Is it possible that the sociopath is, in a sense, the missing link? Who is he? He is human but, in another sense, not quite human. Much like the Neandarthals, who were humans but not quite homo sapiens, and whom you’d have had a hard time differentiating from homo sapiens in a crowd, the sociopath may mix in seamlessly with the more fully developed human race.
Meaning, like the Neandarthal race of humans, he isn’t noticeably different, at least not by appearances, from his fellow homo sapiens. And yet he is different”¦he is missing something.
There is something primitive and underdeveloped in him. This is a very crude analogy, admittedly. Neandarthals weren’t more sociopath than their fully human counterparts, at least so far as I know.
And sociopaths are fullfledged homo-sapiens; we must give them that. And yet they hearken back, developmentally, to something more primitive, which isn’t to say, either, that the proto-human species were necessarily more sociopathic than ours.
At the same time, I don’t believe evolution would look kindly on a “species” of sociopaths. Not that evolution will look kindly, in the end, on the human race, which may destroy itself eventually, with or without the contributions of its minority sociopathic population.
But a species of sociopaths, by itself, would destroy itself, sabotage itself, in probably less time than many of the proto-human species died out. A species of sociopathic homo sapiens just would not last for tens of thousands, or millions of years.
It would be a cut-throat species and in its particular limitations—its particular interpersonal psychopathology—it would fail to adapt (at this stage of modern civilization) to the demands required of a long-existing species.
This would be an exploitative, impulsive, greedy, unempathic species; an “emotionally unintelligent,” “emotionally blind,” “emotionally uninsightful” species”¦all characteristics which surely would seal its shorter-term doom?
The sociopath is not a contributor, a builder; or what he builds he will destroy eventually, in any case. The sociopath is a “now” creature; not a patient investor.
If he’s a problem-solver, he’s trying to solve the problem of how to benefit, how to aggrandize, himself; he is not trying to solve problems that advance others, that invest in causes that don’t directly benefit himself.
The sociopath just isn’t a cooperative, collaborative member of society. He is a “solo” operator, out for himself. This is true whether he’s a more calculating, or more impulsive, type of sociopath. His aims, regardless, are fundamentally self-serving and gratification-driven.
His comforts, his satiation, carry (for him) so much importance, so much primacy, that even if they must come at others’ expense, this is just how it is. That’s the way the cookie crumples.
“To get what I want, what I need, which is preeminent, may come at your cost and, if that’s the case, well, that’s just too bad. That’s life.”
For the sociopath, his gain can come at your cost, and this is okay with him. He just isn’t troubled, like a nonsociopathic is troubled, to gain from your pain. It is his peculiar equanimity, in response to the distress he knows he’s caused you (and sees you in), that speaks to the essence of his sociopathy.
And so one might wonder, is the sociopath, in a metaphorical sense, a kind of missing link? Or maybe, just missing?
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is not to suggest that females are not capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
Steve, I have pondered this very question myself….from an evolutionary standpoint there MUST BE some advantage for this sub-type of humans to have stayed around. They are pretty good at spreading their seed far and wide and leaving it to be reared by someone else. They are aggressive and in a situation of scarce resources, they are going to aggressively take more than their share of the food, water, etc. and leave others to starve or freeze while they skip merrily off into the sunset with the goodies—be they gold, food, or whatever they want.
Sociopaths seem also to have been pretty good in climbing over the backs of their “friends” and “peers” to become the rulers and dictators and war lords of the world since history began. They have murdered their fathers and brothers for the thrones, poisoned their wives and husbands, and drowned their own children. They have rigged elections and set up Ponzi schemes, they have stolen and embezzled and lived lavishly while the masses starved.
They have committed genocide, fratricide, abuse and murder. They have endorsed slavery and serfdom, piracy and rebellions, religious persecution and witch hunts.
Psychopaths are ALIVE AND WELL among us today—only a few of the Bernie Madoff’s are “outed” much less convicted I think, and Libya is a perfect example of a power-mad psychopath in the leadership role…Somalia is another example of a whole group of psychopaths trying to survive by preying on others as bandits and pirates.
So, actually, Steve, I think in the past the genetic component that makes a psychopath able to BE brutal to his fellow humans has allowed those genetics to continue to today, and in parts of the world , those genetics and behavioral brutality help them to survive today…..whether it is in Somalia or Wall Street, it does give some survival advantage to the ones who have it over those who have a conscience and altruistic attitudes.
People who believe in creationism and not evolution have a very hard time believing that God would create someone who doesn’t have a concience. That is part of the problem with Christians like me is that we have a hard time believing that there are people who actually do not care. I have always tried to “reason” with them.
However, here is a scripture that I think is very appropriate. I was going to use a modern translation but I think in this case the modern translations make the perp less bad or imply that we all are like this. NOT true. The one thing I did notice though is that the NKJV used the word gullible instead of silly. I think I am one of them…..the gullible women that is.
2 Timothy 3 KJV
1This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
6For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
7Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
8Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.
9But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as their’s also was.
