By | March 1, 2007 98 Comments

Victor or victim after the sociopath is gone

In the aftermath of an encounter with a sociopath, it is easy to get stuck in the “why.” Why did he/she do it? Why didn’t he love me? Why did she treat me so badly? Why me? Why him? Why her? Why? Why? Why?

In healing, it’s imperative to let go of why to focus on “what.” What can I do for myself today that will ease my aching heart? What can I do to heal? What do I need to do to reclaim my soul, my spirit, my essence? What steps can I take to lead me away from the horror and pain of yesterday to embracing myself in love today? What is important to me today? What will create more of what I want in my life rather than less? What next?

I will never know why he did what he did. I will never know what he was thinking, or feeling — and that’s okay. His thoughts and feelings will not change my life. His thoughts and feelings are not important to me today.

My thoughts, my feelings count. Asking why about him keeps me from focusing on me. And I deserve to let go of him so that I can get on with loving me.

To let go and get on with loving myself so that I can live my beautiful life, I must accept that there is no hope of a better past, no future in which the past will be a perfect reflection of my life today, no moment when the past will be anything other than what it is, events that have brought me to today. Events and happenings that strengthened me, even when I felt at my weakest. Even when I believed I could not go on.

This is, in many ways, the greatest challenge of recovery — to accept the past is simply the route I took to get to where I am today, a place I love to be. The past cannot be changed. It cannot be altered. It cannot be made “better.” It can only be accepted so that it, and I, may rest in peace with what was, eager to accept what is true in my life today.

In the past I was a victim of a sociopath. And now I’m free.

How I live my life in freedom is up to me. Victor or Victim. My choice.

I choose Victor.

Posted in: M.L. Gallagher

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tough cookie

This post reminds me that I need to be strong. This has been a very difficult time for me. I feel very alone and betrayed by someone who I thought cared for me. I know that I am better off with out this person with sociopathic tendencies in my life, but for some reason I am still sad. I wonder if he ever thinks aobut me the way I continue to think about him. Our relationship only ended about two weeks ago so when I hear a song on the radio or a place we recently visited I can’t help but think of him…

I know I need to be strong and only focus on myself. A majority of his belongings are still in my apartment (because we used to live together). He still has to come and get them.

I think knowing that I will have another encounter/conversation with him is slowing my healing process. I can’t fully get over this knowing he will come back into my life at some point.

Any advice? Please help someone who is trying to stay strong.


I am about to take my ex-husband, a sociopath, back to court. Although I have reams of evidence to support my claims, I know he has an arsenal of immediate lies. He moved out 4 years ago. I thought I had healed but still find his continued deceptions (both past and present) cause me to react with elevated blood pressure, insomnia, frustration, anxiety, and disbelief that he could possibly sink to lower depths than the records set earlier. I want MY power back. We have four children together which makes minimal contact necessary.

How can I get the court system to see the truth here? Sifting through the past papers for my attorney has brought all the pains to the surface AGAIN. I have excellent support from family and friends, but feel alone with this agony and a deep concern that he will twist the judge into his pocket again with evasions, egregious lies and finesse.

Any advice?


It was actually a relief to come here, read the case histories, and go Oh, so that’s why. Because the why, why, why’s were driving me crazy. Now I know he’s a sociopath, it’s almost like he’s dead, and I’m just being haunted occasonally by an annoying reoccuring ghost. I’m mourning the relationship, but not him any more. Reading the behavors, I saw everything he did. Luckily, we had no children, and he’s got a lot invested in his Mr. Nice Guy image, so I don’t rock the boat, he leaves me alone. I’m still hurting, but at least I know what I was up against and I’m not beating myself up as much, or trying to figure out why he is giving me money with one hand and stealing petty stuff with the other. I went out and got all my locks changed, and I will keep contact to a bare minmum, although that was my first instinct anway!

He took everything, my self respect, lied to my friends, my trust, my money, my health, and almost my life and sanity. I’m quickly heading for homelessness. But I am still alive, and so grateful that up to this point, he hasn’t caused any more problems. If possible, I plan to leave the area and he won’t know where I have gone.

