The “sociopath,” boiled down, is someone who routinely does, and takes, what he wants, unconcerned with the impact of his behavior on others. Nothing in my mind defines his essence more than this concise, factual description. He is rather unique, and thus diagnosable as a sociopath, to this precise extent.
Sure, we’ve discussed this before, but it always merits, in my view, fresh reconsideration. And so let me add, I think, an important caveat: The sociopath doesn’t necessarily feel he has the “right” to what he’s pursuing, or planning to take.
Rather, he doesn’t feel he needs the right. He just needs the want.
Simply wanting what he wants, with or without the right to it, meets his standard for laying claim to his quarry.
Because after all, you may ask the sociopath, “Did you have a ”˜right’ to take that? To steal it?” And he may answer, with intellectual honesty, “No. I realize, intellectually, that I had no right to what I took.”
Which gets to the nub, the essence, of his condition: His” right” to what he wanted wasn’t relevant, didn’t even enter his thinking; rather, his wanting it was the sole factor necessary to support his comfortable, non-conflictual pursuit of it.
To sum up, the sociopath’s disordered essence is captured best in his pattern of taking, without remorse, what intellectually he may very well know doesn’t belong to him—he has no right to it—yet he takes it anyway.
To be clear: when I say that the sociopath intellectually can understand he may lack the “right” to what he’s taking, I’m not suggesting that he lacks a sense of entitlement. Quite the contrary: his sense of entitlement is all the more astounding for his intellectual awareness that he may lack the “right” to what he wants, yet still takes it. In doing so, he is exhibiting self-entitlement, and attitudes of contempt, in their gaudiest, most audacious forms.
One always must beware of oversimplifying complicated concepts. The sociopath’s disorder is complex on many levels. Yet on some levels the sociopath’s mentality isn’t so complicated at all. In some respects it’s pretty simple.
In this article I suggest the sociopath is, essentially, that strange, disconcerting, disruptive individual with a history, and pattern, of taking from others what doesn’t belong to him with an impoverished sense of shame and remorse. When you confront an individual with this history and pattern, you are dealing with a sociopath.
What he takes, and even how he takes it, are less relevant considerations that that he takes, with no right.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
ElizabethBennett
Hurt-I’m sorry you’re going through that. It totally sucks what he is doing. Is it possible to get declared independent so you can get grants on your own. See if you can talk to someone in the financial aid department and explain to them what is going on and see if there are any options. I hope it gets better. It sounds like he has WAY TOO much control and it would benefit you to get him out.
ErinBrock
Hurt;
My advise to you remains the same. Find independence!
That’s your ticket out of this game.
Apply for grants, school loans, govmnt loans etc……get a job and make it work on your own.
Cut him off and find an easier way. It’s all do-able.
Talk to a councelor at school and ask how to go about this.
It’s DO-ABLE….BUT YOU MUST make the decision to DO IT!
XXOO
EB
Near
Hurt: My dad also made a big deal over my Statistics and Theatre classes. He isn’t even helping me pay for anything, though. He just thinks Statistics is useless and Theatre is gay. I just ignore him now. ^_^
ElizabethBennett
Hurt-ErinB’s right. There has to be someone who can help you out with that. You gotta be independent!
coping
Ok… Lol.. Getting current.
Michael dear.. Do you have a vagina? Hot flashes??!! Hmm sounds like you are a big ass pussy. I’m so thankful you can offer such great advice! Within your own mind you make the world a better place…. As always…
ErinBrock
Coping…… boundaries are important.
Ox Drover
Dear Hurtnomore,
Independence is the only way out of the control he is exercising.
Actually, I think since you ARE taking his money you should send him the class schedule he is requesting.
The “golden rule” of HE WHO HAS THE GOLD MAKES THE RULES is what the world runs on. He is PAYING so he has a “right” to see if he is getting what he is paying for.
You are over 18 and the law says you are an adult, but going along with BEING AN ADULT is the obligation to provide for yourself financially. I still don’t understand why your dad is “required” to pay your tuition at age 18+ in most states that I am aware of, a parent has no responsibility to support any student over 18 (the age of adulthood). So with RIGHTS come responsibilities.
I paid for my own college with scholarships and working, and you can do the same thing as well. It isn’t easy, I won’t try to tell you it is, but at least you will be FREE of your father’s control.
ElizabethBennett
so are really big gray rocks
hurtnomore010
I’m just confused cause if he has to pay for school by law, then I have no way out. If he doesn’t, then let me find means to get on my own. Whether it be homeless shelter or transferring. Its hard but if there’s a God then there’s a way.
ErinBrock
Hurt…I know in my state…..a parent is NOT legally required to pay past the age of 18 and NOT required to pay for college, medical, housing, food, clothing etc…..
College is not an ‘essential’ part of the education process in the US. (as crazy as that sounds)
Whether or not he’s required to pay……go at it alone….wha’ts so confusing?