You must not disappoint me.
You must not inconvenience me.
You must recognize all of my expectations as reasonable.
You must, at all times, accommodate me.
You must recognize my “special needs” (special in an important, not disabled, sense); and must always satisfy them.
You must be glad for my good moods, and understand and tolerate my bad, nasty ones.
You must see my anger, rage and contempt as always arising for justifiable reasons.
You must make tireless efforts to placate me when you’ve upset me.
You must appreciate that my comfort supercedes yours and everyone else’s.
You must find what interests me, interesting; and you must convey your interest.
You willingly assume responsibility for my happiness, and blame for my discontent.
You must never oppose or defy me.
You must always know what I want without my having to ask; and you must always communicate what you want without my having to ask.
You must recognize that double-standards are unacceptable, except when they’re mine (in which case they’re not double-standards, just differently applied standards).
You must stop shoving the word “reciprocity” in my face. Reciprocity means that both of us do what I want and need.
You appreciate at all times my importance and significance, or I’ll find someone who will.
You recognize that, even though we’re both “tired” at the end of the day, my fatigue is ten times more valid than yours, and so you cut me ten times more slack than I cut you.
You worry about your accountability to me, and I’ll worry about my accountability to God.
You find that everything I say makes sense (and therefore brooks no opposition).
You appreciate that your value to me is proportionate to how good you make me look, and feel.
You somehow sustain yourself as an alluring sexual object to me, or I license myself to satisfy that demand elsewhere.
You may have noticed that what underlies all of these commandments is an inflated sense of entitlement (the attitude at the heart of narcissism). I look forward to your feedback and to your adding creatively, and from your own insights, to my assuredly uncomprehensive list.
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
I will judge others doing negative acts harshly, so it diverts you away from thinking I would ever be doing the same.
BUT I AM…….
I am KING….and when I am not on my throne….I AM GOD!
Pray to me……
ERIN!:)xxx
‘I insist on sitting ’front and center’ in the Christmas photo, next to the Christmas tree”.kids dressed in new jammies, you dressed and showered with hair styled and makeup, dog sporting the raindeer antlers and bells, and me in my old raggedy red robe, pissed off that the kids got me up so damn early, no rope to tie the robe shut and knees bent and legs open so my BALLS are hanging out. No one wants to remember the kids or the tree or the Christmas experience anyways you moron”..
I will question you relentlessly because you never framed our family Christmas photo! Then punish you for it.
This will be the only photo I participate in all year! You’ll LIKE IT!’
This is HILLARIOUS! xxxx
The s/p I knew spent all day every day in a raggedy old robe with nothing to tie it closed and nothing else on… was always trying to ‘accidently’ draw attention to his ding-a-ling in photo’s…
Wow, you guys are good. Really good. The creativity and thoughtfulness is amazing.
Steve
Steve:) YOU are good, really good. This thread has given me some much needed chuckles last night and today… what do they say about laughter being good medicine? Thanks Doc!;)x
Not to bring anyone down or take away the important of this thread for truly this is an avenue to reflect and heal. But what disappoints and grief’s me most is how they have the ability and/or desirer to break each and everyone of God’s Ten commandments and the aftermath by doing so.
Stay safe this Fourth of July!!
Hi there – this is my first post at this site although I have been reading it intensively for a few months now.
Steve – you nailed it with your list.
I cannot thank the – I am just coming to recognize the names and learn my way around here – I cannot thank the people that write here enough – you Steve, Dr. Leedom, Donna Anderson and Kathleen Hawke – you have no idea the difference you have made in my life and in helping me return to sanity.
I’m not sure if this is the place to post my story so I will wait til I figure it out but every day my life is getting better and better and I have finally started to feel light on almost a daily basis and become myself again.
I just completed the domestic violence counseling provided by the local DV agency and my last meeting I handed out a list of the 3 -4 books and resources online that most helped me heal to both the leaders of the group and the women in it – you all were one of the 3 websites I put down.
I hope as you do here I am able to pay it forward. I was asked to be on the board of the agency and am taking some time to grow more before I feel comfortable accepting such a role but I will step by step return what has been so freely given me so that I may help women (and men) behind me and in hopes that we may begin to educate our children –
our pre-teens and teens particularly as they go out and test their wings and work out their own issues in relationships – in hopes and prayers that my young daughters and other girls and boys knowingly avoid predators and see past the many disguises they come in.
Again – with enormous gratitude – thank God for you all.
Breckgirl,
Welcome. We are all glad that Lovefraud has been helpful to you.
It’s been 10 years since I left my sociopathic ex husband, and I can say that the emotional trauma of the experience is gone. It doesn’t take 10 years to get over it – I’ve been feeling fine for a long time. However, it does take time, so if you are recently out of the domestic violence situation, please take the time you need for yourself. Although many of us want to help others right away, it works out better if we ourselves are healed.
Best wishes in your recovery,
Donna
All of us have much in common, but there are different kinds of N/P/S’s out there.
This is a good article about the “high level narcissist” which we have seen in many of our politicians and was the trap I fell into.
http://ezinearticles.com/?High-Level-Narcissists-Can-Fool-the-Best-of-Us&id=1317305
For my recovery, I had to admit to myself that the N/P/S tapped into my OWN need to feel “unique and valuable”, etc. the narcissist in me. As this article points out (and I’ve ordered the book) the way to arm ourselves against these types of people is to know OURSELVES, weaknesses and strengths, and to hold tight to our integrity and self-respect. Had I done that, I would not have gotten hurt. And I got hurt BAD!
Dear Beckgirl,
I second Donna’s sincere welcome and I am glad that you are here at LF and have been reading the articles and the comments for a while. I am also gratified to know that you have had some good real world support in your healing and journey as well. for so many of us there is NO real world face to face support, and not even sometimes validation that we are not the “crazy ones.”
Many of us that are farther out (time wise at least) from the events that brought us here hve stayed around just to lend support to the others, but also find in so-doing that we are furthering our own healing as well. I have been here almost two years (I feld my home in fear of my life in June of 07) and though I have been working on the road/journey toward healing, I still find that once in a while the old ugly face of EVIL trauma will rear its ugly head and bite me in the arse again and I will “react” to something that someone with out my prior experience of (multiple–in my case) Ps probably wouldn’t even irritate them.
Glad you are here!!!!