The “sociopath,” boiled down, is someone who routinely does, and takes, what he wants, unconcerned with the impact of his behavior on others. Nothing in my mind defines his essence more than this concise, factual description. He is rather unique, and thus diagnosable as a sociopath, to this precise extent.
Sure, we’ve discussed this before, but it always merits, in my view, fresh reconsideration. And so let me add, I think, an important caveat: The sociopath doesn’t necessarily feel he has the “right” to what he’s pursuing, or planning to take.
Rather, he doesn’t feel he needs the right. He just needs the want.
Simply wanting what he wants, with or without the right to it, meets his standard for laying claim to his quarry.
Because after all, you may ask the sociopath, “Did you have a ”˜right’ to take that? To steal it?” And he may answer, with intellectual honesty, “No. I realize, intellectually, that I had no right to what I took.”
Which gets to the nub, the essence, of his condition: His” right” to what he wanted wasn’t relevant, didn’t even enter his thinking; rather, his wanting it was the sole factor necessary to support his comfortable, non-conflictual pursuit of it.
To sum up, the sociopath’s disordered essence is captured best in his pattern of taking, without remorse, what intellectually he may very well know doesn’t belong to him—he has no right to it—yet he takes it anyway.
To be clear: when I say that the sociopath intellectually can understand he may lack the “right” to what he’s taking, I’m not suggesting that he lacks a sense of entitlement. Quite the contrary: his sense of entitlement is all the more astounding for his intellectual awareness that he may lack the “right” to what he wants, yet still takes it. In doing so, he is exhibiting self-entitlement, and attitudes of contempt, in their gaudiest, most audacious forms.
One always must beware of oversimplifying complicated concepts. The sociopath’s disorder is complex on many levels. Yet on some levels the sociopath’s mentality isn’t so complicated at all. In some respects it’s pretty simple.
In this article I suggest the sociopath is, essentially, that strange, disconcerting, disruptive individual with a history, and pattern, of taking from others what doesn’t belong to him with an impoverished sense of shame and remorse. When you confront an individual with this history and pattern, you are dealing with a sociopath.
What he takes, and even how he takes it, are less relevant considerations that that he takes, with no right.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
darwinsmom
Thanks, Oxy. To be honest, I think a hospital is probably less safe than lf… more bugs around 😉
Perhaps I should seek more exercise moments such as Sky to “spot the spath”. Can’t tell for myself, because by reading the last page here this morning I new a spath
troll had been here. Once I knew that and started reading from the first page again, and even with the flame posts cleared off, the name Circus itself sounded off.
Circus to me is a synonymous word to “Drama”, and the “psychology studies” was a red flag I remember from my ex spath. First thing he had claimed of himself. Also
thought it odd that they did not go into details about the spath experience. Then when they started to defend spaths I didn’t even care anymore what kind of drama
they tried to play after that. I’m summing up the red flags kinda like an exercise for myself, not to make others uncomfortable if they missed those signs. It gives
me a sense of safety, as if I am recovering my senses to keep my environment safe. I assume a similar motivaton may be the case for other posters who go over the
spath signs of the latest circus of the past days. Normally we read articles about cases of spaths that are printed about in the press. I see Circus a bit like a live
specimen caught in our blog for us to probe and investigate, and it’s safer than probing a live specimen up close and personal.
Hmm, now I’m getting a picture of researchers who caught Circus and jump exciteldy over the catch: “ooooooooooh, we caught one! Bring out the scalpels and dissect!”
The first time you truly experience an online flaming it can be quite upsetting. I had a death threat once by a group of people who disliked the debate part of the
forum, where we did not attack posters, but did question each other’s opinions, statements, etc… I was in total shock, outraged and afraid, because anyone who
knew how to look could find all my personnal data burried in historical and archived threads. Anyway, an ad hominem flaming can be truly personally hurtful,
and make the attacked person feel very unsafe. And that is just on normal topics about opinions that rarely matter in our personal life. So, feeling attacked in this
blog, when raw, would be so much more hurtful. I know I’m rather direct in my writing, but I always hope that I never hurt anyone. Even if we don’t always know each
other’s insecurities or triggers, we do know they are there.
I roared at the “point a gun at their computer screen and pull the trigger?” and some of Sky’s and Panther’s comments. It is funny, but a good reminder not to share
personnal details publically on a blog with a topic that is bound to attract spaths and weirdos.
Sisterhood, take the time you need to feel better about it all. But please do not stay away. A break once in a while is not bad, but people here are probably the
most aware and understanding of each other’s hypersensitivty as well as rawness. Hugs.
the sisterhood
Constantine-Wow! You are highly perceptive. And oh my goodness, so right on. I was an abused child. Severe physical, emotional, sexual and verbal. I think you just unlocked another layer for me. Thank you for the valuable information.
ErinBrock
Milo….
Once again….you made me laugh out loud!!!!