It’s going to take awhile to heal, even longer to trust, if I ever do again. I realize I’m programmed to attract these people, male and female, and I’m working on that. But I AM starting to heal, and I have Lovefraud to thank for that.

I have my triggers too, it was a recent break up. I try to avoid the ones I can. Certain movies, I look at and think “later”. Because I’m not going to let him spoil them for me.

I thought he was the love of my life for 14 years. I was obsessed with him. He was always telling people (especially if they were getting suspicious, he knew somehow) how much he loved me and we were soulmates. While he cheated and drugged me.

Me? I choose victor. I just keep reminding myself, if I stay a victim, he wins. Can’t have that.

tough cookie

We are all victors as long as we successfully get rid of people like this from our lives. I know that for me just simiply having the relationship end (although I was extremely sadded) brought a lot of relief into my life. I no longer had to question whether I was being deceived by the perosn who I though loved me.

Unfortunately I still have some contact with this person. I can’t control what he does but I can control how I react to his attempts to get in contact with me. I can avoid his calls…

I have realized that if I do talk to him the hurt and emotions come flying back into my heart (this relationship ended less than a month ago so its fairly fresh!)

Sociopaths are always good at telling you what you want to hear.

Everyday I detest him more and more. He strings me along with his creative stories and claims all of his issues are what make him this way.

But I really think its a pity party for himself and a way to pass the balme.


Once I realized that my husband was a sociopath, thanks to Lovefraud, his sketchy,unexplained behaviors became oh so clear to me and my 3 children. To those of you who attempt to maintain contact, or are forced to by the court, you need to realize that doing so only damages you and especially, your children, who will be influenced by his behavior, ability to manipulate, and other sociopathic characteristics.
Luckily, I realized early on, when he abandoned our family, that he was not going to meet the normal, accepted standards for appropriate behavior with regard to how he would interact with me and our children. And if he could not do that, he could not have a place in our lives at all.
I have three successful, productive children today because of our refusal to interact with a sociopath.They recognize him for what he was, (and is today, preying on others) and realize the damage that he could have done, had they given him the “benefit of the doubt”. We are blessed to have had the insight and guts to cut off contact with him.
Don’t expect normal behavior from someone who is a sociopath just because they are a former husband and father. They do not feel the same things as normal people, and will not behave towards their family with the normal, expected standards of behavior in dealing with their “loved ones”. They are soiopaths.


I like this concept or victim or victor! My personal expression for the very same thing is: TRY TO TURN A DISADVANTAGE INTO AN ADVANTAGE!
My association to a sociopath is nearing an end, I have done nearly as much as I can legally to expose him and inconveince him by pressing charges on him for what I could. The only thing left is to serve him with civil court papers, he is in hiding, so this is hard to do. But I will have to find a way, it will be the last paper trail I can leave, to assist the next victim. In tracking this man down I have learned alot about the deceptions of criminals and psychopaths, I am trying to write a book on it, fiction based on fact. The general population does not find these sites until “after the fact”. But the general population will read a novel, it would give the average person a “heads up”, YEAH, these people exist and YEAH it could happen to you! If any thing, this endeavor is assisting with my creative writing skills! I think this is one example of “an advantage”!


Yep, me as well , a victim of a sociopath – a manipulative, uncaring, unempathetic man who swept me off my feet five years ago. Although I am still devastated by the end of the relationship (he would not come home for weeks on end, no contact, ignore me when he came home (and it was MY house), he also ignores his family and has no friends only colleagues -I am lucky. He paid my small mortgage off and (only!) left me with a large bill for a couple of sofas to pay (still at least I get to keep them!)
My advice would be – if you feel a relationship is “odd” in any way, READ READ READ all about personality types and sooner or later you may find a clue.This is how I found out IT WAS NOT ME who was strange or crazy.Also sell his stuff on Ebay, therapeutic!


