Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Petula.”
I met him online in July 2014, fell hard and fast and moved in two weeks later.
In September he spoke to me about an inheritance that he hadn’t claimed in Mexico after his parents’ deaths in 2009. It included a million dollar property and a huge bank account. I was shocked.
We were engaged in December 2014 in Las Vegas and supposed to move to Mexico City in February to take care of all the paperwork and get a better evaluation on the house, as well as remove personal belongings.
He promised me he would care for me and protect me, make sure I would always have the best medical treatments, etc. I quit my job of 10 years and prepared for a new life.
We went to Mexico and he had all kinds of excuses, so I never met his family nor saw the house, but I went to the cemetery and he showed me all around his old neighborhood.
We came back end of March and I was very ill. I had caught pulmonary histoplasmosis. I spent weeks in the hospital and he capitalized on that to take advantage even more of borrowing money from me until the bank would untie the funds. He had quit his job at the end of September 2014 and had begun borrowing from me in October.
It was all to be a loan to be repaid when the inheritance came in. He stayed almost 6 months rent-free in my parent’s home while I recovered. He always had an excuse about why he couldn’t work, why the money wasn’t coming and why he got fired when he did find a job.
My parents were suspicious and asked him to move out. He moved in August 2015 and I followed.
In mid-September he claimed my presence was too stressful to him and that he needed space because he had a flu and didn’t want me sick. He had also become more violent and verbally abusive.
I ended up staying at my parents and it eventually became a permanent separation.
He paid a bit here and there and then he stopped communicating with me in November while I left on the bday cruise we had booked for him in March with my mom because the dr. told him he couldn’t fly. (I never saw this dr.)
I came back and he wasn’t communicating with me. I was hurt and suspicious but I got invited to join my sister on a trip so we left. I planned on going to the apartment upon my return Dec.10th.
On the 6th I sent an email asking about him and some pictures. He had disappeared from fb and I found that he was selling my belongings online. My family was able to recover some of the items.
He had a new girl in there and had changed his story completely.
He now refuses to pay me back and has been telling her I verbally abused him and that I am crazy. My heart is broken, my soul destroyed, by his lies and betrayal.
He charmed everyone and I loved him and believed in him so much I put up with months of verbal, emotional, financial and physical abuse believing he was depressed, a victim of life, etc.
What is awful is that I cannot do anything to stop him and he has no remorse for taking money from an unemployed woman with a chronic medical condition (MCTD) for months and leaving her with debts.
He promised me we would travel the world, get married on an island, get a house in Fort Lauderdale, private healthcare, etc. Those dreams were all crushed.
I recently received an insulting letter from him and his new soon-to-be victim telling me I am a psycho and accusing me of harassment for collecting my belongings and sending a registered letter asking for some of my money.
He convinced her I used all of HIS money and emotionally and verbally abused him, which I proved of course by calling him a liar and a conman, abuser, etc.
I paid for his Mexican and Canadian passports so for the next ten years he can run whenever he wants. He has no money so I have given up on a civil suit because I need mine to pay debts (all supposedly nonexistent according to him).
I’m keeping all my documentation including the ridiculous letter in case he tries to smear me more in his campaign to earn sympathy.
I am blessed to have many supporters and am getting therapy. Let karma or God deal with him.
There are Degrees of Conscience and Empathy
I truly believe that God will deal with him. I hope that all the misery he caused you and all the money he cost you was worth the price of his soul, but we both know it isn’t. You are lucky that he didn’t get you pregnant. My ex wanted a “honeymoon baby” and sure enough I got pregnant on the honeymoon and had two more children soon after. For more than 20 years my children kept me from leaving him and his relentless abuse but they were also my greatest blessing. Your “man”, like mine, isn’t a real man at all. They are soul sucking human parasites whose sole intent is to destroy us in every way they can. Do you know why he “targeted” you? It’s because you are a good, kind, unselfish and trusting person and its people like you and I that they detest. They will never have what we have. They see only the bad, not the good. Please do not fall into despair. That is exactly what he wants and HE IS NOT WORTH IT! Stay strong, do not contact him. Get a good attorney (this is very important, I’m on my third!) and have your attorney read the “Open Letter To Attorneys” from this site. He or she really needs to know what they’re dealing with. Keep reading up about him. There are excellent books about psychopaths that will help you including Donna Andersons wonderful book. You are not alone and this and other sites can help you and provide support during this, very difficult time. Stay STRONG! And please pray for his next victim. She’s just like you were, someone who trusts, believes in and loves him and no one should be hurt by love. I’m praying for you, angel. God bless you and remember, stay STRONG!
Thank you. I am indeed lucky to have not gotten pregnant. He actually used the story he couldn’t father children to seduce me since it is hard for someone with my health to conceive and my medications are dangerous during pregnancy. In previous relationships it had been difficult to find someone okay with that. Now I wonder if it was true what he said or yet another lie.
You are a strong woman and an inspiration. It only lasted a year and a half but it was enough to make me suicidal and to make my life seem so void. I can only imagine the strength it requires to survive over 20 years in such a messed up parody of a relationship. I agree no one should be hurt for loving and I keep reading and finding out just how many men and women are tricked into trusting and staying in abusive relationships. Education is power. Hugs.
I am very sorry this has happened to you. I would keep this new victim’s contact information, so when he bilks her, she may become an allly. Also, you might find some previous victims, you know you are probably not the first. I would take your information/documentation and consider going to the police. If you have the strength you might take him to small claims court. If you prevail you will get a judgement that can be enforced whenever he gets money. That judgement will be public record.
My husband was the rare sadistic type. He was in it for sure pleasure of torturing me. He would get up every morning and think of ways to ruin me.
About 6 or 7 months ago, I went through somethimg similar. The only thing that’s different in my situations is that it is my ex husband and I am never without *witnesses*. He borrowed money from me shortly after I had emergency surgery. He was supposed to pay it back the following weekend and he did not. The money was to my after care appointments, problem is he didn’t give a care until I mentioned that if he didn’t pay me back, then he would be looking for a ride to work from now on. The following weekend, he paid my after care bills, office visit bills and purchased my meds and bandages because I had to reuse my bandages from the surgery which was gross and disgusting so I cut up towels and toilet paper to cover the incisions. I still think the wounds didn’t heal correctly. Time will definately tell.
S
Ophie