BTW…..I’m booking into next summer now and I just raised my fee. Supply-demand thingy! 🙂 Contact my agent……Hens.
ErinBrock
Heres how it ‘went down’ for me.
Trust:
I went through so many blindsiding betrayals that each time…..I ‘removed’ another person from my life…..When the Jr’s were kidnapped by their sparther…..I couldn’t believe they would betray me? Believe him etc…. That was the LOWEST POINT of discovering I was alone……
All my ‘friends’ disappeared, family disappeared, spath disappeared…..and now my kids. Leaving me alone during my C treatments. (He even tried to take the damn dog!). My phone stopped ringing, help stopped coming……and my Dr’s were even ‘tainted’ by mommy dearest and spath….and they doubted me too for a time.
So……I ‘cleared the slate’……but I knew I couldn’t live trusting nobody.
When I went in for surgery and the dr’s needed a next of kin or emergency contact…..and I was in not great shape for surgery…..and the outcome coulda NOT been good. I had to make a plan. WHO do I leave my kids and ‘estate’ to and end of life care etc….? Since I was still married, I had to write my last wishes down and notorize them, so as to supercede any spath legal rights over me.
I had NO ONE to appoint. I asked a Dr. if he could be ‘the one’…..and he said….No it was a conflict.
So……NOW WHAT.
I had to take a chance…..and in my mindsset at the time….it was a huge chance. I figured anyone around me would choose to pull the plug at the first sign of fever! 🙂
So I chose my cousins wife.
OH……how that worked out for me!
She came up and was with me…..and the bonus side note…..she got to see spath in FULL GLORY!
Stealing my car from hospital lot……ransacking my house while I found out I had joined the cancer club…..and she even took a phone call from him in the hospital which scared the shit out of her! SHE SAW IT!!! No one else had!
At that point, she became my advocate to the rest of the family…..she took her/our experiences back to the homestead…..and didn’t keep it a secret. Debunked my mothers and spaths lies about me ‘faking’ my cancer…..and being mentally ill….etc…..
Bottom line was…..she didn’t sell my ‘life’ while I was incapacitated……she could have…..She didn’t drain what was left of bank account….she didn’t sell house…..you get the picture.
Then……I felt a bit of what it used to feel like to trust.
I always knew…..I HAD to trust…..just by the sheer factor that I don’t live alone on this planet. I drive on roads with others…I have to trust. I always held the notion that there WERE good men in the world…..and one day I’d have to trust another one if I was ever to be blessed with a relationship. I had to trust in what I taught my children, to grow into healthy- members of society. I had to trust myself.
I chose NOT to join the man haters club……(even though I’m not a huge dater…..just because I don’t put myself out there)……
Then…..I ‘tested’ people around me. I put into action all that i’ve learned here on LF and in the world.
I’ve got some VERY good friends which i’m surrounded by. It’s a give and take……
I trust in myself to make good decisions, although I know….even I can make the best deciions and things work out not the way I had planned.
If I see red flags, I act. If I feel eggshelly….I walk. I rarely offer people the benefit of the doubt anymore…..i found that to be a losing proposition. I am way more hard nosed with who I let ‘in’. I can have superficial relationships…..like with the store clerk etc….but I’m very careful with throwing the work “FRIEND’ around these days.
I also am aware of ‘putting’ myself out there to be hurt or blindsided.
I kept faith in trust…..but stripped it down to no one.
I slowely added to my ‘trust dance card’. Even then…..sometimes it was necessary to step away from some of my choices……I became uncomfortable with them for one reason or another.
I learned……in reality……whatever your beliefs are….
WE WALK THIS EARTH WITH ONLY OUR SHADOWS!!!!
We must trust ourselves……and only then…..make additions from there.
MoonDancer
EB
That was a moving story, I am so happy your cousin’s wife was there for you and validated your truth. My closest friends are work friends, not sure that is healthy but I do believe they have my best interest at heart, at least until I cant work anymore. But you are right, we walk with our shadows in this world, I think that is the plan for us all. Yes we have to have some respect and trust for our fellow humans.
I am so pumped up for all the good things coming your way – you deserve it…hugs.
coping
EB- you are a Rodbuster at heart. Thanks!!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
EB – this really struck a cord for me: ‘I kept faith in trust”..but stripped it down to no one.’
one/joy_step_at_a_time
mom was much better tonight. she’s was cleaned up, sleeping, she’s in a room, she’s had 2 days of fluids now. much less agitated. still wasn’t sure who i was for a bit.
i asked her if she knew who i was, and she said i sounded familiar (i was wearing a mask), and then she said, ‘you’re eyes are very gentle.’ awwwww.
coping
One- shit times for sure.. But vey sweet about the eyes…. Maybe she knows. ? I hope you’re ok and taking care if yourself. Many good thoughts to you…
coping
Good night one- and all! Tomorrow is a new day!!! Dammit they just don’t end. 🙂 guess that’s a good thing.
God bless- even to you buddihists. :).