I just received this from Gem (see Realities only family members know) so I thought I would pass it along. You can see how wise a resilient young lady can be and what it takes to cope with a sociopath father.
I just received a new letter from my dad, I thought I would share it with you… and you are welcome to use anything from this letter for blogging purposes or anything else.
” Dear _______(My sweetheart),
How are you G- Boy do I miss you! How is your big senior year going. Hang in there you are almost there. I want to wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day. You are, and always will be my sweetheart. I love you. I pray for you daily, never missed a day since September 5th. Hang in there, trust God- He will be your strength I have a hearing coming up soon for a reconsideration on my sentence. I would appreciate you writing a letter to the judge if you feel you can. I will ask ______ and _____ as well. You can get them to grandm (his mother) and she will take care of everything. We will get it to the judge and what happens after that is God’s will. Either way, thank you for being the best daugter in the world. Hang in there sweetie. God has great things in store for you. I want you to know I can call you but only do so if you let me know it’s ok with you. Please take care of yourself. I love you, I miss you and I pray for you constantly.
Dad”
Gem said-
I rolled my eyes at a few parts like when he calls me his sweetheart. Or when he prays for me daily… ugh. He NEVER talked to me like this outside of prison. I’m thinking about writing a letter to the judge and saying… he NEEDS to stay in prison!! What do you think???
I replied-
I think their tactics get old and more obvious the older they get. As I started to read the letter, I thought, “I wonder what he wants?” Then my question was answered. It is empowering when you know the tricks don’t work on you any more.
Anyone else wanting to write a letter on behalf of Gem’s father can send it to me!
thanks swehrili and oxy-
this is the worst?
rollercoaster? I felt fine yesterday.
today I want to roll p and die. Most literally.
akitameg, I am so sorry you are hurting today. I remember being in that same place. so please remember there is hope. you just helped me to realize that there is life after the S. he isn’t gone. honey, he didn’t exist. all the good things we experienced will happen again when our minds and hearts are free and the guy will be healthy and not abusive.
you will love and be loved again because you can. he can’t and won’t and the same pattern will repeat itself for him. it didn’t have much to do with me or you. we simply outlived our usefulness.
big hug to you. the guy you loved is out there. you just haven’t met him yet.
thanks oxy !! you rock !!
DEar Meg,
Baby, it WILL GET BETTER, I PROMISE YOU!!!!! I can definitely speak for myself but I bettya I can also speak for most of us here, I laid on the floor in the fetal position and cried and sobbed usntil I had no tears left, I choked on my own spit and coughed and sobbed and felt like my world had ended when I realized my mother had lied to me, and when she looked at me like the “Charlie Manson look” it took my soul away. I had never hurt like that before. I thought I would DIE from it. My life had ended, I had to leave my home, my husband was dead, my stepdad was dead, my son C and that witch he were married to were against me, and only my son D believed me. Sugar, I have been o n the floor in agony, but I am alive now, I am glad and I am healing. You are too, it is just that right now you are like a patient after surgery to remove a huge cancer from your heart, you are in pain, PAIN. bUT THE CANCER IS GONE, AND YOU WILL START TO HEAL AND FEEL BETTER NOW, TO GET BETTER, BUT IT HURTS. I know it hurts, and I would hold you in my harms and let you sob if I could reach through this darned screen and hold you, so you will have to settle for a cyberhug! and my prayers! ((((((HUG))))))
Oxy– thank you for your honestly and vulnerability in sharing your story.
I justdo not understand why at times- I thik- ‘OH MY GOSH-It was me cuz I said or did this. Or did not do that.” He told me that was the case!!
you see– since they are so NOT human- our brains are trying to process incorrect algebra–
I need love and prayers guys.
I did treat myself to a small blizzard from DQ tonite with extra Butterfinger. Have not had one in years and it was wondeful.
Love you all!!! I really do.
Again– oxy– thank you. I accept that hug with gratitude.
Dear Meg,
Ohhhhh, the blizzard sounds wonderful and a butterfinger would be nice—add another ten pounds to my ample butt! LOL Glad you treated yourself, you deserve it!!!! It WILL get better and the roller coaster ride will end, and the highs will get more steady and the lows will level out, so just hang in there. It takes some time and work, but in the end, we are stronger and better. TRUST THAT!!!!! ((((hugs))) and always prayers.
Sending hugs your way, Meg. Like OxD said, you WILL get through it. I have been there too. I still have PTSD when he pops into my life, but not because I miss him. It’s because I know how dangerous he is. You, too, will get past the point of missing him and it will get easier from there. Hang in there, and cry if you have to till there are no more tears left. Remember this is what he has put on you. He is no good.
Gem,
If my dad was in prison, he would have no doubt wrote the same letter. It seems innocuous at first – like he really needs help. If you love him and the family, you’ll sacrifice yourself and your precious time to keep the family together (oh wait a second…that’ the guilt trip he’s been laying on you for years). Back to reality. Best thing, is NO answer. He’ll be knocking harder, longer, at a later time and his momma probably will enlist herself to continue his victim cries for help. Just IGNORE him, that’s the best approach. Help someone who doesn’t screw up other people’s lives. Sadly, confronting him will only mean you want to reason with an INSANE person. It’s truly pointless. Watch Jerry Springer, Oprah, or Dr. Phil if you want to see misery. Just try as you might to IGNORE your dad’s pathetic pleas for sympathy – cause if you don’t YOUR life becomes all about him and nothing about you.
It’s really very sad, when you want to be normal and love your family…but you got stuck with the destructive ones (Ox_Drover).
Unfortunately, we’re not so much in a better position than 20 yrs ago…Then people didn’t talk about their feelings like we do know. And now, our societal boundaries are so lax that outrageous behavior is beginning to feel normal. Listen to your conscience – if a RED FLAG party–is about to get underway – Try not to host it….Hang in there…