By | September 11, 2017 18 Comments

The Swinging Female Psychopath And The Partner Left Behind: When The Fog Lifts

Well it has  been 7 months since our two an a half year “relationship” ended and I am still picking up the pieces.

I never ever could have imagined the rabbit hole I’d fallen into.

The things I now know have shocked and altered me to the core of my very being. It has been like unraveling the giant web of a black widow, one silky strand at a time.

When I met her I thought I had found love at first sight. The connection seemed electric, she was in my estimation perfect. My patchwork princess.

We were engaged  within six months and three months before we broke up we actually took a marriage covenant together. Well I took the covenant, she used it to gain more dominance and control over my life. The variety of her liaisons only increased as well as their number and depth of perversity.

If you are going through this at present. Know that you are not alone. The sky is the limit, welcome to the wild blue yonder.

I did share some of this on a comment about cheating but I really think that because of the extent of the infidelity and abuse, my story  deserves being chronicled as an article, if only to let others know in extreme circumstances of infidelity and serial cheating that they are indeed not alone. When it comes to Psychopaths, if you can imagine it (or hopefully not image it), a predator can bring it to life.

My case is one of the worst I have heard of in terms of infidelity, blatant disrespect and outright malice. As I have read through many many victim stories, I have never quite heard the extreme nature of cheating my female sociopath exhibited. I believe that my experience is worth sharing for others out there who many been struggling through deep grief and countless hours of pain and suffering.

My Psychopath had a Ph.D. in cheating. Over the two and a half years we were together she had  multiple affairs, gang-bangs, threesomes, bisexuality, tinder. I even found 5 porn videos she had made with others while we were in a “committed relationship.” Truthfully I never even thought about her being with other woman, couples, multiple partners, etc., as she had mirrored my sexuality back to me an told me she was strictly heterosexual and monogamous.

She seduced everyone around me behind my back in an attempt at not only gaining control over my life, but for the duper’s delight in making me look like a fool.

Through the”relationship,” I remained faithful and love stricken. Refusing at her request to not even hug other women. This would have enraged her. I was to strictly throw out all numbers, avoid talking to women on Facebook, and keep my eyes on the prize (her) at all times.

Truthfully, I knew for almost a year she was cheating on me, but I couldn’t bring myself to face it. She did everything to cause cognitive dissonance. Even going so far as texting me during and after encounters. Mocking me and showing me pictures she was painting for one of her more serious lovers. The writing was all over the wall an I refused to look at reality. She constantly talked about the people she was sleeping with, even going so far as to start to emulate their particular style of dress.

She had so many new interests, which I now realize she was learning as she was fashioning her latest mask for her newest source of supply. Now it seems so overtly obvious, the fog has lifted and I am no longer dazed and confused.

I was in love and was duped into believing if I could only get healthier and be more, everything would work out. The truth is the toxicity was keeping me physically and mentally sick and she knew it. Not only did she know it, she was orchestrating it. The abuse was literally killing me.

When I’d question her about cheating she was brilliant. She was so vigilant about defending her own morality. Also the abuse that would follow a confrontation worked to shut me down every time.

My P told me the saddest story the first night we met about a serious horrific violation in her life, in which she took an almost unprecedented moral high ground. This also helped, as every time I was positive she was cheating, I’d mentally reference the outstanding and true character that she sold me on. Truthfully I had yet to witness it. Now that I’ve studied psychopathology to some degree, I realize this is a very common technique they use. They often feed the prospective victim a horrific sob story to test their empathy level. She was sizing me up.

She even got her kids involved early, who she used as pawns to show how serious she was about her intent. I thought, hey her intentions must be pretty pure if she’s bringing her kids into the picture. I thought I met my dream girl.

She love bombed me good. I kept waiting for this horrible monster that eventually surfaced to go away, and for the gracious, cosmic queen I had once met to resurface. All I got was Miss Beast. Now I see when she was kind and  generous, she was only setting me up for the fall, the inevitable devaluation. She duped me from the start. I now know she was after many things including my most precious jewel. ( I can’t explain this but it is indeed metaphoric)

Everything was a lie from the start. I was nothing more than entertainment. The relationship was a hoax.

And for those of you that don’t realize this, some, not all, have a methodical plan in place right down to the discard from the very start. Some actually do this for sport. It is social, spiritual and sexual sadism at its very darkest.