As a follow on to the above, I am re-building my life with lots of new social contacts and find I have made many friends who seem to like me, so it CANT be me at fault. I think once a victim can see this, they can start to rebuild their self esteem, then their life. I still get bad days (four months on from the big “chuck out” ) and still need to get rid of his car (he said he would come and get it but wont answer my calls or texts), so that causes me hurt. I think victims can turn themselves into victors by not being hard on themselves, acknowledging they have been deeply hurt, then by doing small things to re-build (socialising, selling his stuff,confiding in others, then helping others with their problems etc etc) in time you heal.


I have not read this thread before, funny how it just popped up. It’s been four month’s of learning who/what he is. I have to confront the future as a Victor not a Victim…

Ox Drover

Dear Henry,

Good for you, my arm was getting tired holding that darned cast iron skillet, trying to figure out how to get through the computer screen! (((Hugs))))) My friend, you are awesome, and you have done so well for the time you have been working on this recovery! A little old boo-boo can’t bring down Henry! Not for long!

Thanks for bringing up this threat, it was also one I had missed. I swore I had read every thread on this blog but I guess I have missed a few, found another one the other day.

Henry, we’ll change our names to “Victor” and “Victoria” how is that!?! (BIG HUGS)))


Oxy,….Threat????? or thread?


thread threat victor victoria ok ok ok how about victorious? I went out tonite to the snake pit’s was nothing their but snakes…..


Henry.. you must be like Conan as you enter the snakepit.. wear a smile, but carry a big f***ing sword!


hey Kat yeah a sword and a can of raid….


Hi people, fellow survivors! (helps to say that!)
Feeling low today, but the only way is up! I have beautiful countryside and coast near me, (yes Essex UK has a lovely coast)how can I be miserable? Because he treated me like dog**it that why. So why am I letting it get me down? You people are so supportive, thanks thanks thanks….I shill shudder to think that he came into my life, moved in after a while, then gave up his job, after promising so many things. He then spent all the money from his house sale on a business which he knew nothing about and it went bankrupt after one month!! I started to support him financially then when he stopped coming home I could see I had lost him, and also I realised what his psychological problem was through reading. Good riddance to old rubbish! xx Anne


Fellow sufferers (victors) and friends, although I am new to this blog I feel so at home here, we have all been through hell and come out the other side able to talk about it!!!!!!

*****Power to the “normal (ish)” people of the world*****

We have all learnt so much through our experiences, lets build on that and NEVER get taken in again – we have the knowledge now, lets use it and get out there, there is a world to explore. Love to you all, we will survive. (I’ll buy you all an ice cream at the seaside – if only I could!) Bye


Hello Mysticmud, Thought I would introduce myself as Im from the UK (Hertfordshire) too. Sorry to hear about your experience with the sociopath. I sold an item he bought me on ebay, yes that was good.


Hi Beverly, glad you got in touch – there must be loads of people like us out there musnt there? Maybe many who dont get to the stage we do and understand what has gone wrong. They just put up with it……and feel downtrodden and used , but lack the resources to make better lives for themselves. We however want to tackle the problem and get over it, so that really empowers us! Still we all need support as well as give it so blogs like these are really valuable.
I hope you will share with us how you feel about your S, or have you been on this blog for some time? Anyhow, feel free to complain, its very therapeutic! Take care now, bye for now….Anne
PS All his designer suits are on Ebay, with some of the money going to Teenage Cancer Trust, so maybe some good may come out of all this.


Hi Mysticmud. Yes I think there are lots of people still in psychopathic relationships who are so weakened and battered, that they dont have the strength to get out. There arent many people posting on this site from the UK, so thought I would say hello. I have been on this site 10 months, my exNarcissist is long gone, since last August, but the reverberations of his deceit and manipulation are still echoing through me. If you back read my posting you will see that after I left him, I found out I had breast cancer and other health problems. I went into the relationship healthy and came out with multiple health problems. They hurt us on some many levels.

A worthy cause may I say. Take Care and let us know how you are getting on.

