The “sociopath,” boiled down, is someone who routinely does, and takes, what he wants, unconcerned with the impact of his behavior on others. Nothing in my mind defines his essence more than this concise, factual description. He is rather unique, and thus diagnosable as a sociopath, to this precise extent.
Sure, we’ve discussed this before, but it always merits, in my view, fresh reconsideration. And so let me add, I think, an important caveat: The sociopath doesn’t necessarily feel he has the “right” to what he’s pursuing, or planning to take.
Rather, he doesn’t feel he needs the right. He just needs the want.
Simply wanting what he wants, with or without the right to it, meets his standard for laying claim to his quarry.
Because after all, you may ask the sociopath, “Did you have a ”˜right’ to take that? To steal it?” And he may answer, with intellectual honesty, “No. I realize, intellectually, that I had no right to what I took.”
Which gets to the nub, the essence, of his condition: His” right” to what he wanted wasn’t relevant, didn’t even enter his thinking; rather, his wanting it was the sole factor necessary to support his comfortable, non-conflictual pursuit of it.
To sum up, the sociopath’s disordered essence is captured best in his pattern of taking, without remorse, what intellectually he may very well know doesn’t belong to him—he has no right to it—yet he takes it anyway.
To be clear: when I say that the sociopath intellectually can understand he may lack the “right” to what he’s taking, I’m not suggesting that he lacks a sense of entitlement. Quite the contrary: his sense of entitlement is all the more astounding for his intellectual awareness that he may lack the “right” to what he wants, yet still takes it. In doing so, he is exhibiting self-entitlement, and attitudes of contempt, in their gaudiest, most audacious forms.
One always must beware of oversimplifying complicated concepts. The sociopath’s disorder is complex on many levels. Yet on some levels the sociopath’s mentality isn’t so complicated at all. In some respects it’s pretty simple.
In this article I suggest the sociopath is, essentially, that strange, disconcerting, disruptive individual with a history, and pattern, of taking from others what doesn’t belong to him with an impoverished sense of shame and remorse. When you confront an individual with this history and pattern, you are dealing with a sociopath.
What he takes, and even how he takes it, are less relevant considerations that that he takes, with no right.
(This article is copyrighted © 2011 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)
recovering – just wanted to make sure it didn’t get lost in all the activity today. i hadn’t seen your original question to me for a a day or two.
i have deprogrammed somethings (like the pride that keeps one separate) only to have it resurface after years and years due to recent events .finding and being around like minded people always helps. (Which is not so easy now…given my shattered sense of trust). i learned to stay away from people with addictions through experience. now my eyes are being opened to the reality of the disordered being among us.
to the extent that i have deprogrammed the trauma bond, i would have to say it was buddhist meditation that changed it for me, and some work on codependency (specifically reading and working on the questions in Melody Beattie’s book, ‘codependent no more’ until the whole thing had to be taped together.)
i am still learning so much about my programming. right now i am trying to take care of some recent messes, with just lost friends and ,my family. i am completely nc with my dad and sib; and am trying to get some closure with just lost friends. i need to move on. i still feel caught in a bind emotionally.
Recovering,
To try to answer your question up thread, people who are high in psychopathic traits CAN feel emotions, they are not like Mr. Spock…and drugs do give them feelings that they enjoy, that’s why they do them. While there are some bonding hormone receptor sites that are different in people high in P traits, it is not just One thing that maker a person a psychopath, and there are different levels of psychopathic behaviors and brain wiring as well. So while there are some similar traits, they are not chemically identical any more than anyone except identical twins are the same DNA but even there, environment plays a part and so they are not 100% the same.
Also people who are bi-polar (manic depressive) or people who are ADHD are also frequently High in psychopathic traits, so there are multiple problems with some, and substance abuse is another thing, so a person can have ALL of those problems or some of those problems.
People who are high in P traits also tend to be statistically more likely to be left handed as well.
So I have a question for those of you who have more experience with spaths than i have.
If I ever happen to talk to my spath again, can i reference the fact that he’s a spath? Do you think he knows it? Do you think the response is likely to be denial? Anger? Disbelief?
He has said that he’s weird, he has said he’s different than everybody else, he said he doesn’t find people interesting, he called himself a sadist, he has said he is schizoid, he said he has hallucinations and wants to talk backwards, he admits he lies all the time.
I would like to get this in the open. If I can think of putting this out there, then he can no longer try to turnon his fake emotion, fake charm. I’ve called his bluff. Game over.
Thoughts please?
Superkid
Thoughts? Don’t tell him. If he lies, then say you don’t believe him. Simple as that. If you think he has a mental disorder, then recommend him to a therapist. Only a therapist or psychiatrist can diagnose someone with any disorder.
Spaths and Narcs will not go to therapy or a psychiatrist though because they don’t think that there could possibly ever be anything wrong with THEM.
Really? Because I know two psychopaths who are in therapy. Clearly, this guy is curious about his own pathologies. And he doesn’t believe he’s a psychopath. And maybe he’s right.
Well let’s see, he admit’s to being weird, different, a sadist, ,schizoid, he has hallucination’s, talks backwards, finds people uninteresting and you have the need to convince him he is a spath? OH MY’ WHY?
When it come’s to name calling they always have the last word ” No I am not YOU are ! ‘
He talks backwards, has hallucinations, and you think he is a psychopath?
One of my nephews I would have absolutely sworn was a psychopath. Undoubtedly. He was troublesome. He thought of people as weak and pathetic. He did drugs. He lied constantly. He was a criminal. Eventually, he was convicted of armed robbery and sent to prison. He was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder (schizophrenia with bipolar features) and antisocial personality disorder. He was required to see a therapist and was put on medication. He’s out of prison now and off drugs. He’s taking his medication every day. His antisocial behaviour has disappeared. He is polite and friendly. He has a part-time job. He goes to school. And he has his own place.
Things are not so black and white as you all would like to believe. Not every evil, charming, liar is a sociopath. The vast majority of them are not. And a lot of them can be helped. So please stop labelling everyone you see as a sociopath, because it’s very, VERY stigmatising. And it tells them that they are evil and untreatable, and makes their already confused lives hell. Furthermore, if they begin to believe they’re untreatable sociopaths, they get worse, and they take it out on the world. Cue vicious cycle and endless suffering.
SK,
I told my spath that he is a spath and he tried to play dumb, “Don’t call me a social spaz, I’m not a social spaz”.
That was about a month after he said to me, “do you think I’m a vampire?” on the phone.
He knows he has many PD’s. He is just as confused as you are about which one is dominant, but it doesn’t matter because his behavior will be just whatever he feels like at that moment.
As I mentioned, my spath also had massive paranoia and hypochondria, but it didn’t make him any less audacious. If anything, it made him do more wild and unbelievable things.
Sometimes I think that people do wild and crazy things because they already feel anxiety and they are just trying to make the outside world “match” how they feel. When you feel anxious for no reason, you either accept that you are irrational or you rationalize an excuse: “I’m paranoid because they really are out to get me.”
When the scene they are playing out and their inner state finally “match” then they feel high, in the zone. That’s when they experience catharsis.
I think that’s what thrill seeking is all about and it also is an explanation of what’s referred to as the hysteroidal cycle.
Sky’s looking a bit gray today. Hope it’ll rain cause my potted plants sure need it.