The “sociopath,” boiled down, is someone who routinely does, and takes, what he wants, unconcerned with the impact of his behavior on others. Nothing in my mind defines his essence more than this concise, factual description. He is rather unique, and thus diagnosable as a sociopath, to this precise extent.
Sure, we’ve discussed this before, but it always merits, in my view, fresh reconsideration. And so let me add, I think, an important caveat: The sociopath doesn’t necessarily feel he has the “right” to what he’s pursuing, or planning to take.
Rather, he doesn’t feel he needs the right. He just needs the want.
Simply wanting what he wants, with or without the right to it, meets his standard for laying claim to his quarry.
Because after all, you may ask the sociopath, “Did you have a ”˜right’ to take that? To steal it?” And he may answer, with intellectual honesty, “No. I realize, intellectually, that I had no right to what I took.”
Which gets to the nub, the essence, of his condition: His” right” to what he wanted wasn’t relevant, didn’t even enter his thinking; rather, his wanting it was the sole factor necessary to support his comfortable, non-conflictual pursuit of it.
To sum up, the sociopath’s disordered essence is captured best in his pattern of taking, without remorse, what intellectually he may very well know doesn’t belong to him—he has no right to it—yet he takes it anyway.
To be clear: when I say that the sociopath intellectually can understand he may lack the “right” to what he’s taking, I’m not suggesting that he lacks a sense of entitlement. Quite the contrary: his sense of entitlement is all the more astounding for his intellectual awareness that he may lack the “right” to what he wants, yet still takes it. In doing so, he is exhibiting self-entitlement, and attitudes of contempt, in their gaudiest, most audacious forms.
One always must beware of oversimplifying complicated concepts. The sociopath’s disorder is complex on many levels. Yet on some levels the sociopath’s mentality isn’t so complicated at all. In some respects it’s pretty simple.
In this article I suggest the sociopath is, essentially, that strange, disconcerting, disruptive individual with a history, and pattern, of taking from others what doesn’t belong to him with an impoverished sense of shame and remorse. When you confront an individual with this history and pattern, you are dealing with a sociopath.
What he takes, and even how he takes it, are less relevant considerations that that he takes, with no right.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
OH MY!
🙂 Yap – me and MTP have raised some eyebrows around here for sure…
Thanks Constantine – I was just half ass joking..
Hens, sweetie, you are not a fence sitter OR a trouble maker—the only person you make trouble for is Hens! You get down on yourself sometimes, and that’s what they make skillets for! BOINK! When you do that, I boink you in the head and you get righteous for a while! LOL
As far as “words” are concerned, I think it is the attitude and the tone of voice that go with the words themselves that are more irritating than anything else. I’ve heard people say “whatever” in such a NASTY TONE OF VOICE I wanted to throttle them, and I’ve heard “yeah” in such a way I felt that same way. It is a FAKE agreement that is PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE and remember, passive aggressive is STILL AGGRESSION.
If you ask me where I want to eat, I may just not care and say “whatever” (meaning I really don’t care, YOU make the decision) but it isn’t said SNARKY…or if I agree with you I may say “Yeah” instead of “yes, I agree with you!” But the TONE of voice is what makes you know the meaning of the two words.
I don’t speak another language really well, a few words of Spanglish and a few words of Bantu, but I do know that the WAY a word is said in ANY language is as much a part of the meaning as what WORD is said. That is why someone who can read and write a language may be totally unable to “speak” or “understand” it on the street. I used to know a woman from Viet Nam who had been an English teacher in her country and she was as literate as I am in writing English, but she could not understand a word I said or speak a word I could understand. It took her a year to learn to speak and understand verbal English.
I think that is why it is difficult here on the blog sometimes, especially when we use sarcasm or make jokes. People get offended because of what they THINK we might mean, or the “tone” that a written word may convey that a spoken word wouldn’t. What is it, 90% of communication is non verbal anyway?
Since most people come here wounded and maybe sounding “crazee” I try to give people the benefit of the doubt….but at the same time, I also try to keep my P-dar focused for potential trouble. I know I am not the only one here that feels protective “ownership” of this blog, and keeping it civil and supportive is important to me and I know it is to others. I’ve seen other potentially good blogs brought DOWN by committee rule and flaming bloggers and power tripping “managers.” Having been the “victim” of some of these blogs, when I came here I was wary of that sort of thing, and it took me a while to trust Donna’s judgment about the blog. Now, I trust it 110% and though I have not always agreed with her decisions, I agree that this blog is HERS and while I may feel some protective ownership in it, she is the ultimate decision maker and I have never felt in the least that she was too harsh. If anything, she is more liberal than I would be, giving them more rope than I would if I were the ultimate decision maker. Ultimately though, I think she very much takes into consideration the feelings of the bloggers. In this last episode it became obvious WHAT the blogger was and she took action.
