Well it has been 7 months since our two an a half year “relationship” ended and I am still picking up the pieces.
I never ever could have imagined the rabbit hole I’d fallen into.
The things I now know have shocked and altered me to the core of my very being. It has been like unraveling the giant web of a black widow, one silky strand at a time.
When I met her I thought I had found love at first sight. The connection seemed electric, she was in my estimation perfect. My patchwork princess.
We were engaged within six months and three months before we broke up we actually took a marriage covenant together. Well I took the covenant, she used it to gain more dominance and control over my life. The variety of her liaisons only increased as well as their number and depth of perversity.
If you are going through this at present. Know that you are not alone. The sky is the limit, welcome to the wild blue yonder.
I did share some of this on a comment about cheating but I really think that because of the extent of the infidelity and abuse, my story deserves being chronicled as an article, if only to let others know in extreme circumstances of infidelity and serial cheating that they are indeed not alone. When it comes to Psychopaths, if you can imagine it (or hopefully not image it), a predator can bring it to life.
My case is one of the worst I have heard of in terms of infidelity, blatant disrespect and outright malice. As I have read through many many victim stories, I have never quite heard the extreme nature of cheating my female sociopath exhibited. I believe that my experience is worth sharing for others out there who many been struggling through deep grief and countless hours of pain and suffering.
My Psychopath had a Ph.D. in cheating. Over the two and a half years we were together she had multiple affairs, gang-bangs, threesomes, bisexuality, tinder. I even found 5 porn videos she had made with others while we were in a “committed relationship.” Truthfully I never even thought about her being with other woman, couples, multiple partners, etc., as she had mirrored my sexuality back to me an told me she was strictly heterosexual and monogamous.
She seduced everyone around me behind my back in an attempt at not only gaining control over my life, but for the duper’s delight in making me look like a fool.
Through the”relationship,” I remained faithful and love stricken. Refusing at her request to not even hug other women. This would have enraged her. I was to strictly throw out all numbers, avoid talking to women on Facebook, and keep my eyes on the prize (her) at all times.
Truthfully, I knew for almost a year she was cheating on me, but I couldn’t bring myself to face it. She did everything to cause cognitive dissonance. Even going so far as texting me during and after encounters. Mocking me and showing me pictures she was painting for one of her more serious lovers. The writing was all over the wall an I refused to look at reality. She constantly talked about the people she was sleeping with, even going so far as to start to emulate their particular style of dress.
She had so many new interests, which I now realize she was learning as she was fashioning her latest mask for her newest source of supply. Now it seems so overtly obvious, the fog has lifted and I am no longer dazed and confused.
I was in love and was duped into believing if I could only get healthier and be more, everything would work out. The truth is the toxicity was keeping me physically and mentally sick and she knew it. Not only did she know it, she was orchestrating it. The abuse was literally killing me.
When I’d question her about cheating she was brilliant. She was so vigilant about defending her own morality. Also the abuse that would follow a confrontation worked to shut me down every time.
My P told me the saddest story the first night we met about a serious horrific violation in her life, in which she took an almost unprecedented moral high ground. This also helped, as every time I was positive she was cheating, I’d mentally reference the outstanding and true character that she sold me on. Truthfully I had yet to witness it. Now that I’ve studied psychopathology to some degree, I realize this is a very common technique they use. They often feed the prospective victim a horrific sob story to test their empathy level. She was sizing me up.
She even got her kids involved early, who she used as pawns to show how serious she was about her intent. I thought, hey her intentions must be pretty pure if she’s bringing her kids into the picture. I thought I met my dream girl.
She love bombed me good. I kept waiting for this horrible monster that eventually surfaced to go away, and for the gracious, cosmic queen I had once met to resurface. All I got was Miss Beast. Now I see when she was kind and generous, she was only setting me up for the fall, the inevitable devaluation. She duped me from the start. I now know she was after many things including my most precious jewel. ( I can’t explain this but it is indeed metaphoric)
Everything was a lie from the start. I was nothing more than entertainment. The relationship was a hoax.
And for those of you that don’t realize this, some, not all, have a methodical plan in place right down to the discard from the very start. Some actually do this for sport. It is social, spiritual and sexual sadism at its very darkest.
Once they have what they want, they’re gone, or they’ll make it so impossible for you to love them that you end up leaving. Broken and disillusioned.
My P would even take her phone to the bathroom. Lots of weird calls. Pesky Aunt From Out West! ALWAYS, ALWAYS calling. And that crazy sister calling in the middle of the night about exercise and proper nutrition — lmao!
Through hard work, and a little help from The Holy Spirit, I got an inside look into her universe. She was cheating from the beginning. I even found out she was sleeping with her ex husband the whole time.