Once they have what they want, they’re gone, or they’ll make it so impossible for you to love them that you end up leaving. Broken and disillusioned.

My P  would even take her phone to the bathroom. Lots of weird calls. Pesky Aunt From Out West! ALWAYS, ALWAYS calling. And that crazy sister calling in the middle of the night about exercise and proper nutrition — lmao!

Through hard work, and a little help from The Holy Spirit, I got an inside look into her universe. She was cheating from the beginning. I even found out she was sleeping with her ex husband the whole time.

They often will pretend to hate the person they’re cheating with, or arrange for you to meet them in a casual setting. Pretending, of course, that they themselves are complete strangers. This is called Duper’s Delight and it gives them a great deal of fulfillment. The greater the humiliation, the deeper sense of satisfaction they feel. If they have a particular gem they’re cultivating, they may just keep that deeply hidden. Although the burning desire to mock you may just override reasonability, and they may start to hint or leave you clues. They love intrigue. As everything to a true psychopath is a game. I got to host a special Christmas Party last year for her kids and 2 of her lovers. Isn’t that special 🙂 As there were other family present I was completely duped. They had the funnest evening of their lives!!! In fact, I’m pretty sure she even gave the one guy my intended Christmas Present as an additional perk!

I now know that right after I proposed, she took off with some guy on a sex weekend. This particular affair continued for awhile, but fizzled out. All the while she had been grooming someone very close to me, I never would have expected. I only discovered that after we broke up.

Actually if I had found ANY of this out during the relationship I would have been gone in a heart beat. She was a master player. And I guess relationship isn’t the right word because what we had was pure fiction.

I also must say she even pretended to be much less successful than she was. Also feigned a lesser intellect. She is brilliant and a world class player. The depths and intricacies of her cunning are in my estimation unheard of. To her, if the candles are worth the game, she’s all in.

I believe each “relationship” to her is a new game of dominance. A new con, challenge or project. Whatever the case may be. She has those she wishes to cage long term, and those she chooses to destroy. It is psychopathic omnipotence at its finest. She indeed becomes the disease and the cure. What an ego maniacal Machiavellian wonderland she has crafted.

In the past she’s  got away with a lot of stuff because she used her children as cover. She lived an hour and a half away and pretended to have a lot more custody than she obviously did. She spent a lot of nights when she was supposedly with her youngest engaging in affairs, flings and sexual escapades. Lots of hidden partying and drugs as well. She just pretended to smoke a little weed. This was a gross misrepresentation of what she was really up too.

She lived a complete double life right down to the utterly unspeakable. Cheating on those she was cheating on me with. Promising her affairs quite often that they were her true love.

Also of course promising each and every one of her “trophies” that they were the only ones. At least the only one’s that “mattered.”

They tell you exactly what you want to hear. They become exactly who you want them to be. They will mirror your intellect, morality and even your personal taste. At least in the first few predatory stages.

Expect the unexpected, it’s usually far worse than you would have even imagined. If you absolutely must know the truth, brace yourself. It will be a bumpy ride.

I’ve yet to hear of another situation as bad as mine though. She actually intentionally abused me, hoping above all hopes that in the end I’d simply die (suicide), whatever. Failing that, I strongly believe she was trying to do me physical harm.

As far as trying to push me over the edge to self harm, she tried to accomplish this through nothing shy of mental rape. Cognitive Dissonance, Gaslighting, Word Salads, Projection, Compulsive Lying And Serial Cheating. Talk about a final discard. That’s got to be the kicker lol!

There is so much more I could say but I will not reveal all I know publicly. I have protected myself and confided in some very well established, credible men in my community, in case I “fall off that crazy train” when the security cameras don’t happen to be on. Her flying monkeys were close, too close for comfort.

I wouldn’t recommend digging as deep as I did for your own sanity. In my case it was imperative to ensure my own personal safety. My own “insurance policy” sort of speak. I even have some brilliant illustrations to go along with the plot. Given over to a very reliable source. But I have no intention of waging a personal war against a female psychopath. Just trying to pick up the pieces and stay alive. Like I said, I have my insurance policy in place. And for the record, she wins! You will never win against a psychopath. Don’t even engage them in the game.

Oh and smear campaigns. Skies the limit with what these people are capable of. There are venomous and malicious to the core. Prepare for the worst.

If you can, please  leave as soon as you possibly can . No contact, for your personal well being is a must. Protect yourself at all costs.