Ox Drover

Perky, it was “threaD” not “threaT”–my bad, sorry. LOL

Henry, I hope you are out of the pits again, my dear! I used to tell my kids when they were in their early teens or before, that their “attidudes” were not acceptable and offer to give them an “attitude ADJUSTMENT” if they didn’t decide to adjust them themselves. So I am telling you now, my dear dear friend, out of love for you that either you “adjust your attitude” yourself or I will adjust it for you!!!! With my trustly iron skillet!!! LOL

You have come so far my dear friend, and I know you will stumble on the “road to recovery”–heck, Henry, I am still STILL stumbling on some days and I don’t ever expect to not stumble once in a while, but at the same time, remember WE ARE VICTORIOUS. And Henry, I AM soooooo PROUD of you, how far you have come, and how you are gaining your strength and power back. I too felt this “overwhelming” need for companionship and love (relationship) but you know, I realize now that I am ME and I LOVE ME JUST LIKE I AM. With wrinkles, sun spots on my skin, gray hair, and saggy boobs! LOL I don’t need some man to tell me who I am or make me feel special.

Henry, you are a wonderful caring man, and you have every woman on LF “in love with” you for your wonderful qualities, so the time WILL COME when you are ready to find someone who WILL APPREICIATE you for what and who you are for a relationship, just don’t get in a hurry–look what happened to me when I got in a hurry–another freeking P.

Not getting answers to so many questions has been one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with. There are so many thing that I want to know, but will never know. Thank you M.L Gallagher for the above post. You are right, we cannot change the past, but we can learn to move on from it. Now I know that the only way to truly move on is to accept that many things will remain in the dark where he is concerned. He only would have lied to me had questions been asked, so there was no point to it all really.

I’m working on freeing myself from him entirely. I want to wake up and get through the day without terrible thoughts of him. Being here and reading your posts helps so much.

Mysticmud and Beverly, you have another UKer here. It is good to know that we aren’t alone. Mysticmud….lol at putting his designer suits on ebay. Good for you girl. Hope they make a lot of money for such a worth cause.


Hi Marie, what part of the UK are you in? (The suits have 4hrs to go and no takers yet, but it could all happen in the last minutes!)
Yes, when things were going wrong (ie indifference, not telling me anything, staying out for WEEKS on end) I knew I had to make contingency plans. So I joined a social group for company (he never asked where I was going or who with, so he didnt care), read all about personality types, talked talked talked to girlfriends, and generally got on with life without him. He had been gradually taking his clothes and possessions out of the house, so he was working up to it also. We had no arguments, I was VERY reasonable, but you cant exist in a one way relationship, so……………OUT!


It does take AGES to get out of the hurt these people cause, and they walk away unscathed, because they just dont care and have no empathy. So survivors of the abuse just get out there in the world, get rid of his stuff, dont try to contact him (cos he wont try to contact you). Yes if you like you can cry at home, that will pass, but smile and the world smiles with you (yes an old cliche but very true)
My UK friends, Beverly and Marie, good luck in your struggles, would love to hear more. And other posters, we have lots of positive advice and experience to share, from wherever we hail, so as a new user is there anyone out there who would like to exchange ideas about these sad people and the hurt they cause? Bye all for now x

Dear mysticmud
Yes they are able to just up and walk away from us, and it makes us feel like we meant nothing at all to them doesn’t it. 🙁 I guess we didn’t mean as much as we thought we did, otherwise how could they leave so easily? At times he made me feel like I meant something, but now I realise that was his way of securing NS. Mine talked about having to move on and leave everything behind in the past (Red flag….who in their right mind does this?). He played the pity party and blamed others of course, had me feeling sorry for him! The odd thing is I have never felt so strongly about anyone so fast as I did with him. That must be another Red Flag, they somehow work their magic over us until we are under some kind of spell, so much so that we don’t see the real person hiding under the facade.

Thank goodness for this site and others like it where we can share our thoughts and feelings with people who really know and understand what we are saying. I am in M.K by the way. I come here often to read the posts and join in at times, though the threads that I reply to are often gone by the time I check in the following day. It is difficult to keep up with the blog sometimes.

