The “sociopath,” boiled down, is someone who routinely does, and takes, what he wants, unconcerned with the impact of his behavior on others. Nothing in my mind defines his essence more than this concise, factual description. He is rather unique, and thus diagnosable as a sociopath, to this precise extent.
Sure, we’ve discussed this before, but it always merits, in my view, fresh reconsideration. And so let me add, I think, an important caveat: The sociopath doesn’t necessarily feel he has the “right” to what he’s pursuing, or planning to take.
Rather, he doesn’t feel he needs the right. He just needs the want.
Simply wanting what he wants, with or without the right to it, meets his standard for laying claim to his quarry.
Because after all, you may ask the sociopath, “Did you have a ”˜right’ to take that? To steal it?” And he may answer, with intellectual honesty, “No. I realize, intellectually, that I had no right to what I took.”
Which gets to the nub, the essence, of his condition: His” right” to what he wanted wasn’t relevant, didn’t even enter his thinking; rather, his wanting it was the sole factor necessary to support his comfortable, non-conflictual pursuit of it.
To sum up, the sociopath’s disordered essence is captured best in his pattern of taking, without remorse, what intellectually he may very well know doesn’t belong to him—he has no right to it—yet he takes it anyway.
To be clear: when I say that the sociopath intellectually can understand he may lack the “right” to what he’s taking, I’m not suggesting that he lacks a sense of entitlement. Quite the contrary: his sense of entitlement is all the more astounding for his intellectual awareness that he may lack the “right” to what he wants, yet still takes it. In doing so, he is exhibiting self-entitlement, and attitudes of contempt, in their gaudiest, most audacious forms.
One always must beware of oversimplifying complicated concepts. The sociopath’s disorder is complex on many levels. Yet on some levels the sociopath’s mentality isn’t so complicated at all. In some respects it’s pretty simple.
In this article I suggest the sociopath is, essentially, that strange, disconcerting, disruptive individual with a history, and pattern, of taking from others what doesn’t belong to him with an impoverished sense of shame and remorse. When you confront an individual with this history and pattern, you are dealing with a sociopath.
What he takes, and even how he takes it, are less relevant considerations that that he takes, with no right.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
20years
Alina,
I am so sorry for your loss/miscarriage. This is very, very hard. I hope you will find the peace, healing, Love and comfort you deserve.
skylar
Alina,
I’m so sorry about your miscarriage.
You have gained knowledge. That has high value. And you have the ability to feel deeply, which the spath envies because he doesn’t have it. He has no existence outside of his veneer.
hurtnomore010
I just want to know the truth and figure out what is really in the documentation. If I need to take out a student loan, I don’t know how I will go about that. I need a cosigner.
superkid10
Alina, blessings.
ElizabethBennett
Alina-I’m so sorry about your miscarriage. I do really believe that GOD knows what he’s doing. You would have been tied forever to the spath. Take care of your self and I will pray for your healing.
Louise
Constantine:
Not sure if you are going to see this, but last week more than once, I tuned into Starz and saw that “Let me In” was playing, but both times I turned it on in the middle and I can’t watch a movie like that so bummers. And then this morning at 2AM, I was still awake and on Showtime, “Let the Right One In” came on, but needless to say, I was way too tired. So disappointed! Anyway, I am watching for both of them again. I did catch a bit of the Swedish one until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
Constantine
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somebodysdream
Hi all,
I would like to see a thread about how spaths ***groom*** their victims to open some eyes of women before they loose all their autonomy, money, sanity, self esteem, family, friends, and possibly their life.
Looking back, the flags were all over the place, so perfectly and strategically placed, so petty, so deadly!
Like an innocent slip like not showing up for a date because he had the date mixed up… the ex-girlfriend coming by to pick up stuff and entertaining her in the bedroom for 30 minutes… small money loans because he forgot his ATM card and he respects you too much to take you to a cheap establishment… a business lunch, “what you mean you did not bring the checkbook? I thought you had it in your purse”…. You are absolutely the smartest woman I know. You are the beautiful one. You make me look good. Those were tests to see how much you would put up with. All the while flattered by his charm and intellect and his impeccable choice of clothes (inherited from his rich uncle who died) and “spontenaity”. We all know what happens after we get hooked. He’ll be grooming his next victims to assure a steady supply.
Louise
Constantine:
Yeah, I didn’t realize “Let Me In” was about a vampire until I read the info on it. I normally am not into vampire movies, but this one seems different. Can’t wait to see them both.
I also saw the first Paranormal Activity movie. It was pretty good. I didn’t see 2. I heard 3 was actually very good…I’m intrigued. They don’t build on each other, do they? If not, I can see 3 without seeing 2.
Constantine
Louise,
By the way, I did end up going to see “Paranormal Activity 3” last night, and I thought it was pretty good. If you liked the first one, it’s probably at least as good (you’re right though, they aren’t related), and in some ways even better. The ending is a bit far-fetched, but still creepy and effective.
Of course, it falls short of the almost literary quality of “Let the Right One In,” but it’s still a solid three star movie – or two thumbs up if you prefer Mr. Ebert!
Somebodysdream,
I wonder if that rich uncle of his died under suspicious circumstances? I mean, if your S actually scored a nice wardrobe from it, who knows if something like arsenic wasn’t involved? I’m joking (sort of), but that’s the one lesson these people continually teach us: if it defies belief, causes somebody a lot of pain, and benefits them in some palpable way, etc., then it’s almost certainly true!