The “sociopath,” boiled down, is someone who routinely does, and takes, what he wants, unconcerned with the impact of his behavior on others. Nothing in my mind defines his essence more than this concise, factual description. He is rather unique, and thus diagnosable as a sociopath, to this precise extent.
Sure, we’ve discussed this before, but it always merits, in my view, fresh reconsideration. And so let me add, I think, an important caveat: The sociopath doesn’t necessarily feel he has the “right” to what he’s pursuing, or planning to take.
Rather, he doesn’t feel he needs the right. He just needs the want.
Simply wanting what he wants, with or without the right to it, meets his standard for laying claim to his quarry.
Because after all, you may ask the sociopath, “Did you have a ”˜right’ to take that? To steal it?” And he may answer, with intellectual honesty, “No. I realize, intellectually, that I had no right to what I took.”
Which gets to the nub, the essence, of his condition: His” right” to what he wanted wasn’t relevant, didn’t even enter his thinking; rather, his wanting it was the sole factor necessary to support his comfortable, non-conflictual pursuit of it.
To sum up, the sociopath’s disordered essence is captured best in his pattern of taking, without remorse, what intellectually he may very well know doesn’t belong to him—he has no right to it—yet he takes it anyway.
To be clear: when I say that the sociopath intellectually can understand he may lack the “right” to what he’s taking, I’m not suggesting that he lacks a sense of entitlement. Quite the contrary: his sense of entitlement is all the more astounding for his intellectual awareness that he may lack the “right” to what he wants, yet still takes it. In doing so, he is exhibiting self-entitlement, and attitudes of contempt, in their gaudiest, most audacious forms.
One always must beware of oversimplifying complicated concepts. The sociopath’s disorder is complex on many levels. Yet on some levels the sociopath’s mentality isn’t so complicated at all. In some respects it’s pretty simple.
In this article I suggest the sociopath is, essentially, that strange, disconcerting, disruptive individual with a history, and pattern, of taking from others what doesn’t belong to him with an impoverished sense of shame and remorse. When you confront an individual with this history and pattern, you are dealing with a sociopath.
What he takes, and even how he takes it, are less relevant considerations that that he takes, with no right.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
LOL, Star. Do the dictionary, do it! 🙂 Sorry, I’m kinda mean when it comes to spelling. 😉
Liz,
Why do you ask? (is the first and easiest one to remember.)
What do you mean?
Can you repeat the question? I wasn’t listening.
Why all these questions?
Why does that matter to you?
Where do you get off asking complete strangers all these questions?
Do you need directions to get someplace?
Has anyone ever called the police on you for asking personal questions?
LOL. its easy to come up with these when I’m sitting here by myself. Much harder on the spot.
A weird dude came up to me in the grocery store. I was holding a ceasar dressing and looking at the celery. He came up close and said, “oooohh yummmm, ceasar dressssssing!” WTF?
Instinctively, I half-smiled but didn’t look at his eyes. I said, “yeah, I hope it’s good.” and looked back at the celery. Later I remembered that he had approached me just as I entered the store but I was with BF and he backed off. The second time, BF was in another aisle. 24 hours later, I realized he was a spath. That’s how long it takes me.
This had nothing to do with attractiveness. I was unbathed, no makeup, wearing my concrete clothes (cement all over me). I looked homeless. The fact is, I attract spaths and I don’t really know why they can zoom in on me.
I believe that most of us here are that way too.
Sky-I think you are right about all of us here. Until I came here and learned all this stuff, I had no idea that there were so many crazy people in this world, and that so many of them were around me!
Ana: Buddy! *huggles* ^_^ Yes, I told my mom. She was the one that told me in the first place. We keep exchanging info. I got in the elevator the other day and he followed me in there. All alone in there with him. Door open! Door open!! ^_^
Lizzy: Cool, a gun is a good thing to me. Sucks you have to carry it, but that’s how it is in this world now. You always have to stay armed and locked away to stay safe. My great grandmother told me it wasn’t always this bad. I’m glad you have one. My mom carries a scapel in her pocket. She said it could cut a person apart before they even notice! ^_^
Everybody else: Hello, peeps and peepettes!! I’ll be back tommorrow to catch up with some of you. I’m going to go relax for the rest of the night and play some video games! Finally. I’ve been doing math all day! Goodnight! 😀 *waves*
Liz,
yeah, me too. they all seemed normal to me.
Go figure. I was raised by spaths.
Goodnight Near
To Bellaangel.
I have read a number of your posts and it is so sad! I can relate to your experience through my relationships. But, it was from a number of men who did stuff to me. You got the works from one guy!
