause her the pain and misery he gave to me. But he will. They always hurt the people that love them the most. They are experts in the pain giving department.
Hey, Narcissists of the World, I have a commandment!!!
Here it is: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”
Sorry, you can NEVER have this one (even though you want it SO badly, don’t you?).
It’s already taken!! And that should scare the HELL out of you.
Good Luck in the Afterlife!! 🙂
Great!
YOU must understand why I don’t have a job.
YOU can feel like sh*t everyday, I don’t care.
Oops!
I was talking about my God, NOt Me!
I don’t know about anybody else’s God, but mine is a JEALOUS GOD! (Loving, but jealous.)
That was my point.
Sorry, I had a few margaritas (which I don’t usually do) with dinner tonight, and I came home a little liquored up.
It’s the 4th of July, you know. 🙂
A Newlilly,xx
I fought the urge to paste this list onto my mothers and sisters face book pages last night after a couple of glasses of Vino collapso, I thank goodness I didnt,but I wish they (and the whole world) could read it! Best not to stir up that hornets nest I know! I am having trouble recovering from the stings I already have!xx
*Kathleen’s reciprocity lecture is hillarious!*
I LOVE THIS !!!!! LOL
You must not, under any circumstances, question my abilities, skills and knowledge
You must remember everything I say and u must not expect me to repeat things i said