I do hope that the suits sell and reach a good price mystic. A little bit of revenge/karma helps enormously. 🙂


hi i havent been on for a while as i was movinghouse. latest update i ignored the ex s path for 3 months as he was seeing someone else and i was dating to try and meet someone for myself. then all of a sudden he turns up at my work all friendly and didnt mention his new girl friend at all. then the day i was moving i get a call my ph rang once then stopped i was really busy moving and stressed i was like who rings once and hangs up, checked the ph it was him whats he up to i thought a bit angry. so i call back to find out what he wants he says he accidently dialled my number! and that he was going to call me in a couple of weeks so he will do that anyway. very strange. so he calls in a few weeks and says he would like to catch up doesnt mention his girlfriend until i say have you broke up, oh no he says she is away this weekend. he says he wanted to see my new place, i was feeling a bit lonely so stupidly said yes come over. while there he said he was serious about the new girl but when i said do you love her, he said i dont know this has been a 6 month relationship he is in? he also was very affectionate towards me while he was there? and when he left he says call me? it seems to me they cant stand not hearing from us even when they have got someone else to use ie his new girlf riend. why do they have to keep tabs on us . i know he also visits other woman he was interested in too even though nothing is happening he just has to keep in touch. has anyone else found this with the s paths and what happened, would love to hear some other stories or ideas on this. thanks jules….


Hi Marie, one of the suits just went for £40, (Yes!!!!!!- result!)
Just to chip in with Marie and Jules’ comments, I have similar stories to tell about the pity thing – of course, to him it was always everyone else’s fault that he lost a lot of money several times, two wives walked out on him, he even allowed his parents to sell their house to help him (I learn later). I wanted to give him a stable, loving life, but he just cant do it – makes reckless money decisions and buys loads of stuff for himself, not even an Xmas card for me , let alone him coming home (informed me he was staying in London over Xmas by TEXT MESSAGE on Xmas eve,then didnt come back for 6 weeks). Once I was not useful anymore he cut me off-thankfully its my house!


He thinks the streets of London are paved with gold, and as he is good at music (he isnt) and a brilliant businessman (he most definitely isnt), he thinks he will become famous, and receive the adoration that, as a sociopath or narcissist or whatever, he so desparetely needs. I was beginning to see through him (I “rumbled him” as we say) so was not giving him this adoration any more. (Well he never praised me or even said thank you for anything (and the lies!!!- another story for another time perhaps.)) I was therefore non-existent in his eyes.He has no emotions except how he has learnt how to react by observation.(This is all in the psychology self-help books I have read.)So Jules,my N ignored me,this is probably easier to cope with than your situation.Its up to us to make the break final, cos they will continue to use you if you let them. Good luck. PS the more intimate side of life was non-existant too, so what’s the point-he’s OUT. Sorry to go on but wow this helps!! Bye


This little log by Donna was the exact thing I needed today. Why indeed.. who the heck knows.. and who cares? I need to get on with my own life. He’ll be ravaging someone elses but at least he’ll be away from mine.

Ox Drover

Dear Jules,

That is why NO CONTACT is so important to healing for me, to keep them out of my mind, heart and life, to give me time to heal. Every time I would let one of them contact me again, they just sucked me back in, ripped the scabs off my wounds and hrut me again.

Good for you Mysticmud, and BTW welcome from me as well. Glad you are doing well in your healing path, and again, welcome.