I say that guy is dangerous. He is too focus and obsessed with you while he destroys you. I find it disturbing.
I don’t know what you can do other than set him up on a date with the meanest bitch you know.
Then he can be mad at her for a while.
Again to Bellaangel,
They do give up after a while. It seems like it is never ended when you are going through it. but they do give up.
They find new prey.
When I briefly left Jim and was seeing another guy. This other guy was taking me out to expensive dinners. Jim would barge his way in my door the next day. When Jim saw the left overs from my dinners he got jealous. I had thick cuts of prime rib, and roast duck.
Well, guess what? Jim starting showing up in my bedroom in the middle of the night. He would wake me up. I sleepily told him to go way. He said he can’t cause he already drove ALL THE WAY over (1 mile) I was too sleepy to deal with it. This is how he worked his way back into my bedroom.
If he tried that today I would take a frying pan to his head!
I gotta point out that after I left Jim my neighbor lady’s boyfriend fixed my front door. The screws on the hinges needed to be tightened.
The front door now closes easily and it stays locked.
Gee, Jim had told me I needed to replace the entire door and it’s frame. Expensive. I didn’t have this kind of money. Guess he was telling me bullcrap so he could have easy illegal entrance to my home.
Jeannie…. in fact he is my third. 2 husbands and one in between who raped me, stole 14,000 dollars and lots of stuff. I don’t mention much because it really is too much for most to take in but is all truth. My parents died by the age of 5 and I learned early on “blind trust”. I am very mercy orientated and love people alot……My first husband: I thought I could “change him with my love” but after 29 years and his admittance of a secret life and living in his turmoil of abuse and abandonment to seek his addiction, all those years I finally realized my love was not enough. I also thought it was my “mission” to love him even giving up my own life. It almost worked. But this last guy I don;t think anyone could have prepared me: I had been through abuse counceling and knew what I was looking for. I knew the right questions to ask….but he got me by love bombing me and becoming an exact replica of everything I was looking for..a chameleon. Also gaslighting, keeping me off center, and becoming “the man of my dreams” in between. He married me within 6 months of meeting…. I so wish I had waited longer! Then on the honeymoon he became someone I did not even recognize and I was filled with fear!!! I had never known about Psycopaths until after it was too late…..but I was explaining all the signs of a psycopath to my family and friends saying something is way wrong. Anyways, I am scared to death now of meeting anyone because I don’t think I have ever dated one that is not!!! Anyways through all these P’s I am stronger,and I am educated.
***** If anyone knows of homeopathic helps to combat anxiety and hot flashes from the trauma and PTSD symptoms…,I have no insurance and cannot seek any Dr. because I am trying to keep my house out of foreclosure. Let me know.***
I’m sure you all understand that the hard thing is feeling like you need ICU on the inside, but you have to get up and work and live with all the wounds of physical, emotional and financial damage they have done. I am sure this has taken the lives of some too weak to keep fighting the damage when they are done with us.
I know I haven’t been on here awhile. It’s been taking me a long time to adjust back in the college mode. Recently, my dad had e-mailed me and said that he will withhold my tuition unless I tell him what I do every day and see my class schedule. However, when he finally dropped me at school in August he snatched my schedule and said “Why are you enrolled in Statistics and Theatre Workshop:Costume Design?” I’m paying way too much money for you to waste it on these classes. I told him it was a requirement. We have to get credit in Expression category which Theatre Workshop follows underneath. He forwards his threatening email to my mother. The part that really hurt was when he said I was no longer allowed to come home if I get kicked out of college. If I end up on the streets, then that’s my problem since I think I’m an adult. But remember he’s the one before I came to college who told me he was required to pay for college from the state. I don’t speak to him because he’s highly abusive and sexually abused me as a child. So I’m sitting here with the Bursar’s Office emailing me that the payments haven’t been made and if I don’t make any then I can’t preregister for next semester. Preregistration is next week. In his email, he claims he only pays for school because he’s a loving parent. He doesn’t have to if he wants to. He drove down here to a few towns away for work and to discuss “college”. He told me earlier on in the summer that he wants to buy a mansion in another town and my college tuition is in the way with my PLUS loan( Parent Loan for Undergrad Students). I just feel like he needs to be in control all the time,honestly. If he was a decent parent that appreciates me, I wouldn’t mind sharing what classes I’m taking. But he ridicules and mocks me. Overall, what is the best plan of action? Let me remind you my mother is a narcissist and my dad has serious mental illness going on.