Expect stalking. Expect your phone and computer may be hacked. In my case she even hacked another family member’s phone as to keep tabs on our comings and goings, communications, etc.

Also the smarter the P is, the harder it will be to prove. Surround yourself with credible people who know your character. It will come out. And do NOT, I repeat do NOT fight back or engage them in any way. I have kept this impersonal and not revealed locations, names, etc., in an effort to protect myself against my P, as I know she reads many of these forums, and even posts as victims from time to time, for duper’s delight.

Psychopaths love to pose as healers and victims. Be careful who you connect with on these sites, as everyone may not be who they appear too.

I know I may seem paranoid and absurd, but what I am saying has been my living reality. If you ever deal with a psychopath of this magnitude, you will soon understand.

If you are a person with faith pray for them and get others to do them same.

You are beautiful, you are worth it. Your life is worth something. Things can always change. Time does heal. Don’t give up. And lastly be kind to you.

I have lost 100 pounds in the last seven months since our break up. I had no hope and gave up on caring for myself in the last few years. I literally became a caged animal. The fat lad exists no more.

I am now exercising, reading, involved in church and starting to pursue a new life. When I met my psychopath I was in a downward spiral, which made me very easy prey. I have been on a disability for the last few years, and am starting to work and pursue living once again. One minute, one hour and one day at a time. We will overcome and have the empathy and understanding to make a better world, with EYES WIDE OPEN!

And lastly to my most precious Jewel, despite everything, I love you unconditionally.

Thank you for your forum and the opportunity to share.

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Invisibleman28 – what a terrible ordeal. Although it is painful, I am glad that you discovered the truth and have taken precautions. Thank you for sharing your story.


I have read your story and can totally associate. I am in the middle of the divorce with my sociopath of a husband. My life was uprooted 2months ago. After 3years of marriage and in the process of building a new house my husband came home one night and claimed he never loved me and wanted a divorce. He dissappear for a week. I had no idea where he was and he refuses to take my calls and reply toe my texts. After a week he reappeared only to tell me he had spent a week with a woman he met over facebook and that she understood him more than i ever did. She treated him better than i ever did. He sat me down and told me in detailed about their intimate relations and how wonderfulnit was. He told me that the marriage was broken from the start as he never loved me ans only married me as he wanted to proof to himself that he can make it work. He told me that i smell weird the way i eat puts him off. That fact that im an attorney is a problem. The fact that i have no idea how to touch him and make him happy, the fact that i drink to much. Has to little friends disrespects him all contributed to him leaving me and its my fault that i have lost him forever. He continued to verbally abuse me for a week until he moved out. Even after he moved out he would send me texts accusing me of being the worst wife ever and having affairs, which i never did. He always told me when he was on his way to his new girlfriend and what they are going to do. He then decided to up his abuse and just showed up at my place one evening and told me how he has been cheating on me with various women from 3 months since we have been engaged. So my entire time i moved to his country rewrote my board exams to become an attorney in his country, i gave up all my things and left my family and friends behind for him had been a sham. I thought i was going to die. The pain i fealt when he left was more painful than dying i believed. I cried and could not get out of bed. I totally got depressed could not focused at work and injsur waited for his sms or call desperate to get some kind of attention or recognition from him. All to no avail. After two months of torture from his side i stumbled on a book called psychopath free. When I finished the book the penny dropped and only then I realized that for the last 3 years. He has set my cats on fire to get to me. He has broken my arm cracked my skull and i have obtained bruises on a weekly basis. He was constantly chatring to woman. Flirting with them and staring at them with me by his side and if i complained he said I was insecure. I i askes him why he hurts me he said its my fault as when i disrespect him he gets angry and he cant control his anger. He told me he gets affection and sex from other woman as i cannot give him want he wants. He has spread lies to the extent that my family and friends no longer wanted to come visit us. He caused drama at my work and encouraged me to quit my job. Thank God i did not. Despite all of the above i constantly took the blame for his actions and try to be better. I developed an eating disorder, i started to drink and even visited his porn sites to be the woman he wanted me to be. Btw he also has a porn addiction which he says ia not a problem. I think its a problem if you watch porn at least 10 times per day and cant be intimate with your wife. When he left there was nothing left of me. The woman i was before i met him was broken and abused to the extent that by body gave in. Thank goodness i found the will to see a therapist and surrounded myself with close friends and family. We are almost through the divorce and the last message i got was that he wanted to be divorced as soon as possible as he wants to get rid of me and get me out of his life. He wanted me not to stall the process as there was no way he would ever come back to me and that he has never been so happy since the day he left me. I am a lot stronger and wiser than i was 2months ago. But i still cry and feel sad as i loved him dearly and i planned to spend the rest of my life with him or rathee the idea of him. I am looking forward to the day that he no longer consumes all my thoughts everyday.