I’m just glad that no one was “critically” injured or left the blog because of this jerkface, and that it has become a LEARNING EXPERIENCE for us all. UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL, so as we take in new “members” to our group of trusted bloggers, we can learn to discern who is genuine and who isn’t. Just like in REAL LIFE we assess the way someone behaves by the list of RED FLAGS, and when we see a red flag we STOP, LOOK AND LISTEN and see how they behave, and when we have enough evidence, we make a decision. If they are TOXIC we very quietly withdraw from them, gray rock, potted plant and let them fade into the woodwork, withering without being “fed” by attention.
Jeannine,
It is true that IGNORANT people may blame the victim for their plight, but that doesn’t make it right or just.
There are NOT two valid sides to every story. That is a myth, but people use that phrase to justify not believing someone, to belittle them. Some parents do this to their children and it is selfish and mean. I’m sorry that you experienced this, but the wonderful thing is that we don’t have to endure it any more. WE CAN VALIDATE OURSELVES. Just because your “daddy dearest” said something doesn’t make it so.
As you are learning and validating yourself and being validated here (you are NOT alone!) each step we take is peeling the “onion” of our lives and our thinking so that we can LIVE A BETTER LIFE in the future. Hang in there and keep on learning. (((hugs))) and God bless.
listen y’all I am the queen of the multiple spath character con.
20 – yep, 20.
i wrote a post earlier and decided to edit it out – suffice to say i remember one person here, posting as 3. and i know a whole lot about ‘them’ in the real world. and not much of it is nice.
One, I was going through my library yesterday cleaning and found that book the “Night Listener”—that the Robin Williams movie was about, about the “fictional boy” that he became attached to.
I wonder if your psychopathic con person took her idea from that book or movie. How BTW is the trial coming along with her fraud prosecution? Getting fraud prosecuted when they hardly prosecute murder any more is so difficult. That guy whose dad got ripped off for 2.2 million $$$ had a difficult time and still is trying to get any news coverage or funds return. He mentioned today that a bunch of cops in that area of my state got arrested for being crooked and more to follow I think, so his story isn’t that “important” by comparison.
Well, gang I am off to bed…good night, don’t let the bed bugs bite!
OneJoy,
I believe you. My own experience with a few LF bloggers is similar. They seem so sweet, saccharine sweet, until you get to know them…. scary shit.
It boggles me that people can do that!!!
Not the ‘evil’ part of it all- because we see that…….but the keeping track of it all! How do they do it….and WHY would anyone WANT TO!!!!
There is no way I could manage to be a handfull of anyone other than who I am……and the next question begs…..why would anyone want to? I don’t get it!
What a petty game to gain some whacked out ego boost or percieved control over another….and online – anonymously!
Get real…….
One….your story blows my mind….for no financial game, just to fuck with your emotions? WHAT does that ‘get’ someone? Is it that powerful emotional control over others????? (This is rhetorical…I know it happens I know it happened to you…..but it still is a weird concept ) NOT that I have to tell you that!
Your ‘woman’ was ugly and mean and nasty……and the con that she”s being prosecuted for is just weird. I think this is why people have a hard time believing the stories…..it’s just tooo weird and society is used to hearing about financial cons….not emotional cons. The loss is not visable to the world.
I get when people fraud others out of finances…..but emotions?
It’s all just too big to ‘get’……
EB,
it’s all about what you value. They value power. Emotions and money both = power to control.
I told Oxy that I was not going to be posting on here anymore. That “jerkoff” did scare a person off of here. I am so confused right now and I am have an enormous anxiety attack. I tusted this sight and I have no idea what has happened in the last 24 hours.
I am a mushy, gushy person and I don’t think that I lovebomb anyone. This is who I am. I do not have multiple usernames. I have only logged on here as myself. I really have been a victim of a Spath and I am still suffereing from it many years later. I am in therapy and I have been working really hard at understanding all of this. No, Constantine, this is not rocket science, but it is really difficult for me to discern the characteristics of Sociopathy. I still question every single day weather my ex is one or not. That is my hang up for having such low self-esteem. My apologies are very sincere and yes, I do feel I needed to make them because I never want to add to anyones pain.
This whole ordeal has sent me into a tailspin and I am so distraught. My husband is telling me that I just have to be who I am, but I now feel like there is a magnifying glass over my posts. I don’t feel safe here anymore and it isn’t really even because of the spath that was on here yesterday. I feel unsafe to say and be who I am without being criticized for it. I have this horrible feeling that people think I am a spath trolling on here. I am so sorry I gave that asshole the benefit of the doubt. I realize now what a HUGE mistake that was.
I am really sad. I really needed this place. I REALLY NEEDED THIS PLACE. You have saved my life more than once. But now I feel that I can’t turn to you anymore. I am so disappointed.