Thanks OxDrover, for the welcome.
Doing OK in healing path, but only because I refuse to let the b*****rd grind me down!
Well one suit went for £40 and one for £30 ! It is so therapeutic to package up his stuff and send it far far away! (and it helps charity too). Must dash now, going out to my social club night – keep battling folks, then one day you wont feel you need this forum any more, or that you can stay and help others. (Hmmm wonder how much I can sell his Peugeot car for……….) Thanks all for your loving support, Anne x


This sucks I feel so under the gun. I feel like ranting and raving and running down the street screaming “HELP!”


kat then do it! go somewhere and scream – rant- rave- cry – don’t hold this in – I think it’s going to be a screaming nite for me as well—–going to scream— because it is healthy–it’s like getting the evil out—SCREAM BABY SCREAM you will be ok……


Oh dear its noisy in here!!!
Hope it helped, people. Me? – well I think a bit of retail therapy is the order of the day!
No thoughts of HIMSELF today, I think I will just get busy, get rid of more of his stuff to the charity shop, no it doesnt hurt to do this today (other days it might) , in fact I do feel angry inside so for me it is therapeutic to get rid of his stuff that I will never see again. Dont really want to scream like some other posters above, but I do feel it inside, like we all do. Just deal with it as best suits you, oh OK then I WILL have a little scream. EEEEEKKKKKK!!!! Wow thats good, thanks guys!


you know alot of people on here, say that they were left and discarded, and im just curious, are they many forms of these sociopaths? bc mine didt up and leave me, he wont leave. he wants me and many other relationships or inapporiate behavior behind my back. i had to leave him, and go NC. then he will contact every once in awhile. but ive notice these differents views from the people on here. he still wants the relationship , but of course i dont, hell no. i dont want to go back to that crazyness. i dont know which is better or what is harder to get over. one that just up and leaves you or one that wont leave you alone?

Ox Drover

Dear Blondie,

No, they are all the “same type” but some of them completely “discard” their partner–walk off, disappear, and have no contact with you. Others some how seem to want to continue to “stalk” you forever, and there are most inbetween.

Some will even come back and try to “make up with you” then as soon as you do, dump you and walk off, as they can’t stand a victim “escaping”–they have to be the dumper, not the dumpee.

Which ever way the break up happens or continues I’m not sure what makes the difference in that choice for them.

Some Ps become extremely violent and vengeful at the victim escaping and actually stalk and kill the victim (which they consider a possession) for “deserting” them.

Maybe Dr. Leedom can shed some light on this difference.


I saw the exN today. He has such dark energy around him and he moves slowly like a snake. The dark energy is a mask for his ‘superiority’.

Ox Drover


There IS something reptilian about them. Of course it is easier to see in retrospect, but even so just the “feeling” that most of us get when we see a snake or other larger reptile that makes our “skin crawl” or us feel an instinctive fear of them seems to follow them like a stink.

(((Bev))))) I hope you are doing okay after the encounter.


Yeah Blondie.. what Oxy said happened to me. My cheater ex-bf had been out of my life a few months, and I had started dating a really nice guy, who also happened to have just become a millionaire.

Suddenly my cheater ex showed up and began begging and pleading me to take him back, promising the moon. The thing that got me was all of a sudden he “realized” all the things I’d been trying to tell him when we were together. Wow, doing some real changing I thought… still I blew him off. He persisted, even going on a hunger strike. I could not get him out of my mind.

Finally I broke things off with the new guy, even though we got along great and my kids really liked his kids a lot. Stupid me. Within a week my ex was back to his old ways, and insisted it was what I “secretly” wanted. So then I had nobody, and felt like such a fool.

I do not know for sure, but if your ex wants you back, it could be for the purpose of dumping you himself. At the very least, he wants to keep tabs on you, maybe to give him some semblance of control.

Whatever you do Blondie, please don’t believe the crap he is saying and try to make sense out of it. He is simply saying anything he can think of trying to find your “take him back” trigger. He doesn’t mean any of it or he would have shown it when he had the chance.


good way to put that KAT… should have shown it when he had the chance!

Dear mysticmud,
Congratulations on selling the suits. Yay! 🙂 Are you going to go shopping and treat yourself to something? You should you know, you deserve it. Well done.

The arrogance of these guys is unbelievable isn’t it. Mine was in the music business, he thought he was wonderful. Though he tried to pretend to be modest, he was forever fishing for compliments and basked in any adulation going. Nobody did anything as well as him after all! :/ He was full of jealousy too for successful people, could never be pleased for anyone. Oh and he drove a battered peugot too. I have lost count of the times that I have sat here nodding my head at all the things people say about their psycho exes as many echo my experiences too, time and time again.