willa – I am so sorry for your experience. The guy is a complete psychopath. Actually, you should be glad that he wants to end the relationship. Some psychopaths keep coming back, so the target (you) never gets to move on. The sooner you are rid of him, the better.

You might want to try our webinar on EFT Tapping. It will help you to break the emotional bonds and feel better.

You will get through this . It may be painful for awhile, but you will get through it.


Dear Willa,
I am sorry that you also was trapped by an Sociopath Husband, I know what that is all about. Be glad that you only stayed in this marriage for 3 years not like me for 53 years ,a lifetime.
I also loved my Husband & believed his lies & made excuses for his behavior ,as I realized a long time ago there is something
very wrong with him,a mental illness that I saw signs of in some of his siblings as well.
My Husband died a few month ago & now I am trying to adjust to
life on my own & get over 53 years of what he put me through, its not easy & I am not just being able to leave it all behind.


Dear Uschi, i am very sorry to hear about your story but i am super happy for you that you are finally free. When i hear survivor stories i am just truly blessed that we did not have children or that it was just three years. I believe we will all come out stronger and have a better understanding of ourselves. I wish you only happiness and joy for the wonderful days that lie ahead of you and each survivor.


Dear Willa,
Yes, the experience with my Narcissist/Sociopath Husband has made me stronger & life does go on . One thing is sure, I will never be able to trust a man again in this lifetime ,the scars are too deep.
I also wish you all the Happiness in your future.


My ex was every bit as bad, if not worse. We were together for 22 years (In the sense that we were under the same roof).
I had no idea that such sick people even existed. She put on a great act, constantly playing the role and parroting the words “I love you”.

I eventually discovered that the entire time I had been out working to support us, she had been playing sick psychological games and sleeping with any willing scumbag she could find. I later discovered that she even had an affair with her “friends” boyfriend, as well as his brother. Among many others.

Of course everything she did is somehow my fault.


Hi InvisibleMan28, Thanks for sharing your ordeal. I can’t identify on the same level as I’ve never ‘lived’ with a sociopath but I did date a few of them during my late teens. One of them took another guy to the prom two months after we started dating. She said she had made an unbreakable promise to a friend (before we got together) that if she didn’t have a boyfriend when prom came around she would take him. Like an idiot I didn’t object because she claimed that she was a Christian and breaking a promise would be sinful. I hadn’t asked her to be my girlfriend officially yet so I took the bullet and swallowed my pride. In the end, I was completely emasculated. Some of her graduating classmates were also my friends who knew that we were dating. They were confused and angry about the situation when they saw her at the prom with someone else and laid into me afterwards. I’ve had to live with that shame and disappointment ever since. To this day, whenever I hear the name of the guy that she took to the prom or see him in person, it makes my skin crawl. What’s odd is I’ve never even met the guy and I can’t stand the idea of him. That isn’t fair to him or me but I just can’t seem to shake it.


invisibleman28 – All I can say is my experience closely mirrored your shared story here. Incredible how patterns are connecting these individuals and helping to expose them and their habits, tricks, trade, whatever. If only I could get to that place to express like you have here, and I will. It’s only a matter of time now. My soon to be ex and I very early on had issues that conflicted with my state of mind accepting and forgiving behaviors she displayed all in the name of saving my sure to be true belief that she was the one. The woman who would please me so well that I could easily close out any and all other women from my mind for the rest of my life (currently days before my 53rd birthday) freeing my mind, thoughts, and attention to provide for, share with, and enjoy thoroughly this life with my newfound mate. And the rest, as they say, is history. A history that is closely described in your story as well as others to how things have turned out and how they are continuing to unfold. I’m currently in the courtroom setting trying to make argument to counter my ex’s dramatic lies and deception. Traits she continues to use to fool, manipulate, and deceive not one but two Superior Court Family Court Judges, both female (gender stated for reference sake). Her basis for her current attack upon my only means of income, Social Security and Veterans Disability Benefits (supposedly protected from assignment) is a letter she manipulated a confused therapist to write in support of her emotional abuse fabrications, and which has so far yielded her a $500 a month spousal support order and she’s motioned for an increase to $1950 a month which isn’t looking good for me due to the vile state of the family court arena, its abuses, and the obvious lean towards the female’s side of arguments (in comparison to the male’s side). Best wishes for you in your efforts and recovery.
Donna, thank you again for your dedication and for starting this website in effort to spread the word and inform people of these particular human counterparts. Your message is reaching hundreds of thousands if not millions by now. I stand committed to supporting your efforts and hard work you’ve already established and I encourage others to join this very valuable cause. I wish peace for you Donna, invisibleman28, members and visitors of, and all others effected by the Psychopath and derivatives there of. Get wise, be strong, and believe we will all get through this as individuals and as a part of the whole.