10But thou hast fully known my doctrine, manner of life, purpose, faith, longsuffering, charity, patience,
11Persecutions, afflictions, which came unto me at Antioch, at Iconium, at Lystra; what persecutions I endured: but out of them all the Lord delivered me.
12Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.
13But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived.
14But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them;
15And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
16All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
17That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.
Dear True-to-self,
I don’t believe that they have NO CHOICE—they had/have a choice about how they behave and what they do….I think at some point in their lives they have a choice to go left or right…to take the path of the sheep or the path of the goats—to go toward the light or go toward the darkness. Now maybe there is a point that they have gone so FAR toward the darkness, the evil that they can’t see the light any more, or maybe they just enjoy the darkness enough that they don’t want the light…but if they have a brain that isn’t “retarded” enough that they don’t know right from wrong—they have a CHOICE. Now maybe they eventually come to that point that they have a “reprobate” mind, like Satan did, or like Judas Iscariot did.
I don’t think that Judas HAD to betray Jesus, I think Judas had FREE WILL and he freely chose to do it. Did he truly repent afterward? I’m not sure what his FEELINGS were when he took the money back to the Temple, or why he killed himself. Was it like a psychopath who does the ultimate revenge by killing themselves, or was it because he couldn’t/wouldn’t face how evil he had acted? Whatever it was, he chose to hang himself. I think that God and Jesus fore-knew he would do it, but I think he had a choice.
I have often thought the scriipture you quoted here is a description of psychopaths and the way they behave…there are several descriptions in the Bible of psychopaths. Jezebel is one example, and Ahab is another one, I think King Saul was another one, Absalom is a great example of a Narcissistic psychopath. Many many examples, including the Pharisees as a group and as individuals.
History itself is full of Ns and Ps, even current history and politics. The News is full of stories of serial killer psychopaths and politically elected psychopaths and Bernie Madoff’s who are financial psychopaths and criminals. There are EVIL people in the world and have been since Cain killed his brother. Remember how Cain wasn’t worried about what he had done, but about the TERRIBLE PUNISHMENT God had given him to WANDER the face of the earth—pouring on the PITY PLEA to God, so God put the “mark of Cain” on him so that no one would harm him.
I think everyone who is of an age or IQ to know the differences between right and wrong has a choice in how we behave. We can choose Good or Evil.
STEVE….
Timely article once again.
“His comforts, his satiation, carry (for him) so much importance, so much primacy, that even if they must come at others’ expense, this is just how it is. That’s the way the cookie crumples.”
My son had been planning opening day , March 6 , to go and dirt bike ride at an official track since October. It was all he talked about. He even counted the weekends to be sure I would give up my weekend to his father.
His father never put the day on his calendar, supposedly mistakingly thought March 6 was a Saturday and made other plans for the Sunday, March 6.
Three days before March 6 , he told my son he could not take him because he promised Ms. Skank he would go watch HER DAUGHTER’S cheerleading competition. HE TOLD HIM THIS ON THE PHONE BEFORE SCHOOL. My son was so distraught when I picked him up that afternoon he was beside himself.
I got on the phone , can’t even write the names I called the SOB – but I ranted and raved until he swore he would change HIS OTHER PLANS and NOT disappoint my son. I wasn’t supposed to know his excuse so I had to steer my conversation carefully.
All the “How could you ‘s ?” didn’t mean a thing – he just DID NOT get what the impact of his words were on my son.
Bottom line , I threatened him that if he DID NOT take my son on March 6 from 10 to 6 to the track as planned he better call his lawyer because I would NOT allow my son to be hurt like this and I would get him before a judge ASAP . And he wouldn’t see my son again till then and until he could explain how he could crush my child like this.
So disconnected – I just can’t believe it. To see him hurt my son like this – it’s worse than anything he’s done to me.
Maybe he’s not human afterall. Dear God …….how do I teach my son to get through times like this with no scars ?
Oxy,
Very well said.
We can choose good or evil. I do not believe that Judas was sorry. He felt bad or guilty, but not remorse. Peter, on the other hand, after denying Christ felt true remorse.
My own autistic daughter was quite violent when she was younger. Because of poor impulse control and lack of communication skills she would bite, pull hair, tip over furniture. I thought I needed an exorcist (kidding actually) but knew that there were many other children that behaved the same way.
High functioning autistic people can behave a lot like spaths though as they do not seem to have a the ability for abstract thinking. Fortunately my daughter always has had a soft heart. After biting me, she immediate “signed” I’m sorry. She knew she just couldn’t control herself.
In reading a book written by Temple Grandin’s mother there is a footnote that says that Jeffrey Daumer may have been autistic. Remember the Virgiania Tech shooter. I saw autism in him. There is a fine line between the person’s genetics and behavior, but I don’t believe that even spaths are an entirely different species……unless they are alians, LOL…..no don’t really believe that. I do believe that there are truly evil people in the world. I have learned the hard way.