Jules, mine was fond of hang up calls too. Especially after it all ended, I never called him again though. Best to get off the merry-go-round if you can. These guys just play cat and mouse with us and hurt us time and again if we stick around. The further away they are the better. Preferably on a desert island where there are no women! lol

Bev, I do hope you are okay after seeing your exN? I can’t imagine how awful that must have been for you. Goodness knows how I would be if I bumped into my exN. I have seen lookalikes and that was bad enough.


Thank you Oxy. I do see him from time to time and my heart thumps in anxiety, but it soon passes. Oh, if only people knew him for real. Knowing what I know now, I would steer well clear – they do so much damage


Hi Marie, Hey you sure its not the same guy?? Sounds an awfully familiar story! Mine moved in, sold his house, promised marriage and a new house, gave up his job,told me he was now a student, and could not help with bills.Went to do a music (6 month) course and thought he was an expert in spotting music talent, and all aspects of music (hed never done any before!) Called himself a “top producer” with “international contacts” and “many years experience”.He said he couldnt afford to come home during the week then stayed out most of the weekend too (no calls or texts when he was away – told me not to call) I bet you can identify with this Marie. If you think of these people as being devoid of a sense of emotional attachment to anyone or anybody, however this has come about, then all the strange behaviour seems to fit….this revelation has helped me understand. Any emotional attachment he has shown is all learnt behaviour from observing others.They are not stupid, they know they are not like others.Red flags should have flown when one of his cats died and he cried and cried and appeared very upset, then two weeks later another of his cats died and there was no response at all – spooky! I still have his remaining cat, because he did not want her, and he has never asked me how she is on the two occasions he has spoken to me since I slung him out. Marie, if you feel strong enough to share some of your experiences with us I am sure we will find many similarities. PS I treated my daughter to new clothes as she has an interview coming up ! Take care xx


Beverly, hi there – knowing what you now know…….you wont get caught again……your senses will be razor sharp when assessing new prospective partners. All thats left now is to get over the last one…not easy I know, but the knowledge you now have is of great value, and getting over him makes you sooo much stronger – the fact he has caused you so much hurt just magnifies the fact you must be a very caring person – hold onto that idea and put him firmly out of your mind, he just doesnt fit there …..


Blocked mine for good today. It feels good to be moving past that point, but I have the weirdest feeling tonight. Though he only spoke on the IM, I could see the look in his eyes so clearly. I can still see em. Why.. after every game he’s played and showed that he can’t be faithful to anyone and especially not me with my confrontational ways.. why do I still want to look in those eyes again?


Hi Kat, I hope you really have blocked him, and well done! Keep it up, NO CONTACT at all is best to really move on , other wise you will be constantly sucked back in one way or another – be strong girl, we are all with you!!

Hi mysticmud, Your ex does sound so similar to mine. They are so cunning and always a few steps ahead of us aren’t they. We have absolutely no way of telling what exactly they are planning at any given time. They tell us one thing and do the opposite. Or if yours was anything like mine, he would say something and then deny he ever said it! So contradictory. He would often completely go back on his word, and make me question myself as to whether I had misheard, or maybe misunderstood his meaning. As time went on though and this kept on happening I knew it wasn’t me, it was him saying things in order to manipulate me or lying over and over again. They mess with our minds big time, and it is hard when the whole r/s is over as we are left in a whirlwind wondering what the heck he was all about.

Mine was talking about selling his house when I ended the r/s and starting a new life. He was forever moving around the country. Always running from something or someone. He didn’t have any friends and never spoke to his family. He was full of anger, hatred and jealousy under the ‘nice guy’ image. Pretty sad existence he had really. Strange how there are several co-incidences with our guys though mystic. Was your exN a Northerner by any chance?

Your daughter must have been over the moon with her new clothes. Money well spent. I wish her the very best of luck with her interview. 🙂 ………x

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