The “sociopath,” boiled down, is someone who routinely does, and takes, what he wants, unconcerned with the impact of his behavior on others. Nothing in my mind defines his essence more than this concise, factual description. He is rather unique, and thus diagnosable as a sociopath, to this precise extent.
Sure, we’ve discussed this before, but it always merits, in my view, fresh reconsideration. And so let me add, I think, an important caveat: The sociopath doesn’t necessarily feel he has the “right” to what he’s pursuing, or planning to take.
Rather, he doesn’t feel he needs the right. He just needs the want.
Simply wanting what he wants, with or without the right to it, meets his standard for laying claim to his quarry.
Because after all, you may ask the sociopath, “Did you have a ”˜right’ to take that? To steal it?” And he may answer, with intellectual honesty, “No. I realize, intellectually, that I had no right to what I took.”
Which gets to the nub, the essence, of his condition: His” right” to what he wanted wasn’t relevant, didn’t even enter his thinking; rather, his wanting it was the sole factor necessary to support his comfortable, non-conflictual pursuit of it.
To sum up, the sociopath’s disordered essence is captured best in his pattern of taking, without remorse, what intellectually he may very well know doesn’t belong to him—he has no right to it—yet he takes it anyway.
To be clear: when I say that the sociopath intellectually can understand he may lack the “right” to what he’s taking, I’m not suggesting that he lacks a sense of entitlement. Quite the contrary: his sense of entitlement is all the more astounding for his intellectual awareness that he may lack the “right” to what he wants, yet still takes it. In doing so, he is exhibiting self-entitlement, and attitudes of contempt, in their gaudiest, most audacious forms.
One always must beware of oversimplifying complicated concepts. The sociopath’s disorder is complex on many levels. Yet on some levels the sociopath’s mentality isn’t so complicated at all. In some respects it’s pretty simple.
In this article I suggest the sociopath is, essentially, that strange, disconcerting, disruptive individual with a history, and pattern, of taking from others what doesn’t belong to him with an impoverished sense of shame and remorse. When you confront an individual with this history and pattern, you are dealing with a sociopath.
What he takes, and even how he takes it, are less relevant considerations that that he takes, with no right.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
skylar
sisterhood,
Your post was right on. Only those who have experienced the spath attack can speak about it. No amount of education can touch what it’s like to experience a spath in the wild. It’s like comparing taking a course in zoology with living with gorillas like Jane Goodall did. There’s no comparison.
You said:
Some of the arguments made by our “visitor” are not that far off from those made by well meaning bystanders. I hear comments like that all the time when I try to explain Narcissism/Sociopathy to others. Even when I try to educate them, it has very little effect. There is just a cock of the head and a glazed look in their eyes (kind of funny and frustrating at the same time).
I know not everyone will agree with me, but I’ve come to the conclusion that the glazed look is coming from people who have STRONG spath tendencies themselves. They know EXACTLY what you are talking about but don’t want to reveal themselves. For the longest time, I thought that those people just didn’t get it. But they do.
The smarter spaths, will pretend to get it and sympathize with you sometimes. My mom does this. Then she slanders everyone around her and says that they are spaths because she suspects that I’m looking at her and have her figured out. She’s trying to confuse me.
I’m now concluding that there are some people who may or may not know about spaths, but they know inexcusable and outrageous behavior when they see it. They do not excuse it, or tolerate it. They call it out. These people have boundaries and when you tell them about the spath attack, they express sympathy and support. There are VERY FEW of these people.
Most of them are this way because they have learned from their own experience.
OneJoy,
I’m so sorry about your mom and having to deal with your sperm donor too. You have the resources to handle this. Be strong, keep those boundaries strong. Accept no BS.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
man that was tiring…especially the strong delusions brought on by the stress of realizing that she would be alone in the hospital for the night.
i finally had to just leave.
no issue with the old man. (one nurse did get bit in the process. but she had it coming.) the moment mom got out of the hall and into a bed in the ER he went home. he had been up all night with her, so he was entitled – but it was very much his schtick – one joy is here i don’t have to ask i can just lay whatever burden i have at her feet.
‘cept this time i see it and don’t give a shit – wasn’t there for him.
boundaries like steel walls Sky, like steel walls.
Ox Drover
Dear One/Joy,
Get some rest if you can….YOU need to take care of YOU as well as be there for your mom. ((((hugs)))
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Circus –
i don’t care how much education you have, you don’t have the credentials most of the people on this site have. you lack understanding of and respect for other peoples’ real life experiences with spaths, you show little compassion and no humility.
you want to learn something or are you just here to tell us how wrong we are about this that or the other thing? this is a rhetorical question and begs no answer. (just in case it isn’t reading the way i want it to.) I don’t care to go through all your posts and take them apart point by point – it would bore me to tears, but if you want to be part of this community, you could start by having some respect for it.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Hi Oxy – it was ever so weird – she thought there was a wedding going on in one of the other cubicles…then she thought I was getting married…..fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. (and YOU know i had variations on that conversation 80 times tonight.)
i am okay. just really really tired.
i love you folks; you saved my life. i told one of my lost friends that the other night: ‘lf posters saved my life. ‘
that poor delusional scared woman is alone in a noisy ER. And i am about to hit the hay. but it’s the way it has to be. i can love her, but i no longer have to bleed for her.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Coping sweetie -thank you for the good wishes. are things looking better today?
skylar
((onejoy))
🙂
one/joy_step_at_a_time
right back at cha’ Sky!
Louise
Constantine:
Thanks. I am just really angry and sad today. Anyway, I do love horror movies. Everyone always thinks I am weird or nuts. I can’t wait to see “The Human Centipede,” both of them. I never did see the “Saw” movies. I had heard that “Let Me In” is good. Wow, so many movies for me to see. It’s a good thing the cold weather is coming…it will give me something to do. I always feel guilty sitting inside watching movies when it’s nice outside.
I have seen “The Shining” so many times. That’s a classic for sure. I’m glad to see you also love horror films!! 🙂
dancingnancies
gray rock………..