TTS
New Life,
My first husband was the same way. My daughter is 40 now, and her father had absolutely no trouble forgetting that she even existed after she was old enough that he didn’t have to send child support any more. He lives in a different state than I do. He has not seen his daughter since she turned 12.
My second H was her step father who helped raise her. I was married to him for 25 years. When he walked out and the divorce was finally final, he has not seen her either.
You did the right thing in demanding that he change his plans. It is so hard to see our children hurt by these jerks. I can’t understand it. I don’t think we ever will be able to.
So sorry for what you are going through also.
TTS>
Dear NewLife,
You take him to the track yourself….sure, it hurts….but I honestly think that the more we protect our children from the real behavior of the psychopaths the more difficult it is for them to defend themselves from the real ones.
Let me give you an example.
A kid has a pet puppy, and it dies, and the parents rush to the store to buy a NEW PUPPY THE NEXT DAY to keep the kid from being sad….I think that over protection (and in the case of the puppy) the child does NOT GET THE OPPORTUNITY to learn how to handle disappointment and grief…so what happens when daddy gets killed in a car wreck, the kid has never had grief to deal with (I know that is hyperbole but it is to make a point.) We learn to deal with grief by grieving, and we learn to deal with people who disappoint us and let us down by being disappointed and let down….
I understand why you did what you did with your x making him change his plans, but you might want to think too about letting your son learn to deal with DADDY-O’s lack of caring…he’s going to have to find out about it sooner or later. It is a FRACKING SHAME that your kid has to learn this by being hurt, but it is also LIFE 101. (((hugs))) and God bless you and your son, you both deserve better than this carp!
OX and Newlift08:
Soooo true! I particularly like the ‘story’ of the puppy, Ox. I have a story ABOUT a puppy who my ex’s son began to call ‘my’ puppy and ‘our’ puppy.
I have known this child since he JUST turned 7. He’s now 11 and a VERY sweet kid. Strangely empathetic, caring and considerate for someone his age and always has been. Well, during the times when my ex would ‘bolt’ on me, there was always this OTHER person in the background…HIS SON.
I dont know what he told his son each time he left, however, what I do know is Ive often wondered if his son FEELS like a ping pong ball too with ‘maybe’ being over her, then ‘maybe’ being at his grandmas (where the loser ex lives…at mommys). Having a couple months here, then all the sudden not seeing me for a few months.
Well, I got the dog for Christmas! His son FELL IN LOVE with her…he is so NOT responsible, but with this dog, he seemed to take pride in ‘caring’ for her. I dont know if his dad told him it was ‘ok’ to ‘consider’ this HIS house because he was moving in, however, his son CLEARLY began referring to my house as ‘home’ and ‘my bedroom’ and ‘my bed’ and ‘my puppy’. He even told me multiple times “I have much more fun at your house than I do at my moms. You and my dad are more fun.”
So, here we are…another 9 months of every-other-weekends are my house. The place his son began to refer to as ‘home’. With the puppy he began to refer to as ‘my dog’.
And this was NEVER even thought about when the jackass left…again.
Dear R-babe,
They do NOT make good or responsible parents either! LOL As you are finding out, and this poor kid is saddled with a “dad” that can’t be a father to him. I hope to heck his mother is a better mom than his dad is a parent….doesn’t sound like she is mother of the year either though. I’m sorry for this kid…and I know you are too, but that is just MORE COLLATERAL DAMAGE that these jerks do.
Jerkface had the kid in just as irresponsible a manner as he got the dog—for someone else to take care of.
Ox:
Funny your observation about ‘having the kid…” He actually did just ‘have the kid’ with his babies momma! They met as she was bartending, screwed, and voila! A son was born…which he did NOT tell anyone about–NOT EVEN HIS PARENTS–until the child came over for THE FIRST TIME as an infant…
SURPRISE!!! Mom and dad? You have your FIRST grandbaby! Luckily for the child, he is male. Read below…
Ahhhh…and then there is his SECOND child! Another baby born out of wedlock after a night of passion. Except…this baby and her ‘father’ have never met-nor will they ever. According to my ex, this child was unplanned as he and THIS babys momma were a fling too. Babys momma though had just broken up with her boyfriend. Once she found out she was pregnant with the child, she went BACK TO the boyfriend…and never let my ex see his daugher.
This, though isnt a big deal, you see. In his mind, HIS (unclaimed) daughter has a person she calls ‘dad’. It would only ‘hurt’ her to know him. HELL YEAH IT WOULD!!! So, he pays childsupport to a child he has never seen and a sibling to the child he ‘claims’.
And then there’s MY dog…’our’ dog. The pseudo-child between he and I in which a ‘commitment’ was formed. I can only imagine he has taken ownership of his SON because he is just that…A SON, A MINI-ME.
You know, I can imagine what his baby mommas must have thought/felt after his impregnating them and LEAVING!!! I too have a ‘responsibility’ that I did not ask for. I too have to adjust MY life to take care of something that is alive and breathing. I too have been ‘given’ something with NO consideration as to how it may impact ME…because its not impacting HIM, so why should it matter?
He’s, again, a jackass.