I just received this from Gem (see Realities only family members know) so I thought I would pass it along. You can see how wise a resilient young lady can be and what it takes to cope with a sociopath father.
I just received a new letter from my dad, I thought I would share it with you… and you are welcome to use anything from this letter for blogging purposes or anything else.
” Dear _______(My sweetheart),
How are you G- Boy do I miss you! How is your big senior year going. Hang in there you are almost there. I want to wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day. You are, and always will be my sweetheart. I love you. I pray for you daily, never missed a day since September 5th. Hang in there, trust God- He will be your strength I have a hearing coming up soon for a reconsideration on my sentence. I would appreciate you writing a letter to the judge if you feel you can. I will ask ______ and _____ as well. You can get them to grandm (his mother) and she will take care of everything. We will get it to the judge and what happens after that is God’s will. Either way, thank you for being the best daugter in the world. Hang in there sweetie. God has great things in store for you. I want you to know I can call you but only do so if you let me know it’s ok with you. Please take care of yourself. I love you, I miss you and I pray for you constantly.
Dad”
Gem said-
I rolled my eyes at a few parts like when he calls me his sweetheart. Or when he prays for me daily… ugh. He NEVER talked to me like this outside of prison. I’m thinking about writing a letter to the judge and saying… he NEEDS to stay in prison!! What do you think???
I replied-
I think their tactics get old and more obvious the older they get. As I started to read the letter, I thought, “I wonder what he wants?” Then my question was answered. It is empowering when you know the tricks don’t work on you any more.
Anyone else wanting to write a letter on behalf of Gem’s father can send it to me!
I want you to know I can call you but only do so if you let me know it’s ok with you.
OMG that line reminded me so much of my living ghost…I used to call it, the END on a high note tactic
almost like they are thinking….OK How can i finish this in a good way!
I love how they all communicate in this fashion…lol
Even money he won’t call, maybe just once, just to make sure your on board with the judge letter.
I bet he really misses her. Misses messing with her.
When she writes to the judge, she needs to make sure that she includes a brief letter from a psychologist informing the judge of the danger to her if he is released (and especially if he finds out that she did not support his release).
🙁
This is called, (at least in federal court) a “Rule 35 hearing” which comes after the sentence is first passed. Letters are collected from everyone they can think of pleading for the sentence to be lowered. Many times it is lowered.
I think she SHOULD write the judge and tell the judge the TRUTH. I’m not sure it will do any good, but it might just do some good and keep him in there. It will obviously tick her father off if he sees the letter, and he will as it will become part of the record and his attorney will have access to it.
I’m not sure how dangerous her father would be toward her afterwards, so that should be considered as well. (head shaking here) Typical psychopathic manuver though, trying to get his kid that he has done nothing for, to plead with the judge to let her “loving, praying father” out of prison so he can be a “good dad” to her “again” (where is the PUKE MOTICON WHEN YOU NEED IT?) grrrrrr (that’s the sound of my teeth grinding!)
Can anyone say “gross manipulation and exploitation?” It’s criminal in itself.
Here’s what I read:
I am going to say I love you and I want to appear empathetic to your feelings about me being incarcerated and I am displaying concern for you because I need you for something. Pity me because I found God and I won’t violate your wishes by calling you unless you tell me it’s OK….. just feel sorry for me and get me the hell out of here.
That was one smarmy letter. I wonder if he wrote it “cold” or worked himself up into the proper emotional perspective first.
I say that because yesterday someone on this blog threw out the phrase “Perception is Reality”. It really got me to thinking about how I’d seen Ns and Ss more than half way convince themselves of their own veracity. It seemed in the case of the N as if whatever he wanted to be true, he pretended as if it already was. As for the S, he did seem to work himself into an emotional fever pitch before throwing his more memorable disingenuous rants.
It reminds me of “method acting”. The cluster B totally invests in his/her story. Assumes the emotions, develops a sophisticated schema to frame the lie, and lives as closely as possible to his/her “reality”.
That’s why the stories are so believable, at least until you’ve caught on to the pattern.
I’m willing to bet that as soon as the con father wrote that letter, he rewrote his relationship with his daughter. He will boil over with genuine pain and rage if she “betrays” her “loving father”. T
hat’s my guess.
Elizabeth,
Well said. I was the one who wrote about perception is reality. For exactly the reason you just wrote about. It’s also why I keep going back and forth with the Cluster B disorders. The XS truly believed his lies and I think he IS Borderline psychotic….not truly delusional. he doesn’t actually get dressed up like a Navy SEAL but I think he becomes the character he wants to portray….the method actor. And all the lies before after and in between are a frame or a cover up.
THis guy who wrote the letter is talking like “don’t worry about me, you will be OK, it’s all about you” but REALLY….it’s all about him. It’s that passive BS that draws all the attention to himself in a way that appeals to her guilt, good conscience and HER empathy to worry about him.
I think they lie to uphold their own image or to get what they want impulsively. Then the lies cover other lies because they aren’t thoughtful enough to plan and see the consequences or their lies and actions long term. It’s about an image of themselves that the THINK other people see, therefore it must be real. Maybe it was just the XS/P I dealt with but even now…..he is unemployed and told someone I know he is retired x military. He is full of crap. It’s not that he is ashamed or embarrassed about losing his job…. I think he just doesn’t like the appearance.
We DO see this stuff through normal eyes so what may seem like shame or embarrassment is not what they truly feel, the motivations are soley and extremely self centered. THAT lie is not about shame, it’s about arrogance (wanting to appear in an authoritative and respectful position) and failure to admit you were fired for poor performance. It’s not love they feel when they lay it on fast and hard…. it’s desparation to secure supply. And when they follow us or stalk us it’s not because they want contact in a positive way or miss us, they feel anger and loss of control, so they intimidate.
I wish I had seen through it all so easily and much earlier.
I sympathize Keeping Faith,
Next time I see this stuff in a person or organization, I’m gonna beat feet.
I wanted to respond to your post about “Perception is Reality”, but I had to think, then I got nailed by the flu. Now I can’t find it.
Any how, “Perception is Reality” reminds me of the shenanigans I’ve seen in narcissistic organizations. They come up with some new party line, or talking point, and the rank and file act like it’s a “new truth”. New truth is superior to old truth, and if you can reconcile the inevitable cognitive dissonance, you’re a better woman than I am. That sort of group think gives me a thumping headache.
Chuckle – gonna drift back to sleep now. I gotta get up hookin’ and jabbin’ tomorrow morning. Today’s the only recoup time I get. I’m grateful; don’t get me wrong. I just need to make the most of it. Down time is a precious gift.
I am with Dr. Leedom on this one, I am sooooooo glad this little girl sees through the BS to what her father is really doing. She is wise beyond her years and IS A GEM!
My P son “found God” in prison too, and can quote Bible at the drop of a hat (from me taking him to Church 2-3 times a week his entire life at home) and he has studied various philosophies so that he can quote an “appropriate” philosophical thought or Bible quote for just about any occasion. He is really quite good about it, until you “catch on” and I think Gem’s father is just not quite as slick with his as my son was/is until I finally DID catch on. Her comment about “he never talked like this when he wasn’t in prison” is her seeing through the FOG he is spewing out like a piece of dry ice in water! Fortunately she has the “X-ray” vision to see through it all. WHAT A FORTUNATE YOUNG WOMAN SHE IS in spite of the fact she had a father like that.
I have taken off my “rose colored” glasses and put on a pair of “x-ray vision glasses” too–but I wonder what my life would have been like if I had done that 40 years sooner?