The “sociopath,” boiled down, is someone who routinely does, and takes, what he wants, unconcerned with the impact of his behavior on others. Nothing in my mind defines his essence more than this concise, factual description. He is rather unique, and thus diagnosable as a sociopath, to this precise extent.
Sure, we’ve discussed this before, but it always merits, in my view, fresh reconsideration. And so let me add, I think, an important caveat: The sociopath doesn’t necessarily feel he has the “right” to what he’s pursuing, or planning to take.
Rather, he doesn’t feel he needs the right. He just needs the want.
Simply wanting what he wants, with or without the right to it, meets his standard for laying claim to his quarry.
Because after all, you may ask the sociopath, “Did you have a ”˜right’ to take that? To steal it?” And he may answer, with intellectual honesty, “No. I realize, intellectually, that I had no right to what I took.”
Which gets to the nub, the essence, of his condition: His” right” to what he wanted wasn’t relevant, didn’t even enter his thinking; rather, his wanting it was the sole factor necessary to support his comfortable, non-conflictual pursuit of it.
To sum up, the sociopath’s disordered essence is captured best in his pattern of taking, without remorse, what intellectually he may very well know doesn’t belong to him—he has no right to it—yet he takes it anyway.
To be clear: when I say that the sociopath intellectually can understand he may lack the “right” to what he’s taking, I’m not suggesting that he lacks a sense of entitlement. Quite the contrary: his sense of entitlement is all the more astounding for his intellectual awareness that he may lack the “right” to what he wants, yet still takes it. In doing so, he is exhibiting self-entitlement, and attitudes of contempt, in their gaudiest, most audacious forms.
One always must beware of oversimplifying complicated concepts. The sociopath’s disorder is complex on many levels. Yet on some levels the sociopath’s mentality isn’t so complicated at all. In some respects it’s pretty simple.
In this article I suggest the sociopath is, essentially, that strange, disconcerting, disruptive individual with a history, and pattern, of taking from others what doesn’t belong to him with an impoverished sense of shame and remorse. When you confront an individual with this history and pattern, you are dealing with a sociopath.
What he takes, and even how he takes it, are less relevant considerations that that he takes, with no right.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
raising my daughters….we were so close up until April 15 ’09, we spent so much time together. My daughter is a Pastors wife! What happened is they could not come to terms with their Dad’s secret life and addiction to porn. They stood by me through the divorce…after many,many attempts to reconcile our marriage. He was a spath too….no empathy, no emotions,and only lived for himself. Could do anything without thinking how it would affect me or anyone else. But the second husband came in with the intent to destroy, I don’t believe 1st did. He started to”councel” my children who never really had a Dad who took interest and would “help” them with their problems. Then it became clear way too late that he was brainwashing them and telling them that my husband didn’t really abuse me, or have a porn addiction it was all me! He literally made up lies and counceled my children behind my back to turn on me.
I do not blame them……I was the first to believe him,and bring him in our family. I exposed them to him. After my entire life of teaching them to be safe,look out for strangers etc. I brought Satan himself to be their step-dad. He did this to his first wife as well, her son will not speak to his Mom. He takes bits and pieces of truth mixing in things you entrusted to him, and then uses it against you to turn the direction of how people perceive you. Anything I ever told him he went and told to my kids and others I loved, only adding a slant of evil but enough truth that it worked. The Accuser of the brethren uses all your wrongs and reminds you and others about them. That is who he is at his core. And then he counceled them that they needed to block me out of their lives, for their own safety….and after the things he brainwashed them into believing about me, i can see why. If Ihad 30 mins. to talk to them…but they have locked me out of their lives.
One takes after her dad to a degree…….but the others are hurt and have been lied too. Ido not blame them.I can;t
bellaangel – i have read your post – not sure if this will help but my family and friends ( the ones that mattered ) backed off from me, kind of avoided me because they were sick and tired of hearing me complain – of course they did not understand what I was dealing with and if they did even a little bit there is only so much they could do or say to comfort me – so they just kind of left me to my own insanity – when i got my chit together somewhat they were all there glad to see the old me…trying to explain a sociopath to someone who has not been run over by one themselves is very much a futile attempt..
On the other hand I did discover many of my family member were very toxic and I had to go no contact with them – peace – and peace to you….
is grey rock same as No contact only different name?
I’m a little on edge today. Something happened this afternoon. I was sitting out on my steps enjoying the nice weather and this creepy dude started talking to me. He tried to mess with my neighbors daughter two houses down before he got to me. He was gross and he told me I was a pretty lady and asked me my name. I gave him a fake one. He asked if I was married and I said no. He asked if I stay here-(if this was my house). I said yes. He asked if I lived alone and I said no, my roomate is inside. He asked if he could sit down and conversate with me for awhile. I told him that I had to go inside. He said-“you’re saying you have to go inside just cuz I wanna conversate with you”. I said that I really had to go somewhere. He left on down the street.
I left a few minutes later to go get some dinner and I took my glock and an extra magazine with me. When I came home it was dark and I looked carefully around before getting out of the truck. I am listening to the Cardinal game and a few minutes ago I heard a noise like someone was trying to open my front door. I am not liking this feeling now. I reloaded the glock and now it’s next to me. I double checked the back door and turned on the floodlight outside. The other day my smartphone was jacked outside my house and I had to call the police out. I don’t like this.
Grey rock is acting like stone around them. No contact is avoiding them. Use grey rock when you can’t avoid them.
Bella-gray rock is being as boring as you possibly can-like gray rocks outside in the yard/garden. Pretending they don’t exist. If they talk to you talk about the most boring thing you can think of that has nothing to do with what he’s talking about-like maybe having to water your plants. When my neighbor approaches and tries to talk I stick with as many one word answers as I can. I talk about nothing but anything superficial that won’t interest her because she is farking with my mind. Be boring, so you won’t encourage their drama.
Hi Near-how’s school man?
Bella,
Please believe you are NOT alone!! If your relatives do not believe you, they will eventually if they are not spath themselves. Can you see that we on LF are all pulling for you? I hope so. Keep No Contact with all of them. You will feel better off.
Do things that make YOU feel better. Go for a walk, sit and take deep breathes!! Feel your feelings! No matter how shitty they are…feel them and then let them go. You will get better faster!
Lizzy: Check my longer post on this page that I made earlier. Looks like we both have some creepy guys around us! I’ve been SWAMPED with school work. We have essays every week, literally. I also have two math classes, and I hate math. Plus all my other classes. ^_^
You have a glock, huh? Make sure you never make the mistake people make in the movies! IF somebody approaches you while you have your gun drawn, shoot! No second chances! Aim for the head! ^_^
Near-I read your prior post about the teacher and WOW, I guess they never heard of background checks. Some of us can get cut out of jobs for ridiculous reasons, like a false bad reference. Rape and attempted murder is serious. I think here in Louisiana that a rape conviction will get you life in prison, and rape of a child can get you the death penalty.