They often will pretend to hate the person they’re cheating with, or arrange for you to meet them in a casual setting. Pretending, of course, that they themselves are complete strangers. This is called Duper’s Delight and it gives them a great deal of fulfillment. The greater the humiliation, the deeper sense of satisfaction they feel. If they have a particular gem they’re cultivating, they may just keep that deeply hidden. Although the burning desire to mock you may just override reasonability, and they may start to hint or leave you clues. They love intrigue. As everything to a true psychopath is a game. I got to host a special Christmas Party last year for her kids and 2 of her lovers. Isn’t that special As there were other family present I was completely duped. They had the funnest evening of their lives!!! In fact, I’m pretty sure she even gave the one guy my intended Christmas Present as an additional perk!
I now know that right after I proposed, she took off with some guy on a sex weekend. This particular affair continued for awhile, but fizzled out. All the while she had been grooming someone very close to me, I never would have expected. I only discovered that after we broke up.
Actually if I had found ANY of this out during the relationship I would have been gone in a heart beat. She was a master player. And I guess relationship isn’t the right word because what we had was pure fiction.
I also must say she even pretended to be much less successful than she was. Also feigned a lesser intellect. She is brilliant and a world class player. The depths and intricacies of her cunning are in my estimation unheard of. To her, if the candles are worth the game, she’s all in.
I believe each “relationship” to her is a new game of dominance. A new con, challenge or project. Whatever the case may be. She has those she wishes to cage long term, and those she chooses to destroy. It is psychopathic omnipotence at its finest. She indeed becomes the disease and the cure. What an ego maniacal Machiavellian wonderland she has crafted.
In the past she’s got away with a lot of stuff because she used her children as cover. She lived an hour and a half away and pretended to have a lot more custody than she obviously did. She spent a lot of nights when she was supposedly with her youngest engaging in affairs, flings and sexual escapades. Lots of hidden partying and drugs as well. She just pretended to smoke a little weed. This was a gross misrepresentation of what she was really up too.
She lived a complete double life right down to the utterly unspeakable. Cheating on those she was cheating on me with. Promising her affairs quite often that they were her true love.
Also of course promising each and every one of her “trophies” that they were the only ones. At least the only one’s that “mattered.”
They tell you exactly what you want to hear. They become exactly who you want them to be. They will mirror your intellect, morality and even your personal taste. At least in the first few predatory stages.
Expect the unexpected, it’s usually far worse than you would have even imagined. If you absolutely must know the truth, brace yourself. It will be a bumpy ride.
I’ve yet to hear of another situation as bad as mine though. She actually intentionally abused me, hoping above all hopes that in the end I’d simply die (suicide), whatever. Failing that, I strongly believe she was trying to do me physical harm.
As far as trying to push me over the edge to self harm, she tried to accomplish this through nothing shy of mental rape. Cognitive Dissonance, Gaslighting, Word Salads, Projection, Compulsive Lying And Serial Cheating. Talk about a final discard. That’s got to be the kicker lol!
There is so much more I could say but I will not reveal all I know publicly. I have protected myself and confided in some very well established, credible men in my community, in case I “fall off that crazy train” when the security cameras don’t happen to be on. Her flying monkeys were close, too close for comfort.
I wouldn’t recommend digging as deep as I did for your own sanity. In my case it was imperative to ensure my own personal safety. My own “insurance policy” sort of speak. I even have some brilliant illustrations to go along with the plot. Given over to a very reliable source. But I have no intention of waging a personal war against a female psychopath. Just trying to pick up the pieces and stay alive. Like I said, I have my insurance policy in place. And for the record, she wins! You will never win against a psychopath. Don’t even engage them in the game.
Oh and smear campaigns. Skies the limit with what these people are capable of. There are venomous and malicious to the core. Prepare for the worst.
If you can, please leave as soon as you possibly can . No contact, for your personal well being is a must. Protect yourself at all costs.
Expect stalking. Expect your phone and computer may be hacked. In my case she even hacked another family member’s phone as to keep tabs on our comings and goings, communications, etc.
Also the smarter the P is, the harder it will be to prove. Surround yourself with credible people who know your character. It will come out. And do NOT, I repeat do NOT fight back or engage them in any way. I have kept this impersonal and not revealed locations, names, etc., in an effort to protect myself against my P, as I know she reads many of these forums, and even posts as victims from time to time, for duper’s delight.
Psychopaths love to pose as healers and victims. Be careful who you connect with on these sites, as everyone may not be who they appear too.
I know I may seem paranoid and absurd, but what I am saying has been my living reality. If you ever deal with a psychopath of this magnitude, you will soon understand.
If you are a person with faith pray for them and get others to do them same.
You are beautiful, you are worth it. Your life is worth something. Things can always change. Time does heal. Don’t give up. And lastly be kind to you.
I have lost 100 pounds in the last seven months since our break up. I had no hope and gave up on caring for myself in the last few years. I literally became a caged animal. The fat lad exists no more.
I am now exercising, reading, involved in church and starting to pursue a new life. When I met my psychopath I was in a downward spiral, which made me very easy prey. I have been on a disability for the last few years, and am starting to work and pursue living once again. One minute, one hour and one day at a time. We will overcome and have the empathy and understanding to make a better world, with EYES WIDE OPEN!
And lastly to my most precious Jewel, despite everything, I love you unconditionally.
Thank you for your forum and the opportunity to share.