Scary how similar our stories are.
Been free for 8 months, then I got arrested on Halloween for sending her vicious emails when I was in despair/suicidal/murder minded.
I was tormented too much.
Now I have to have another war with her, and the police are my new abusers. Nobody believes me.


Hello. My initial response to your story that you shared with us, was to share my story as well, but after some thought on it, I decided it’s best just to say that it seems as though you were engaged to my former fiance’s twin sister! I only wonder how long before you really heal from it all? My experience happened at a very young age in my life, and I allowed it to carry on and off for many years before I broke free. After years of alcohol, and drug, use, and abuse, along with a colorful barrage of various women passing through my bed, most of whom were emotionally unattached as they were married to other men who were lost souls not unlike myself, did I wake up one day saying enough is enough. I was able to wake up and move on, but my wife now is in a position of living with my doubts, and quirks, and here I am 16 years after kicking the poisonous witch out of my life, where I now find myself thinking of her more and more often. Random things pop up out of nowhere to remind me of her, and sadly I will admit I still carry some feelings of love for her to this day, but know enough to stay away. So how, and when do you finally heal?

diabel1969 – I don’t think it’s love that you feel for her, but the remnants of addiction. Perhaps the thoughts are coming up because you have finally made enough progress in your healing to deal with them. Sometimes our brains go numb for awhile, out of self preservation.

My guess is that the memories are linked to deep pain from your experience. If you allow yourself a quiet space to experience the painful emotions, they will dissipate and be gone.


Hello Donna.. I thought like you stated, if I got myself some alone time, some down time to (just for lack of a better term), melt down, that i’d get it out of my system. Sadly, that hasn’t been the case. The more I let flow out of me, the more there seems to be. True I spent many years drinking and drugging it and myself into numbness, and just forcing myself to move on, but after our final breakup, and my final episode of alcohol poisoning the next day, I quit drinking, pretty much the same time I quit her. I find it hard to believe that it’s taken 16 years for these memories to come back to me!

I actually composed a very long letter to myself to get it out of my system. My goal was just to put it all into writing, as if I were writing it to her, never intending to send it, but I ended up sending it via facebook. There was no retaliation, as there was nothing she would or could say in response, however after re reading it, i found mistakes, so I’ve written a second letter to myself fully outlining our entire relationship, and that one I have not, and can not ever send. That helped a little bit. Something else that helped is that I was able to sit and talk with her parents. That served a few purposes, one of which was to clear my name of something she had accused me of. She found it easier to tell the world that I beat her up and she threw me out instead of speaking the truth that she was a whoring pig that slept with most any guy that crossed her path, and after my confronting her with the truth, I simply left. The funny thing is that her parents fully believed me, and told me that they picked up on that after it seemed that every serious relationship she has had, ended with her crying to them and the world that HE HURT ME.. LOL……. That meeting with her parents, actually left me feeling a large weight lifted from my shoulders, so I know that helped as well.

I guess I am healing, little by little, but it’s taking so long, and I guess I was looking for a possibly faster answer! Thank you for your response!

diabel969 – I know it may not seem like allowing yourself to feel the emotions isn’t helping, but I assure you that releasing everything that is bottled up inside will help. If it seems like more keeps rising to the surface, it’s because you are carrying a lot around internally. It will take time to release.

So don’t feel like it didn’t work. It did work. It’s just that there is more inside you that needs to come out.

I’m glad speaking to her parents helped.

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