The “sociopath,” boiled down, is someone who routinely does, and takes, what he wants, unconcerned with the impact of his behavior on others. Nothing in my mind defines his essence more than this concise, factual description. He is rather unique, and thus diagnosable as a sociopath, to this precise extent.
Sure, we’ve discussed this before, but it always merits, in my view, fresh reconsideration. And so let me add, I think, an important caveat: The sociopath doesn’t necessarily feel he has the “right” to what he’s pursuing, or planning to take.
Rather, he doesn’t feel he needs the right. He just needs the want.
Simply wanting what he wants, with or without the right to it, meets his standard for laying claim to his quarry.
Because after all, you may ask the sociopath, “Did you have a ”˜right’ to take that? To steal it?” And he may answer, with intellectual honesty, “No. I realize, intellectually, that I had no right to what I took.”
Which gets to the nub, the essence, of his condition: His” right” to what he wanted wasn’t relevant, didn’t even enter his thinking; rather, his wanting it was the sole factor necessary to support his comfortable, non-conflictual pursuit of it.
To sum up, the sociopath’s disordered essence is captured best in his pattern of taking, without remorse, what intellectually he may very well know doesn’t belong to him—he has no right to it—yet he takes it anyway.
To be clear: when I say that the sociopath intellectually can understand he may lack the “right” to what he’s taking, I’m not suggesting that he lacks a sense of entitlement. Quite the contrary: his sense of entitlement is all the more astounding for his intellectual awareness that he may lack the “right” to what he wants, yet still takes it. In doing so, he is exhibiting self-entitlement, and attitudes of contempt, in their gaudiest, most audacious forms.
One always must beware of oversimplifying complicated concepts. The sociopath’s disorder is complex on many levels. Yet on some levels the sociopath’s mentality isn’t so complicated at all. In some respects it’s pretty simple.
In this article I suggest the sociopath is, essentially, that strange, disconcerting, disruptive individual with a history, and pattern, of taking from others what doesn’t belong to him with an impoverished sense of shame and remorse. When you confront an individual with this history and pattern, you are dealing with a sociopath.
What he takes, and even how he takes it, are less relevant considerations that that he takes, with no right.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
skylar
Circus Clown,
I DO STUDY THE SPATHS IN THE WILD.
AND I KNOW ONE WHEN I SEE ONE.
What you do, is PERVERT the theories that you profess to believe in. You pick and choose which AUTHORITY you will use to back your statements.
Your “empathy” is reserved for the spaths and you only profess some empathy for the victim after it was pointed out to you. You speak of the horror of slandering a spath, but you never ONCE MENTION THAT THEY DO IT TO US. THEY ALL DO IT. WITHOUT FAIL. THEY SLANDER US TO ALL THE NEIGHBORS AND FAMILY BEHIND OUR BACKS. WE ONLY BECOME AWARE OF IT IN THE END. ALL THE WHILE WE WERE GIVING THEM THE BEST OF OURSELVES.
If you really want to learn about spaths, go find one and cuddle up nice and close, like we all did. I’ll give you his address if you like. Even if you know what he is, you’ll never see the knife coming down until it’s too late. He preys on anyone and anything. The good, the bad and the ugly.
Your experience with your ASPD is nothing.
dancingnancies
he does it on purpose you guys. stop throwing chicken feed.
Ox Drover
One of the most telling traits of a psychopath is lack of empathy, or compassion. If you notice that about a person it is a big RED FLAG.
You guys know what we do with someone who is waving a RED FLAG and it is NO CONTACT. We don’t have to diagnose them in a court of law, because this isn’t a court of law, it is a support blog. If someone is not showing empathy and is showing disdain for another person’s suffering why would you want to respond to them? Do you think you are going to convince them to develop empathy or compassion by pointing out their lack of it?
QUOTE: No, I haven’t read her other posts. And she’s a big girl. If she has too much to worry about now, she can get to the post another time or not at all.
MoonDancer
Hey Constantine – The Grand Hotel in Estes Park Co. is where Steven King got the idea for the movie the shining, I have visited it many times and it is supposedly haunted….
Louise I have had a bad day also, feeling very alone and unloveable…I dont stay in these moods because each morning brings a chance of a better day – hugz to you and to you also Onesteprs….
dancingnancies
Does a sociopath care whether you are yelling at him or smiling coyly at him? Or does he just care that he is still CONNECTED to you. That he can still push your buttons. Think about it folks. I have only seen this movie a thousand times.
Louise
Hens:
Sigh. I wonder what it is with us feeling bad today? On top of feeling angry and sad, I also feel alone and unlovable, but you are right…tomorrow is another day and another chance for hope. Hugs to you also, Hens.
KatyDid
Skylar
You got it girl. LOTS of red flags, the biggest: no empathy. All the carp that goes into no empathy, the insults, the putdowns, the trivializing of our abuse.
What stood out for me was the insistence that we give compassion to our predators, our soul killers. WTF???
My husband used to do that to me, felt so sorry for himself b.c he was married to me, and he wanted me to comfort him in his misery of being married to me. He wanted me to agree that abusing me was okay b.c by marrying me, he had settled for less. Totally ignoring that I asked him over and over if he was sure b/c we had agreed NO DIVORCE so I wanted to ask the hard questions BEFORE the I do’s.
This smuck is too much WTF. GREY ROCK.
KatyDid
Hens
No matter how unlovable you feel, we still do.
MoonDancer
Nancie – You hit the nail on the head, keeping us connected was their goal..and I said some terrible things to him and he just kept coming back for more…
skylar
Katy,
yeah, my spath said, “love should be unconditional”. right, but only for him.
WTF moments abound. You are so right. Grey rock. Arguing with a spath is like arguing with a brick wall. They are never wrong, they love the drama, they fake the concern and the authority.